WARNING! cheesy! LOL i woke up this morning with a smile on my face(no that i got laid last night)... it doesn't happen too often. On my way to work, I just can't stop smiling, with occasional smirking and laughing on my own (old people on the bus actually think that I'm a loon! LOL) but who cares? I'm happy... :) and every time I remember my dyslexic friend who's having a shit of trouble typing words, i couldn't help laughing (I'm not laughing cos he's dyslexic! that's so mean! braap!) last night I was talking to him on YM, just out of the blue, I asked him.. what shampoo do you use? he typed in slowly, "dead & shoulders" hahahaha! i started laughing like crazy, then I said, "thats why you smell of corpse!" hahaha! I thank you for always keeping me company. we never sleep anymore, we just talk and talk and talk for like 12 to 15 hours everyday! amazing! you never get tired of my Godzilla rants! ^.^ i don't know how am i gonna get thru my day without you. You're a beautiful person and I feel so blessed knowing you. with you, I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that I do not know everything(that includes admitting that I don't know which way is clock wise! LOL) Thank you for teaching me how to open a bottle of wine^.^ Thank you I am happy now... hope this lasts.
i have just spent the last three hours coloring in little squares for a science project... ....i think i am going insane... .....i can't see straight..... ......whoaaaa.....
We are the customers. They want to sue us? We can listen to the music we already own and STOP buying TILL the recording industry is no more!!! We can do it. Enought is enough.
You'd think after being with my husband for 18 years maybe he would slow down but NO!!!! every night he still wants it! No, I am not a prude, I do enjoy sex but NOT every damn night!!!! I guess I should feel flattered but damn, sometimes I just want to go to bed and feel the comfort of his arms around me just because....
hmm let's see here: first period: math...we learned some pointless crap about finding the measure of the interior angles in a triangle. like i really give a rats' ass. second period: gym...dun dun dun duuuun....volleyball. R and T laugh because i can't serve to save my life. ur pretty funny guys. u make my day. third period: goverment. my teacher yells at me(who looks exactly like ryan gosling btw) because he has issues and doesn't know how to deal with them. also, two projects to do....yikes! fourth period: bio. overhear an interesting conversation about jacking off. hmmm. lovely, lunch: study fruitlessly for french....lemon yogurt fifth period: french. failed a quiz. 52% yay me. sixth period: student aid. cut out little flowers and hang them on the ceiling. oooh the pleasures of being an aid. seventh period: LA. we're reading some book about beans and trees..forget what its called...oh yeah, the bean trees. some lady gets a kid and names it turtle. i love my life. i am so happy. u know u love me, Olive<3
I feel like i'm a complete phsycho sometimes! I experience some pretty crazy wants, but this is driving me completely nuts. Two years ago when i was 17, I got pregnant. We decided to abort the baby because I was by no means capable of raising a child as I am not financially sound and there are still so many things i want to do with my life! Recently I cant help thinking that i would infact have a young child aged about 1 1/2. Boy or girl I will never know! I now find myself wishing i could hold the child that i basically killed, I want it so much and I have this perminant feeling that i need to get the mental and Physical effects of pregnancy out of my system. I dont know whats wrong with me and its so confusing! Because I know that it would be very irresponsible to have a child, But all I want is to get rid of these feelings, because they drive me mad every month when i think im pregnant again, My mental state is so strong that I delay my periods for up to two weeks before I take a test see its negative, and start my period! I watched Juno, and I kinda wished I had Given the baby up for adoption instead of killing it. I like to think that it knows im sorry...... I'm blatantly every guys nightmare! The broody 19 year old that longs to make a little person to love. Its like i'm a schyzophrenic! Because I know i cant have one in my life at the moment, But I really really want to!! Please help me! (although i'm sure most of you just think im a nut)
Now, we've all been in this situation at least once in our lives; but we always hope that it will never happen to us. Well, here goes: I'm an adult who has feelings for a teenager. And of course nobody knows but me, myself and I (and whoever else is reading this). He is so amazing. He's everything you would want in a guy with the exception of his age. Hey, I may have the hots for him; but for sure as hell, I am not going to jail just because of that. Now, I know what you're saying: "Wait until he turns 18, then make your move!" But, here's the funny part: he use to have a thing for me! Yep, you read right. However, he considered me "out of his league", so he started dating one his friend's cousins. During that relationship, he confessed his feelings about me then sealed it with a kiss. That's right folks! We kissed! And God, he's such a great kisser! Now, I'm not proud of it; but I'm not feeling all that guilty either. I mean, this did go on for a while. But my better judgement got the best of me and I had to put a stop to it (ie, me & him). I had to let him know that what we were doing was wrong and remind him of the current relationship he was in. He agreed and went his own way. About a month later, I find out he & his girlfriend broke up. Great, so he's back on the market; but, where does that leave me? I mean, I knew he had a crush on me but I can't rely on that! What if he's not what he seems? What if the crush and stolen makeout sessions, I mean kisses, were just a way of getting what he always wanted out of me? Or maybe, just maybe, he does have feelings for me. I guess I'll never know...
We've heard more than enough about the golden rule, which seems to be too difficult for humans. Humans need something simpler. And here it is: Don't inconvenience others. That's it, that's all. Do that much, and we'll all be plenty better off. Grant it, if you're a clueless doofus in the habit of making your life work by inconveniencing others, then your life will suddenly become more difficult, because you'll finally be doing for yourself what you should have been doing all along instead of foisting your lazy-assed crap on others. But in time, you will slowly grow and migrate from being generally useless to being generally useful. And that's good for you as well as the rest of us.
