Would you be here if you had one?

I'm a 40yo, divorced white male. Single. Lonely - I have no actual friends. I am an introvert and always anxious and often depressed. I have what this society would call a great career but I am not happy and I am tired. I feel depressed. I don't know how (or if I really want to) make new friends at this age. I live in the country in a house I own by myself. I've been on and off Tinder and I don't really have a problem meeting women; but the hassle of starting new relationships just to have them end in heartache once again. I'm overwhelmed with life. How do others maintain happiness? I've done the diet thing, the exercise, the meet-new-people-in-real-life things (serious stays at it for months and years). I've seen a shrink, a therapist, all that. Why do I see so many other people be happy (or at least seem happy) from day to day and I just am not? I sometimes think if I could just sell the house, quit my job, walk away from all my debt and go live on a beach then maybe that would bring me happiness; but the guilt of leaving all that I "have" holds me here.

posted to life by Ash, Magician of the Unimaginable Terror (4 comments)

Ari, Superintendent of Light,

I think the friendships more than anything are probably what's making you feel lonely. You can be married to someone and be the loneliest person in the world, and that would do neither of you any good.

What do you think "happiness" looks like? Why is it that you can identify happiness in others, but not yourself?

I won't agree with any of the sexist rant except for one thing - see a therapist. Work this stuff out.

Harper, Musician of Darkness,

I'm sort of in your position. Here's what I figured out -- and ladies, this is going to piss you off, but I have a HELL of a lot of time in the field.

I'm older than you, divorced in the mid-2000s, and taken to the cleaners in the divorce. I am permanently destitute as a consequence and will likely die on the streets some day.

The biggest advice I can give you:

Stop on women. Just stop. They are -- to a person -- greedy, self-absorbed sluts. There's nothing they won't do for more money.

I really wish I was somehow exaggerating, but this describes every single woman I've met or had a relationship for almost as long as you've been alive.

No exceptions. Not one.

Lay off the women forever. That way lies heartbreak and financial ruin.

If you need to get laid, pick up some slut in a bar, hook up with someone on CL, hire a hooker, whatever. But don't get involved with them beyond sex.

Ultimately, Feminism has left women good for nothing else from the man's perspective.

Live alone and be happy at all the frakking money you're saving! Without some woman to siphon it off, look how much more you're putting away!

And you can spend it on what YOU want. See a shitty lamp that doesn't match anything in the apartment? Buy it, who's going to bitch? See an 80-inch 8K that will fill your whole wall? Buy it, who's going to bitch?

Leave your clothes laying around for a while after you wear them? Leave them there until you do laundry, who's going to bitch?

And the fucking toilet seat. Apparently the most important fucking thing in the universe to every woman. Leave it up, who's going to bitch?

Then there's what you don't have to pay for: all the knick-knacks and shit they want on the walls. The perfect everything everywhere.

And the clothes. Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ, what the bitches spend on clothes alone probably costs at least a grand a month.

Poof! All those expenses gone.

You see what you get when you eject them? A shit-ton more money and a shit-ton more freedom.

Also a shit-ton less incessant bitching in your ear about something.

As to the depression, for that I'd definitely see a psychiatrist for meds in the near term and a good therapist in the long. Get a therapist with a PhD behind their name, and preferably with at least 20 years experience.

Don't quit anything, be glad for what you have. The bitches are gone from your life: don't let them back in.

I've been operating this way since the mid-2000s and couldn't be happier.

You're free of the bitches. Don't let them back in.

Andy, Fashion Designer of the Financial Services department,

Sounds like a tough road. Hope and pray you find what works for you in life.

Max, Engineer of the Satisfied,

You should do that. You should step away from life for a year and make yourself happy, otherwise what is all this shit for? Your career and opportunities will be there when you get back. This is America, anything is possible. My position in corporate America makes upwards of 80/90/100 a year, and I'm 28. They just hired someone 63 years old based off of his experience. So don't worry about it. You are a free bird