FearlessBlogging.com: anonymous discussions.

Don't tell anyone I said that, though.


Here are some recent conversations:


constipated

advice
Physically and mentally. Nothing moving. Not quickly enough, anyway. It's been worse, but it's also been better. Definitely tired of words. I can sort of tolerate my own, but most others' are loathesome. Why are you all trying to bore me with excessive verbiage? Doncha know nobody wants to read your shit? At best, they don't have time for it, 'cuz they're so busy writing their own. Everyone writing, no one reading. That's just great. Plus it's just not like how it used to be, and that sucks a bit, somehow. It's not like USENET days. Not like local BBS days. Or maybe it was, but it wasn't obvious until all this blogging nonsense just what a self-centered crock of shit the vast majority of writing. Including this, of course. On and on. The coolest thing about this place is it's honest about what it's all worth. Nothing. Let it fly with no possibility of reward or benefit. At least, not in any egotic sense. Unless you try really hard to imagine it so. So I sat down on the pot with this notebook hoping grinding out a little nonsense would lead to a few turds falling out, but it's not worked that way.The sphincter is a smart little muscle. Hard to fool it, to pull one over on it. It knows when you're trying to sneak something past it.
posted to life by Stevie, Engineer of the Poor (0 comments)

...my relationship? They all tell you when you're young and you start dating that, 'relationships are hard as shit' but you never think you'll find it difficult. Alas, the bubble finally bursts (I had a good year of loveliness and no arguing) and you turn into someone else, someone you don’t recognize. Is the relationship getting so dull that I have to find faults with EVRYTHING?? I mean I can't solely take the blame for the problemos here, but I know better than to bring up the past, or to let the look my guy gets in his eye when a hot girl walks by, make me feel like the only thing important in life is a good pair of tits. (Just so you know, I rather like mine as they are). When did the green eyed monster decide to acid-rain on my parade and, more importantly, how do get rid of it before my man gets rid of me?! Of course it's ridiculous to think that he's not gonna find anyone else attractive, but it's nice to hope right? Or to think that he doesn't really like strip clubs and he just goes there for the drink specials...? How can I convince myself that despite not having '10' looks (I rec I'm at least a 9 though ahahaha) that I have much more than a pretty face? I have a personality, I had a good education, I'm well traveled, I'm patient and a good listener, I'm thoughtful, I'm good with parents, I have a cute accent(!!) etc.....How do I remember these things when I'm in a situation where I feel uncomfortable?
posted to relationships by Max, Attendant of Wild Parties (0 comments)

I am a middle child, I think I am suffering from that 'middle child syndrome' but I'm not entirly sure. I am only 15 and as most married couples do, my parents are getting divorced, but I have a younger sister, the age of 9, and  both parents are currently trying to win her over in a childish game of spoiling her rotten so she goes with who-ever gives her the most treats. My brother is 18 and has very recently been diagonsed with hernia so he is also getting attention from that as he is going for an operation. I know I sound selfish and self-obesst but they both are always getting attention as my brother is always in trouble and my parents are talking to him about his college and work and stuff, and my little sister will always get the attention as she needs it and shes very loud. I don't get much attention and am usualy left to cook and clean when they all go out, I don't make much conversation with them apart from my brother as we are of closer age. My parents always expect me to do good in school and for work. I don't like sympathy but it seems to be the only attention I get now-a-days.
posted to life by Peyton, Sniper of Space (3 comments)

I miss you Chris

confession
Chris I miss you so bad it's driving me mad!!! please come back now. :(
posted to relationships by Peyton, Apprentice of the Idealistic (1 comment)

its stupid oclock and im up writing....last night i was on a dating phone line trying to meet a relatively normal man. ended up meeting a few weirdos or married men. thought id found a normal he checked me out on facebook and requested me. so i checked it out today and he only went to my school and we have like 14 friends in common!! ohhhhhh nooooooooo. should i commit facebook suicide now?? plus another guy i met prevoiusly (on same line) has basically called me a fatty on msn!! had to delete and block him due to amount of abuse i was receiving and yet after all this rubbish im still tempted to call up the line again for a bit of phone sex. so cant believe that my life really is this shit...somebody please save me from myself!!
posted to life by Harper, Pirate of the Hungry (1 comment)

Mc Ds!....

confession
were starving so we quickly went to mc donalds drive thru.. while waiting on the cue, i started stroking my husbands cock. then i told him to pull it out, so he did then we didnt see the guy approaching us to take our order. he was standing by the window and didnt know what to say or do, shock to see my hubs rock hard cock. hahaha! my hub made a face as if his cock inverted cos of embarrassment. i'm still laughing.
posted to relationships by Alice, Clerk of the Wicked (2 comments)

oh lord i've been reading some of the most recent posts and replies...some ones got a stick shoved up their ass..that's all i got to say. If some one's trying to be positive...don't be a dickwad...
posted to life by Dana, Shadow of Arts and Crafts (2 comments)

I really adored a former manager, and just a while ago encountered her in the hallway, for the first time in what must be 8 years or so. Wow, she's still go it. Where, of course, most of what makes "it" it is the fact "it" can't be described. Or maybe it can, come to think of it. "It" brings my attention to a tiny little beam of potential self-destruction, a psychological surgical implement that would remove the remover. Not good. Unless I'm into annihilation, which can seem attractive when so attracted. Wow. Bodies. So much hazard. So much being at the mercy of what seems to be the Higher Purpose, namely to guarantee another generation. How did endless purposelessness become The Purpose? That's how it is when you've got a really great tasting tail. Nummy nummy, I think I'll have some more of that me. As you can see I'm utterly unworthy of her, but how weird then that her very existence is my thoughts of her.
posted to life by Harper, Accountist of the Irredeemably Moist (0 comments)

For the moment, anyway. It's like I can say exactly what's coming to mind, even though I have no idea what "mind" is. Not that I have to, but it would be nice. Wouldn't it be nice? On second thought, maybe not. Maybe innocence lost is always suckass. There's something warm and magical about not knowing how something works. Anyway, it's nearly lunch time. Feeling a little fat, even though I'm not. No desire to work, but it'll return. Whee! Freer than a bird. Free to say 'freer'. It folds back upon itself. Consciousness. Folds. Don't go there. You can, but just don't. I don't know. Oh, but I do. 
posted to life by Peyton, Wizard of Justice (0 comments)

What do you do when you are watching a friend come apart at the seams?  When every choice he makes is digging the hole deeper and deeper?  When you have given your opinion and tried to show the light at the end of the tunnel but all your advice has been ignored, how do you heal him?  I understand that some days a person needs to blow off the steam and get things of their chest, but seriously, how can he not see everything that is coming back to bite him in the ass is a direct result of his own duplicity and it's time to quit trying to lay the blame on others doorsteps.  At every opportunity to turn back, he kept going.  When the chance came to bow out gracefully, he plodded on.  All I have left to say, my friend, is: you have made your bed, now lie in it.  I wish you luck.
posted to relationships by Shiki, Venture Capitalist of the Unimaginable Terror (0 comments)

I know you've gotten some flack for censoring or whatever, but do we really need a zillion posts about scientology conspiracies?  I realize that whoever's posting them is trying to make a point, and sympathize with their apparent loss, but the site is getting all spammed up.  Feel free to delete this if I'm out of line here.
posted to tech by Charlie, Rockstar of Evil (4 comments)

What do we know now. We know that whatever google does is the best, no matter who has done it before them. Information sharing became popular and functionally identifiable with wikipedia and other wiki-based alternatives. Other venues and information sharing vehicles online are also at mercy. They are at mercy of the concept of information sharing that will be employed by and with google. Knols or Knolling as it is to be called, will entail all the benefits of wiki-based applications and other info-sharing apps, & offer reviews, accountability, varied opinions, professional opinions, and an incredible opportunity for information sharing to be transformed to a whole nother level. Google Knolling will be the yardstick, in the future, by which internet users, gauge the functionability of information sharing. Knolling is set to become a generic term similar to Blogging. Knolling will incorporate Blogging in a sense, but add Wiki-based application benefits & additional google derived benefits, such as advertising options, and high search engine potential for information, and a proprietary method of google rating Knols. Bottom line is to "Get Knolling" when its available. The lifestyle of the blogger and blogging is really based on just giving ones opinion. Knolling will allow one to give ones opinion, but go million steps further. So in about another year, you will probably be asking me what i will be doing with my day, Knolling it will be, It will make me a smarter person with more verified, pertinent information, I am getting, + my learning will allow me to create Knols and in a sense become partners with Google. It may be smart to start to create knols know so that when Google introduces Knolling completely, you will be able to drop your information into corresponding pages. Ok, ready, set, go knolling.
posted to tech by Max, Observer of the craft table (0 comments)

