FearlessBlogging.com: anonymous discussions.

By the way, got any cute girl friends...?


Here are some recent conversations:


Befor the car accident when I drove occasionally I though about crashing the car, killing me self...knowing no one else got hurt...after the crash (which was accidental) I fear that if i get behind the wheel again I will crash...and it wont be an accident. I am 18 and no one knows I feel this way. I have refused help for years and dont plan on seeing a shrink any time soon...but now i dunno what to do. I've quit smoking pot, I cut back on drinking,... with out an addiction or dependency life seems rather pointless
posted to life by Dakota, Assassin of Good (3 comments)

Trust.....

rant
Trust You told me i could trust you.... later you confess to lying.... you promise not to lie again.... but yet you are still lying you dont know i have caught you in a lie.... you dont know how its ripping me in half.... not being able to tell you i know.... im dieing inside from the pain my blood is on his hands the betrayal of a lover is hard to cope with... why do i have to be so in love with you when it hurts so much... you told me i could trust you and now i wish i were dead bc i did just that...
posted to relationships by Blaine, Shaman of Imagination (2 comments)

I love you

rant
Damn it, I LOVE YOU!  How could you have been so blind.  How could you not have known I felt ever bit of every way that you did.  Christ, I was the one afraid and you were the one who walked away.  You stupid shit!  We don't get these in life.  I'm sorry for all the pain that you have had in your life.  You are such a good man that you work and you give to everyone.  Oh babe, somebody loved you just for being you.  Didn't want a damn thing other than two arms around her and she valued that embrace more than all the people in your entire life valued your monitarily.  Why you didn't feel worthy of such a simplistic pure love I'll never know.  You should see the person inside of you that I see.  How could you have not known how I felt about you?  Babe, we're identical.  You touched me as deeply as I touched you.  The only difference is I was aware of it.  Two mavericks in love.  Two "used" in love.  God, how I love you, how I longed for you. We each lost our best friends when you walked away.  Thank God you had balls enough to brave the waters and call me.  We both hurt.  You stupid shit!  Over a year in misory without each other.  YOU thought YOU were the one making the sacrfice.  NO ASSHOLE, you took me down with you.  God forbid somebody loved you that much just for being you!  Get over it, I do and don't you dare do that to me again!  Yes, I can live without you, damn straight, I don't need you.  I WANT you.   Your my identical twin in the form of a man.  You're my best friend.  You're my best lover.  Get over whatever part of yourself thinks you don't deserve to be loved and except mine.   I LOVE YOU!  Simple, basic, easy, what did you think it was suppose to be?  Sorry, I'm not someone you have to care for, just care about me and I'll care about you.  Pretty fucking simple, stop trying to complicate it! 
posted to relationships by Addison, Shadow of the Homeless (3 comments)

I confess that sometimes I dream my brain is a radio and everyone can hear it Comment if you want something special  now playing P1nk Fl0yd - an1mals http://www.sendspace.com/file/6rn1we   coming up within the hour at0m heart m0ther, mettle, dark s1de 0f the m00n, the wal, p1p3r at the gates of dawn *check the comments for upcoming links pt join in no mods here ;)
posted to society by Blaine, Warlord of the Irredeemably Moist (6 comments)

http://amandaguy.squarespace.com/blog/ I founthis yesterday, which seems to be when it was created I just got lucky I guess 
posted to life by Dakota, Keeper of the Satisfied (0 comments)

The one you know as "Amanda Guy" really creeps me out, now. I feel like I'm being stalked.
posted to relationships by Taylor, Pope of the Poor (7 comments)

