Would you be here if you had one?

April 14, 2012. 10:52pm. My name is **** *******, and this is my first entry. I dont know why I have decided to start this journal. I currently work for a Private Organization that focuses on the care of the Mentally disabled. Other than giving medications I literally do nothing but make sure this client doesnt hurt himself or others. Today is just one of those days. I dont know what is wrong with the chemical production going on in my brain. Some days I just wake up and hate everything, and wish that i could end the world. Is this normal? I guess I'll never really know since the only thoughts I can clearly hear are my own. Am I evil? Or just some lost adolescent? I feel as if I have no purpose when my brain is acting the way it is. Honestly I dont have a purpose. The only reason the human race exists is to spread DNA. I dont really want to spread my DNA, I dont like children and really dont want to raise one. Is that really all life has to offer? Getting married to a woman that will most likely try to run my life and not give a shit about my feelings... Have her bare a few of my children only to bring them into a world that i really despise. More than likely if I do have children they will be no better than the other shitty people in this world, only adding to the chaos. What am I missing? There has to be something more than that. Why couldnt it be better than that? Does it make me an abomination to think that getting married and raising a family is a shitty way to live my life? It seems like thats all anyone cares about. I want something else. I want to find something in life that Im so passionate about that nothing else would matter as long as I had it. But what makes all this the worst? Is I still want to love someone. I want to find someone worth loving but i honestly dont think its possible. Women are fucking evil. EVIL. They never will care about me like i could for them. They are emotional disasters. They can never be trusted with anything , all they do is lie while sucking the life out of you until they find a better suitable host to prey on. No matter the trust you build, no matter the love they feel they will leave on the drop of a hat if it means better for them. They are needy and only good for their appearance. Too bad other people dont think like me. Does it make me selfish that I think this way? I want extraordinary things. I want super powers, not to save people, not to kill people, only to become stronger. To know that I am so strong that I dont even have to use it, but if it were necessary that no one can stop me. I want to use those powers to travel the entire world we call earth until I see everything worth seeing so i can move to another part of the galaxy and do it there. I want immortality. Not because I am afraid of death, because I want to see the evolution of the world unfold. I want to know everything, i want to be powerful. Does this make me a gluttonous greedy person? I dont think so at all. But it all comes back to the fact that I feel as if I have absolutely zero purpose on this plain of existence. People say that humans only use about 10% of the entire brain power. Why is there a limiter set on our brain? And what are the possibilities if we could unlock the rest? Could I have the power I want? Could I be immortal? What in the hell is wrong with me...?
posted to life by Alice, Matriarch of the Satisfied (0 comments)