My Boss is a bitch. She sleeps around behind her husbands back, is in a relationship with her Duty Manager's brother, the whole shop knows and you have to feel sorry for that poor bastard husband of hers. That's none of my business though. Not personally. But being pulled into the manager's office, or told to go speak with her when she was having a fag break is. She told me straight faced, without blushing or shame that I had a "smell" I have no idea what that means. It's not BO, or whatever it's a "smell" that my work collegues seem uphappy about so they've complained to her. Even a customer has. Which makes my humilation about three million times worse. I'm 19, it's my first job and I've been politely informed of my "smell" twice so far. Jesus Christ (sorry about the swearing and what not) but really one more dig as polite as it's meant to be and I'm walking! My uniform is unacceptable it was a little creased, I smell, my work hasn't been up to parr. What the hell does she want from me? To set up a camp bed and stand guard over the fucking tills and shop while she goes on another coffee break on company time. Expecting the rest of us to cover for her and say shes in a meeting, rather then sitting in starbucks or something putting her feet up. One more dig, about the slightest thing and I'm out of there! I'll work the two weeks notice, but fuck that. I can't take that shit anymore! Fucking hell if the walls had ears they'd be bleeding with the shit she comes up with.
Someone once told me that the beginning of a relationship was the best bit...you know the honeymoon period and all that...why couldn't it be like that for me and my guy? it started of so well!! we met on-line, decided to meet up and we hit it of...actually i wasnt to sure at first but after goin to the pics on the 2nd date and he acting like a naughty school boy he charmed me and i was hooked!! me met up for another date before i went to stay at his for the weekend, i met his friends and family and then he met mine, we saw each other christmas day and everything was goin well! we admitted we had fallen for each other and things were good...i was happy...it was a great feeling! but then the new year came and everything was crap!! we would both be fine if there was no families!! problems my side kept rolling (and trust me they were fucking HUGE problems!!) and he has been like a rock then there was problems his side with a family member (serious health problems with no good outcome) and if its not one thing its another!! theres always something bad rearing its ugly head. its no good start to a new relationship but i guess if we can survive this we can survive anything right? all i want is to be with him, no complications! just want to love him, be with him and watch ur future grow and pan out however fate wants it too (with a good ending!!) but fate obviously dosnt like us cos they keep fucking things up!! things are so complicated these days, its never black and white...theres the grey areas lurking in the freakin' shadows waiting to pounce when youre not expecting it!
I love Chris!!! you're freaking hot! I'm always thinking about your cock...
I have just ended a 3yr relationship with a guy who was only a year older than me to suddenly meet a wonderful guy who is 15 years my senior; he is everything previous bf was not and i am seriously falling for him! He is insatiable in the bedroom, so intelligent, when i argue wit him he actually responds instead of jst sitting there like a timid mouse, like hes afraid of me or something, as bf one did. the only problem is that i am only 20 and i feel ive spent the last few years of teenage life shackled to bf 1 and the idea was to be single for a while and re-discover my identity (as i felt i had become a extra limb to bf 1) but i think that older guy will give me space to do that...*so confused!* i told him that i wasnt ready for a relationship yet but for the past two weeks we've seen each other nearly every single day, he's made me dinner twice and i can count on one hand the number of days, in the past two weeks, i've slept in my OWN bed.. ;) i confessed to him that i was just out of a relationship and in response he told me he really likes me and we decided that we'd take it "slow" (if this pace is slow for him i'd like to see what his definition of fast moving consists of!) and that if we feel its heading toward a relationship we'd discuss it then. I feel we've already reached there...he tantalizes me, i think about him loads...the way hes acting suggests hes as into me as i am into him, but in certain things he seems to hold back, like when he's around me in public, i think its cause he knows we are not officially in a relationship, and i think it because he's a very diff guy to bf 1 who was like a permanent rash. gah over-reaction and insecurity!!
I'm not depressed. I'm not emo. I'm just another one of those girls, the one's that are confused beyond all reason about what to do. I like this guy a lot. Not going into details, but I do love him, a lot. He's ten years older than me, and thinks it would be awkward if we were to date. However, he loves to just have sex, and he does say that he has feelings for me. But I told him I loved him, and what did he say? That's not good. Direct quote. That's not good. The words just seem to burn in my throat. I feel so hurt by him when we're talking, but not in person, and yet, everything clicks when we're together, even if it's not us having sex. I've never felt as safe as I do when with him, and he makes me so happy. And yet, he controls me so much at the same time. I feel so sad that I have to make all of our plans, that I have to do basically everything. All I want more than anything is for him to care, like i've never wanted anything before in my life. I want him, forever, to not just be on the outer fringes of his life, but to always be able to wake up and see him next to me. And I have no idea how to tell him any of this, because he doesn't feel the same. He is soley the reason I get up every morning. To every girl out there who feels this way, God help you. Or whoever you believe in, or lack thereof, whatever, anything! I hope that everything works out for every girl who ever feels like this, because I don't know how much more I can take.
I want to run away. Perfect little white suburban girl, pretty little middle class world. I am so sick of it all. I want to experience poverty. I want to experience LIFE. I am so tired of this little bubble I have been raised in. I have experienced some, more than many of my peers. My dad was hospitalized and had open heart/lung surgery when I was ten. I was left alone with my two younger brothers (age 6) to care for them when he was first transported by ambulence to the hospital. I have been hospitalized, for twelve days, plus a few other one/two day trips. I have been diagnosed with a lifelong, incurable genetic disease. But it's not enough. I want to feel the raw emotions of the real world. The closest I have ever felt to a higher power was when I felt the most distant, sobbing in the dark, alone at the hospital. That probably does not make sense, but that vivid emotion tore me deep and let me experience something great. But it is not only sadness and hurt I want to feel; I want to know great joy as well. The highs and lows of my life; oh! johnny smiled at me in gym today!; oh... sarah and james broke up again; THIS IS NOT ENOUGH. I want to slip away, run away, fly away from my sheltered life and make it out there on my own...
I have a crush on a boy.(A Guy Friend) I ignore him just to keep me from actually screaming "I love you." I kind of like the effect, cuz I would be secretly loving him, and when I smile it him, I get a nervous smile back, or he wouldn't be looking at me and It would be a bennifit for me...right? no out burst of feelings? right? I write songs with my guitar about what I feel, and I seriously have like 5 songs about him. If only he knew, but that would be a problem right? Crushing is loving secretly, and I'm saying loving, cuz this guy means more to me, hes not even worth lusting over, hes worth loving. BUT NOW...the silence is too much, and silence speaks louder than words, too me, And I knew today, that, I probably have no chance with him, because hes obviously distracted by something, someone, a girl. I'm sad to say, that my prediction was correct, but I'm happy for him. And like in the song, "she better love him right, and she has everything that I have to live without". Its true! and I'm just frustrated with myself, so frustrated I just cry. What did I so wrong to deserve the teardrops on my guitar? ........obviously not HIS love....