It's a two-way street ya know?  If you're giving it every single thing you've got and she's only putting in a sub-par 20 percent, what else can you do?  You can push and push and push - but it's only going to push her away.  I'm 26 and have absolutely rifled through girlfriends in my young days only to find that the most recent one was the only thing I ever wanted.  We dated for the better part of 2007 and almost all January of this year.  We loved each other very much.  She's a brilliant, hilarious, stunningly gorgeous girl that I somehow let get away.  There was love, and there was no foul play on either side when we split.  All she wanted of me was for me to open up.  I was just never able to.  A very awkward upbringing had made me timid pretty much my whole life.  I told her every day that I loved her, but it wasn't enough.  She wanted to know me and get inside and see who it actually was that she was in love with.  Thing is, she was too scared and stupid to say anything to me either.  Somewhere along the way we lost each other, between living by our separate selves trying to make ends meet and having quarter life crisis's we became so distant.  I knew it at the time, she knew it.  But neither of us had the balls to say anything to each other.  I took time for granted and assumed that I would have the rest of my life to tell her everything she wanted to know. So now, for the last few weeks, we still have been talking, occasionally seeing each other, occasionally doing it, she tells me that she loves me, that she misses me, that she can't wait to see me; but more often than not I sit alone and think about her.  She dances around my head every pulsing second of the day and the only way that this lonliness can stop is if she comes back at 100% OR stops telling me that she loves me, stops telling me that she misses me, stops telling me that she can't wait to see me, stops seeing me, stops wanting me, stops loving me, stops missing me. I don't know what to do.  She says she doesn't know what to do either.  My friends want me to go out and "forget her" by hooking up with some stranger.  But my heart belongs to her.  I don't want to start dating again and actively looking for love.  I found it, i want it, I don't know what to do. But a bit of advice for anyone who actually reads this and might be in a relationship:  Think out loud, don't hold anything in for fear of slight embarassment, he or she loves you for who you are, so be who you are.   "...if you admire someone you should go ahead and tell 'em..." -Kanye 
posted to relationships by Ari, Crusader of Musclebeasts (4 comments)

For Valentine's Day my girlfriend got me "Pulp Fiction" on DVD... Well she's definitely a keeper!
posted to relationships by Andy, Dark Queen of Musclebeasts (2 comments)

Just call.

rant
okay so what? You call me on the phone all the time, tell me you love me, and then when i ask one night if you're gonna call you say you're "talking to a girl from your school" and that you have to call her.. WHAT THE FUCK!? So was I just to pass the time? Is that why we have been talking for 2 years.. So I text you and say "well later on you can find someone else to use" and you text me saying "Dont be like that :(" and then I don't reply. Of course you text me AGAIN saying "[my full name] PLEASE DONT DO THIS.." begging me to tlk to you well duh of course i want to but im not going to. If you try to contact me today I'm not forgiving you but i really do want you to call/text.......i want you to know what the damage you've done. you just dont know....
posted to relationships by Peyton, Devourer of Evil (3 comments)

You're a fucking bitch and I won't calm down until I let it out.
posted to life by Rebecca, Scout of Generosity (0 comments)

Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike 'lesser' estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America's richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own 'humanitarian' spin on it. Calling attention to her own 'good will'. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Money does not grow on trees. When too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world's richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not 'trickle down' as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves 'humanitarians'. IT CAN'T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. A total collapse of the US economy. Probably within a decade. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Please copy this entry and run it by any professor of socio-economics. I speak the truth. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE. Please copy and help spread the word. If we can't learn to tell the difference between truth and lie. Greed and generosity. Good will and PR crap. Then we are doomed. STOP SUPPORTING THE RICH. DON'T USE THE CREDIT CARDS. DON'T BUY THE TICKETS, DVDS, JERSIES, PHARMACEUTICALS, MAGAZINES, OR ANY OTHER OVER-PRICED CRAP. We need to stop supporting high profit low labor industry and support more low profit high labor industry. This is the only way to secure jobs and prosperity for all.
posted to society by Addison, Monk of Arts and Crafts (1 comment)

Sad slut..

rant
It's pretty sad when you have to put your status on Myspace as "in the shower" or "taking a bath" all day to get guys attention, because all the slutty pictures are no longer doing it.  She claims she wants love, but that sure aint the way to go about it. You know how I "found" love? I didn't, it found me. He was just  a boy I talked to frequently, my friend. A very good friend. And the longer we knew eachother, the more it evolved. You don't find that by flirting with every member of the male species and exposing your body.
posted to life by Taylor, Warlord of the Wicked (4 comments)

