Would you be here if you had one?

Were to being......... well here goes nothing I am a 22 going to be 23 this year I am really excited but at the same time I feel like I am not doing anything with my life it's been 4 years seen I graduated from high school most of friend and people that I know knew what to do with their lives before we graduated me on the side didn't know I had some well I guess ideas of what I wanted to with me life but then I changed my mind like most high schools students do right. So here I am still don't have no clue what to do with my life. I would like for some help please anyone who has the time to read this please, I could sure need guys opinions thanks and don't hold back

posted to life by Alice, Chronographer of the Rich (0 comments)

"I stand alone Burned every bridge over the troubled water No longer hiding from my personality disorder A stronger tide is coming, I've been running trying to function fine with out my mind climbing out this fucking corner I was born a thorn away from the rotten petals A forgotten rebel craft in the absence of heaven's heavy hands to develop an evident level of benevolence so it's probably better I sold my soul to the devil This is a message to anyone I met that thinks they know me Don't pretend to understand none of the issues that I'm holding I was in a rush to grow up, look Mom no cuts Just a stomach in disgust, and the fear that I might go nuts this year If I don't slow up I'll see you on my way One day this shit'll kill me but I guess that it's OK I've lost all faith in a world so full of hate and I don't fucking love music I just use it to escape I'm caught between wanting to punch someone in the face and putting a bullet in my head to leave the human race Everything takes its toll but there's no tolls I can take I haven't yet found a good reason to be awake Introducing the corroded bumps I hide behind my smile I'm angry at the universe for the way she treats me now And keeps me down, stealing all my energy I'm feeling like my enemy, concealing my identity Not dealing with my tendencies, I peel the skin and then I squeeze The real imprinted hand cause he's not human in this century, I'm kneeling to the entity Who built this penitentiary, as filthy as a centipede And guilt was in his sense cause he was willing to just let me bleed, While I wore a game face In 10 years don't check for me I'll be in the same place This planet's just an over-populated mental hospital Each zombie walk around constitutes another obstacle So here it is I'm finally coming out my shell All 19 years of my life have been in conflict with myself I'm insecure by every facet of my existence From my addictions, to the condition I choose to live in Who you kidding? I suffer from excess anxiety A product of pollution in American society Stare into my eyes and see the hell that burns inside my mind and I no longer have an ego I can hide behind but I've been trying disregarding my insanity Every form of art isolates us from humanity But it's provoked against being force fed so called education for a decade and 3 years of headaches from my peers Cause now I realize I could have learned more on my own They taught me how to know everything except my soul Which is everything I need to grow Everything that keeps me whole Everything that ever meant anything to Eyedea So I leave with golden hopes to rip the leash that holds my focus but the fact remains the same, I'm still bound by chains It doesn't matter if your chain is 10 ft or 100 ft The fact remains the same, you're still bound by chains Some people say I've changed, and it's harder to relate to me Good, I never liked you our friendship was make believe I'm peeling the mask back and revealing the rap that's been Feeling my organs drilling short distorted portions of morbid acid keeps the torture unfortunately crafted interests to orbit my portrait and inflict my image with disorder The minutes get shorter, the walls start to close in Feels like the brain is hanging on by one clothes pin I've hidden in the darkness for too long I make it look all right but on the inside it's all wrong I want life to change but I don't know if it can for a man or machine or whatever the fuck I am I stand alone burned every bridge over the trouble water No longer hiding from my personality disorder You want to die in my life? then come and stay in madness' favorite little corner Cause even shadows have shadows and my secrets are eating me eagerly feeding I scream in my dreams away but they keep on defeating me Even Shadows have Shadows Welcome to the dusty subconscious of an actor Who murdered his childhood to stop the audience's laughter Even Shadows have Shadows How am I to break free from my fears When I don't like what I see and I can't feel what I hear Even Shadows have Shadows So don't judge my book by it's cover Cause my story's just fucked up as any other" -EYEDEA

posted to life by Andy, Wizard of the Wicked (0 comments)

I'm pretty lonely right now. Definitely sick of that. I have at least enough faith in myself to know that I'm not a normally depressive personality, but jeez. Definitely doesn't feel like that. People, if you know someone that's always alone, a nerd perhaps like myself, just say hi to them. They may creep you out, but most of the time they're just so giddily grateful that anyone's bothering to spend even a few seconds on them that they kind of forget themselves. That and we're not the best at social niceties at the best of times. Forgive us the sin of awkward silences and just say hi. We're not bad people, and you know what? You honestly don't have to do much more than that to make our day. Seriously. Its the little stuff.

And I may as well begin myself, if you're reading this there's a better than average chance that you're having a shitty time of it, probably worse than me. Have a nice day folks, and I mean that. Thanks, anonymous internet-o-phile, for listening, I do feel better; hope you do too.

posted to life by Stevie, Garçon of the Satisfied (2 comments)

I'm 52 years and have been single 10 yrs now... Two teens graduating and heading to college, fucked up job, never completed my own college education, don't own a car, introverted to a fault... Not feeling the dating game if you wanna call it that. Too much bullshit theses days... I'm just a hopeful old romantic with more potential (yes even at this age potential is abundant) than money...

posted to life by Josh, Assassin of Evil (2 comments)

Jasmine Zee Ning En is a fugly liar and stupid bitch.

posted to life by Charlie, Tour Guide of the craft table (1 comment)