I am a girl of what some might call the geek social class in high school. Me and my friends simply call as the crazy smart people. Because we are crazy and the top grade people in our class. A few of us are on school teams but mostly in band or just honors classes. Any way, if anyone knows anything about high school is that social groups don't mix very well. Maybe one person will get along well with on from another but two very different social groups can't easily collide. Such as crazy smart people and quiet smart popular people which are often with the simple Popular group, who, by the way, seem to despise my social group, unless of course we can help them with HW. So any way, what i'm really typing about is the fact that my brain somehow can't seem to get the fact that i have no chance with anyone from the popular society and has successfully locked into liking a guy i have absolutly no chance with. It is impossible to be even friends with this guy let alone anything more, but yet my heart seems to not understand the concept. It has started to make me depressed and such because i have no chance. I can't bring myself to speak to him, and i can barely even keep eye contact any more. Its really stupid and crudy how society and social systems work, especially when you can't seem to cross the line. It is really harsh. Oh yeah, and all three of my crushes that i had before this one are now dating my 2 best friends and another girl who is very close to me. So i have lost hope.
Now, I know what most of you are thinking by the title of my blog. You're probably thinking that this is going to be a blog about being jealous of a girl over a guy or something. But honestly, this blog is so much more than that. This is my first time using this website, and I'm honestly I'm so glad that I found it so that I can anonymously post my thoughts daily and still get advice at the same time. I'm in my mid 20's and I'm still living at home. I have a somewhat boyfriend that I'm still deeply in love with even though we broke up over half a year ago. Let's call him John. John and I still hang out every week and we call each other daily. I really think the reason John broke up with me is because this is his last year in college and he's scared about the M word...marriage. He doesn't want to take that next step in the relationship. I'm very much ready to be married and have my own house and have a family. It seems like all my friends around me are having babies and getting married and living happily ever after. I just found out that two of my friends my same age are pregnant. They seem so happy and I'm really ready for that next step in my life but he's not. I've been patiently waiting for something to happen, but my patience is running thin. I don't want to be with anyone but him but what do I do? It's so hard watching everyone else around me be happy and go home to their husbands and talk about the things they do as a family.
I have a question for anyone who will answer. Do you think I am wrong for not wanting children playing directy in my front yard, (everyday we have to pick up the garbage left behind)? We live in an HOA in a newer subdivision where there are rules about how the front of your yard and house look. I don't think I should have the extra work cleaning up after them. This is not just every once in a while, this is every day. We always hear them throwing balls up against our house loudly and on purpose. It's just a matter of time before a window gets broken. We don't even have kids yet and here we are with kids playing in our yard. We have finally put in a complaint to the HOA hopefully something will get done. In the mean time I guess it's time to look for a more expensive area like a golf course community. I hope people have more consideration in a higher end area. For the first time I can see why people push the budget to the limits when buying a house. Any useful feedback would be helpful.
my brand new status: boyfriend: negative friends: so so...always fighting...the usual family: annoying the hell outta me school: uuh speaking of which...i gotta shit load of hw to do! Later gater
I have a friend. Let us call her Sarah. Sarah is an addict to trouble. In the past week she has lost the guy she loved, moved on to another guy that's a coke dealer, gave him a blow job, and is banned from a store for stealing. She is driving me insane. I'm supposed to be her best friend she can always turn to. I've pulled her aside mulitple times to tell her she's acting like a whore because recently that's all she's been worried about people saying that but she's not changing what she does. She almost dragged a guy she had just met to have sex with him the past weekend, and teasing guys with blow jobs. It's just ridiculous. She's hardly a teenager but she's trying to act like she's a 30 y/o but when she does that she only shows her true immaturity. If she didn't do all of this stuff she would be the person everyone would love because she is really pretty and although her home life is rough right now she would have a great attitude. I just don't know what to do with her. At the moment we're off speaking terms, and everyone has left her behind, I'm just not sure she knows it yet.
why do men always have to ask the same question? it's like it's the most important thing on earth? "are we going to shag?" why can't they just appreciate what's happening at the moment.. savour it, wait and move on to the next thing.. I've got no one and life is sad... maybe that's why I always wanted to please you but I'm scared to give in... Je vraiment comme vous et je voudrais vraiment vous faire l'amour. Mais j'ai peur de ce qui va arriver ensuite. Je ne veux pas aussi finissent par devenir être fait mal de nouveau. J'estime qu'il y a une forte connexion entre nous ... ou peut-être je me trompe. Peut-être que vous me cherchez est juste le désire.
when people ask how am i, I'd always reply, I'm ok. ok I'm lying... I'm not ok, deep inside I'm dying!!!!
I don't know what's wrong with me, I know that i can never have him and yet i can't stop longing for him. I've never had so much in common with someone in my life and i never even felt this for my ex i was with 3 years. There's nothing o dislike about him. I've only known this guy six months and hes been with someone nearly 3 years now. Everytime they break up, I'm the first person he calls and very unselfishly i do my best to get them back together, resisting all urges to ask him to come with me. He's always on my mind, I've tried distancing myself from him..I've tried throwing hints but just a few weeks ago our mutual friend came onto him and now he's being ignored...I don't want to be that person, i don't want to spoil what we have but it's getting to me. I will never find another guy like him....He's got a beautiful personality, he's hot but he doesn't know it and he's only ever been with one person, he loves the same things i do, he holds doors open for me, we talk about our deepest darkest secrets and my mother loves him.