Five doctors agree with examiner in Scientology death By THOMAS C. TOBIN St. Petersburg Times, published March 9, 1997 CLEARWATER - Five pathologists say it is clear from key lab results that Lisa McPherson was severely dehydrated when she died after a 17-day stay at a Church of Scientology retreat. At the center of the issue are results from lab tests done on McPherson's eye fluids, which shaped Wood's central conclusion- that McPherson was severely dehydrated.... ...."Five pathologists, including a worldwide expert on post-mortem chemistry from Minnesota, were given those lab results to see what their conclusions were. "In my opinion, it is highly probable that this death is, indeed, due to dehydration," said Dr. Ed Friedlander, chairman of the pathology department at the University of Health Sciences in Kansas City, Mo. "If my scenario is correct, then anyone, even a lay person who was caring for her, has a lot of explaining to do," Friedlander said after reviewing McPherson's full autopsy report. In addition, Friedlander and another doctor expressed serious doubts about the church's version of McPherson's death. Scientology officials have said it did not appear she needed medical care until the 17th day of her stay at the church's Fort Harrison Hotel in downtown Clearwater, when she suddenly fell ill and died. They point to a blood sample from the hospital where she was taken, which tested positive for a staph infection. "That's really hard to buy," Dr. Edward Wilson said of the sudden illness and staph infection scenario. Wilson is deputy medical examiner for the state of Oregon and sits on the board of directors for the National Association of Medical Examiners. He said he has been a medical examiner for nearly 30 years and has previously worked as a medical examiner for Maryland and Utah.".... "Scientology -- the death of Lisa McPherson. A few hours after this article was published, I received a phone call from St. Petersberg, by a man who stated that he was NOT officially representing the Church of Scientology, but was friendly to them. His exact words were, "You can name your price." I told him, as politely as I could, to go to hell.  I heard no more, and wondered whether this was actually a church representative who wanted me to switch sides, somebody trying to trap me, a loose cannon, or an elaborate prank"
posted to life by Addison, Historian of Time (0 comments)

I recently re-visited the Lisa McPherson case on the internet and I was shocked and appalled all over again. On one site the reports submitted to the senior Scientologists regarding what was going on during the so called "Baby Watch" showed that at least one report had been written prior to the time that Lisa's accident occurred. Possibly she was already being held against her will and managed to escape. That would explain why church members we able to catch up with her so quickly. I am sure you have read that Lisa told a paramedic on the scene that she behaved the way she did so she could be admitted to the hosiptal because she needed to talk to someone. Why would she go to such extremes if she were free to come & go as she pleased? She could've gone to talk to somebody any time she wanted to, that is, unless she wasn't free at all to do so. It seems pretty obvious she got much worse after she was placed back into Scientology custody.  We only have Scientology's word that she suffered a psychotic break of some sort and they aren't qualified to make any such assessment. No one can be sure what was really wrong with Lisa because she wasn't allowed to get a real diagnosis from a qualified professional. It also seems highly unlikely that nobody who was supposedly taking care of her noticed her physical condition deteriorating before she was finally taken to the hospital on the evening of her 17th day in captivity. Look at her autopsy photos.  I have had family pets die and leave a better looking corpse than hers. Not to sound crass, but its the truth. She was battered & bruised with cuts all over her. The church evidently maintains those were self-inflicted during moments of outburst.  What? Is THAT suppose to be some kind of defense?  All that suggests is that the church refused to admit that their stupid Introspection Rundown was not working & Lisa wasn't getting better. Did the senior C/S think she was improving when she could no longer get out of bed & stand on her own? Instead of halting the process & providing her with adequate care and protection they all just stood by and watched her die. http://www.lisamcpherson.org
posted to life by Bobbie, Sommelier of the IT department (0 comments)

Despite the obvious deterioration of Lisa McPherson's mental and physical health, she was never taken to or seen by a licensed medical doctor from the time she arrived at the Fort Harrison until her death 17 days later. She lost weight and became weak in Scientology's exclusive care, losing 20-40 pounds. She grew too weak to walk and eventually became so severely dehydrated that she would have been virtually unresponsive for from one to three or more days prior to her death. Her death was a result of her severe dehydration and immobility which led to the development of a pulmonary embolism. Despite clear warning signs of the severity of Lisa's condition, CSFSO employees intentionally bypassed readily available emergency care at nearby Morton Plant Hospital (where doctors had warned CSFSO employees that they would be held responsible for Lisa's welfare) and delayed for hours before driving her to an emergency room in another county to be seen by a Scientologist doctor. THE FORENSIC EVIDENCE Chief Medical Examiner Joan Wood determined based upon the autopsy conducted by Dr. Robert Davis, the laboratory results reflecting vitreous levels, and consultation with outside experts that Lisa McPherson's death occurred as a result of severe dehydration and immobility which resulted in a pulmonary embolism. The five foot eight McPherson, whose weight eighteen days earlier had been estimated at 150 pounds by paramedics and 135 pounds by one of her caretakers, weighed approximately 108 pounds at the time of autopsy. Her sunken eyes and cheeks and her dry skin reflected a gaunt appearance consistent with her severe dehydration. Her mouth, teeth and eyelids were crusted with dried, solid material. She had bruises on her hand and back, as well as the side of her left thigh and also had a series of smaller bruises up and down the lower part of both legs. There were numerous abrasions on her hands wrists and lower arms and on her feet and lower legs, with some of these abrasions having the appearance of insect bites. At the beginning of her stay Lisa had been described as being in good health, with her legs unblemished, having almost perfect "porcelain-like" skin.
posted to religion by Max, Cleric of the Hungry (0 comments)

