relationships

Man + Man + Woman = ???

Im so frustrated with many things right now. For the most part, its been sexual frustration. I love my husband so much. He is the best husband.any wife could want. Hes not perfect by all means, but I have a winner. I feel so frustrated and guilty all the time because I lust after other men. I am constantly fantasizing about having sex, long hard, passionate, raunchy sex. I love sex with my husband. But he doesnt seem as interested. And whenever I suggest foreplay or try new things to spice things up (wwe just got over the first year of second baby born) he looks at me like im weird and says ive changed. I feel rejected. Ive struggled with my confidence and body image this past year. I want to feel sexy again. I know im very beautiful, curvy and sexy to alot of people, but you look at yourself different when you dont FEEL it. I make an effort and he doesnt get it. We have a friend, who in fact married us 7 years ago, that I am completely attracted to. I think about him all the time. I know he has been attracted to me since we met. We have always been friends. Both of our families hang out. I domt want to have an affair. Sometimes I think it would never happen to me. I dont go out of my way to meet anyone. But then I think the longer I indulge in these fantasies and lust, its only a matter of time before I cave in if the opprotunity presents itself. I hate feeling like this. I am a christian who believes in marriage and faithfulness. Id never thought Id struggle like this. I love my husband. I love my family. I love our friendships that we have with the "other guy" and his wife. Id never want to tempt him or ruin his family or mine. Does anyone ever feel like this? I feel so alone. I pray but sometimes I feel like its useless. How do you overcome something like this? Ive never been with anyone except my husband. I asked if he would be ok with me using toys and he said no. But at this point I think Im going to get one and not tell him because I feel its the only way to keep me faithful in weak moments. Between this and all the trials and problems we have had in 2014, Im officially going crazy!

posted to relationships by Stevie, Monk of the Lonely (20 comments)


Richard, Elementalist of Musclebeasts,

I am a long time married man, and I fantasize about hot, raunchy sex with men!

Stevie, Pope of Darkness,

I'm so frustrated in my marriage. Lately I've been trying to hide that frustration to avoid conflict. I've been sexually frustrated for a long time now. When I was pregnant with my now 2 year old is when it started. The age time I was pregnant I can count on one hand how many times we had sex. He didn't want to "hurt the baby" and since it was a high risk pregnancy he worried about me a lot. Fast forward to now..he acts uninterested and it seems the only thing he is focused on is him getting off, I almost never get satisfied and this is when I can get him to have sex in the first place. I feel like it's very unfair that ive committed my life to the man and this is what im stuck with. I find myself fantasizing about other men and I feel guilty because I hate to think about ever cheating on my husband. I'm also frustrated about finances. Security is very important to me and I havent had that since we got married. I really don't know what to do anymore. We're in counseling and he is a good man despite his flaws but sometimes I feel like maybe he is just not the man for me.

Charlie, CEO of Generosity,

Call message no string attached multiple pleasures [filtered hyperlink] M Punjabi 5'5";guaranteed make you feel good if you show you need it'M in Los Angeles.

Charlie, Thief of the Rich,

We are in such similar situations, except opposite.

The wife shows no initiative, and sometimes she open to something new, and sometimes she freaks the hell out and stomps out of the room.

You and I would be much better sexually matched.

Elaine, Fashion Designer of Arts and Crafts,

I am in the same boat. Its so hard cause he says he wants me but then other things like the TV games his phone working out his tablet, and his laptop always seem to come first. I am very insecure and I have told him so but he consistently pushes me away when I want to but when he wants to he finishes before I can say thanks for being with me and taking 2 minutes out of your busy ddevice schedule to be with me. I am so frustrated sexually with him that it passes me off so bad. I have expressed my insecurities and frustration and he just does not get it. Gosh dang I have not had good sex in so long that I can not remember. Months of this is driving me crazy. I love him with all my heart but gosh I sure wish he would put my needs and desires before his own sometimes.