alright, so ive decided to just rant my feelings out on this page because if i realize them to any of my friends they will just get sick of hearing me talk, ill admit i kinda bring up this whole break up thing just alittle, but can you blame a girl. We were together for a year and a few months, everything seemed quite alright. But then things went south, i felt for a long time he didnt love me anymore, and i guess i was right. He broke up with my through a text, refuses to look at me, basically has erased me from his life and im left trying to pick up the pieces and make things okay .. i shouldnt miss him but i do, i should hate him, but i cant.. im over him but im not over what we had, if that makes any sense
well ill fill you in......boyfreind 0ne. two years, controlling, obsessive, we had fun, but only me and him- 2 years of this u are bound to have had enough so i left him. that evening met boyf 2. was seeing him for a few weeks made it official, causing incessaant phone calls from boyf 1, fights between the two of them, then boyf 2 gets serious. having just got out of a 2 year reationship wasnt ready to rush into anything major, so told him i dont think i was what he needed right now, and maybe in the future we'd see what happens- classic do it gently right? ok so now i have boyf 1 trying to get back with me- phonecalls, appearing at my work, borderline stalking. and boyf 2 calling me everyname under the sun because it makes him feel better i guess. then i made the mistake of having my first one night stand....which happened to be with boyf 1 half brother ( big secret, affair between the parents, not well publicised) . that fatal night i fell pregnant, one nighter had a girlfreind so couldnt tell anybody, asid emy mom, needed someone to support me through the decisions of pregnancy, so i did what a desperate women does, went back to boyf 1. seemed easy at the time, hed never know it wasnt his, i just wanted someone to cuddle me and tel me itd b ok who genuinely cared about me. so im now back with bf 1, greatly irritating bf2 causing more insults ( yay!). as my abortion date neared, i realised that as much of a dick bf1 was to me, it wasnt fair to di this, so i left him, again. was probably the horriblest thing iv ever done as he was hugging my legs, crying soo much, heartbreaking but i just didnt care about him like i used to. the day after the abortion, i met bf3. childhood sweetheart, we startedmeeting up and eventually got together, and were very happy. xmas eve, it came out that i was pregnant, with one nighters child, completely destroying bf1, leading him to drunkenly get his car and cum to visit me to demand explanation, he got caught by police and lost his license. so id broken his heart, lied about a child, and hes lost his license. youd think he hates me, but still, every weekend he comes where i work, tells me to leave bf3 and come back to him. bf2, will hurl abuse at me whenever i see him about, and then tell me he only does it because its easier than admitting he still wants. i feel like i have 3 bf's still, o and the one nighter who i had taken to having regualr sex with. i saw it as a release from my week, parents divorcing, work pressures, and need bf3 my one night a week was my selfless act. me and bf 3 are arguing a lot now, i thought it easier to blame the one nighter, its his fault we're rowing, its easier to pick a fight than feel guilt right. but the past month, i havnt been meeting my one nighter, i see him, we exchange greeting and i move on, i have ruined enough men without doing to bf3, but we are still arguing. over nothing, just me picking on him? i cant blame one nighter, as i havnt seen him, i cant blame bf 1 or 2 coz i have no feeling there just pity that they cannot move on. which leads me to believe that maybe i cant have a relationship? maybe subconscously i am sabbotaging my relationships, pushing my partners away before they do me.....? bf1- went for dinner with another guy at the very beginning of our relationship. bf2- finished with him in the middle of a pub coz he wanted me to come home early with him??? bf3- have been with the one nighter 4 times in the 4 months i have been with bf3. does this not suggest that i need to hurt them before they hurt me? that i want to do what the hell i please with the luxury of a devoted companion. well, welcome to my world, more to come. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am so sick of getting nasty looks from other women. I am a nice person and I do not walk around giving strangers nasty looks. Men don't give me nasty looks ever. Maybe they can't get over being jealous of women who workout, look nice and take care of themselves. Maybe if they started working out and taking pride in themselves they would stop giving me dirty looks. Women need to stop being mean to each other.
I think I'm emotionally sterile now. My boyfriend has no clue that I'm still irrevocably in love with a man twice my age. I am fucking retarded? How could I have never seen this coming? I thought that for some reason being with him would never be anything but fantasy and so I would never feel anything. Before I knew it, BAM! in love. AND WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING? falling in love with me?! you nut job. you've got a wife, albeit i don't really like her but maybe i'm biased. what's worse, you've got two beautiful kids. why couldn't i have found you first? what were you doing with me? you were just telling me about swinging. then just taking me out to coffee. then dinner. then a weekend getaway. you are exactly everything i want...but i only realized this once i had and lost you. and no, i'm not stupid enough to ever imagine you would be with me. no, no, i would never have asked you for that. if i had, i know i'd have the world's worst karma. ugh. if this weren't anonymous, i couln't be this emo.
All throughout my life it seems to be me that does all the compromising. Whenever no one else will do something, it's me that steps up. Whenever someone else wants their way and I want mine, I always give in, just for the sake of avoiding conflict. But you know where that gets you in life? NOWHERE. I'm never repaid for it. Everyone still always wants their way, but no one wants to give me my turn. I'm always gyped out of it. (Wow, that is a really fucking racist term, I've never even realized that!) I don't like to think that way, but maybe that's the only way you can get ahead in life is to take. You can't keep giving & giving and expect anyone to give back to you. You know what they call people that give and give but never get anything in return? SUCKERS. I don't want to be a sucker, but I'm already well on that path.
I smiled on my passport photo...and i don't think i was supposed to. I've seen a few and everyone looks so serious.o_O
One of my very,very close friends and long time coworker is moving to Alaska on Sunday and I might never get to see her again. She doesn't have family here (I live in the south) and has no reason to return. My self centered husband has decided to put a time limit on how long we can spend with her on Saturday helping her finish packing and saying our goodbyes. I told him if he was so concerned about it interfering with the rest of his day (btw he has NO plans-- he told me as much) that he need not go. I would think that he would want to go and say goodbye as well because he's known her longer than I have. Her and her husband have always been like a second set of parents to both of us. Why can't he understand that spending the last little bit of time I have with her Saturday is more important to me than keeping my options open just in case something better comes along?!? I don't need him to break down over it but stop being such a selfish ass!!
can anyone here anylized a dream? i had a dream about twin girls, and twin rats, 1 black and 1 brown and also 2 identical doors and 2 identical signs.. i wonder what it means..