A short summary of Operation Happy Shopper, a Protest against the CCHR exhibit "Psychiatry - An Industry Of Death" For more infomation on the the exhibit itself, please read the following link;  http://www.indymedia.org.uk/en/regions/birmingham/2008/03/393916.html Around the 12th of March, Anonymous became aware of Scientologists utilising the front group named the 'Citizens Commission on Human Rights,' a 'publicly funded charity organisation.' An email campaign was started; aimed at whoever would listen in a position to try and pull the exhibit; Telephone calls were made to the town, and several emails were sent to  the Public Relations Company of the Queens Square Shopping Centre. Here is the template email; Dear Ms Jones, I am writing to express my deepest concern over a proposed exhibition to be hosted by the Queens Square Shopping Centre. The exhibition is called 'Psychiatry - An Industry Of Death' by the Citizens Commission on Human Rights and is due to run from Monday 31st March until Thursday 17th April 2008. - See link  http://www.cchr.org.uk/exhibitions.htm Whilst the name "Citizens Commission on Human Rights" certainly makes it sound like they are a alturistic group looking to help people, the truth is somewhat different. The group have absolutely no interest in stopping the many human rights abuses around the world, they are an ofshoot of the Church of Scientology ( http://www.cchr.org.uk/about.htm) and their only agenda is promoting the CoS's extreme views on psychiatric care and psychiatric medicines. The CCHR & Church of Scientology's views on Psychiatric care and psychiatric medicine are well documented and include the belief that psychiatry is responsible for Eugenics and the Holocaust. See the following image of the Scientology exhibition 'Psychiatry - An Industry Of Death' in Los Angeles -  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Piod_museum_eugenics.jpg from the page  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychiatry:_An_Industry_of_Death This bizarre and offensive belief was also shown in BBC Panorama: Scientology and me, broadcast in 2007. I'm sure that you realise by now that hosting this exhibition would be HIGHLY OFFENSIVE to a large number of your customers and I trust that you will now reconsider your decision to allow this exhibition to take place in the Queens Square Shopping Centre. Thank you for taking the time to read my concerns and I look forward to your reply. Unfortunately, this route bore no fruit, and so Anonymous of Birmingham gathered themselves. Notices were handed to the West Bromwich police for two dates; Monday 31st of March, (the first day of the exhibit,) and the following Saturday, (April 5th), in order to raise awareness of the CCHR, who they were, and what they believe, in order to allow the citizens of West Bromwich an opportunity to make up their own mind on the matter. Though only three members of Anonymous showed up on the Monday; they caused some waves. A Scientologist you may recognise from watching the Central News coverage of the Febuary 10th Protest was seen lurking around, with Scientologist 'goons' in his flank armed with Video Cameras in an attempt to catch anything they could report to the police, or that would reveal Anonymous' identities... Chris Wrapson was up to his old tricks again, though instead of calling Anonymous 'Cyber Terrorists' again, he instead spoke to everyone who had made contact with Anon calling them 'Potheads who didn't know what they were on about, who were only here to make a ruckus.' (Video of Chris Wrapson at his old games; denouncing Anonymous as a Terrorist organization on Feb 10th.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4BQdr0kHK8) (Chris, why do you lie so?) Not many people bought it. An amazing amount of flyers were given out that day; and everyone Anonymous spoke to were informed that Legion would take the streets once again on SATURDAY APRIL 5th in greater number. The Express and Star had been alerted, with a reporter attempting to break free of the football coverage on Saturday to speak with the Protesters; the Queens Square Security and the Police Force were happy with how Anonymous conducted themselves. The following is a report posted by Brumanon user 'Lulz0Matic' breaking down the day in brief on the forum. None of the names used are real; only online pseudonyms. Any Scientologists reading, I'm sorry. Lulz0matic Posted: Mar 31 2008, 04:21 PM Here's a break down of what happened. 1 - Lulz arrives in West Brom, cannot find Anon. Decides to check out the exhibit. Tells one worried shopper it was all a cult trying to push their ideals when asked. 2 - Lurking moar. Had a smoke. Found Hermes! Got peacefully ejected from the Queens Square. 3 - Decided to buy card from WHSmiths. 4 - On return from Smiths to the chosen spot, found Mr.Muffin. 5 - Leaflet and sign galore. Several inquisitive people. 6 - Moar and moar. Phone call made to the Express and Star, possible news coverage for Saturday; reporters should be present at One. 7 - Moar leaflets. SCIFAGS ARRIVE WITH CAMERAS! =O They film our signs/us. 8 - Mr. Chris W. (That is his name, right? We were unsure.) from Birmingham is seen lurking with Scifags around our vicinity. Confirmed by other members of the public who were working (selling Gas/Electric, I believe,) to have spread false information regarding the three of us. 'They're all potheads, they're just here to cause a ruckus.' 9 - Damage control. Lulz. No one believes Scifag liez. 10 - Moar leaflets given, links given, and the likes. 11 - The three of us visited the Police Station before we finished up. No complaints were made, and the Officer who had spoken to us prior was fairly happy with how we conducted the protest. They're aware and prepared, AND expecting MOAR of us on Saturday. That's cool with them, based on our behavior today. 12 - Mr. Muffin definately got the bus home safe, I suspect Hermes got to the Metro too. 13 - I am home, safe, and unfollowed. 14 - ??? 15 - PROFIT! The following is a link to the organization of round two with the CCHR; if you express an interesting in showing your support in the form of Protest, I would stress that proceedings are 100% peaceful and that their are rules that Anonymous follows;  http://brumanon.co.uk/index.php?showtopic=173 (Organizing.)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-063clxiB8I (Code of Conduct, will paste the text at the end of the article.) The exact location of protest is speculated to be between Queens Square and Kings Square, which is in the centre of the West Brom high street beneath a large Red 'pyramid like' rain shelter. User Lulz0Matic also posted the following hints and tips on BrumAnon. Hints and Tips - - Bring an Umbrella. Pigeon Sh!t very likely where we were stood. - MASKS or at the very least Sunglasses. Scientologists were present with Video cameras right in our faces. God knows who else around was one of them. (For the significance of this, please run a google search of the Fair Game policy.) - Not everyone will have passed or pay attention the exhibit. Explain it to them if they haven't. - Camera/Video camera to document? We didn't have one. Signs that worked - 'Lisa McPhearson - A Victim of the CCHR - Ask us' 'Would you pay an excess of 150,000 to be denied Psychiatric aid? The CCHR would like you to' 'Ask us why Elli Parkson is Dead' All connections with the CCHR/Scientology were explained, but I personally felt that if people saw CCHR in place of Scientology, people who had seen the exhibit would be more likely to come check it out.  It worked. ~ Anonymous. Rule #0: Rules #1 and #2 of the internet still apply. Your memes are not, at this juncture, something that the real world can appreciate. Although meme speak between fellow Anonymous is acceptable, focus on the target and keep it to a minimum. Rule #1: Stay cool. Rule #2: Stay cool, especially when harassed. You are an ambassador of Anonymous. Although individuals trying to disrupt your demonstration will get on your nerves, you must not lose your temper. Doing so will harm the protest and tarnish the reputation of Anonymous. Rule #3: Comply with the orders of law enforcement officers above all else. Doing otherwise is harmful to the demonstration as a whole and may compromise your performance as a human being. Do not request badge numbers unless you are being treated in a very abusive manner, as doing so will anger officers. Rule #4: Notify city officials. Most jurisdictions either have rules about public protests, or would prefer to be notified that they are taking place. Know the rules for your jurisdiction and abide by them. Rule #5: Always be across the street from the object being protested. Rule #6: In the absence of a road, find another natural barrier between yourself and the target of protest. Doing so will make it more difficult for individuals hostile to your cause to come and harass you. Rule #7: Stay on public property. You may be charged for trespassing if you do not. Rule #8: No violence. Rule #9: No weapons. The demonstration is a peaceful event. Your weapons. You will not need them. Rule #10: No alcohol or pre-drinking. Violating this rule may easily precipitate a violation of rules 1 and 2. Rule #11: No graffiti, destruction, or vandalism. Rule #12: If you want to do something stupid, pick another day. These should be self explanatory. Violation of these rules during a demonstration will tarnish the reputation of Anonymous, harm the demonstration itself and leave you vulnerable to attention from law enforcement. Rule #13: Anonymous is legion. Never be alone. Isolation during a protest marks you as a target for handlers who wish to provoke an angry reaction from you and other hostiles. In keeping with this principle... Rule #14: Organize in squads of 10 to 15 people. Rule #15: One or two megaphones per squad. A megaphone is helpful for maintaining the overall cohesion of a demonstration and spreading your message. However, too many will confuse the public and render you hearing impaired. Rule #16: Know the dress code. Forming a loose yet reasonable dress code for protest members will help to maintain cohesion and get the public to take you seriously. Rule #17: Cover your face. This will prevent your identification from videos taken by hostiles, other protesters or security. Use scarves, hats and sunglasses. Masks are not necessary, and donning them in the context of a public demonstration is forbidden in some jurisdictions. Rule #18: Bring water. A dehydrated, thirsty Anonymous is not a useful Anonymous. Rule #19: Wear good shoes. Following these rules will assure your comfort during the demonstration. Keep in mind that demonstrations may often be quite lengthy. Rule #20: Signs, fliers, and phrases. Have yours ready. Make sure that signs are large enough to read. Also ensure that the text on your signs and your phrases are pertinent to the target of the protest. Rule #21: Prepare legible, uncomplicated and accurate flyers to hand out to those who wish to know more regarding the motivations behind your actions. Rule #22: Document the demonstration. Videos and pictures of the event may be used to corroborate your side of the story if law enforcement get involved. Furthermore, posting images and videos of your heroic actions all over the internet is bound to generate win, exhorting other Anonymous to follow your glorious example. Anonymous
posted to life by Aubrey, Templar of Wild Parties (0 comments)

