life

Would you be here if you had one?

Alright. So I'm 14, turning 15 on June 30th. I'm a little over 6 months pregnant with my daughter. My baby dad used to be my boyfriend, we broke up about 2 months ago and were together for about 6 months. I know I can't possibly be inlove at 14, but I sure feel like I am. I love him as much as a 14 year old could ever love somebody. You're probably thinking, wow. What a slut. No, I'm not a slut. I lost my virginity to him, and he's still the only guy I've ever slept with. I pretend like I don't like him anymore and that I'm glad we're apart but the truth is that I miss him SO much. I spend a lot of my days crying. This isn't some sob story seeking for attention. It's just that everyone I know is so proud of me for being so strong and keep holding on because I act like I'm stronger than I am. I don't want to be called a baby or anything. Well, my baby dad is turning 16 in October. He's a normal kid just like anyone else. Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking about him, myself, my situation. And I noticed that I did make an impact on his life. Not just because he has a kid now, but also because I made him happy. At least for a period of time I did. Ever since we broke up, he's been acting WAY out of place. Everyone see's it, so I know I'm not the only one. He is currently in a mental hospital/suicide treatment facility because he ran away and threatened to kill himself. And he had a gun and all this other stuff.  He was NEVER EVER like this before. EVER. And he got let out of there about a week ago, then got himself thrown right back in there for swallowing a handful of pills right infront of his parents. He was only out for 1 day. While he was out, and also while he's in there, he claims that the reason for his behavior is that he's being controlled by demons. He says that demons go inside him when he sleeps and makes him rise in the air making his back arch. Everyone knows that's not true. It's just that, the things he's saying and doing really makes me worried. For him, myself, and our daughter. When I first found out I was pregnant he was fine with it. He was the sweetest thing. Promised he'd be there from start to finish and that, yeah. Times will be harder now, but he will never leave me and that he can't wait to raise our kid together. But here's the catch: his parents can't find out. Well, everyone knows, if you're having a kid, especially when you're both minors, there's no way you can just slip by without both of your parents knowing. Well, as soon as his parents found out, not even by me telling them, he flipped out on me, broke up with me, made threats, called me names, the list goes on and on. He even said he wanted to "burn the kid". Burn as in, burn it with a match and gasoline. I tried not to take it to heart but it was really hard because I love him more than anyone. I even considered getting an abortion if it would save our relationship. I am SO glad now that I didn't because I'm so attached to my baby already and there's still 3 months to go before I can even physically hold her. Well after about 2 weeks his freak out faded and he came crawling back begging for forgiveness, and I eagerly accepted. Things got better, then worse. Then he broke up with me again about 4 months later. That's when the psycho really hit him. He ran away with his new girlfriend. She got caught and got sent back home and he was still on the run with a gun and other things. There are SO many details that I left out just because I don't have time to write everything out. What I'm asking for is, what would you do if you were in my position? I still have this hope that maybe he's thinking about me and how much he misses me. I hope he is because I miss him so much. And I know that if I move on to someone else then there's no going back to him ever again. So far I've been waiting for about 2 months. I just don't know if maybe I should give him one more chance and wait for him, or should I just move on and forget about him? I would really like some advice because it's killing me not knowing what to do. 
posted to life by Charlie, Writer of the Wicked (5 comments)

Viewing a detached thread.


Dana, Curator of Justice,
I hope you left him. There are many more men in the world that will not treat you like garbage. Perhaps the behavior was simply due to his age and the stress at home and one day he can be a healthy part of your life, but if he continues to act in the way you have described, RUN, FAR FAR AWAY! I was 14 once and I remember that 1st love and feeling like i would die if I lost them, but guess what, you'll end up feeling that way over and over again as you progress through life and then will eventually mature and realize that you will continue to live and that the most important thing to love and cherish in life, is yourself.