relationships

Man + Man + Woman = ???

"By the time I recite this to you you will be way passed moving on and already well into a stage where I am nothing but a passing face in the crowd. You might even be at the point where you need to think a bit before you remember the small bit of history between us. You'll probably laugh and think why is she even bringing this up? Non the less I feel the need to tell you what has been on my mind for the past few months...

I need you to know that even if what happened between us didn't mean much to you, it meant a lot to me. And even if you say I didn't hurt you that much (or even at all), I know for a fact I did. It may not matter anymore or even ever have mattered to you at all, but it does to me. I treated you terribly... you are one of the most amazing people I have ever encountered. I can't think of a single time I wasn't smiling when I was around you. You make people happy, you made me happy. You still do.

The point of this isn't for it to be some pathetic "take me back please" attempt or an attempt at boosting your ego or even an attempt at sympathy, but rather a way for me to let you know that I was an idiot. And that I KNOW I was an idiot. And I seriously can't stress that enough. I need you to know that I realized I made a mistake... and I need you to know I am sorry. Sorry if I ever made you feel at all that you weren't worth it or (even worse) that you didn't deserve me. If anything I never deserved you. This literally sounds like the soppiest, cringyest shit ever and it's driving me insane just typing this because I HATE talking about feelings, but it seriously needs to be said.

I was falling in love with you and I mistook it for "just a phase". I had this idea that I would know when I was falling in love... like there would be some kind of sign. I call bullshit. I only realized once I'd made the mistake of cutting it off. And, once again, this isn't me proclaiming my love for you and begging you to give me another chance. No, this is my way of showing you that I did care and that I feel like the biggest dumbass on the planet. I regret my decision almost every day.

Eventually we will both have moved on and non of this will matter anymore, but for right now it does matter (to me at least). Thinking about you absolutely kills me and the amount of tears I have cried over you is utterly ridiculous. And all the while I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to be upset about this. Because, truth be told, I shouldn't. It's all my fault and I need to deal with the consequences.

More likely than not you're probably reading this and thinking it's way dramatic and unnecessary and even humorous. But I don't care. That doesn't matter. What matters is that I was an asshole. And if you feel that what we had wasn't serious at all then hey, easiest "I forgive you" ever am I right? But if it was serious, and if it did matter... then I am unbelievably sorry. Doesn't matter whether I was the love of your life or merely just some girl you liked spending time with, I am sorry. Even though a worded apology can never actually fully make up for mistakes that we make, it's the least one can do. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I honestly and with all my heart wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve that and more.

There's a shit load more to say but honestly it is 01:36 in the morning and I am dead tired. Hopefully you get the just of it. I don't expect a response... only an open mind and an open heart. I love you and, for the 100th time, I am sorry."

Haven't had the guts to send this yet. Should I? I need help :(

posted to relationships by Brett, Monk of the IT department (1 comment)


Andy, Monk of the Wildlands,

beautiful. sadly i know how you feel. but however maybe you shouldn't send it. it could hurt you more but if the feeling doesn't go away send it just so you have a peace of mind.