I have this dream, that I think might be my entire purpose for being. It could help people, but I have no idea where to start and how its going to work but Im stepping out on faith that I can actually do this. I mean its my dream right? Every possible thought of failing has infiltrated my mind and I almost don't want to even start. But I have to do something! I can't live this life and be okay. I'm not going to be okay if I keep living this life. I'm dying infant of my very own eyes and I don't want to die anymore. I want to get out of this rut. I lost someone very close to me, and its been hard to cope, to be motivated to do anything. I just go to work come home and do it all over again. I gained soooooo much weight. I just want my life and my speak back, and I want him to be the reason why I could do it. He will be my motivation. I have to do this. I can do this! Scared, terrified, shaking, stumbling, stuttering, lost I am going to do this!