I don't know where to begin. I am an attractive, slim, sexy , fierce 29 year old woman and you would think I have a spectacular sex life. I don't have one, a sex life, that is. I am blonde, slim, blue eyed, well put together girl. I am that woman you eye ball and love or hate when you see me in public. No joke. It is the fuckin' bane of my existence. Men open doors for me and women slap their husbands when they walk into a wall after walking by me. You would think I could actually get laid. My husband is dead sure I am not attractive.  He is a rock star. No joke. This actually happens to some people. You go to a concert. He pulls you from the audience. You fall in love. You fuck like demons and do all the crazy things your mind wanders to do. Then you get married. Huge wedding. All the great people in your life. All the "right" and famous people are there. Waterfalls, harp players, booze, drugs, rock and roll. VH1 never had footage like this.  Then life happens. I have beautiful babies. (I am not trying to slander my beautiful and life giving children in this.) He sees me have babies. I still look perfect. No, really, I worked hard for it. He stops touching me. He stops coming to me in the night (or day).  A few years go by. I'm 29 now. Most people would gut me stern to stem to have my life. I know how fucking spoiled this sounds. I know I am spoiled. But I haven't had sex more than five times in the last three years. I also know he doesn't cheat on me. If he did, I probably wouldn't need to blog. I could go cheat to my hearts desire, guilt free. I know where he is and what he does all the time. Not out of weird paranoia. I just know who he works with, gigs with, etc...  Also I don't have that woman's intuition kicking in. I wish sometimes he was cheating. Then I could too. But, he isn't. This gorgeous, talented, connected guy who has women drooling at his every step could literally care less about sex ever again. Hard too believe? Try living it. At 29, I'm starting too peak sexually. I'm beginning to feel like a bit of a pervert actually. When the college jogging team runs by me on the sidewalk I say a silent "Thank You." When my teachers from my various academic pursuits stare at me a bit too long, I fantasize. When his friends and colleagues hit on me in dark places at his venues flirt with me, I wish. But I made a promise. In front of all our friends, family, and God (or whatever Holy belief you have) I would not stray. My husband is wonderful. Kind. Creative. Funny. Sexy as hell. And a Great Great Dad. And he never touches me. And I want to cheat. I want to be touched. It is written in my DNA. I am a woman. I haven't yet. Holy Hell. Who am I to spit in the face of all I have for a kind touch?  Do I break my solemn vow? Thanks for listening.
posted to life by Yoko, Author of the Financial Services department (5 comments)

Women think it's so easy for men. Just get in, get off, then get out. They have no idea how hard it is! Did you girls forget that men can orgasm immediately! With the right touch we'd make a horrible mess on your couch in less than 30 seconds. The same doesn't apply to women. It takes a long time -- and the longer it takes the more enjoyment you feel, right? Yet us men are like loaded guns. You can play with it for awhile, but the wrong touch and we go off without warning.  Next time you're complaining about our performance in bed... try to be a little less arousing! :) 
posted to relationships by Ari, Curator of the Unimaginable Terror (4 comments)

CHEATER...

confession
I cheated on her.  We've only been living together for 7 or 8 months maybe, and from May til November I've slept with at least 5 other women.  I feel worse about it now than I did then.  She never has accused me of anything, she has no idea.  For the last couple months I have been all about her, but needed to get this off my chest to someone - anyone.  With a couple of the mistresses, I was basically dating them, I was dating 3 women at once!  I have no idea how I didn't get caught by any of them.  Not one of them suspected that there was someone else, meanwhile i LIVE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.  I was telling two other girls that I loved them just to keep them around, meanwhile my girlfriend and I haven't told each other that we loved each other.  The lies got enormous, so many lies to so many people.   Straight up - I was not cut out for monogomy.  Every girl I've ever been with I've ended up falling in love with and cheating on them and falling in love with the girls i was cheating with.  I guess I don't really know what love is.   I havent cheated in a couple of months, but every time I hit the bars in this southern state my eyes wander.  I want to, I'm addicted to sex, but I don't want to "hurt" her anymore.   She has no idea! None!  Do i tell her?  Do i put it inside forever?  Help anonymous bloggers!
posted to relationships by Alice, Prostitute of the Poor (15 comments)

