relationships

Man + Man + Woman = ???

I am married to someone with anxiety, depression and several phobias. Over the 7 years we have known each other it has become increasingly worse to the point where she does not leave the room on some days. I work to support us both, I get up whenever she needs something. I hold my tongue when she does something wrong because I dont want to upset her, yet she does not hesitate to correct me at any opportunity. She does not hesitate to throw a middle finger when I tell her something isn't being done right. We havent had sex in over a month. I feel more and more like a carer and less like a husband. I am drowning under all the weight.... I dont have friends I can talk to about these things, I am alone surrounded by people who say they care but who are sympathetic to her while I stand in the background with a fake smile on my face pretending to be strong.

posted to relationships by Frankie, Garçon of Darkness (7 comments)


George, Barbarian of the Wildlands,

Both of you need help. Find it. And though you can be understanding, remind her that you will be as long as she's doing the things she needs to do to get better. That means following the therapist and psychiatrist's instructions.

Dakota, Supervisor of the Wildlands,

I have had relationships like this, I can honestly say I understand how guilty you might feel at the thought of leaving her. I understand that the thought of leaving her and then her doing something to hurt herself or someone would make you feel responsible, because that's what kept me with her for so long. It wasn't until I met my breaking point when I had to go out of town for a few months and I spent time away that I realized how unhealthy it was and how much it was taxing my energy and happiness, AND THAT I COULD NOT FIX HER that I ended it. I am better for it and she has moved on. She wouldn't talk to me for a long time and that was okay, but she has found someone else and is doing fine. you need to take care of yourself and insure that you are spending what small amount of time on this earth doing what you want and being happy with friends and family who love you. I wish you the best, and I hope that you find a way to get out of your relationship.

Ari, Hero of Good,

I'm married to someone who abuses alcohol, is bulimic, and OCD. I can never do anything right. I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells and trying do things right for him. But he just seems to resent me more. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted.

Pretending that I'm ok is the hardest part. Your last sentence really hit me. That's probably the worst part in it all. Feeling like someone else's world is on your shoulders and needing to present the facade that you are ok.

I'll say silent prayers for you, friend.

Andy, Fashion Model of Wild Parties,

There are support groups for the spouses / family of the mentally ill. Sounds like you need one of those groups. Preferably one that meets in real life and perhaps a supplementary online group.

Adrian, Security Guard of the craft table,

Leave her, life is short.

I am also very anxious and depressed a lot and sometimes I wish my husband would leave because I know I make him unhappy. But I love him so much I just want him to be happy and smile.

Peyton, Herald of Time,

I'm with the other person who commented. I'm apparently a "high functioning" person for having depression and anxiety. These things not only get worse with age but they get worse if you are not made to face them daily. You allow her to be lazy and she will milk you for all you have to give her because you let it happen. They have meds if she feels she cannot do it herself which she can use as a starting point even and wing herself into a functional person of society without the meds later.

Charlie, Keeper of Good,

I suffer from all of that. She needs to grow a pair and man up. I am a recluse and I may be lazy at times but I'll be damned if I ever let someone have complete control. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to do things and yes my husband has to demand otherwise it's not happening (as far as leaving the house long distances for fun not something that is necessary ) but It's time you communicate. Be straight forward no bullshit. She will continue to manipulate as much as she can. She has to learn how to control either through her own will power or Meds. If you are at your wits end you need to let her know. Some ppl with anxiety and depression aren't as intuitive as I and others so they have to be told like children. My friend is WAY worse than me and it's baffling how irresponsible she can be and she's on Meds.