I can't work, I can't sleep. I keep checking me email, msngr,voice mail. It's only been a few hours! What the fuck is wrong with me?  I have a life. This is not like me. I need to see you. Feel you. I want to bury my head in your chest feeling your warm body against mine. I need to see you smile down at me. Telling me how much you missed me. I want you to sing to me. I want you to take me away from everything. I am falling for you so hard. Did you really mean all of those wonderful things you said? No one has ever cared for me the way you do. I have never cared for anyone else as I do you.
posted to relationships by Peyton, Monk of the Lonely (1 comment)

love....such a strong word.....so complicated, yet so simple....wat defines love, is possible to truly, fully, unconditionally love someone? to always forgive someone of all their faults, mistakes, problems...after all, thoes things just make the other person human, which means they have their fair share to deal with from you right? and i dont think you can accomplish such a love without completely giving yourself to that other person, so then you almost have to believe that there is such a love, otherwise why would you fully throw yourself into something if there was nothing to benefit from it?? hmmmmm.......kinda sorta love sick i guess, and when i get to not being able to take any more, somehow, somewhere i find just that little more to keep me going, i tell my self if the situation was different, maybe id tell him how i feel, yet i tell him actions speak louder than words, but sometimes it seems as though he just cant read my actions, guyz just dont get it sometimes, yet i still love him, he screws up and i still love him, ill be waiting hear patiently, ready to give him that word of encouragement when he needs it, an ear to listen to him vent, a hand to hold when he dose'nt want to talk....and need be, ill be just his friend, if he decides to move on..........
posted to relationships by Ari, Servant of the Irredeemably Moist (0 comments)

Is it me?.

rant
To be honest, I'm not sure why I'm doing this and I have no idea what I will get out of it. But I need to get this off my chest...   These days (well it's been a while actually) I feel so depressed about my life. More specifically my love life. It sounds corny, but all I really want is someone to hold, be with, spoil, share memories with, support and love. I see everyone else having it all and I can see how happy it makes them. But, as much I shouldn't, I can't help but be envious and depressed that I don't have that. It actually pains me. I truly believe I have a lot to offer, but no one seems to share the same sentiments about me. Is it too much to ask to have someone, someone who wants me and to who, I would similary love.   Maybe I'm just destined to be alone and to never experience this. I've never been in love and upto a few years ago, it didn't bother me. But, while I had some experience I've never been with anyone who I honestly felt I could be with long term. That's not entirely true, many years I met someone who blew me away. I was an idiot. I acted like absolute twat. For a while, I was disgusted with myself about my behaviour. Over the course of time, I've managed to accept the way I acted. And have to believe I can only learn from it. But seriously, was that my only chance?   Recently, I met someone who made me feel good for a short while. Then, I found out that she may have only been with me out of pity rather than wanting. I was also painted a picture, with most definetly is not pretty. She certainly doesn't sound like someone who I could be with. I made decision to not follow it up. But now, after some time has passed, I feel so regretful. Perhaps if I discovered things myself rather than be told I'd feel different. Perhaps that the pity factor was not as important as I thought it was. Perhaps it's because I don't exactly have much going on with anyone else that I'm feeling like this.   I'm sick of feeling this way, I'm sick that no one seems to want me. I'm sick that I feel increasingly more envious of my friends who are lucky enough to have someone this way.   My new year's resolution was that THIS WAS GONNA BE MY YEAR. I know it's only March, but I already feel that this year will be another one that slips on by with nothing to show for it.   I also realise that it's wrong for me to feel this way, I have so many good things in life. Great job, fantatsic friends and family. A lovely home, good health. But I still want more. Is it really just me?
posted to relationships by Frankie, Musician of Light (3 comments)

these past few days has been really  amazing! never felt so alive in ages! now i'm kinda feeling lonely cos you're away. i miss you like crazy, it's driving me mad... I'm staring at my computer screen, checking my ym and msn to see if you're online. constantly checking my facebook to see if theres any luck of you getting a wifi there. i don't think i'm gonna get used to not talking to you. or not seeing you...  i feel so all alone. i hope you're doing well there in frog land. i can't wait to see you again. my body is aching for your touch. i'm supposed to be working but all i can think about is you... stroking my hair while kissing me. your other hand caressing my breasts.. your tongue running down my neck to my chest.. god i wanna make love to you. what happened last monday was amazing..(next to you fingering me on the train station infront of the cctv camera) i didn't know where to turn my head or where to put my legs while your fingers inside me. i can feel tiny currents running all over my body. i'm always soaking wet whenever i'm with you.. i'm sorry if i'm frustrating and always playing hard to get... wont happen again. i think i'm ready to give in. i cant wait to kiss you all over again.. no more funny red mark on your neck i promise :) 
posted to relationships by Bowie, Master of the Lonely (0 comments)

St. Petersburg Times, published March 3, 2000 A Cry For Justice Despite a reversal in the autopsy report of Lisa McPherson, the state attorney still has an obligation to prosecute those his office believes to be responsible in her death in a Scientology hotel room. The tragedy of Lisa McPherson's death in a Scientology hotel room has turned into a sad, convoluted mess that cries out for justice. An unexplained reversal by Pinellas-Pasco Medical Examiner Joan Wood has prosecutors reviewing their case and raises questions about Wood's competence. Meanwhile, sworn statements by Scientologists paint a disturbing picture of McPherson's final days and raise this question: Why was no individual charged with a crime? Under pressure from experts hired by the Church of Scientology, Wood quietly amended her autopsy report on Feb. 16. The manner of McPherson's death was changed from "undetermined" to "accident." Wood also removed one cause of death ("bed rest and severe dehydration") and added a new significant condition ("psychosis and history of auto accident"). While Wood's final diagnosis that McPherson died in 1995 from a blood clot that moved from her leg to her lung did not change, the new version was gleefully embraced by Scientology officials. Facing two felony charges -- abuse of a disabled adult and practicing medicine without a license -- Scientology has spared no expense to cast doubt on the facts in the case. Church officials contend that the blood clot was caused by a bruise suffered in a minor automobile accident rather than McPherson's treatment during 17 days of forced isolation at the church's downtown Clearwater hotel. A Scientology press release called Wood's altered opinion "extremely significant and a huge development that dramatically affects the state's case." Wood certainly surprised the state attorney's office. The new autopsy report is "something of major significance we need to review," said Assistant State Attorney Doug Crow. Amid the doubt, this much is clear: Wood owes the residents of Pinellas County an explanation; and State Attorney Bernie McCabe still needs to prosecute those his office determines to be responsible in McPherson's suffering and death. The medical examiner's policy of considering new, credible evidence is valid. But in the McPherson case, Wood either made a serious mistake on her original autopsy report or she let Scientology's unrelenting pressure weaken her resolve. Either choice raises doubts about Wood's competence, and because she has not responded to questions about the amended report, we are left to wonder. No doubt remains that McPherson was ill-served by her Scientology "caretakers." Following a minor auto accident, McPherson acted strangely and was taken to a nearby hospital emergency room. Other Scientology members quickly retrieved her and placed her in a hotel room, where the psychotic woman was isolated, held down while being force-fed homemade concoctions and given prescribed medication without seeing a doctor. After 17 days, gaunt and unresponsive, McPherson was delivered to a hospital an hour away. When a doctor saw her, she was already dead. McCabe chose to charge the Church of Scientology in Clearwater rather than individual church members. That decision raises questions after reading several Scientologists' sworn statements: Alain Kartuzinski, a senior church staff member, ordered McPherson's isolation and authorized medication without a doctor's approval. Then he lied to police about his involvement. Janis Johnson, a church medical officer and unlicensed doctor, was seen giving McPherson injections of a prescription muscle relaxant that had not been authorized by a doctor. She also lied to police. David Houghton, a dentist, helped administer medication, including forcing crushed aspirin and Benadryl down her throat with a large syringe. David Minkoff, a church member and doctor in Pasco County, prescribed drugs for McPherson over the phone without examining the patient. By the time he saw her, she was dead. Changing a few words on the autopsy report does not change the tragic events that unfolded in a darkened Scientology hotel room. Whatever caused the blood clot that killed McPherson, timely medical care would have given her a chance to survive. No matter how many experts the Church of Scientology hires or how much pressure they put on public officials, a jury should decide if someone committed a crime in the death of Lisa McPherson.
posted to life by Reggie, Musician of Musclebeasts (0 comments)

he cheated on me. lied about it. finally confessed. now im finding out from his ex that she wasnt the only one he cheated on me with. how can he say he still loves me?
posted to relationships by Samantha, Peasant of the Homeless (1 comment)