I just want to write to all you men out there who are too afraid to tell the woman they care about that they love her.  On more than one occasion in my life I have known and cared for great men, and was never aware that the feelings were reciprocated until it was too late or I no longer saw them in a romantic way (I don't know about you other women, but once a man enters the "friend zone" it's hard to go back).  Call me old fashioned, call me whatever you will, but I still feel that real men...the type of men I am personally attracted to...should make SOME sort of move or ask the woman out.  I don't want to rant or rave, I just want to get this out there so that if I can open SOMEONE'S eyes and push them to take a chance on love then I have done what I wanted to do!  The minute you realize you are terrified of even the thought of telling her...think about how much MORE terrifying it will be when you have lost her for good and never even TOOK THE CHANCE!!!!  I will leave you with this thought, and I hope you will learn what I wish the men in my life would have known in a certain point in time...If she is worth it, if the thought of someone else holding her and laying next to her every night makes you sick to your stomach, than WHAT HAVE YOU REALLY GOT TO LOSE!!?!?!?  So the worst that will happen is she will "shoot you down"...ok, so now you know and you can move on.  Do you really want to be haunted with "what if's" for the rest of your life?! ..and even more so, coming from a woman, we might very well feel just the same way and if she is worth the risk than TAKE IT!  Ok, that's all.  Thanks for reading and GO GET HER, OK??!!
posted to life by Max, Guardian of the Wildlands (4 comments)

Sl** of manhattan

confession
I'm 19 lost my virginity at 18...well first time i had another persons finger in there was 3 months b4 my 18th bday from a random guy i met at the mall.... went home where i met a total player and gave him my virginity know that he would never be able to settle for one girl i knew of him cheating on his gf with many people we slept together many times in the park on a picnic table during the school basketball games where i should have been filming the game for school.. .i run into the guy who first fingered me again and we start to date so i cut off this basketball affair with the player and date this guy i think im in love i find out hes just after another piece of ass once he gets wat he wanted he leaves me stranded in a hotel room with no money or food(him having guilted me into paying for the room) so i dont feel guilty that i cheated on him with my player who has become my best and only friend. After my players gf breaks up with him we start dating, i move away to go to college hes still in high school he forgets my bday so i go  party at a night club get drunk and pissed and agree to go out with 2 other guys at the club end up sleeping with one the other i blew off till sunday told my player i was going to dinner and movie with a friend and went out with the second guy he was sweet. I start to feel guilty so i dump my bf saying we made better freinds two days later i'm dating the second guy....turns out both guys from the club are in the military and lived in barraks right across the street from eachother. I dated them both for awhile and have now actually fallen in love with one whole heartedly.... the guy who deserted me in a hotel room now lives two buildings away and begs me for blowjobs saying that no one gives them as good as me and for the first few months of going out with my soldeir i did but now i refuse to cheat bc im so scared of losing him he knows i cheated on both my ex's he knows about the guy i met the same night i met him and knows that we are over and he has been shipped back home to boston.....I'm not looking for advice just needed to get it off my chest....i know since my player got me interested into sex for awhile i was a slut.
posted to relationships by Frankie, Real Estate Agent of Good (7 comments)

So, I've been watching the Clinton camp.  The first clear departure from debating the issues came from the Clinton camp.  It involved an attack by 3 separate individuals associated with the Clinton campaign; two directly paid by them, distorting a story about Obama's past drug use.  The Carville stragy, as documented in "Our Brand is Crisis" requires getting people other than the candidate to repeat something negative about the opposition.  It appears that someone in the Clinton camp thought, oh well, all we've got to do is get the folks to associate Obama with their thoughts about black men with drugs, and it will be over.   Than, they thought, we'll keep Hillary appearing pure and get Bill to go out and make more negative attacks on Obama.  For whatever reason, they missed a key part of the Carville strategy which is to never allow any connection to be made between your attack surrogates and the candidate.  It is pretty hard to claim Bill Clinton is unconnected to Hillary, and when he says the Obama candidacy is a fairytale, I say I didn't begrudge you your shading of the truth in your day, but your own humble upbringing should have taught you that miraculous occurrences can happen in this county of ours.  We the people will be the ones to decide what is and what is not a fairytale.  And for my, part I've had enough of this first strike sort of presidency - i'll take a counter-puncher any time.  I'm voting Obama.
posted to society by Harper, Paladin of Good (1 comment)