Ok, there is a girl in my eighth grade class who likes a much younger boy. She is fourteen, he is ten in fifth grade. This girl has always been sort of a bully, always loves to choose a vulnerable person and beat them verbally and in some cases even physically. This was bad enough, but at our old school we were able to pressure her not to hurt people. Our old school shut down last spring and since then she has been much, much worse. Now she likes a younger boy. You know how fifth grade boys love attention from older girls, right? He loves it. Well, my fear is not that she will attack him or anything, but there are some things eighth grade girls tend to know about how babies are made and such that a fifth grade boy has no business knowing. She likes that area of her knowledge and I'm a little worried she might teach him some of it (accidentally maybe). Remember this girl has no idea AT ALL where to draw the line in ANYTHING. Am I being paranoid?
I knew it was a huge mistake to keep him in my life. I am not sure why I kept doing it…. He made me so sad all of the time, in fact when he was around it was if I was in a prison. I guess part of me felt safe being with him (which was stupid) not safe from harm but safe from being made fun of by society. I am totally insecure so I guess that is what brought us together. I still remember the first time he attacked me… I was terrified for days… then of course he came crawling back with promises that it was a mistake etc. I went back and it happened again and again.. I told my mother and my friends and they promised me they would protect me from him.. But for some reason I felt it was my duty to protect him. The night I thought it was all over was when we met for dinner, I came only to get the money he owed me for things that he broke of mine in one of his fits of rage (he destroyed so many things I will never get back.. In fact he destroyed me) but that night ended up being one of the worst nights of my life.. His little sister committed suicide, and he found out during dinner.. He did not have his family to take care of him like I did when my father killed himself (which was very odd) instead he depended on me. I did everything I could, although in the back of my mind I knew this would not change the person he was. I feel as though I am a weak weak person., although it can not be completely his fault it sure as hell has a lot to do with it. More than the physical abuse was the verbal abuse.. I do not think a day went by in our relationship where he didn’t call me a bitch. Or fat, or a slut. He also liked to blatenly disrespect me in public or while we were alone.. Constantly drooling over anything with a vagina. For a while (and probably still now) I felt as though he was right.. I guess you could say I was brain washed (although he knew how to pick at my weaknesses). The hardest part through all of this was the fact that I was living a double life, my family and friends knew how horrible he was to me. So I didn’t want to dissappoint them by letting them know I was around him. I knew it was so wrong for me to be around him… but it continued. I had bruises on my body that I had to explain to my mother… was just a “drunken mistake” when really it was on his part. Finally I decided to be a stronger person (this was when I had no relationship with anyone but him.. I pushed everyone away) so I fought back. After he broke my windshield and sunroof…. I had enough.. He still made me feel like we were equally to blame, we were because I was stupid enough to keep him in my life. I did do and say things I will never forgive myself for doing… I broke his nose..(after he was doing his screaming and throwing fit while I was driving.. I had enough and just snapped/// I also put down his little sister .. I thought if I said something so bad to him it would make him never want to be around me again.. But that did not work, he stuck around and told everyone he knew about what I said, and did and told them I was bipolar! There are so many horror stories from our relationship… but everyday when I was at work or whenever I was alone I was sure he would go away one day. He still is not out of my life… well he is never allowed around me again FOR SURE! But he calls obsessivly at least 100 times a day. I am not sure what to do. I live alone.. I pray he will just move on or fall in love with someone else.. But I think that would be completely selfish of me.. Not to put a warning label on him. I know I need to get a restraining order.. But I feel as though this is not enough.. He is a bad person, mostly because he does not know the difference between right and wrong…When I was with him I felt as though I had no future.. Now there may be hope.. I just have to pick up the pieces in my life that I dropped. Now I constantly wonder if I will ever be the same… or if I will ever be able to have a normal relationship.. It is so hard for me to trust anyone more than ever.. I have this fear.. No matter where I am or what I am doing that someone somewhere is watching and laughing at how big of a fool I am.
Well they've always told me it didn't matter, but what's the deal? Everyone always argues if Hotmail, Msn, AOL, yahoo, etc. is better. Does it really matter? Do people just argue to argue? Or is there really a prime mail server? Not sure. Please enlighten me! Or share your opinion. All responses will be appreciated.
It's pretty bad when every decent thing you have to say about your husband begins with "At least he doesn't..."
I was in love with someone, and then it ended. And now, months later, I feel attraction to no one. What is wrong with me? I wanted so much to be commited to this guy, now I'm over it, but in moving on, shouldn't I have found someone else, be attracted to someone else, or something? I feel like i'm becoming asexual. I used to go out to the bars and love being hit on and flirting, now I just don't care anymore. I avoid the whole being hit on and flirting. I feel empty, but I just can't figure it all out. It's so frustrating!
I recently took a passport picture for my visa.. I didn't know that I have to show my ears on the pic, I didn't straignten hair, it looks like Marge Simpson/Krusty the Klown!!! now I don't know if they're going to extend my visa cos I look so fugly there!!! :(
24x7clearances was a seller on Ebay who stole untold amounts of money from his unsuspecting online buyers. He created a multitude of self-promoting fake feedback and used ebay rules to eliminate the bad feedback he was due. What's funny is there is an VP of Engineering for CableTV of Canada) who also lives with 24x7clearances So, it looks like sonnyboy is a slacker, living with Daddy, who can't make a go of real life success like Dad, so he's taken to stealing from people on ebay. What is this society coming to?