I just graduated from high school. I waited so many years for this, but now that I´m free from that hell hole I feel like I can´t let it go. For so long I have planned my life after high school. sonce I was young I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I can´t explain how confused I am now. I´m studing for tests, I try to live my life as I planned it but it doesn´t seem right anymore. I don´t know what to do. I love doing what I do, but I want something else, something more spontaneous. For the last 19 years i´ve done everything my mother wanted, what my school wanted, what my friends and classmates wanted, even my teachers. I always felt like I was in a cage, trapped and unable to breath. I don´t know what to do anymore. I just want to be free and live my life to the fullest. I want my freedom back but how can I get it back with out hurting the people I love?

posted to life by Charlie, Sous Chef of the Rich (1 comment)

I'm 21 years old and I have a question that I think a lot of people my age have. Is society getting worst? Or is it just the fact that I'm old enough to understand what's going on in the world? What will historians write in textbooks for future generations to read about what is happening to America in 2017?

posted to life by Addison, Hunter of Generosity (9 comments)

So, ever since I was younger I had these huge dreams of being either a successful business woman or a news broadcaster. I've kept those dreams my entire life until recently. I'm getting older now, about to graduate college, and things have been no less than hectic as of February 17, 2017 for Americans. There has not been one dull day in the media since Donald Trump took office. Now, I expected a backlash once he was sworn in, but I never predicted things to be this bad. I knew a lot of people did not like Donald Trump and the ideals he stood for. I also knew a lot of people that did support him. I've always felt that Donald Trump does not have an ability to project his intentions in a respectable way. I also believe that the media is biased and controlled by rich powerful people. The media is working as a business. The media attracts audiences with misleading propaganda that is scripted and controlled by producers who are in mutually beneficial relationships with political elites. Like I mentioned earlier... I'm 21 years old and I have a question that I think a lot of people my age have. Is society getting worst? Or is it just the fact that I'm old enough to understand what's going on in the world? What will historians write in textbooks for future generations to read about what is happening to America in 2017?

posted to life by Brett, Assassin of Time (2 comments)

The bully always wins. Always. There's no stopping him. If you fight back, the results from whatever authority figures are around you are worse than if you just let him pick on you. Teachers, parents, cops, or whoever will always put you at fault for the bullying and will always threaten and humiliate you for trying to stop it.

So don't fight back. NEVER fight back. Parents, stop giving your kids stupid advice to stand up to bullying. Instead, teach them how to cope. Friends, stop telling your friends to quit taking it. Be there for them instead.

Accept it; the bully always wins, and always will. Nothing will ever change that. It's better to do nothing and have the snot beaten out of you than to fight back, because the consequences of fighting back are *ALWAYS* worse. Learn to lie there and take it like a man. There are no alternatives.

posted to life by Frankie, Keeper of the Hungry (3 comments)

I'm afraid, so afraid I won't be able to attend school this year because we don't have money. I love learning it's my escape but the possibility that this year it might not be it for me scares the shit out of me. Classes have already started so i'll probably be two weeks late this is my third year I can't miss a lot of work. I hate this feeling of not being able to help myself, of being completely powerless. It's a soul crushing feeling. I'm anxious, scared, so damn scared. It's like the universe wants to take all that is me away and leave me with nothing. It keeps drowning me over and over again, one day I don't think I will come up for air. It's so tiring, so frustrating to be in my position it's like have I not suffered enough? Have you not punished me enough? What do you want from me? I'm so lost, so angry right now. I cannot wait until this world ends so suffering can end too, I can't wait for nothingness to take over so I can not feel, see, touch, be.

posted to life by Frankie, Fashionista of the Unimaginable Terror (0 comments)

I love the results when I done cleaning but getting started is sooooo hard Im feeling so lazy right now , but it could have something to do with my stress levels.

posted to life by Blaine, Chef of Evil (2 comments)

Before you leave the house, you ask yourself "What will people think about me?" You buy new clothes, and you ask yourself "What will people think of me?" You want to express your true self, but you ask yourself the same exact question. Today we live in society based off that one question: "What will people think about me?" Why are people so worried to express their true selves? People are so concentrated on other people's opinion that they are afraid to show who they really are. The real question of society should be "Why?" Why do we have to impress others? Why can't we be ourselves? Why do people have to judge others, when they aren't perfect themselves? We all have these questions, but today's society is all about how we look on the outside, rather then who we are inside out, but why can't we change that. Our world can be full of positivity if we try. People can feel more secure, and express who they are. 
posted to life by Addison, Devourer of Time (2 comments)


posted to life by Bobbie, Ship Master of the craft table (0 comments)

Heterosexuality always has been, and always will be, a sad compromise between men who want to get as much sex for as little affection as women can wheedle out of them,

posted to life by Reggie, Embalmer of the Homeless (3 comments)

I feel meh, I always feel meh nowadays, not really succeeding at anything nothing new happening. Keep waiting for things to just happen for me but then I remember that's not the way life works and I should be actively pursuing things. Idk what things but goals I guess, picture a future for the first time ever and work towards it. The time for trying is over I need to start making things happen for myself. Tired of being needy and in search of....I don't even know. Can't change the past only work towards a better future, I need my future to be bright, I need things to look forward to, I have to be engaged and into life. The unpredictability of the future is the only reason i'm still here, there's always something around the corner, right? I just need to go get it.

posted to life by Stevie, Ranger of the Satisfied (0 comments)

I am by no means perfect, nor has my life been easy. These last few weeks have been choatic. First in in debt through the roof. How did it happen? How can I owe so much?. Where is my money going? How could I have allowed this. I'm not a dumb woman, I work hard however money doesn't last or go far for me. I get paid Friday and I'm broke Monday. Idk why I just feel it only happens to me

posted to life by Charlie, Merchant of the Satisfied (4 comments)