Okay, so I ran for student council, and I wanted to have the position so bad. I did everything I could. But I was up against 2 of the most popular ppl in my school and the other,  one of my best friends. So i ran, and bleed my heart out in my speech. I LOST, and something at the pit of my stomach hurt, but didn't give any pain in my body, but somewhere in my nerves, MY HEART. I am happy for the "popular" who won. But why the heck did I feel so sad? its not like someone died. But i felt so sad and dissapointed that I couldn't even cry you know? My other best friend told me that she voted for the "popular". I said something very mean. I told her "if you ran against her, I'd vote for cuz you my best friend, seeing that your such a f*cking retard" and I realized seconds after that it was oh so very wrong.  But after the elections, when I got home I realized that, I thought that being elected would make me "visible", and be liked. To not be just another shadow and figure walking through the halls. That it would make a difference for me. and when I lost, I felt rejected, and I brought more pain unto me. I Heck!, I brought on myslef. But now that I got caught up in getting to that goal of "visibilty" I got too upset to even cry.
posted to life by Blaine, Butcher of the Satisfied (4 comments)

I know this isn't very interesting reading for anyone else, and for that I apologize.  I just need to say...and you know who YOU are....please stop STALKING me and LEAVE ME BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Aren't you sick and tired of watching me live MY life than simply living YOUR OWN??!!  Life is too darn short, love!  Is this REALLY the story you want to be told?!  Move on!  Please!  There will never be an "us" at this point.  I know it's you out there so the JIG IS UP!!!  I hope you find what you are looking for, but rest assured with no regrets...that she is NOT ME!!!!!!!!!  Please let me have my life back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thank you in advance for finally listening to me and good luck!  I sincerely wish you the best and I DON'T want to dislike you so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go live YOUR LIFE and leave MINE BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Take care of yourself and God Bless. 
posted to life by Andy, Clown of Space (0 comments)

I so wish people would f*in grow up!  If you are in your twenties (or older) and want to act like you are in high school then dammit GO back! Maturity comes with age and life edperiences and to have to work alongside someone who is 22 going on 7 is enough to drive me insane!!!!!!! I rise above yes because I am mature, BUT when it is ALWAYS there how do you catch a break? I can't just smack her because remember I'm the mature one...
posted to life by Andy, Lord of the Wicked (3 comments)

I just don't understand why guys are so weird when it comes to realtionships. You know...it's not even relationships, its just hooking up. Like if its convenient for them, they'll call you and you will meet and hook up. But if you want to hook up with them and you text/call them they say that they'll call you or talk to  you later. Do they call? No. And then its always fun when you find out that they have also been hooking up with a girl that you absolutely hate.
posted to relationships by Addison, Referee of the Wildlands (3 comments)

so i've worked for a company for ten years, gone above and beyond the call of duty...but we had to move, and the owner made us all sign contracts that we wouldnt file for unemployment, quit, etc..in exchange for providing us full time bhenefits, yet  he scheduled me f 18 hrs this week.  The owner is a right wing "christian" who praises the lord, b ut tells racist jokes and talks about sex constantly, not to mention that he thinks everyone else is  a douchebag.  In exchange fo9r his "loyalty" to his employees, I have begun to do something I've never donebefore...I steal approx. $200 aday from him...would never think of doing it before...but fuck u if u think u can screw mw out of providing me w/ full time employment, and not letting me seek elsewhere.
posted to school by Charlie, Hunter of the Wildlands (1 comment)

Yes you are stupid! Yes, you look like a boy what were you thinking cutting your hair like that? Never mind I know it's all about sympathy and attention. I'd like to smack that inncocent look off of your face, I really can't believe how many people fall for it. Are that many people just so oblivious to the real you. you are alone you have no friends not because you are ugly on the outside because you are ugly on the inside. people start of liking you then they get to know you and run the other way just as fast as they can. Get over the world is out to get you attitude start believing in yourself and maybe others will follow having people feel sorry for you is no way to have a "friend", otherwise just go dig yourself a hole and bury yourself in it because the rest of us are SICK OF YOU!   God, I feeel better!
posted to life by Blaine, Deviant of the craft table (0 comments)

the ex....

confession
i secretly miss my ex because we were best friends and seemed to have so much more in common than my spouse and i do.
posted to relationships by Ari, Ninja of Wild Parties (2 comments)