I went out with my friend for a drink for the first time in a while, and it wasn't a bad night tbh. Me and my friend noticed this guy looking at me, he was really good looking, but despite the fact that I fancied him I was still in a relationship. At this point my friend, whom was another fan of me splitting with my bf, encouraged me to respond, she went to get drinks and this guy spoke to her. We were right he did like me however I didnt just go along with it but after alot of drinks and encouragement a voice inside me just said do it, so we kissed and me and my friend went back to his. But because I was drunk nothing more than kissing happened. The next day me and my friend left and despite what I just did I didnt feel remotely guilty. I headed off to home and at first kept it secret but me and my bf started talkin and when he asked me I couldnt lie so I told him. He ran out of the house cryingwent to his friends house. We spoke later on and I was lik we cant sort this out he agreed but we still loved eachother so for the nextfew days we kept sayin lets get back lets split up etc till it got to him going out with his friend something in me knew that if he went out that night somethin would happen that would ruin us beyond repair. I asked him not to but he did he had a right to I mean after what I did. I told him I'm happy for him to cheat on me its fine he should I just asked him to tell me. He didnt come back that night cuz he was stayin in a hotel as they went to birmingham. He came back at 11 the next day with his friend. I had plans that day so I got ready and walked out sayin little to him. A few days later we spoke, and I asked him if he met any1 tellin him I'd understand if he did to which he replied no. I asked if he met any1 at all mates etc. He told me he met sum1 but that iut was nothin more than friend material. A week later I started to get suspicious there were bags from a shop we didnt usually go to turns out its where they worked a locker I ultimately found that they'd been in our room, our bed and had sex. It crushed me I asked him what was goin on he continued to lie nothing nothing yet everythin else suggested otherwise this was christmas I sed I'd 4giv him as long as it ended there he said it was over anyway. I accepted that only to find sum1 was standin outside my bedroom window on boxing day.. it was them. I was stunned what was goin on I didnt understand. I found texts on his fone, love was mentioned on both sides a few days later I found out I'd caought pubic lice off him. The whole thing made me sick. Yet still I said look new year new start. We could still put this behind us and he agreed. On new year we went out and it turned out they were there, He was nasty to them in front of me it made me feel better that night wasnt without its fault but it was the best for a while. I started to feel like things were gettin back on track or so I thought...
posted to relationships by Stevie, Butcher of the IT department (0 comments)

I knew he'd regret it the next day he'd apologise tell me he didnt know what happened etc.. but I couldn't surely I couldn't forgive this. I did I thought every1 can make a mistake a one off. It was great for a while we picked up where we left off. We went out and it happened again. I have to admit I can be nasty I could anger the kindest of people I can be provocative, still I dnt condone that not to some1 with which love is inolved well I dont know why but we'd lived together for 8 months at this point my life was startin to build here so it would just be him I was leaving but my life too. So I forgave quicker this time. The third time i happened however I hit back with more force and in total honesty that ended that aspect. This was xmas 06 we were startin to be great again. As I have previously mentioned mat had admirers and more than one person reminded him he could do better than me (which did hurt). 1 person who he had spoke of before and it did make me a little jealous despite the fact i thought he wasnt attractive, had sent him a post card, it angered me how cud he know where we lived but it was another of this things I got over. y this point we had decided social networking site lead to trouble and at one point previously I picked out most of his msn list and told him to ask them out to which all 15 of them said yes and even he was suprised and apologised for claiming they were friends. I found out on my birthday which was rubbish last year he had started up a new myspace. This really hurt me I hdnt used the internet in forever but he had been despite what we agreed. This caused problems for a while which we did get over 6 months later (yeah still together I feel it important to mention that we were in love) things started to go off. If ever we had free time and enough money we would go somewhere but you could guarantee that his personal but licker friend would come along, it started to be that if we ever did anythin worth doing we would not be doing it as 2. I didnt mind her she was ok but it got to a point where it was too much. I barely knew any1 round here and that was putting a strain on things but regradless of that we were drifting apart. I started to rekindle old friendships with people I had lost because of their dislike of him and annoyance at me for not endin it when he hit me the first time. When we went out now unless some1 was with us the night was rubbish and if some1 was with us he'd show them interest rather than me. It started to feel pointless. We went out for his 21st and whenever I went up to him he'd be like oh wheres steve one of his friends and tell me to wait while he finds him, when I felt I'd bein waiting too long  went looking for him ony to find him dancing this happened a few times. I mean that night I was fine cuz it was his birthday but it was heppenin all the time. It got to the point where I was going to end it this late last year..
posted to relationships by Kadnyce, Crusader of Light (0 comments)

He said yes and that moment seemed perfect we just held eachother. In total honesty I've never gone out with someone who I havent slept with since of course before I was sexually active so this felt amazing. In total honesty our sex life was rubbish for at least a year and despite the fact that he did amazingly kind things it wasnt long before the veil started to slip and I started to notice things about how he really was. It started with out first arguement. The amazing thing about our relationship was this wasn't the first time we met and I had also met people he was really good friends with in a completely different situation. A year before we had apparantly got together in a club however I was drunk at the time and had slept since so didnt remember and a few months later I met these to people when I was out and got invted to a  house party which I went to. It turned out that the house party I went to belonged to his best childhood friend and he missed that party at the last minute, I was with most of his friends and didnt even know who he was. Well for some reason one person at this party was telling him this lie about somethin I did and as previously mentioned it sparked our first arguement. We eventually got over it but something did change. Weeks later I found history of msn conversations he had been havin and in the ones where he wasn't bitching me he was coming on to some1. I feel it necessary to mention at this point that despite it being a month later I hadn't returned home. So anyway this of course had to stop if we were gonna last. We did things that strengthened the trust we had which did actually help us for a while. We were still pretty much clubbing most of the time. A few months later (yes I still hadn't returned home) we went out and we ultimately started arguing, I cant remember exactly why but we were in the toilet and I felt this fist hit my face. He hit me. It didnt end there I stormed out 30 miles from home not sure how to get back he followed and for some reason the arguing continued and he jumped one me. I'm not one to associate love and violence so I didnt fight back.
posted to relationships by Ari, Butcher of the Homeless (0 comments)

The guy I was gettin with asked if I would join him and his friend as they were gonna hav a nightcap, at first I was like I cant I have to be at work tommorow. I did however cave in as most of me was screamin out do it do it. I went to his house and we continued the party which was a lot of fun tbh. Eventually i was time to go to sleep. When I woke the next day his friend had to go to work later that day but first we decided to get more ecstacy for later. Again I know the stigma attached to this drug however if u are still reading this (thanks again) please ignore the drug aspect. We went to the get the drugs and then walked his friend to work after which we decided to head back home. All that day we cuddled watched films listened to music took drugs surfed the net and thats pretty much what we did for the nest few days then we went out on thursday and did much the same but despite the obvious chemistry it was at a point where we could have been either friends or more and nothin major happened to decide which. We got home on that night and went to bed the next we continued what we usually did however that day I started to look at him every part of his face and started to see just how stunning he was I later found out that he had a lot of interest but for the first time I started to look at him differently. I decided to ask him out and no time felt more perfect (cont.)
posted to relationships by Dakota, Steward of Justice (0 comments)

I'm 21 years old and have been in my current relationship for 2 years, not entirely sure where to start so I'll start at the beginning... 2 years ago I had a good job, I started to get my feet on the ground and I was at that point where I was happy being young free and single which took me a long time to get to after my ex. At this point I was going out alot which at 19 was typical behaviour and I was really enjoying myself. One night I was particularly bored and decided to ask a few of my friends what their plans were. I had a few responses but one of my friends was going to Birmingham which is pretty far away and a good cheap night, which really suited me. He lived around an hours drive away and had other people to pic up but said he'd come to get me first so i got ready waited and set out to get his friends who funnily enough lived round the corner from him, I later found out that this 'friend' was actually interested in me but he had no chance but nvm. So we picked his friends up, they were around my age I didnt particularly notce any of them they seemed a little aloof, none of them were ugly but they were just a little irrelevant. We went to Birmingham no cross communication I spoke to driver they spoke to eachother and it was like that throughout the night. I got talkin to my friend about them at one point where he told me that he didnt like them much cuz they took estacy. I know nobody has a particularly great opinion on it but it really is over dramatised and on ratio more people die from smoking and alcohol related incidents, anyways at this time I also took it which back a year would have suprised u but thats another story. So I went over and started to talk to them and asked if they had any 'pills'. The second I asked one person in the group completely changed and was amazed I asked and said yeah. He then said come with us which I did as up till this point the night was a little stale, however unfortunately not much of the night was left as it was rather late. By the time the club was closin me and this guy were all over eachother and the same can be said for the journey home. It got to the point where we were supposed to go our seperate ways. (given the length of this I have split it into parts)
posted to relationships by Dakota, Druid of the Lonely (0 comments)

