So after a whirlwind few weeks backpacking around the wonders and at times despair of India. I spent a few forced days in Goa to rest and relax (partly due to friends opinion and influence rubbing off on ne though i would never tell them that) I'd hoped the combination of backpacking and living it up in secluded paradise would prepare/ jolt back into flying back in my old life and kick onto the next stage
While i can't sit here a type that im daydreaming of flying to another far flung destination or getting exicited so i can get back to my laptop so i can apply for this and that job. Neither of those scenarios are apply to me
The scenario which im currently set on is to great extent my life seems to be unwanted autopilot but i know for certain its not something i want. But what i think is worse i dont know what i want. Thats my problem if i knew what i wanted i would be doing it surely???
I cant say my entire life is mundane or miserable but i have for a while have this gut sinking feeling i have not chosen this life, i seemed to have stumbled or fallen or maybe coasted into a weird set of life choices
- I grew old before i and got good at being irresponsible and young
- Sick to death of being poor student so i sold my soul and arguably brain for a company payslip
- I arguably excel at work but not through passion or career dreams. Rather I'm a quick learner and my new brain amoung an older generation sparkles brighter
- I feel as though i have tied down to hometown with invisible weights (but i have no kids, no mortgage payments, no real family commitments)
- I tirelessly work to pay off debts i have up to my eyeballs but then for my own sanity have to have yearly holiday blowout
So why as an semi intelligent woman am i in this predicament
The sinking prospect of walking back into my place of work and putting on a version of myself that i dont think is the best version of me
Im not as daft to think this could just be holiday blues, i know i have prospects; jobs, studying and my friends and family.
But why do have this sinking feeling???
Someone who turning 25 in 3 days