Man + Man + Woman = ???

okay, so I was having this heavy debate with my boyfriend of 3 years about having a career after marriage (being a woman) and he said basically that whoever makes more money in the relationship (usually men because that just how society operates) gets to have their dream “work the job” while the other person has to just “compromise” and “sacrifice” their dreams for their partner so both of you and your kids can live a “good life” - good life meaning nice cars and money -

so just because a man always makes more - because that is how the world is- the woman is expected to make the sacrifice

he also said I would have to give up my career for the kids cause I'm a woman -and that there is no possibility of man and women sharing duties equally - one person HAS TO work more - to be able to get by. Also, the guy already has duties outside the house like owing the lawn/ fixing things around the house etc. so he shouldn't be expected to do kitchen work.

I kind of get that but how come the woman has to be the on to give up her career OR HIS other option was you work + take care of household - and mind you, this is a gigantic joined family household. How in the hell would I manage two full time jobs pretty much. Physically and mentally exhausting. I know some indian mothers do it (like his) but I know I couldn't nor do I want that pressure and responsibility.

he also said that he would work so much so that his wife would not have to work. that is great- but what if she wanted to work for her satisfaction, passion (like me). i don’t want to be mooching of someone and have things handed down to me - I never have, my whole life and never would want to rely on a man like that. I want to earn it - i want to put effort everyday - i want my life to have MEANING AND PURPOSE - and that doesnt mean staying at home and cooking and waiting for you to return from work and give me money -

He then argued i would get tired of working myself in whatever job after 4-5 years Eventually - the hype is over - but I believe i will be passionate about my career forever like some people work for YEARS. Besides, I am going to university for a reason.

He also said we would need to be saving money so our kids and grandkids could have it good. fair enough, But i don't think like that. what are you saving for? LIVE your damn life right now . REWARD yourself - go on vacation, have fun, help others, give your kids a good life - (especially cause I never have been able to do things because of money problems my whole life) and if I'm going to work so hard to have a good career- of coarse i will spend some money that I MYSELF EARN. that being said, spend with limits and save for your children's education and what not - but grandkids? I am not thinking about other generations at this point - WHO KNOWS what the world will be like then -

i have different values because I have been raised in a low-income household my whole life - and always had to (continue to) work for whatever I want in my life -my family had some tragic experiences in loosing money by bad business partners and hence, also why I want to be independent- have my own dreams, money and spend it by helping my family, rewarding myself and giving my children opportunities. BUT I'm not going to slave away and spend my life cooking and raising kids and wait for my husband to return from work to give me money and have sex. He would work full time and I would have a part-time job and full time work at home (cooking for his huge joined family; i don't even like indian food....) anyways, that besides the point.


posted to relationships by Blaine, Janitor of the Lonely (4 comments)

Ash, Embalmer of Musclebeasts,

"BUT I'm not going to slave away and spend my life cooking and raising kids and wait for my husband to return from work to give me money and have sex"

Then Shut your damn mouth and bitching and give up all relationships. do the world a favor and kill yourself and quit trying to make it out that you want to be a relationship or have a married life.

By the way, kill yourself if you fuck niggers or are even considering it.

Stevie, Embalmer of Time,

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She wears her garments with strength, and strengthens her arms.You are his future partner nothing more nothing less . boyfriend of 3 years ? You can't handle it now , what are going to do five years from now ? See I wanted her real bad, and I was about to give in But that's when she started talking about true love, Started talking about sin And I said, honey I'll live with you for the rest of my life, She said no hug-ee no kiss-ee until you make me your wife-a My honey my baby, don't put my love upon no shelf She said don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself

Stevie, Ship Master of the Homeless,

IF that's what he believes, that's what he believes. There are plenty of women who agree with him. He has no obligation to think otherwise.

I see the real question as: Do you want to live that way or not? If not - walk away from this one. And be prepared to fight for financial indepence - cause the guys that claim to be "feminists" and who claim to believe that women should have whatever opportunities and rights that men do - can switch that belief on a dime. You can find yourself devasted to be with someone you feel you don't know anymore.

Nothing wrong with taking a risk on a relationship - but always be prepared to have your own back.

Blaine, Janitor of the Lonely,

thank you!!!