What did Lisa know?

confession
I am convinced that Lisa McPherson knew something. Scientology KNEW she knew. Thats why they went to such extremes to make sure she would never recover from her "psychotic break" unsupervised. No chance she could reveal anything without the church's knowledge. Even though she was worth alot of money to the church while alive, they were willing to sacrifice her & her $50 grand a year to keep her from talking. The church giving up money? Hmmmm, there must be dynamite at the bottom of this. From 1995 on, the entire sequence of events seems suspicious.  In May & June of 1995 Lisa had her first "psychotic break."  I believe that this "break" was a result of her having discovered something very disturbing & true about Scientology (it rocked her world) & the church didn't want it exposed.   I think thats where investigation should be focused. What happened right around that time? What did Lisa find out? What did she know? November: Lisa tells at least one person close to her that she plans to return home for good. She says she'll be home for Christmas. She doesn't want to discuss things over the phone. November 18th. Lisa has a fender bender accident, suffers another "psychotic break." We know the rest.  She never made it hom for Christmas.  The next time her family saw her was at her funeral. Why was the church so afraid of her? What did she have to say that worried the church so badly that they wouldn't let her out of their sight?? What, if anything, does AMC Publishing have to do with this? Rest in peace Lisa McPherson. You are not forgotten.
posted to relationships by Harper, Gunner of the Lonely (0 comments)

ugggghhh..

rant
is it just me or is it harder and harder to read people in general these days??? i got this guy ive been seeing for 9 months now (still not my boyfriend) and i adore this guy...we both got our own drama, wen i ran into him i was ending a 8 yr relationship and he had a 3 month old baby with a "booty call"....but now this bitch gets all his time or he cant see his baby...i mean i dont blame the guy for putting his kid before me, jus for puttin her before me, i feel like if she wasnt around, we could be really happy, but i wouldnt wish that cuz then he wouldnt have his son (who he is so in love wit) around.......man...baby's bout to be 1.......he's perty much trapped wit her, his words, not mine......so then he wanna fake the funk wit her...keep her semi happy, then he can see his son, that jus makes her think theres love ther for her, wtf.....i wish i could jus not want him sooooo bad. thers chemistry there i didnt have wit my last dude, i dont feel the need to rush things wit him, he has become one of my best friends, txt each other every day, talk most days and see him a few times a week.............dont know how to feel -confused in..."love"
posted to relationships by Stevie, Security Guard of Time (1 comment)

*sigh*....

rant
I'm worried. For Kevin. He's reminding me of me when I was younger. Back in the dark times. Hah. Back when I thought I was unloved. Now, yesterday he said that he didn't want to joke about anything relating to going out or something. I'm still not quite sure. He said never mind. But, before signing off he said that he wants someone more than a friend. Today, he asked me jokingly, I think and hope, if I would go out with him. I don't know what's going on in his head. I do like him. But I'm beginning to think of him more as a best friend, a confidant, rather than as a potential boyfriend. But I really don't know. I just don't want to date anyone right now. It just seems too complicated. Yes, I miss being held, being kissed, being cared for, but it's not worth getting caught by my parents. It's not worth not having a real relationship because of my parents. I really don't want to date someone only for 2 days to 2 weeks again. I want something that will last for months, years, forever. I don't know what I feel for Kevin right now. It's mostly concern for him. He's trying to come up with dates and I don't know if he's being serious or not. It's confusing me. I don't want to be confused. Gah. I love him, though. I know that. I also know that I'm going to be upset when he leaves. And when he lets go of me. Because that always happens. I've been let go and let down so many times. I don't want to deal with it again.
posted to relationships by Addison, Garçon of the Rich (1 comment)

why is it that the thin line between love and lust gets blurry?  you know what you want and you know sometimes you shouldent get to involved! but god damm sometimes its hard!
posted to life by Rebecca, Templar of Arts and Crafts (2 comments)

"i wish we could rewind it a few years, before you were married."  I've nown you for quiet a while now... but before that  I was such a miserable cow. I'm always deppresse. I'd come here to rant and moan. BUt everything's changed since I've met you. I know this is wrong, but I've never been happier like I am right now. This is silly, I'm actually teary eyed whilst writing this. please don't cringe :) I miss you so bad.. I've only seen you yesterday but feels like it's been ages. I cant wait to spend more time with you. I can't wait to feel your lips again... touch you... and just hold you tightly. You're beautiful. I wish we could stop the time and just stay like this. I'm scared to fall for you but you're making it impossible not to fall for you.  When I'm around you, I just feel so comfortable. I'm not scared anymore. I have found my cure in you, there's no room for loneliness, not anymore. (fucking hell i'm so cheesy). I'm gonna miss you like crazy... 10 days w/o you. I wouldn't know how will I get thru my day w/o seeing/talking to you. talking to you is the best part of the day! I heart you :) I hope you feel the same. If this will ever end, I wouldn't want our friendship to end. It'll be hard at first, but I'd still have you... but right now... I don't want this madness to end. xxx 
posted to relationships by Rex, Apprentice of Justice (0 comments)

whitey....

rant
my pussy doesnt smell, is that why youre crazy about it? lol
posted to life by Aubrey, Sommelier of the Wicked (0 comments)

Stage... dream... whatever. You know. Or maybe you don't. Most don't. So you probably don't. But now you do, so you no longer have an excuse for being lost on the stage, in the dream. Also, The Vimperator rocks, rules, and just generally makes web browsing oh so tactile euphoric.
posted to life by Adrian, Soldier of the Irredeemably Moist (0 comments)

14 cigarettes

confession
hello again, so im here. i made the move, i got the job. his dad passed away. it was sad. maybe its because i havent had any one close to me die... its seems like im numb whan it happens. i want to be happy. and he says no one is every truly happy. i think thats bullshit. if you know what you want from life and you work hard to get it than you can achieve true happiness. ive cleaned his house and done his laundry and dishes everyday since ive been here. i want to go to school. i want to be crafty. i want to be held. im rambling.
posted to life by Andy, Archaeologist of Evil (0 comments)

I always wanted to find someone who loved me as much as i loved me. I used to really like myself a lot... and now I found you and you make me like myself less and less... i guess i found what i was looking for i now love myself as little as you love me  i miss who i used to be
posted to relationships by Blaine, Clown of Space (2 comments)

The murder of a beautiful, kind and young woman named Lisa McPherson.  The willful 17 day torture and murder of this poor woman.  R.I.P. Lisa, we will never forget you or stop speaking up for you. www.lisamcpherson.org Scientology forced her to stay in a room locked up, and prevented the much needed treatment.   Basically, those callous mother fuckers sat there and watched her die. There was a motive. $cientologists, being the assholes that they are, tried to "control" the situation. They didn't want to lose a "big contributer" because Lisa had also given in excess of $50 grand that year to Flag. You see, her delusion was "wearing off" and those pricks were trying to reel her back in. Poor Lisa was waking up to the con game she was in, and she was isolated and too weak to fight them off, and those vultures continued to try to impose their will on her until they killed her. The $cientologists, who were involved, are guilty of murder!! They need to be brought to justice. Truthfully, David Miscavige is the main person who is responsible for this "Culture of Deceit" in $cientology. He's the one who knowingly puts out the lies about elron's life and character in an effort to create confidence. He's the one who's responsible for keeping this scam alive. He needs to be taken down and thrown in jail for the rest of his life.
posted to life by Dakota, Bright Queen of Evil (0 comments)