Ash, Engineer of the Irredeemably Moist,

Can relate no sex with my wife in 10 years so horny

Ash, Engineer of the Irredeemably Moist,

Well I'm sexually frustratied and missing sexual intimacy so bad I m so horny all the time

Shiki, Ship Master of Light,

It is a thing of joy to finally have my husband back after leaving me and our two kids for 3 years. My husband was the best thing that have ever happen to me, he was so caring and understanding till he met a girl called Sophia and ever since then his attitude change towards me and our kids and he became what i never imagined. He keeps late night with Sophia and most time he won't came home. One day he told me he needs a divorces, i weep and was heart broken, there was nothing i could do to stop him because his mind was made up and went on with Sophia. 2 days ago as i was on the internet seeking for help i came across so many testimonies of people on how Doctor Ororo has help them so i contacted him for help also and to my greatest surprise 12 hours later My husband came back to me begging me to accept him back. contact Doctor Ororo for help via email: ([filtered hyperlink]) or website: ([filtered hyperlink]) or via WhatsApp: (+2348068784784)

Dana, Carpenter of the craft table,

I am sorry for what you went through. I am like you but I don't even have kids yet. Our passion faded quickly... I almost feel like it happened on the honeymoon. I was a virgin when we were married and my husband was not. My husband assured me it would be awesome... it wasn't. Aince the beginning I think I noticed a decline. At the beginning I knew I was skiddish... but nothing was done to help me. Why does my husband seem t be one of the few that don't actually feel like sex? I am lucky if we get once a week. We are two years in with no kids... what is wrong with me? I find myself on websites just to feel good... but of course that ends up making me feel worse. I know this has made my husband feel differently about me from the start... but he didn't even try, and we just kinda split like shrapnel. I am so depressed about the whole thing. I wonder if it would have been different with someone else or if I would wreck him too? I would definatly encourage you not to cheat. There is no comin back from that. Try counselling... it worked for us for a bit... we haven't been for a while. :( I am so sad.

Taylor, Dark Queen of Good,

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Taylor, Dark Queen of Good,

Well if you need help let me know we can chat on kik and that way you will be happy and me to my user name is the9inchguy under score betwen wordsI will wait for you !

Allison, Travel Agent of Wild Parties,

Ok, here goes (give this a chance before you hate me):

Your husband is a selfish prick. He is. Sure he may be great in other regards, but he usurped the right to your sexuality, committing to fulfilling you as a woman, and now he basically shakes off the responsibility cause he "doesn't feel like it"... More than that - he actually FORBIDS you to get a sex toy? Seriously?! Do I even wanna know why you need your husband's permission to get a vibrating piece of plastic?..What's next? He's gonna forbid you form masturbating?!

The following is true to both men and women: If you marry someone - you get exclusive "rights" for the other person's sexuality (supposedly). That right, comes with RESPONSIBILITY. Being mutually exclusive, means you also have to take care of each others needs. Getting your partner off, to the best of your ability, (and without causing harm to yourself) is not only your "right", but also RESPONSIBILITY. Again - this is true for both men and women. Don't enjoy sex? Figure out what is ti you do enjoy, - your spouse will be more than happy to help. Can't get hard/wet? Use fingers/hands/oral... If you see the person you love, and you see they're burning up with desire, and you go: "Mehh.. i don't feel like it" - don't be surprised when they start day dreaming about other people, being resentful to you, and yes - even cheating.

Sex is rarely "just sex" - even casual sex, normally has ego and a sense of self-image attached to it. Sex is definitely more than just a physical thing, when your partner is someone you love, and someone you seek sexual validation from (e.e. your spouse).

So yes, you're not over-reacting at all. Sexual frustration is no joke - it can drive us, mammals insane - cloud our judgement, make us delusional and make us commit actions in a frenzy - action we will later regret.

Remember - most affairs are not planned... in the majority of cases the people involved are shocked to find themselves in these situations. Sexuality is one of the strongest forces in humans, and not one to be ignored.

Where am I going with this?

You need to pull the break on that crush of yours ASAP Cause right now, your day-dreams are driving you full speed into an abyss of depression - even if you don't act on it, sexual day dreams will drive you mad..

First - acknowledge it as it is. You have a CRUSH. This is not some guy "you should have been with", not some bullshit destiny - this is a crush, brought on by 1 factors:

  1. You are mad with sexual frustration. You are a reactor of sex-energy that needs an outlet really bad - if not in body, than in mind. Your body knows it, and is looking for an outlet.