Personally identifiable information whacked -- please see site rules
I try and I try but i can't move my eyes from the screen...The internet is like a drug and i'm the junkie tyring to do the right thing and STUDY....but nooooooo i have to check one more thing in my my email....go look at pictures on facebook....gotta search for one more video on youtube, ask some random question about cantaloupe..then look it up on wikipedia It's killing me....It' procrastination at it's best. I'm doing it now as we speak. Okay but what are other things i procrastinate about.... let me see=telling some one how i feel, calling my grandma, looking for a job. I think everyone does it, but it gets to the point where you hold off so much stuff and then it piles up to one big heap of SHIT-TO-DO! I don't know where i'm going with this(as you can see) but yea....errrr SAY NO TO DRUGS!(procrastination that is )
I just wished that one day I could go away and never look back…. I am a college student who has everything going for me… but not really. I am a failure at pretty much everything I do. I try to please everyone by doing what it is they want me to do. I am tired of all the pressures of needing to please other people. I am tired of letting people down and doing things to them that make disappointed in, whether it is a relationship I had with my ex-boyfriend, current one, friends, and family. I am not the person they think I am! I want to disappear and live in the darkness of what some may call my self-pity. I know by reading this you will not fully understand and will think that my life could not be this bad…. but it is. I don’t think that a person’s problem has some kind of measurement on it to define how bad it is. I think a problem is a problem no matter how big or little it may to seem. But until then; I will hide behind my fake smile that seems so genuine and the laughter that covers up all the pain I am feeling.
EXXON/MOBILE,boasted their final quarter profit was around 40 BILLION DOLLARS.in 2007.before hurricane katrina,premium gas was 1.89 a gallon.here in the east coast.now a whopping 3.17 and its gonna get higher.MARATHON has a commercia,stating it is investing 3.6 BILLION DOLLARS to build a new refinery.this will produce more gasoline,but I BET IT WONT HELP REDUCE THE PRICE OF THE GALLON.I know OPEC is part of the problem,NOT the sole reason.CORPORATE GREED is the main problem.think this over my fellow AMERICANS.since the gas went up,didnt the price of,MILK,BREAD,CHEESE,most everything else?together as one we can change the affect!BOYCOTT ONE BIG MONOPOLY IN THE THIRD QAURTER OF 2008.EXXON/MOBILE.this would send a powerful message to the BIG WIGS,AND THE CONGRESS.we are not going to put up with the price gouging/fixing.that has plagued our nation to to long now.for all you stock holders too bad.I bet your out numbered in this regard.This action will not bankrupt EXXON/MOBILE.but it would bring about a new order of power.power of the people who make up this country.the elites and lobbiest could care less about the price of gas,even our elected officials couldnt care less.its our tax dollars that fill their tanks!president bush has been of no help in this,taping into the NATIONAL RESERVE please.did you acually buy into that political bull.2008 is going to be great.boycott EXXON/MOBILE in the third quarter.regardless of the price of gas at the time.because word of this blog might have them lower the price temporaily to pull one over on the consumer.GOOD LUCK AMERICA.your pal,tired
I hate the greyness and that depressing feeling that you can't get out of. You're stuck in a bubble that can see other people enjoying themselves and not being depressed but you can't get out of it. there is so much that I wish I was that I'm not.
I seem to lack energy and motivation to keep going on a daily basis. Where others can just continue, I seem to give up so quickly. Why do I not seem to be able to keep going?
I feel like I was not meant to exist in reality. I am not adjustable or amenable to life and its ways. I'm not very good at adapting to situations.
Ouch. I moved here to be with him. I have no job, and I can't get a car because I have no job, and he can't finance his money. I am freaking out inside. It seems like somedays I question whether I love him or not. But it hurts, to think that we would ever be separated. I wanted to get married a long time ago and he told me to wait a couple of years....nothing is happening and I don't want to leave but there is this little voice in the back of my head saying. Let Go. but something deeper is holding on. Waiting. He is getting better, he is working to take care of me. I am so scared and beaten from the people hung around last. We were fine until i started to be around these people...I feel like that little voice isn't mine, or isn't anything from me, but it keeps echoing on bad days like these.
Phone conversation this AM. Me: I’d like to buy the baby a warm jacket because it’s really cold outside today. Him:: Well, she has several jackets already. What about the jean jacket that she wore yesterday? Me: Something warmer – it’s really cold outside. Matt: Well what about the fake suede jacket with the roses on it? Me: That’s not warm enough. Something that zips up, is lined, has a hood, like a puffer jacket or something. Matt: What about that zip up sweater that I bought at Costco last week? Me: SHE NEEDS A WARM F---ing JACKET. I don't even feel like coming after work because I don't enjoy interacting with him. Another complaint… My parents bought our daughter a sandbox over the summer. We finally went to purchase sand maybe about 4 months ago. He didn’t like the sand because the texture wasn’t nice enough, and has been doing research to find the right kind of sanitized sand. So as a result of his long investigation – she has had a sandbox that has been sitting out on the patio for approximately 7 months now that our daughter has been unable to use because he is so careful about every single decision that is made. It just gets exhausting and interacting him is a challenge in patience that a Buddhist monk would find impossible. We also have piles of new flooring lining the inside of our garage because he continue to find new pros and cons of not only the flooring that was purchased NINE months ago but other flooring options. I wonder how long this search will continue until we find the perfect flooring. Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode.
So there it is. 10 years in a loveless marriage and an acrimonious seperation. 2 years avoiding everything and get asked out by someone i had liked for ages. So all good for a very short while then bang thats gone. Not ready apparently but suspect something to do with her Ex. So i drift through another couple of relationships, never getting involved enough that it is likely to go anywhere - until its finished and then obsessing about what it was (or wasn't). Never quite knowing why successive relationships fall apart at regular intervals despite apparently going along great although at least one and probably 2 had found someone else along the way. And then full circle and the girl at the begining is back - for about as long as the first time round. But so intense and full on and after a this time i'm feeling something completely new, but bang all over again and once again no bloody clue as to why. Lots of talk some about being scared but net result the same. She says she can't give me all i want- but doesn't appear to even know what that is and i think its all actually more about what i can't give or do or more to do with someone else being around, and god knows i have been right there before because in the mean time confirmed that she had spent some time with her Ex as i thought. Then the merry go round comes round again. Hook up with someone else too soon, go in too fast, she is lovely i guess she seems interested enough not to dump me after a month or whatever but i'm just hollow and seeing everything i ever hated in other people mirrored in everything i do. Works screwed, i'm up and down my mood is all over the place, can't do anything and have so much to do. And if she got in touch now i'd almost definately screw it up or tell her to take a running jump because i'm that mangled from it all. so here i am and will have to carefully let the latest know that i can't do it just so i can go back to avoiding it all- but always wonder if it will ever feel like that again? Somehow i doubt it.