People who write in all capital letters. There is an alphabet with lowercase and capital letters for a reason. When my mom makes me feel stupid. I've been applying to colleges recently and she said "If you get accepted into this not so good college compared to this very prestigious school you should take it, I just think it's a good fit for you." Like what the hell? How nice I am. I never talk back to my parents, I never start arguments with people at school. I try to keep to my business.. and yet I'm miserable. The feeling in the back of your throat when you want to cry but you can't. Public speaking. My mother's temper & my father's stuck up attitude. My whole life . . .

posted to life by Eileen, Illusionist of the Satisfied (0 comments)

I hate the idea that men have been so hypermasculated that people don't think men ever get raped MEN GET RAPED, young boys get raped. If you force him to sleep with you IT'S RAPE, if you tie him down to sleep with you you are RAPING him. It hurt that I had to read a book about a powerful man getting raped my a gorgeous entitled trash of women because she tied him down and many people will think 'a beautiful woman is riding you just enjoy it' NO NO NO he can't enjoy it because he didn't consent to it, he didn’t want it. IT BLOODY RAPE.

posted to life by Bobbie, Ship Master of the Hungry (2 comments)

I feel like I'm on the wrong path. I'm working hard and flourishing in my field of study but I'm not happy. I though maybe it was just that I don't like college but after 3 years of this it still feels wrong. What I'm learning to do wasn't my first choice, and to be frank I didn't really get to choose, my parents did. The only reason I'm doing this is because it makes bank if I meet the right people and it makes my family look great, having a successful son and all. But at the root of it all I'm not happy with it. Sometimes I think I just need to get away, maybe move in with my friend and see how I feel in a month. But in reality I know I'm just being a spoiled brat. If it hadn't been for my parents I would never had made it this far. I don't feel I have any right to question what they think is right for me. It just sucks. I just don't know what's more important for me right now.

posted to life by Shiki, Patriarch of Evil (5 comments)

recently when I was at the dentist I was getting an xray and while they were taking pictures, I started getting the feeling of being scared. as soon as it started, I knew I was having an anxiety attack. since then I have had another attack and its really concerning considering I never used to get these. i was wondering what causes them and how i can "treat" them.

posted to life by Brett, Alchemist of Arts and Crafts (1 comment)



I keep telling myself that everything will be okay... that I will be okay but I'm so stressed... stressed with what my life will be like in the near future.. stressed about my relationship because I'm so insecure & jealous for all the WRONG reasons. stressed with my self image... just... inserts title when does my life get better? when do I stop blaming myself for thing and learn to let go. When?

posted to life by Addison, Historian of the Satisfied (4 comments)

Yakuza call -- Phone: (888) 407-4747; (202) 501-4444 Fax: (202) 736-9132 Trump Asks James Comey to hire Yakuza for assassination purposes

posted to life by Peyton, Clerk of the Forgotten Lands (0 comments)

I used to have an account on Anonyme (an anonymous blogging site), but they got shut down because they couldn't provide funding to keep it up. Users had the choice to email them and get their posts back, but I had actually just deleted my account to start a new one. How ironic is that? The moment I delete an account for a fresh start, the site closes. Well anyways, that's why I'm here. I find writing to be a pretty good outlet for what I feel, but to be honest I'm really unfamiliar with this site. Do you have a username? Can you look at who sees your post? Is there an age restriction? I guess I'll find out soon enough. The Kingfisher by Rosemary & Garlic sigh. I haven't been able to get that song out of my head. It only has about 10,000 views which is crazy to me! It is so beautiful and the piano part in the beginning is what made me fall in love with it. How can songs like Baby by Justin Bieber have billions of views while master pieces such as this one go practically unrecognized. Another song I've been thinking of a lot recently is Sea of Love by Cat Power. I can play it on the ukulele and sing it. "Come with me, my love, to the sea, the sea of love.." It's so pretty to me. I just realized I'm writing this under the 'Life' discussion, so I should probably talk about life a little bit. It's a tricky thing, life. Defined as "the period between the birth and death of a living thing, especially a human being". That's really all it is.. but many things happen in between that period of birth and death that makes it wonderful, horrible, miserable, bittersweet, (how many more adjectives can describe it?), and perhaps the best thing is that bittersweet feeling. The juxtaposition (I know I actually used a big word yay) of life can be gut-wrenching, but it has to happen. When your mother dies but then you find the love of your life at her funeral, when your cat is run over but then as you go to an animal shelter for a new one you find the most loving and affectionate kitten.. that's life. Thanks for reading, this may be my new "Anonyme".

posted to life by Hazel, Guardian of Time (3 comments)

Seriously ALL my problems can be solved with money. Why hasn't a generous rich man married me yet? I'm beautiful, young, respectful, classy, a classic good girl and I have a promising future, come on Universe. Can I at least win the lottery, something, i'm tired of not having money already. Please I don't want to make desperate choices and end up trafficked or some crazy shit (NB, learn about trafficking, help people who seem to be in trouble/look scared and Report it, there's a small chance that you would be wrong, you could be saving a life people, learn about the signs to watch out for, how to stay safe and pass on the information). Anyway please Universe give me a lot of money all my problems will be solved.

posted to life by Candy, Necromancer of the Wildlands (2 comments)