Okay.  I am a 33 year old male, married, with two kids.  I have been friends with a guy for the last two years who is 7 years my junior, and sometimes, I feel like I have fallen in love with him.  I dont want to have sex with him or anything, but I want more than what we have. Growing up, I had the hardest time making friends.  And as you get older, I have found that it only gets harder, especially, as you start families and get more immersed in your career. I met J two years ago at work. We hit it off pretty quickly, but it was still in the context of work.  Gradually, we took it outside of work with our wives, but that was a bust, as they barely tolerate each other.  We decided to go out together to a bar where he plays pool tournaments.  We had a blast.   Eventually, our work situation changed and I didnt see him as frequently for my business because he changed companies.  He specifically asked me to make sure we dont lose touch.  With his new job, strangely enough, he had more freedom and I actually saw him more.  I would start looking for him to appear at work because I knew when he would most likely show up. His new company eventually changed his area, and he would now be hours away from me.  This time, I said to him....we will just have to make more plans to get together.  He said cool.  A week later, I invited him to lunch .     The first thing he asked was if his wife could come.  I said sure.  We met for lunch, and as usual, when he is with her, he doesnt seem to be himself...he comes off a little cold or standoffish.  After lunch, we said goodbye, and something to me said that I should just let him go...dont call, just cut it off.  I thought that would be hard to do cause if he called, what should I say..  Well, that wasnt going to be a problem, cause I didnt hear from him for a month.  He called to try and make plans to go out.  I let the cell phone ring until the voice mail picked it up.  I finally called him back and now Im torn about what to do.  I want a best friend.  I just dont know if he is it.  I dont know what I am feeling.
posted to relationships by Addison, Funeral Director of the Rich (3 comments)

Should I tell you how I feel? Should I take a step towards shattering the best friendship I've ever had? Do I secretly hope that you could possibly feel the same way?  Yes... Is our friendship going to be OK if I don't tell you? probably not... I can't control how I feel anymore. I cannot go on living a lie. I need to be able to move on. And I'm not doing you any favors by feeling this way when you confess your secrets to me. Is our friendship going to be OK if I do tell you? probably not... It'll be too wierd for you to tell me your secrets like you have in the past. Plus, I don't want Her to know. Not because I want to lie, but because She doesn't deserve that kind of pain, no matter how I feel. Not right now. Not with everything else that's going on in her life. If I thought there was a chance with us, I would tell her in a heartbeat. But there is no reason to destroy her world over nothing. I used to think the right thing would be Honesty, above all else. But now all I see is three kinds of heartbreak when there only needs to be two: Yours at the loss of a friend and betrayal of trust. Mine at the loss of you. I would rather live out the rest of my life alone, without you; but I have an age old promise to keep. I don't want to betray everyone that I hold dear. I'm such an ass. I hate this. I hate me. Do I really think that you could ever return my feelings? No... I realize that this is a pipe dream. Your religion prevents you from exploring those feelings, even if they did exist. You probably never experienced theose kinds of feelings, anyway. And even if you did, and wanted to explore them, it wouldn't be with someone like me. It would be with someone beautiful, like you. You're just really affectionate. You could never really love me like I want you to. I wish you knew.
posted to relationships by Blaine, Warlord of Imagination (1 comment)

you always say im too good for you, you always make excuses of why we cant be together, you say youre not this good guy i think you are, you always ask me what i see in you, i dont know what i see in you i wish i knew and it would be so much easier to get over you. i came up with some things that i will never tell you. because im not talking to you anymore. im quitting you cold turkey. i hope i can do it. i know youll never find\read this but i just have to let go and put this out there for the record of why i feel so much for you i love the way you exlpain things your voice changes and you never give up until i get it youre always teaching me new things from a new drinking game to what a spark plug is and how it works the way you laugh i dont know if you know this but it changes my favorite one is when your laughing when someone does something stupid even when its me youre laughing at i love how you make everything into a bet\game like when we chose people to win in gladiators blow jobs for back massages when we bought lottery tickets and planned all the things we would do together with the money sometimes i wish we won, not for the money but so we could be together i love your confidence like the way youre convinced youll be famous someday (i have no doubts about that) youre not one to show your feelings very much but you do little things that let me think you care like when you brought your left over mac n cheese to the mountains when you cook me breakfast in bed new years day when i asked you to put a movie on and you went all the way down stairs to get the playstation and hooked it up for me even though you were probably extremely hung over one holiday party when you had to take ***** home and you still drove back to my house and had to take the longest way possible to avoid check points, but you still came and the one random night that you stayed the whole next day and watched tv with me when we played monopoly and you helped me cheat even though it really pissed ***** off that we were playing as a team and while those little things arent much they mean so much to me and theyre part of the reason you mean so much to me
posted to relationships by Dakota, Elementalist of Arts and Crafts (1 comment)