M, nice of you to read this. Seems to be a little matter you’d like to settle, a favor you want after you treated Me as you did. It is now obvious to Me with your wild ratings and changes in story that you will without thought or remorse say or do anything to have your way regardless who it might hurt. Since this began in a M/s scenario I say we settle this in M/s terms seems very appropriate don’t you think? Now do not misunderstand My tone this is not a negotiation – so don’t even begin to try and bargain. My proposal is as follows. For the duration of the next 25 days you’re My s. This will be all inclusive; you are to be tracked and monitored every moment in sl using all means. There will only be contact with those that are on a prior approval list and all chat will be monitored. Don’t even ask about P/M he is not on the allowed contact list for the duration. Of course I know you will sneak some and if I catch you at any point this proposal will be null and void. During this period you will be My s and as such there will be no limits whatsoever. One really can’t be a true s and have limits now can they? In this role you will not complain, try to bargain or avoid this time or in any way be a displeasing s. If fact you WILL be highly enthused about each and every scenario I wish to entertain. If you do not live up to the terms of this proposal both in written word and spirit of M/s relationship this proposal will again be null and void. Since you have proven yourself to be manipulative and untrustworthy what you want will only be released on that 25th day. If you through actions, words or attitude fail to live up to this proposal at any point up to and including the last moment of the last day the proposal will be voided. And don’t even try the “technical difficulties or large rl interruption to schedule” as they will at the very least extend the time on a day to day basis or render the proposal void. It up to you to choose M, it can only be a yes or no.
The Soldiers You Don't Know You’re not going to read about Audie Murphy jumping onto a tank and manning a .50 caliber machine gun. You’re not going to read about the exploits of a heroic band of 101st Airborne troops. I’m certainly no Dick Winters. What you will read is an accurate, sometimes sad, sometimes inspiring, and sometimes disheartening tale of the soldiers the media doesn’t cover unless something bad happens. I know you’ve read the stories. The maintenance unit that went the wrong way, twice. The end result was Operation Iraqi Freedom’s first POW’s and the Jessica Lynch story. How about the transportation unit that rolled into a massive ambush near Baghdad International? That incident resulted in the Global War on Terrorism’s only MIA soldier. Did you know that the same ambush resulting in Keith Maupin’s capture also produced the first Silver Medal for the Army Reserves in the Global War on Terrorism. Of course you didn’t, you only hear the bad version of these stories. The purpose of this is to educate those who know nothing about the soldiers that are part of the service support, non-combat, section of the Army. It will also serve as an educational tool to those who serve without an Expert Infantry Badge on their chest or haven’t had the privilege of serving their country in a combat zone. As such this will be written for two audiences. Those who want to know what it’s like because they are curious and those who want to know what it’s like because they want to survive. What I won’t be able to do is tell you every single story a unit of 150 soldiers or so can tell. That would be quite a read. You would hear stories of heroism, infighting, love, sexual conquests, alcohol and possible drug use, you name it. When you cram 150 people into a building for over a year, you’re going to have all kinds of interesting stories. I don’t know them all, but I know the important ones. I was the unit’s company commander. The reason I know most of the important stories is because it was my job to document all After Action Reviews (AAR’s). We had one for every single mission and major event. Eventually I passed the duty of writing the mission AAR’s to our Operations section but I still wrote the big ones for events that changed our lives. The level of documentation I maintained was absurd and it allows me to recall events from 4 years ago. I remember being contacted by the Inspector General) IG after our return home. There were a myriad of complaints filed by soldiers who I suppose felt safe from retribution only after they got home. I told the IG that instead of me answering their questions, why don’t I send them the memos I wrote pertaining to those troubled soldiers. I ended up e-mailing 50 or so documents. The next call I got from the IG went something like this, “We’ve never seen this much documentation. We don’t have any more questions.” Somewhere in that special folder on my computer I even have a memorandum for record (MFR) about an accusation of someone in my command trying to kill me. An MFR is something of an affidavit. The accusation came to me by way of an NCO I trusted. I asked for something formal but the soldier who told this NCO wouldn’t go that far. My only recourse was to document it in case it happened. I didn’t really care because my life wasn’t an issue at the top of my priority list. Funny how our priorities change in an environment like this. I suppose I should tell you a bit about myself and exactly how I ended up a company commander in Iraq. I still remember applying for various ROTC scholarships in high school. I even remember filling them out on our kitchen table and especially remember my interview with Army ROTC. I certainly recall being told by my high school guidance counselor that I wouldn’t be able to get in to a certain college because of my grades. I showed him, I guess. I was accepted to that college and then chose another. After four years and two quarters of being a mediocre cadet and a less then mediocre student, I barely graduated in March 1996. This graduation came after a few hard months of trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. I had just found out that I was going to be placed in the Army Reserves and the Transportation Corps. This is unique because having been a scholarship cadet, active duty should have been mandatory. I still haven’t figured that one out. Not going active duty was more of a surprise then not getting my branch of choice, the Signal Corps. This was indeed my first major life challenge but who knew at that time it would pale in comparison to what I would face 8 years later. Graduation and commissioning came and went and then I attended my officer basic course (OBC) at Ft. Eustis, VA. Ft. Eustis is the home of the Transportation Corps. Here they indoctrinate you into the fraternity of transporters. I was really gung ho coming out of there. I was actually excited to be a transportation officer. It’s important to mention that something happened to me at OBC because everything seemed to click. OBC was an environment where I excelled. I never dreamed I’d graduate in the top 5%. I returned home with this new found confidence and I continued to impress a few. My unit would be on a training exercise and an evaluator would make a comment like, “How did you know that?” I even found myself correcting them a few times. I think it was this time in my life when I realized the importance of training. Repetition and drilling eventually leads to reaction. You don’t need to think, you just know and you do. This will become key in the years to follow. It saved my life. After OBC, I served 6 years as a platoon leader in another transportation unit. Soon after 9/11, I was offered the command of the unit I deployed