So I'm supposed to register for college on Monday, but I know I can't because I might not be able to afford it anymore. I'm in a private school and the fees are like 70K a year, unfortunately my brother lost his job last year and wasn't able to pay so we owe like 60K for last year I can't register cause we owe so much money. My brother is the one who wanted to be responsible for my school fees so my dad was not prepared, luckily he has about40 that can help, but my brother hasto come up with the other 40 SO i can attend class.Now my biggest issue that really pisses me off is the fact that last year he continuedto live with his girlfriend and sacrificed 5ka month for the rent no matter what if he had to borrow or whatever he would make sure every month for last year that he had it, what frustrates me is that if he had moved back home and used that 5k to pay theschool fees this would not be a problemat all.And what s more frustratingthe whole of December i kept asking him if he was going to be able to pay so we could make a concrete plan, and guess what? he told me he had it under control that the first week of December he would beholding hundreds of thousands and he'd be able to pay for last year and knock out the fees for this year, but in December getting money on the first week shifted to the second week, to that other week to the next until he finally realized it was too late, that those people scammed him and he still didn't get the wake-up can that he needed to pay money or i wasnt going to school this year. He finally realised that money was not going to fall in his lap, borrowed 20k from my dad(which plus the 40k would have covered last year's school fees ) took that and started trading again and with his first withdrawal of the money guess what he did?he paid rent and took care of other stuff forgetting that he had a matter of day to cover 40k which im pretty sure he still does not have. Its the weekend now and the markets have closed the money is needed on monday to cover last year the first month of this year and my books. Im so extremely stressed out and anxious i feel like I'm about to watch as the dreams i have and my mother had for me are about to go down the drain. I have lost a lot of trust in my brothers ability because he has been making promises after promises and they have all be empty. My goal this year is to start making my own money and gaining some kind of independence because i dm so tired at disappointment, ijust hope that my dad takes control of this and somehow is able to pay and i can continue my studies.

posted to life by Addison, Gunner of Imagination (4 comments)

a small bump on my inner labia. Courtesy of my newly discovered type 2 herpes. It's painless, although perhaps slightly itchy. J's coming to see me next week, for the first time. I was looking forward to that. I thought, he will be the start of something new and great. Fantasizing about sex with him, was the one thing that gave me some optimism, I now accept, it's not gonna happen. Great spontaneous sexual love stories are just not gonna be part of my life's narrative now. T made sure of that, by giving me this cursed std. I loved him more than life, and leaving him was the most painful thing i ever done. I couldn't breathe at all for 2 years. And now, ((surprise)).

I dreamed I was strong enough to beat him up. Ignorant, barely literal, selfish, corrupt, negligent, greedy little man. I hate you. I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME. You killed so many possible futures I could have had. The only one I ever loved. And you fucked up my health forever, with nothing but your fucking negligence. Oh, I'm so sorry baby, I didn't know they don't test for herpes unless you ask for it specifically. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? You're all safe with me baby. You're a man-whore in your 40's and you DON'T KNOW THAT? I wish you could actually feel the bottomless pit of despair i keep trying not to fall into. Ever since I've found out, I've been thinking about taking all the pills in the house. I have no more energy for this. I have no more energy for new beginnings. I'm grateful I've made it so far, I know how lucky I've been, spending the past year working in that country, but I'm just drained. I have nothing more to give, nothing more to invest into others. I hope J's trip gets cancelled and I just end it without seeing him, cause I have nothing to offer anymore, definitely not at this time.

posted to life by David, Travel Agent of Good (1 comment)

So you and your son felt it was necessary to let me the assistant trip leader know about every problem and every improvement you felt should be made to the program - you know the 2 hour tour you were getting for FREE. Being run by people who were NOT getting paid. I suggested you explain those to the man in charge who runs the group and ultimately makes decisions.

But when it came time to talk to that white male organizer - nothing but praise, smiles and laughter from you two. It was the end of the trip so I thought you might have forgotten. But you didn't because before you left, you reiterated those complaints - to ME, but not to him.

But that's just me not thinking positively. And that means I'm the CAUSE of the problem. I'm too busy letting my past define me.

posted to life by Ari, Musician of Generosity (2 comments)

I went to a psychic once and she told me that I liked to be in control and the boss of everything. She said that recent changes in my life were going to be good for me.

I would always ridicule that profession and laugh about how I never believed in such things. To be fair she lived in a drafty old apartment on 9th Avenue in New York City and greeted me in her pajamas, but a part of me wanted to believe everything she said. A part of me wanted to hope that the dreams that I had for myself would happen.

So I paid her a customary fee of $15 which she used, to buy groceries from the deli downstairs and I told my husband about the good fortune that we were foretold to have. He scoffed, of course, because he’s such a sceptic but that night I kept going over what she said, hoping and somewhat praying that it would be true.

Like most 20 somethings, I am confused about what I want to do in life but it’s not just that. You see, coming from where I am, from Pakistan. Ah how do I explain it? I have been with my now husband for a few years now and I love him more than anything else, don’t get me wrong on that. However, I’ve been through almost similar things he has and we love the fact that we have so much in common. But being from a traditional family and from a country that's patriarchal-but-somewhat-progressing, like Pakistan (and even though we dated and we were in a relationship and it was a love marriage), there were so many things that seemed out of my control. The fact that our families are so traditional and it’s not their fault! It’s the society that we grew up in. We always loved the fact that we were so understanding of each other’s needs and dreams and wants and we were best friends. But then once our relationship became official, it was mostly about what and how everyone else expected us to be and how to act. For me to be the submissive and compromising wife and for him to be the sole breadwinner and the macho man of the family.

