False hope has become my life the past couple weeks. The one guy who could make me truly smile or laugh anytime or blush whenever he holds my hand, he’s finally gone. Had all these signs that he was coming back but then they would just be a mistake or him being nice. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve never felt so broke before and I’ve been through some bad shit. Just makes me realize how much I cared about him, well care about him. It won’t go away anytime soon. No matter what I did, nothing brought him back so that means he’s truly moved on. It kills me. Just no words. I gave him one Kat gift and it was a canvas print with pictures of him and our son on it and I guess he liked it. Just glad I could give him one last thing to make him smile. I just can’t be dragged around anymore or played a fool. I don’t know if I’ll ever get past this but I just need to forget it because I am literally feeling the knife go in and twist. I’ve been wanting to give up but I’ve been having these dreams of my great grandma and her telling me not to give up and to Never Get Discouraged so I thought it was a sign but I was wrong. I give up, I’m done, I quit. I got discouraged and I can’t take it anymore. He’s happy though and that’s good. Life goes on right. At least one of us made it out.