Lisa McPherson escaped long enough to show she had heart...before scientology killed her Lisa was also reported to have been completing cycles... finishing everything she had said she was going to do, as if she were preparing to leave... scientology "Kellie Davis: She said that she was getting out and coming home, and I asked her, I told her, I said "you mean your getting out of Scientology?" and she said "let's not talk about it over the phone," she said," I'll tell you all about it when I get home." But she said "but I'm getting out and coming home to stay." And she said that I'll definitely be there before Christmas. Byron Harris: The next time that Kellie Davis saw Lisa McPherson was at her funeral in Dallas."   I hope one day that people pay for the death of Lisa. So much BS in all this. A woman died from neglect at the very least, this is not to be tolerated. I believe that the magnitude of the LIES we are dealing with from Scientology have been underestimated, IMMENSELY.
posted to life by Yoko, Chef of the Wildlands (0 comments)

Motive for the murder of Lisa McPherson - AMC Publishing Subject description: There is no statute of limitations - Benneta Slaughter    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------   AMC Publishing...despite FALSE representations that Lisa was just a lowly saleperson at AMC, it turns out that at one time she was Benneta Slaughter's #1 salesperson !! Apparantly Lisa was a big time "producer" for the outfit. Benneta Slaughter acted like she ran the show, but in fact she was only a 1/3rd owner of AMC, the real owner was a "wog"... Some questions arose today in a conversation with creed pearson. seems Lisa McPherson had been asked by Benetta Slaughter to make fundraising calls for Winter Wonderland... one of the people she called was Creed Pearson.. Creed was not one to hide his feelings... and refused to 'donate' any money to Winter Wonderland, because he had donated the previous year and later learned that they had thrown out all the decorations purchased then...so now were asking for more money...He also told lisa about what he had discovered hubbard said about christ and why winter wonderlandsomeone who is was such a farce Lisa was also reported to have been completing cycles... finishing everything she had said she was going to do, as if she were preparing to leave... scientology. Evidently Lisa McPherson concluded that Creed Pearson was somebody she could talk to..about whatever she was thinking about... and called creed, and asked creed if she could meet with him. Then strange things started to happen.. His wife begged him NOT to meet with Lisa... ( as if she had been contacted by OSA, who evidentally had been survielling Lisa ) and then creeds own daughter begged him not to meet with lisa... Creed did not meet with Lisa McPherson, because at the time he did not connect the dots, but he has now. this was shortly before she took her clothes off after she bumped that car I recall posting requests back then for information about AMC publishing.. what the hell do they really do? why are they important...because my gut feeling was that I needed to find out what did Lisa know that could have been a motive for murder? Creed pointed out a VERY interesting tidbit... 1) one of the common symptoms.. of someone who has been DOSED with angel dust - pcp - is that they take off their clothes! - The "irrational" conduct of Lisa McPherson might not have been "irrational" at all, but the result of having been dosed with angel dust/pcp. This would generate a psychotic paranoid reaction.. which then COULD BE USED BY SCIENTOLOGY TO INCARCERATE THE PERSON USING THE "POLICY" OF THE INTROSPECTION RUNDOWN!! 2) Another person, I KNOW PERSONALLY, who had found out what Scientology really was, and wanted to leave was brought a drugged drink BY A FAMILY MEMBER!! In retrospect this makes sense, if what OSA was trying to do was CREATE psychotic reactions in those who wished to leave ( because after all... Hubbard said only PSYCHOTICS and CRIMINALS oppose scientology! And so it is OSA's job to make it so! This person refused to drink it, and survived.. but is too scared by their perception of scientology's ruthlessness to file a report with the police! 3) I was dosed with LSD during the raid on my home in 1995, and had I not had a great time at Woodstock after Jerry Garcia threw those baggies filled with tabs of acid out to the crowd during his two hour rendition of Lovelight.. I might not be here right now...as I would have thought I was going crazy but thanks to Jerry Garcia, I knew it was LSD! 4) EXTREME efforts were taken to drive Joan Woods (the coroner in the LISA case) off the deep end... she thought she had been dosed with LSD also... and ended up in psychiatric ward at one point...
posted to relationships by Dana, Bright Queen of the Financial Services department (0 comments)

I am so tired of taking care of my household.  My husband and I live with my aging parents.  They are on a fixed income so to help us all financially, we combined households.  This works in some ways, but in others, it only works to drive me CRAZY.  My mother, God love her, plays such the martyr.  I know you are old.  I know you are sick, but while you still have strength in your body, do something to help yourself.  She lays in bed all day and mopes.  She used to be such a go getter.  75 years old and never touched a computer until she retired and taught herself.  She made her own hand-stamped greeting cards.  She painted ceramics.  She was involved in her lodge as secratary.  Now she is blind in one eye and has hazy vision in the other.  Since she can't do the things she liked, all she does is make the rest of us miserable.  I have ordered all the large print versions of her favorite magazines.  She won't read them.  I have bought a larger TV set to make viewing easier, she won't watch.  I buy every book she wanted to read on auido, she won't listen.  Her friends call to see how she is and she refuses to talk to them.  Even her sisters can't get her on the phone.  The grandkids and greatgrandkids come over and she won't even come down stairs (via a chair-lift) to visit with them.  Her bathroom is literally 15 steps away and she chooses to use a potty chair at the foot of her bed.  Some may say why not take the option away.  When we do that, she messes the bed ON PURPOSE!!!!  I am not asking for miracles.  Just a little help.  Soon mom, you are not going to be able to get out of bed because your muscles won't work anymore.  A dozen times since Halloween.  If that many.  That is all you have been out of bed and downstairs.  We miss you.  You may have been a hard-nosed old broad but at least you were living.  Why are we trying so hard if you won't try at all?!?!  Our last confrontation about this, I told you, if you don't care anymore, why should I?  If you fight me every inch of the way, why am I pushing?  I can't make you want to get better.  I can't wish you into a better frame of mind.  I can't keep watching you die slowly when you have all the power in the world to change it.  I love you but I can't stand you.
posted to life by Blaine, Crusader of Evil (2 comments)

alone on a saturday night. feeling really fat. cramps. just lost the boy i love. all i want to do is sleep but i can't even do that.
posted to life by Dana, Gunner of the Poor (1 comment)

fuck me...

confession
honestly what the fuck is the point in trying so hard anymore? why is it that we care so much? there really isnt a such thing as impressing a guy is there? if the girl is nice the guy likes it in the beginning but then as soon as he sees he can take full advantage of her naivety the girl gets screwed over and BAM gone baby gone. then there are those who dont give a shit in the beginning and then develop feelings for that particular and the guy falls for it as well but then somehow twists it into a bigger situation then somehow finds a way to screw the girl over. if a girl is too nice she gets taken advantage of and if the girl is a slut or just doesnt care the guy finds reasons to pray on that as well so why dont we just ALL act like total sluts? blaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh 
posted to relationships by Dana, Superintendent of Time (1 comment)

my husband is flipping out because our daughter and a black guy (we are white) really like each other. I have met him he is a very nice boy. Dad just blares out about how wrong it is. How can we raise our children in an EQUAL society yet flip out if one of our children crosses the lines? We teach our kids equality no matter what the race or religion yet turn right around and are hypocrites. Do I dare mention that many years ago it was my husband seeing a black woman? so its right for him is not for his kids!!!!!!
posted to life by Ari, Sommelier of the Wicked (6 comments)

So my boyfriend I broke up a week ago today, and I'm feeling really down in the dumps. He said he wasn't ready to be with anyone after going home for a week and hanging out with his old friends that reminded him of his old girlfriend. But we were fine before this. He would drive 2-3 hours to come and see me, and I would do the same. And now he says this and we haven't had contact since. Am I not seeing this for what it truly is, or is he hurting too? I truly cared for him and I know he did for me as well, so that's why this hurts so much...
posted to relationships by Dana, Hostess of the Wildlands (0 comments)