I mean I would always support my husband in everything and anything and he means the world to me and I want him to succeed and be happy but… my dreams? It almost felt like and from what it seemed was that all everyone cared about was him succeeding and realizing his dreams and me just being there…in the background.

I worked so hard to get where I am, against all odds. But yet everything I did seems so insignificant and diminished. I seem to have no purpose. I am happy for him, but I have to put everything that I ever envisioned for myself on hold. And that would be okay from what people say a “healthy marriage” is all about…COMPROMISE. But the way I see it, everything that I worked and dreamed for, revolved around him and what our families expects of us. Because at any time that any life decision has to revolve around me, that would upset that balance of our lives as we know it and I would probably have little or no support from any of the people that are close to me.

Again, don’t get me wrong, I AM BLESSED. I am blessed and grateful to be with the one that I love and be in a conducive and “happy” marriage. I put that in quotes because to me a happy marriage should mean that both parties are happy. I am happy to be with him, my soulmate, but I am NOT happy to be just that. Just a wife, just a daughter in law, just reduced to relations. I want to be so much more. To be able to make a difference in this world, to utilize myself in constructive ways, to do the things I am so passionate about, but alas, I can’t. My life is on hold and I don’t know what to do. He ridicules me because he thinks that I am too good for taking up volunteer work. But I don’t want to aim just for that. I am just as, if not more, qualified than he is, but fate has other plans for me and for the life of me, I don’t know what.

I have been patient, I have been diligent in trying to steer myself towards my goals but fate doesn’t seem to agree with me. I wish I could do more. I wish I didn’t care about what people thought about me and I just dove into things that I cared about. I wish I could be fearless. But somehow, I feel so insignificant and weak and resigned. My fate or from what it seems right now, is to just do nothing. Be there for him and that’s it. I can do that, but I need something of my own to look forward to. I don’t know if that makes me a bad wife and impatient but it’s the darn truth. I love my husband and I want to see him rise to the top and be the best at everything, but how is it selfish to want the same for me?

Is it selfish, really?

posted to life by Ash, Security Guard of the Wicked (2 comments)

your quality of life is so poor that their is no point in living. Some people think that if you kill yourself, you will go to hell. That's fine. They can believe whatever they want to. What galls me is that those people aren't satisfied with their belief. Rather they are so insecure about their faith that they feel they must impose it on others. It is time they stepped aside and stop blocking euthanasia. Standing in the way is paternalistic. You are standing in the way of my human right to determine when I want to die. If you don't like euthanasia, don't ask to be euthanised. Allow the rest of us to be free to choose (How is that for intelligent, Mr. Fearlessblogging owner?).

posted to life by Frankie, Devourer of the Wicked (1 comment)

I have a UTI. So I have to see every 15 minutes. And I feel line in peeling barbed wire. I also have a yeast infection. And my throat is sore, I think because of my sinuses. So much pain, I can't fall asleep even though I'm so tired. Can't study even though I have an exam next week. Someone put me out of my misery.... Jesus. Or tell me it will be over soon. Please make it stop..

posted to life by Andy, Tour Guide of Justice (3 comments)

But it is the fucking Christians that want to regulate everyone's life that prevent mercy killing. My life sucks. I want to end it and your fucking laws prevent it. Get your laws off of my body. Small government, my ass. It is my life and I should have the choice. Nothing works. Medication, therapy and Jesus are all just placebos. ECT doesn't work either. I would kill myself, but I would just fuck it up and end up with brain damage. Should I do something so I get the death penalty? I don't want to hurt anyone. Suicide by cop. I would rather not adversely affect his life. The doctor should be able to do it, but the fucking Christians want to shove their fucked values down the throats of normal, law abiding citizens. Trump should deport the Christians and make life safe for the rest of us. Then maybe I wouldn't feel like killing myself.

posted to life by Rook, Ship Master of the Idealistic (7 comments)

Trump is president and I want to die. I dont want to die only bc of trump though. I want to die because it hurts to live. Im overly emotional and lazy and unmotivated. I just want to die. Im a waste of human life and the workd has gone to shit anyway. Not much to look forward to if this country is full of racists and sexists who want to see trump as president...

posted to life by Frankie, Secretary of the Wildlands (9 comments)

I'm female, 30 yrs old. My hair is falling out so fast and so much, I don't know what to do. I've tried so many things to combat it, juicing.. essential oils.. coconut oil, shampoos conditioners, drops for thinning hair.. acupuncture .. I've been getting IV's of nutrients .. nothing is helping and it's worsening. Nobody in my family has thinning hair.. i used to have such thick hair and now o barely have enough for a ponytail. Can't wear my hair down cause it's so thin at the top it looks FUCKING DISGUSTING!! The Dr's don't know why it's happening, everything is fine from what they can tell. I ReFUCKINgFuse to be a bald headed woman. I have enough of a complex about myself now, I cannot be bald. ID RATHER DIE THAN BE BALD!! If it continues I'm going to kill myself. Everyone just brushes it off as if I'm imagining things, as if I do not know how my hair is and how it once was. I may sound pathetic to you, or petty, but I don't fucking care. It'd be another thing if I were a man, but I'm female .. a balding 30 year old female.. I fucking hate it. There has to be something to help, something that works, so far nothing has .. everyday I just watch more and more chunks of hair washing down the drain 😭😭😭 I guess only someone who is currently going through this or who has gone through this will understand. Please if anyone reads this and has any suggestions as to what may work PLEASE respond. Thanks for hearing me out.

posted to life by Samantha, Accountant of the Irredeemably Moist (1 comment)

I'm taking a gap year before uni. I've always been pretty good about my finances, but I thought I would take this year to really live my life. So although I have 2 jobs, I'm traveling a lot to experience the world. Both my jobs are really good for my CV too, and perfectly suited to my degree. So essentially despite low pay, I'm doing everything I can to get the most experience I can this year, both with travel and work. However, I recently decided to make a financial plan for the next 6 years(this year, 4 years uni, year after uni), just to get an estimate of what I'm in for. Obviously these are all estimates, and I took a worst case scenario approach, but by my calculations I can't afford to eat while I'm at uni, unless I work 28hrs/week at £10 throughout my full time study. This seems outrageous! With all that work, I won't have time to study! So whats the point in going to uni at all?!?!?