  2. Desperate for an outlet for this energy, you latch on to the second-best man in your environment, since your husband rejected you. You are not doing it consciously... consciously you're making excuses, and probably romanticizing the whole thing: "there really is something between us... we really do have chemistry"... Baby, you and your feminine musk could probably melt an iceberg at this stage, let alone break the ice with a guy you often meet. Don't kid yourself - there is no real bond between the two of you, just your frustration making you delusional - this is nature fucking with your head - don't let it fool you, and god forbid, don't act on it... That will just be opening a pandora's box of shit-storms.

You know what? If you're gonna cheat - (I know you'll say "oh, I'll never do that...it's just wrong, bla bla bla... but no one knows what the future will bring. Life happens.) if you're gonna cheat - cheat, but do so OUTSIDE of your social circle. Better to fuck 5 guys you won't see again, than fuck 1 family friend.

Take it as far from home as possible, cause most chances are, like most cheating - it will be a temporary, may even one-time thing, that you'll regret it for a while, but then go back to your old existence and never mention it again. Yep, that's how most cheating/affair play out - very non-cinematic, I know.

Again - if you were a guy I'd be saying the exact same thing. This is not a men-women thing, this is about your partner failing on their part, and driving you to extreme measures.

But ok, ok, you're a religious romantic, who only had sex with 1 person her whole life, so you are very unlikely to cheat - (if people like you cheat, means your spouse really fucked up...) Anyway, here are a few pointers, that are still relevant:

First: how old is you husband? Is he of good health? Does he drink/get high? Does he use medication of some sort? Anti-depressants? Understand - if he used to have a strong libido, and then he suddenly lost it - there could be an underlying physical condition causing it, some illness or a side-effect of some medication he is on.

Second: Right now, he is in denial about how big this issue is, and you are facing a huge HUGE challenge - you have to find a way of making him acknowledge that there IS an issue, without causing fights and arguments and further resentment. Finding a way around his childish defense mechanism ("it's not happening, it's not a big deal, everything is ok, she's just being a horny bitch"), without making him go: "fuck you, you're giving me a head ache you wench" will be very very hard. It will take great patience from you, hard workd on yourself and a skill in rhetoric, but it is possible, and it comes down to how determined you are to make it happen...

Now, if you are determined about it as you sound - don't give up, and DO NOT GET BITTER. If you confront your spouse with accusations, criticisms and demands (even if your are righteous) - he will go into self-defense mode immediately and nothing will be solved. You can't solve it with logical debates - cause denying the problem is his way of dealing with it.

Luring him out of his cave of denial will be extremely hard, and require of you to make most of the effort (which is unfair, I know) I'm not just talking about brazilian waxing, working out and push-up bras... I'm taking about your overall demeanor and again - rhetoric.

You know, when you call him in the middle of the day, just to fluff him up for the night: "I can't stop thinking about you, mmmhhmm, I'm stroking myself, wish you could feel how wet I get, thinking about you..." Or, depending how kinky you two are, there's always: "Baby, I'm cum-hungry, when will I get my doze??".. I have no way of knowing how sexual the two of you are, so I'm just throwing it out there. Wake him up with a blow job. Treat him like a demi-god, even though he doesn't deserve to be treated thus - indulge his ego, till he ** lets his guard down*, and that's when you can start dripping the truth into his brain, knowing he is *actually listening: "Baby, if you want to see me happy, you should know i NEED to be sexed up by you. I need you to treat me like a desirable woman, and make me cum in one way or another, because otherwise i'll grow mad with frustration, and grow more and more insecure around you" - delivering this message to his brain, and getting him to actually listen and making him want to solve the problem instead of denying it.

This may be the hardest inception you've ever done, and I wish you the best of luck in this enterprise.

And I'll just say this one last thing: if all fails, and you'll find yourself sitting on another guys face some time from now... you know what? I wouldn't judge you. Yes, yes, I know everything you have to counter-argument this, but this is just my view on things. Good luck.

P.S. Whichever you decide, the whole no-vibrator thing just sounds like bullshit. "It will bother me if you use a vibrator", I actually got angry just reading that. How dare he? And how about you minding him not taking care of your sexual needs?! How would he feel if you neglected his needs, not giving his any love or respect?! what the fucking fuck?!