Well were do i start. My mum is a home care worker basicly that is someone who goes to disabled and elderly peoples houses and helps them she has many people that she sees. What Happened My mum had a client i will call him Mr B, He was elderly and she looked after him regularly. Mr B had a son who is 57 he is called E my mum started a freindship with him and they grew close, as friends (apparently) MR B died at the end of last year You must all know that my mum has 3 kids myself 20 and 2 other kids under 18 she is married to my dad and This "friendship" sparked off our problems. My Dad thought my mum was having an affair. My mum is not very cleaver  and she is also dislexic she would hide Es mobile number as a code she would rip the spine of her addres book and write his number on the spine of the book. My dad found this and went mad and thats what really happened to get his mind thinking things were happening.     My dad then found txt messages he got upset and asked her, She denied everything. I was worried she was liying and it started my mind to tick over. I started realising she was out later than nessasary coming back at 11 at night and weird times like that.  I never said anything untill my dad left in September. I confrounted my mum she again denied everything and said there was nothing going on. Since My Dad left she has Es Number on her phone as one letter M. My mum asked me to phone her mum from her mobile I then saw the letter M i asked her who it was and she said it was work i believed this and thought nothing of it but a day later she answered the phone to M and locked herself in her room i then knew she had lied to me just over 2 weeks ago she confessed it was Es number. But she said she hadnt spoken to him in a long time. I didnt believe her 1 bit. Nows the big thing my mum for the past month and a half has been saying that she has being offered money to work late shifts at an elderly womans house looking after her during the night as she is very ill. HOW MUCH RUBBISH IS THAT. Today has worried me my mum wanted her phone toping up which i use my card and top it up by txt. I saw a txt. She told me that she was stoping over at this old womans house tonight shes not she is spending 5 hrs with E. According to the txt he will be picking her up at 7 Shes a liar and I hate her I dont know what to do my mind is on overdrive and i cant think i need some help my mum has FU**ED my life up and i just want to leave! I hope someone will read this and just think about your closest relatives they will lie and lie and lie. I hope this will help anyone And if anyone has any advice please add ur comments. Thank you K. x North East England UK
posted to relationships by Taylor, Investigator of Light (1 comment)

URGH!!!...

rant
I spilled water on my iPod yesterday! It's friggin broken, and I can't listen to music, and, and... *sigh*  Fuck.
posted to tech by Dana, Sheriff of Generosity (2 comments)

A few Judicial rulings on the Scientology cult "Scientology is evil; its techniques are evil; its practice is a serious threat to the community, medically, morally, and socially; and its adherents are sadly deluded and often mentally ill... (Scientology is) the world's largest organization of unqualified persons engaged in the practice of dangerous techniques which masquerade as mental therapy." --Justice Anderson, Supreme Court of Victoria, Australia "The government is satisfied that Scientology is socially harmful. It alienates members of families from each other and attributes squalid and disgraceful motives to all who oppose it; its authoritarian principles and practice are a potential menace to the personality and well being of those so deluded as to become followers; above all, its methods can be a serious danger to the health of those who submit to them... There is no power under existing law to prohibit the practice of Scientology; but the government has concluded that it is so objectionable that it would be right to take all steps within its power to curb its growth." --Kenneth Robinson, British Minister of Health "The crime committed by these defendants is of a breadth and scope previously unheard of. No building, office, desk, or file was safe from their snooping and prying. No individual or organization was free from their despicable conspiratorial minds. The tools of their trade were miniature transmitters, lock picks, secret codes, forged credentials and any other device they found necessary to carry out their conspiratorial schemes." --Federal prosecutor's memorandum to the judge urging stiff jail sentences for 9 top leaders of Scientology who had pleaded guilty to criminal charges "Scientology is both immoral and socially obnoxious...It is corrupt sinister and dangerous. It is corrupt because it is based on lies and deceit and has its real objective money and power for Mr. Hubbard... It is sinister because it indulges in infamous practices both to its adherents who do not toe the line unquestionly and to those who criticize it or oppose it. It is dangerous because it is out to capture people and to indoctrinate and brainwash them so they become the unquestioning captives and tools of the cult, withdrawn from ordinary thought, living, and relationships with others." --Justice Latey, ruling in the High Court of London "[The court record is] replete with evidence [that Scientology] is nothing in reality but a vast enterprise to extract the maximum amount of money from its adepts by pseudo scientific theories... and to exercise a kind of blackmail against persons who do not wish to continue with their sect.... The organization clearly is schizophrenic and paranoid, and this bizarre combination seems to be a reflection of its founder, L.Ron Hubbard." --Judge Breckenridge, Los Angeles Superior Court "In addition to violating and abusing its own members' civil rights, the organization over the years with its 'fair game' doctrine has harassed and abused those persons not in the church whom it perceives as enemies." --Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Paul Breckenridge, June 1984, in the Gerry Armstrong case "In January 1980, fearing a raid by law enforcement agencies, Hubbard's representatives ordered the shredding of all documents showing that Hubbard controlled Scientology organizations, finances, personnel, or the property at Gilman Hot Springs. In a two week period, approximately one million pages were shredded pursuant to this order." --California appellate court, 2nd. district, 3rd. division, July 29, 1991, B025920 & B038975, Super. Ct. No. C 42015 "When a person is subjected to coercive persuasion [as in Scientology] without his knowledge or consent ...[he may] develop serious and sometimes irreversible physical and psychiatric disorders, up to and including schizophrenia, self-mutilation, and suicide." --California Supreme Court, United States v. Lee [455 U.S. 252,257,258 (1982)] "Substantial evidence supports the conclusion Scientology leaders made the deliberate decision to ruin Wollersheim economically and possible psychologically....We do not mean to suggest Scientology's retributive program... represented a full scale modern day 'inquisition.' Nevertheless there are some parallels in purpose and effect. 'Fair game,' like the 'inquisition,' targeted heretics. "Other testimony established Scientology is a hierarchal organization which exhibits near paranoid attitudes toward certain institutions and individuals -- in particular the government, mental health professions, disaffected members, and others who criticize the organization or its leadership... During trial, Wollersheim's experts testified Scientology's 'auditing' and 'disconnect' practices constituted 'brainwashing' and 'thought reform' akin to what the Chinese and North Koreans practiced on American prisoners of war... "Using its position as religious leader, the church and its agents coerced Wollersheim into continuing auditing even though his sanity was repeatedly threatened by this practice... Thus there is adequate proof the religious practice in this instance caused real harm to the individual and the appellant's outrageous conduct caused that harm... Church practices conducted in a coercive environment are not qualified to be voluntary religious practices entitled to first amendment religious freedom guarantees... "We hold that the state has a compelling interest in allowing its citizens to recover for serious emotional injuries they suffer through religious practices they are coerced into accepting. Such conduct is too outrageous to be protected under the constitution and too unworthy to be privileged under the law of torts." -California appellate court, 2nd district, 7th division, Wollersheim v. Church of Scientology of California, Civ. No. B023193 Cal. Super. (1986)
posted to relationships by Taylor, Barbarian of Musclebeasts (0 comments)

I am sick of fucking kids in my yard, treating it like a landfill and ruining my grass. I am sick of them throwing balls up against MY fucking house. These are not cute innocent little kids just playing they are preteen/ teen girls trying to see what they can get away with. Oh yea, this is a neighborhood no older than 5 years old with an HOA, not the Ghetto. So I guess it's time to be the snob I never wanted to be and look for a higher priced house. I am sick of inconsiderate fucking prick parents who let them do what they please. FUCK!!!!!!
posted to life by Aubrey, Apprentice of Evil (1 comment)

10000 ad..

rant
my first blog !  today was amazing havent had fun like that in a long while all the walking and hiding to!  not liking the raw fish! not for me! but finished the day smelling sweet! sorry pepys if you dont understand but she will miss ya yellow xx
posted to life by Andy, Illusionist of the Homeless (1 comment)

I apologize for the curse words I know why I am posting this, and it is because I hope this will comfort someone.    The last time one person made me feel like this I was sitting on a bench in elementary school, with my new Nike shoes, just to impress her. Even thought the shoes were oversized my confidence level was high. But As I try to kiss you, the commitment you made last week were being taken away. How can someone crush one feeling with brand new shoes new slick baby blue uniform and perked lips ready for you’re honey effin glazed to touch mine!   After I snapped back to reality, I see that any fool can fall in love, but to fall in love with the right person is the challenge.  Yeah, I the first this and the best at that, but now that the unseen force has put you’re true feelings in perspective…All I really want to do is give you a hug and laugh. I am truly sorry that I was not the one to make you fall in love or the one to bring utopia to you’re feet. But I really want to make this clear; Lying to someone while trying to be sincere and being caught is possibly the most disrespectful event that could happen to me. So in all serious sincerity I want to tell you this.   Fuck You!  
posted to relationships by Rex, Illusionist of Justice (2 comments)