Please can any UK students help me out!!! How much do you pay for food each year? For accommodation? For nessecities? And how much maintenance loan do you get from the government? Do your parents help you out? Do you have a job? How many hours do you work and how much are you paid? PLEASE!!!!

I need more data so I can stop puling my hair out!! My mom is upset because she's mad I didn't get better paying jobs this year, and work more hours to get a head start on uni costs. Yet of all my siblings, I by far work the hardest! PLEASE HELP ME!!! The more data I collect the more accurately I can predict my spending while at uni! Thank you!!!!

posted to life by Dakota, Janitor of the Poor (0 comments)

My parents divorced a year and a half ago. so last year because of school I lived with my dad, but now I'm finished school so I'm trying to live with my mom, but all my work is closer to my dad so I still spend more time at his house. Now here's the problem. Around the time I told my dad I wanted to spend more time with mom this year, his girlfriend was moving in. So instead of fighting for me to stay, they kicked me out of my bedroom, and made it into a living room, and shoved me in the office. This would have been fine expect his gf likes to do her creative writing at night. So she felt put out because she couldn't come into the office to write while I was sleeping. So of course as my father kisses her feet, he decides to rearrange the house again, and slit the "living room" so that it is half living room, half bedroom. That would have been fine... expect he likes to work in the living room. So he was always barging in. Or he would come into my room in the evening to watch tv, so I couldn't sleep, and had no privacy. To top it all off, the room is so small it can only be arranged in one way. With my bed facing the tv, and the couch side ways to the tv. So my dad doesn't like to sit sideways, so he sits on my bed. Now that would be fine expect he's a lazy "work from home" guy, so he watches tv and sleeps all day in my bed. Did I mention my dad is not the most hygenic person. Seriously! Days without showering! Greasy everything, and sleeping on my pillow... EWW!!! Throughout the last few months we've talked about it and tried to make it better. They have a tv in their bedroom so he can sleep and watch tv there. We put up a curtain to separate the room. However, whenever I come back from visiting my mom, my bed has clearly been slept in 😠 I give up! Sorry, just ranting!

posted to life by Peyton, Rockstar of Justice (4 comments)

I love my country, but the white supremacy and white privilege here is exhausting. I know for a fact it's not all white people but most white people here are racist and look down on people who are not white, especially us black people. It so frustrating and it hurts deeply when white people have this sense of superiority,like we have to bow down to them in our own mother fucking ancestry land. I hate rude people so much because I never know how to put them in their place without being rude myself, like that's not how I was raised. I was Not raised to hate and discriminate people. To hurt people. I hate it so much when white women are called 'bitches' but you are so rude to people. That's why we as women are disrespected it's because you think the only way to earn respect it to be rude and speak down to others, that not leadership darling. So white people please watch how you are treating people, ask yourselves why you have a need to intimidate, please ask your selves why you hate others and not just one person and entire race?. I'm not trying to instigate negativity but I'm so tired of dodging this topic. I speak for some people of colour when I say being nice and learning about other races and other opinions is better than hating. Let me tell you something you didn't ask (I actually had to take a break to cry because this issue hurts me so bad). I went to an Afrikaans school meaning it was white dominated and every time 2 or more white guys would pass black girls in a group or individual the would call us 'Kafers' 'Fuck you' just mean racist comments. I'm 21 and in college now but ever time I see, pass or encounter a group of white people I get extremely anxious and scared that I'm going to get mean hurtful words and I'm also scared of being physically harmed. I'm not saying this because I hate white people I'm just speaking from my experience. I'm truly sorry if I generalised in certain parts, but this message was for those people who get offended for being called out. If the shoe fits. Disclaimer: Just because it's directed racist people it doesn't mean people of colour don't have faults, oh we do darling. Thank you for reading.

posted to life by Frank, Curator of the Lonely (5 comments)

You are married to a pedophile. And refuse to do anything about it. He watches girls in the shower, urinating and brushing their teeth. You have every reason to dissolve the marriage. But yet you choose to keep him in your mother's home bk bedroom 10-11-1956

posted to life by Stevie, Monk of Justice (0 comments)