Stevie, Monk of the Lonely,

Thank you for your reply. My husband and I are barely hitting 30 yrs old. Im 29. He isnt on meds. When he was younger in his teens He did smoke weed but hasnt since his early twenties. Thanks for the insight. fter reading I dont feel like such a terrible person. I just never knew I could feel like this. I know youre right about keeo it out of my social circle. Its hard to avoid him. He pays attention to me. Abd Ive gone out of my way to not talk to him and he actually comes looking for me at church or fbk. But i know its a mistake. I dont understand my husbands thinking of this all. But i need to find a way to tell him how I feel. I dare not tell him about my fantasies with our friend. Ugh, just so frustrated! But again thanks for taking the time.

Blaine, Student of the Irredeemably Moist,

Dear guy who gives really lengthy, in depth and wise replies, you are awesome man, i just wish i could get replies like this when i need them, but i guess my situations dont really call for them, either way good on u man

Allison, Travel Agent of Wild Parties,

Hey, thanks for appreciating my input - hell, thanks for noticing me and letting me know. I have no way of knowing which posts are yours, but if you came here, you must be going through some harsh times, and I hope things will get better for you. Good luck and stay strong!

Allison, Matriarch of the Satisfied,

I have a similar story from the opposite side. My wife and I started dating and it was great. Then it quickly dissipated and the physical interactions stopped. It got so bad that she recoiled at me trying to be close with her or hold her hand, which she said was 'sexual'.

I agree with the poster above that sex relates to your self image and you should also be wary of your fantasies and crushes. I speak from experience... I had 7 years of sexual frustration and masturbated... then one day I broke. went to strip clubs (which I would have never set foot in before), saw prostitutes, and trolled the internet to try and get people to be with. I was lonely and broken and ashamed of my own sexuality.

But if you had a good sex life with your husband previously, you know it's there... it's possible. That doesn't mean he will come around. But there are guaranteed to be issues preventing one or both of you from treating the other in the ways that they feel validating and healthy. if you fix that, you would definitely get back to a point where your sexual needs and feelings of rejection are better and appropriately respected.

My advice, DO NOT cheat. You are better than that. You are frustrated (I am too and so are millions of others). But the frustration will end. You will work through it if you try. You just need to honestly look at yourself and him and try and make your relationship healthier. It will succeed or it won't. But at least you tried. And the future can be as bright as your past... if not brighter :)

Good luck.

Brett, Warlord of the Homeless,

Thank you so much!!!!

Andy, Illusionist of Generosity,

I understand. I married my wife two years ago. She got pregnant the day after our wedding. She has never touched me since. I've tried but I've been rejected with "I'm not feeling well," "I'm not in the mood," "I'm sleepy" and always blames it on that she is a mother now. It is so bad, she has even put a bed in the dining room for me to sleep on so I don't grope her anymore. The sexual fantasies I have are now going overdrive and have to do what ever it takes to quell them.

I can't even walk in a mall anymore or Wal Mart. Yes, even Wal-Mart people are starting to look attractive!

I feel for you and your situation. Go get a toy and utilize it while he is not around. Sadly, as a man, I don't have that option...

Stevie, Monk of the Lonely,

I m sorry about your situation..That is very extreme for your wife to kick you out of the bedroom. But i can tell you that it is her that has issues. Usually when my gfriends talk about wit,h holding its because they are emotionally jacked up. Like because theyve been feeling worthless and unattractive, or abused, molested or raped. Or they could be flat out cheating. I just know, your wife not desiring to have sex with you has do do with her and how she sees herself too. Praying and hoping things will get better for you somehow. Thanks for your reply.

Allison, Travel Agent of Wild Parties,

Technically, there are toys for men too... I'm not trolling or anything, but there are hq artificial vaginas... those may help, but i doubt they will actually solve the frustration you feel, which is not just in your cock. No matter how you look at it, sexual fulfillment is more than just genitalia oozing body fluids. Definitely not when it comes to sex with someone we love - there's ego, self-image and attachment involved. Sex with a person you're in love with is also a psychological need. I feel you pain, and frankly I think your wife is being an outright irresponsible, inconsiderate spouse. Just like the OP's husband is. Hope your wife gets her head out of her selfish ass, and rewards you for the patience with some crazy wild sex, and just as I said to the op - you know what? If it so happens you cheat - I won't judge you. There. I said it.