with. They got me good. I was offered commands before and I turned them down prior to 9/11. I was in the “get out” mode and I didn’t want the responsibility of command. You see, I was coming up on the end of my 8 year obligation for my scholarship. I thought nothing of continuing my military career. Post-9/11 I was very patriotic and wanted to be part of the operation in Iraq. Yeah, they got me real good. So that’s how I became a company commander. Soon after taking command I was handed Captain’s bars, a rank I didn’t even want nor submit for. Someone in Battalion put my packet together and submitted it for me. It wasn’t long after my promotion that the unit was deployed. I wish I could give you a bio of every single soldier under my command. They truly deserve the recognition given to units of glory. Those units being the ones who are in the business of combat and measure success by enemy body counts. We never knew how many enemy we killed. We’d kill and keep driving. We measured success by gallons of fuel delivered. I personally measured success by every soldier making it back to base alive so they could drink their near-beer and play their Playstation with their buddies. Our unit specialized in bulk petroleum transportation. This was the major focus during our tour but we also received convoy security missions, training missions, other types of cargo transportation missions, and we almost escorted an ambassador to Turkey. That mission almost being given to us told me the level of faith our higher HQ had in us. We were that damn good at our jobs. I imagine the ambassador hopped a chopper to Turkey instead. Smart, regardless of our abilities. In closing I wanted to set the tone for the remaining chapters. I want to describe what it’s like to be a fuel transportation unit in Iraq. You know the ducks you shoot at with a BB gun at fairs and carnivals. We were the ducks and they burn for a long time if they catch fire. Sometimes the BB’s were a 125 mm artillery round with wires sticking out of it. If you want to know what it’s like to drive on the roads in Iraq, try this exercise. Choose a road you know like the back of your hand. Perhaps it’s a road you drive to work every single day. Have you ever seen a dead animal on the side of the road? That animal might have a bomb in it and it’s going to explode as soon as you drive by. Have you ever seen a car parked on the side of the road? That car is going to explode as soon as you drive by. Have you ever seen a cop on your drive in to work? That cop is the trigger man of a much larger ambush that’s going to try and kill you. How about that building or house you drive by every single day? Someone is going to shoot an AK-47 out a window and try to kill you. And my personal favorite, every single car driving along side you, in front of you, or behind you, could be a suicide bomber that’s going to try and blow up your tanker full of fuel. Transportation soldiers went through that nearly every single day. I have a high school buddy who is in the Army Special Forces. He wrote me one day and told me he made it to the big show. He asked me how we did that day in and day out. My response was, “You guys drive in small groups and have much better weapons. Now imagine your 4 vehicle convoy is actually 30+ vehicles and 2 miles long.” What I didn’t tell him was, now do that for over a year. As I recall, Special Forces tours are a few months. If I’m wrong, I apologize. I don’t want to piss off someone that can kill me with their thumb. I know they have it rough, but I’m convinced the soldiers who drive on the roads of Iraq nearly every single day had the toughest, most thankless job the U.S. military ever saw.
my best friend raped me...and i cant tell anyone because he is 17 and im 19 he can turn it around to be statutory rape or so he says.
Progress Energy - A Bias Company Progress Energy is one of the largest electric power providers in the state of Florida. I work in the call center. I have done well in my career with the company, however the company is taking a stance, in regards to the Spanish community with which I disagree. Since the state or Florida has such a large number of Spanish speakers, which is increasing every day, it is important to have adequate personnel to man Spanish calls. Progress Energy has however taken sides with someone who does not have the interest of the customer at heart. Representatives who speak Spanish sit in close proximity with in the call center. This has been so for close to a decade if not more. Because Spanish speaking reps deal with the same customers as their Spanish speaking peers next to them, this help when you need to quickly discuss something in regards to an account. This also helps out when you need to review documentation of an account with a Spanish speaking peer and so-forth. This is just a few examples of the advantage. However it makes sense that in a large organization, those that perform similar job functions should sit in close proximity. Everyone with in the call center takes calls. And those that are part of the Spanish Team, as previously mentioned, sit in close proximity. Likewise, those that work on the New Construction Team (dealing primarily with contractors) sit together. The same is true for all other specialty teams such as the On-Line or Web Support Team. However what I’m upset about is the fact that the Spanish team is being disbanded and broken up. The company states that this is for reasons of diversity. However, it doesn’t seem that way. The Spanish Team was previously overseen by a Spanish Speaking supervisor. Recently a new supervisor was brought in who doesn’t speak Spanish. The fact that she is overseeing a group of employees that she can’t understand seems to be the root of the problem. Because members of the Spanish Team are there for the purpose of taking primarily Spanish calls, they spend the majority of their shift speaking Spanish both with the customer and with each other. The new supervisor doesn’t seem to like that. And it seems to be that because she doesn’t understand us she put in a request to have the Spanish Team broken up, citing that it was for reasons of diversity. How does this move benefit the customer? It doesn’t. It does the exact opposite. But then again so does every other move Progress Energy has made in regards to the Spanish Speaking community. As mentioned previously, the Spanish Team used to be overseen by a Spanish speaking supervisor. That is no longer the case. How does this benefit the customer? It doesn’t. Currently if you’re a Spanish speaking customer and you request with a Spanish speaking supervisor, there isn’t one. How does that benefit the customer? It doesn’t. So what does Progress Energy do to help the Spanish speaking community? To date, everything that’s been done has been to the contrary . The Spanish speaking Supervisor was removed. A non-Spanish speaking supervisor was put in place. After-hours Spanish speaking reps were removed. And the Spanish team was disbanded. Progress-Energy is one company that does not have the Spanish community in mind.
local governments cap off the jack pots at 10 million dollars,and they supplement the winners that hold five out of 6,and 4 out of 6 numbers matched.I believe this would help if it were tried. who needs ,200,000,000.00 that is too much money for most AMERICANS.lotto has got it all wrong.if more people hit with 5 and4 numbers,for several thousand dollars.considering that they are following a DREAM so to say.they could pay down their credit card,car loans,buy that new sofa,or big screen t.v.THATS HOW TO BOOST OUR ECONOMY JACK!not sending more promisary notes out in the form of stimulus packets.we can bail ourselfs out .am I right?