Okay, so I know what the obvious answer is. I shouldn't do it. It's never a good thing to get revenge on the people you love, but he had it coming to him.... He needs to be pranked. Something humiliating, but I'm not clever enough to come up with something on my own. Not too harsh, because I'm not looking to ruin our relationship. cough Jokes aside, my boyfriend deserves something, he can't get away with this. I've let far too much slip for far too long. I want to deal with pain in a healthy way and what better way than some malicious humour? Something I don't have to feel guilty about but still get my revenge! See the thing is, my boyfriend and I have had a rocky relationship and he's really hurt me. Sigh, alas I can't let the bugger go (74% because we have a 1yr son together). We're still young, mistakes happen, and we've been on and off again for the past year. Despite all that, we both really want to work things out for our son, I wouldn't put myself through this otherwise... He's never cheated, but he's definitely messed up on a bigger spectrum then I have in our short four years together. How did he mess up? Where do I start? He's the "small white lies" that slowly turn into bigger lies type of guy. The thing that's got me upset now is what I suspected for a long time and kind had to force out of him to tell me. One of our breakups, in the past (I know, more than one, it's horrible, but anyways...) was about a female friend of his. We were supposed to go out together to his family's steak night event but we couldn't get babysitter. So he said not to go, then the last minute his cousins talk him into leaving us at 11pm to go drink with the family (the steak night was at a bar). He asked me and I reluctantly said yes but him not to stay out too late. He came back at 6am. He didn't even spend time with the family from out of town who he said was why he wanted to go. Instead he hung out with his cousins that he always sees and went to earlier mentioned female friends house to hang out. That kissed me off. I was got ditched when we made plans to go out together. He didn't do what he said he was going to do when he left, and ended up at a women's house I was well aware he find attractive (we already fought about this women in the past because for a long time he use to search her up online constantly while we were dating). Long story short we broke up that night. He consistently told me he didn't think of her that way before that night and after we got back together. Fast forward to now, a year later, he finally told me, after I asked him strongly if it was true that I'm the only woman he's been intimidate with the past four years (because he never told me other wise and let me believe that) he admitted he went to her place THAT DAY we broke up and kissed her.... I told him constantly I didn't want there to be secrets between us and he consistently lied to me and told me there was nothing to tell. When we got back together after that particular breakup, he should of told me then. But instead I had to force it out of him and cry for him to be honest. I the type of person who would rather just know the truth then to believe my reality is one way when it isn't. So, I finally got what i wanted, the truth. This is different from the other things we've fought about, and that breakup was different from the others. I truly want to believe this time around is going to work. I know it doesn't sound like a strong relationship, but we're hanging in there. Life isn't perfect, so I'd ask who's reading this to try not being judgmental about my relationship. The truth is, I wanted revenge, I wanted to go and kiss someone else and then never think about it again. At least that way I would even the score. But I did a pros and cons list and I decided that was a terrible idea if I really wanted to better our relationship. Buuuuuuuut I'll be damned if I don't get him back some how.... so any ideas?

posted to life by Dakota, Sniper of Light (6 comments)

I'm 7 months pregnant and my boyfriend/child's father just told me that he may want to look into adoption. In the beginning of my pregnancy I tried to talk to him about adoption since we are both only 18, & he was adamant about stepping up to take care of the child he made. I admired his attitude and the responsibility he was ready to take being so young. I'm so disappointed that he's now wanting to back out. Within the last 7 months we have picked out names, had a gender reveal, planned baby showers, bought baby supplies and planned how we would budget and parent, etc. it's too late for me to consider adoption. Had we made this decision in the beginning, I would. But I'm so invested and attached at this point I cannot imagine not having our bouncing little boy in less than 3 months. We've been planning our future as a family together and I can't help but feel sad that he doesn't want our baby anymore. We're young, & it is scary, but we are so blessed. Him and I have a beautiful, fully furnished and decorated apartment together, a car, a truck, and a fridge full of food. This semester I am taking online classes so I can stay at home when the baby arrives, and he is working full time on top of going to school. I know materialistic things don't matter, but I feel like he doesn't see how blessed we are anymore. Besides the materials, we are rich in love and have such a healthy relationship. what are we missing in terms of a good environment for our baby?

posted to life by Shiki, Ranger of Darkness (6 comments)

I just cancelled my sons first birthday party because I can't afford to give him one. I feel like an awful mother got not being able to provide him with one. His father & I both work full time, but I'm not prepared to tell my more well off family the reason

posted to life by Nikki, Shadow of the Forgotten Lands (3 comments)

I used to find a strange cleansing aspect to horror movies. I used to come back after a thoroughly wretched day and watch a classically scary movie, knowing somehow that at least my life wasn't that bad. At least I've still got my life, not ended on Freddy Kreuger's terribly overgrown fingernails.
But I watched a series of gory horror flicks yesterday, seeking much the same catharsis, just in time for the new year, and I just gave myself nightmares and a feeling of unclean. No, I'm not trying to imply that my life has become worse than horror movies; nothing so dramatic. I'm trying to say that there has been a great deal of change forced upon me recently. Change that I think is good overall, but which leaves me unknown amongst the more profound aspects of myself. It is not lost on me how little I truly know myself if I can be so easily shaken by a change of scenery. That even after years and years of solitude and practically hermetic living I haven't much to show for it.
I honestly hope that you have read this far only if you truly gain something from it. Maybe a moribund fascination, or perhaps, just perhaps... recognition. Because otherwise, I write mainly to achieve the catharsis that my favorite old bloody horror flicks have failed to yield to me. Maybe I have lost enough of myself to the erosion of school and work that the filter that I used to be able to put between myself and the grisly fantasies of stricken minds is either full of holes or completely gone. The filter which allowed me to take what I needed and leave the shit behind. And that's what truly frightens me. What if I am now spiraling further and further away from a place where I could stand in the dark howling winds of life and be able to still breath in the lighter vapors under the foul miasma? What if I now stand naked before the largely uncaring world, just waiting for the shoe to drop and for something dark and grim in the night to come out and tear me to shreds? I speak (for the most part) in metaphor, but I cannot help but wonder if I am somehow less these days than I was. I am filled with swirls of nostalgia and a screaming, ravening, urged to flee backwards towards greener times and a leaner field of opposition. Am I less? Maybe. Maybe. But the world works in mysterious ways, and out of all of the despair and misery that I see surrounding people on every day of their lives, that shining beacon still burns. Free to all in a way that other sources of succor and warmth in the cold blackness of society are most definitely not. Free to all in a way that affection, friendship, love, and the other classical aspects of a fulfilled life are not. And, the best part of a beacon? It is designed to lead somewhere... else. So I choose to view this loss of mine, this stripping of the insulation from my character, as merely the removal of any superfluity inflicted upon me by a society that has barely evolved in ten thousand years, which possesses the great gift of sentience, but usually squanders it. That's one thing that can be said for strife, no matter how pathetic the circumstance. It burns all the fat away.

