We were but only 14 when we first locked eyes.
Surrounded by a sporting even mid match, the whole room just stopped.. All i could take in was you...
I knew with every bit of my being that i wanted to spend every breath i had left, with you.
A year later im told that i have to move halfway across the U.S. to live with my mother.
Fast forward almost 7 years.
In which time we have both dated and failed always keeping in contact and knowing we had to be together one day.
We were both around 21 years of age when we finally united and were able to be one..
It was surreal, a dream, too good.. The first time we made love after a week of agonizing sexual tension, well, all i can say is that we felt like it was truly our first time ever. It was magical.
What we didnt expect was both of our insecurities and walls we built over the years of being hurt would affect our destined love..
We both sabotaged our relationship and broke the trust.
We parted ways after not even 2 years, 6 months of which we were engaged.
SHE WAS THE ONE WHO ASKED ME!!
I was so proud to be with her.
Shes so strong as a person, independent, yet craves love and compassion.
Smart, but allows herself to be giddy and not take life to serious.
Shes motivated in life and knows how to get what she wants out of it.
Shes absolutely stunning.. You wouldnt believe me that she was real if i showed you a picture of her.
She is my... It..
Its been alnost 5 years since we have been apart.
She has been engaged for over a year and with the guy for close to 2 years i believe.
I havent talked to her but maybe once since they started dating.
Ive thought about her every day since i met her now 12+ years ago.
I literally hurt knowing shes gone..
There are nights i can do nothing by cry the pain of losing her is so intense to this day.
Its been so bad at times i honestly contemplate death as an option..
There are more days than not most of the time where i can push it down.
My only way of not going crazy is to go numb..
Its caused issues with all kinds of relationships of trial and even family..
Shes happy with her fiance and all i want for her in life is to be happy... Loved.. Appreciated.. Cared for..
I want it to be me, but am not selfish enough to ruin for her what could be a very happy life.. Nor do i know if i could ever win her heart back.. Her trust back..
So i live with the loss, i live with the pain, life has no color, no taste at all..
I wear it like a 500 pound vest, its like my soul is empty. My chest hollow, missing the force that made me feel so alive, my best friend.. My partner, my other half.. Gone..
I go through life numb seemingly not able to form emotional relationships with anyone anymore.. I just want.. To not hurt anymore, i dont want to feel, i dont want to cry, i dont know what to do..
For i know to who my heart belongs to and i told her to keep it forever.. Little did i know that i could not live without her near..