posted to life by Cosmo, Chef of Musclebeasts (0 comments)

I've always kept my eyes forward, narrowed on my goals. It's my greatest strength and it's my fatal flaw. I'm getting ready to move off to Arizona to finishing my degree and I feel that that people around me are pulling at my focus. The women I love is making decisions that I don't like and I've been as supportive as I can. We aren't together so I don't feel I have any right to tell her why she shouldn't do something, when I should be supporting her choices. But this has pulled me off focus from my goals. I'm pulling myself thin trying to be the friend she needs and moving to be the person I want to be. Sometimes I regret allowing my ambitions to take me places, because they always lead me away from the people I love. All I ever wanted was to help people who have disabilities and to go for that I need to step away from my friend when she needs me the most. It's driving me insane that I can't deal with all of this. Never have I had such a problem supporting her as I had now.

posted to life by Bobbie, Merchant of Musclebeasts (1 comment)

So on Christmas i found out my brother was arrested for attempted murder. How is your 2016 ending with a bang? For the hell of it, how hard are times for everyone else on this site. Drop answers here in curious.

posted to life by Jerry, Steward of the Hungry (2 comments)

You out here trying to oppress prayer states, text messages, phone conversation. But yet can not deliver yourself from that bond and lustful state that you are in. In your late 70 you are living off of your in law. And you are concern about what ppl are praying when are you going to worry about lust, lack of finances..

posted to life by Frankie, Guardian of Musclebeasts (0 comments)

You are destroying the only person who has ever truly loved you. I've sat by an watched you go out with all these other assholes who want you for your body and your youth. You aren't ever going to have another guy like him in your life if you let him go, I'm telling you this right now. You have strung him along for 5 years without letting him make a move. You say you love him but always keep him at a distance. He's done everything he can to make your life better, and you just sit there. He's going to die from heartbreak if you don't let him go. He's strong, so very strong but he isn't invincible. I've watched his happy, cheerful eyes fade away because of you. You've drained him of everything. I can't stand by anymore and watch you destroy him. I'm going to tell and show him what kind of soul sucking butch that you truly are. You can't choose to love him later without him learning to love someone else. You're destroying him. If he stays with you he will die, and you're completely obviously to how much he's suffered.

posted to life by George, Shadow of Space (5 comments)

Mid fifties.. Tormented. Financial lack. Living off a retirement check and tithe offering and youe watching me sleep. Bumm get your priority together and first move out of your mother's home and in to me yr own. Two actually get your tormentes mind together.. Three get your adulterous filed mareaige together.. Bumm begging women worrying about ppl sleep state. When you can't even bind the spirit of lust off your husband

posted to life by Jerry, Curator of the Lonely (0 comments)

So I made coffee chocolate cake a few days ago and some icing, it was my first attempt at a cake and I didn't do a bad job it's good but not delicious, anyway this woman, a visitor at my house mind you I give her a slice of my cake with delicious custard and I go to the other room when she's finished she calls me and says my cake is making her dizzy so she's going home so she can vomit there. She then said I shouldn’t open the stove while the cake is baking. The reason why in mad is cause she could've just given me that advice and left it at that but to tell me, my cake made her sick was just beyond me. I was taught to be polite especially when someone offers you food. I worked so fucking hard on that cake and she just.., ugh she's a ugly ass bitch she is never getting any food from me in the future. Bye bitch trying to discourage me I made a nice cake, so goodbye to you, with you dumb ass. The Nerve of some people.

posted to life by Harper, Counselor of the Hungry (3 comments)

Listen, I'm lavarr and I live in Greenfield, IL. I've known my new and only dealer for 3months, but with my 5 biggest order.... I was given 1lb. Bahama breeze, 8ozs. GDP, 8ozs. Orange crush and 56grams moonrocks w express Tracking for $3000.00 ! All your medical needs Email: [filtered hyperlink] / [filtered hyperlink]

posted to life by Stevie, Attendant of the craft table (2 comments)

What an extraordinary day was yesterday...Superrrsunday.Including full moon, a windstorm, which made the trees sing, and [filtered hyperlink] made these waterparts act like this as clouds by the most sophisticated algorithms - which are not even invented yet/just kidding. Something like that /watch?v=Jz7BgxrVmiQ - worth the time to watch, half of a minute, but you will not forget those cloudy weather - god is the greatest painter, I believe, since my teenage-hood...But today I received a fine from police in the post mailbox. What a fake world we living in...Anyway, I try to handle it. Looking forward for an exiting current day too! Thanks, Lord!

posted to life by Taylor, Keeper of the Satisfied (0 comments)

Willie still at ur.. If he ain't watching you while your sleep, he's watching you in the restroom and if he ain't watching you in the restroom then he Pierce your prayer.. When he still adulterous, still broke, living off a retirement check. In law home bk bedroom. Opa locka. 164 ST

posted to life by Andy, Clerk of Darkness (0 comments)