GO get her.

advice
If you have been told that in order to succeed in life, you need to figure out what it is that you want, and then GO GET IT, well let me tell you, that is wrong. The truth of the matter is, when you have found HER, go and GET HER, like in the Beatles song.  Things are meaningless. There are so many things in this world. The real treasure is that one person who you have made a connection with. There is that one person and she is out there and if you don't ACT NOW, well she just may be gone forever.  True story.
posted to life by Shiki, Necromancer of the Irredeemably Moist (1 comment)

what luck.

rant
I don't want to seem ungrateful here, but why does my wife and my girlfriend have to get their period at the same time? Early for both of them no less. My wife and I had great sex the other night and I was grinding pretty hard till she came, then lo and behold the next day she started. In the middle of her cycle of BC pills also. Then the next day I screwed my girlfriend the same way till she came, and one day later she starts. WTF
posted to relationships by Taylor, Hunter of Arts and Crafts (9 comments)

Okay - so I'm a queer, a homo, a . . . whatever. But why can't we get along just like the prophet Rodney King told us too?  Okay, so the Rod probably wasn't talking to us queers but you know what I mean. Queers are a pain in the ass - yes, I'm sure that there is a joke in there somewhere . . . in a dark place far far away that I really don't care to ever visit. Queers complain about everything.  You can't make most of them happy.   Everything has to be so f-ing PC.  We tried to market a product.  But there wasn't enough "diversity" in the thing.  They wanted lots of people with lots of skin colors, hair styles, hair texture, lips from A - Z, boys with girls with boys with birls with goys with toys with . . . I don't get it.    Our deal was simple, lots of queers live like everybody else.  We go to work, pay our taxes, live in small towns, act just like Cheney families.   Bottom line, we're as boring and non-PC as most straight people.   Instead, we have to embrace every known way to kill a fetus, act like polygamany, incest and lowering the age of consent are just other ways of living one's live ----- free speech!!!!!!  Geez, lots of us are more Ozzy and Harriet or Ozzy and Harry . . . just normal families.    Maybe I should be ranting about Organized Limp-Witted Queers that can't keep there mouth's shut or stay off of tv shows. I'm just a homo from a small town with lots of small-town "values" who just happened to get the draw from the deck that had the big Q on it.  I quit for now. 
posted to life by Taylor, Developer of Generosity (5 comments)

Jalapeno..

rant
i've done the best that i can with what i've been given. I've told friends, and now im telling you: i'll do everything i can to see or talk to you, but i am not get caught. We all know what happens if i am. No one ever sees me again. Im shipped off to military school, with no actual future in sight. Now let me ask you this...are you really willing to trade 5 minutes of happiness now for a possible lifetime later? Because frankly, i'd rather tough it out, learn what i need to learn, and get back to the way things were. If you've got something else in mind. Just say it. But dont try and hide it.
posted to relationships by Max, Shaman of the Wildlands (0 comments)

  I got the nod of respect from my boss the other day. He had given it to me for dealing with a customer way after the official END OF MY SHIFT... I returned it with a weary, wry grin. It was the kind of grin warriors gave each other a few centuries ago, as they lay panting over the bodies they had deposed; kept the enemy at bay for another day. He returned the same weary grin. But we weren't defenders on the ramparts of some burning, ancient city. We work in a call centre smack-bang in Depressionville. People laugh as if they mean it when they are on the 'phone, but they're reading from the script on their flickering screen as they text their friends to try to stay sane. Everyone laughs a little too much. The place reeks of rejection and every day the sun sets on the building it looks a little...crucified.  I had got my 8 'leads' for the day. In simple terms, I had convinced enough people to think that putting there house as security for short-term gain would be a good idea. I convinced 8 souls to believe I was an honest, helpful and upright human being. We had done a secured loan application, in the guise of consolidation. It was all for 'no-obligation quotes', so I didn't actually sell them the loan. But I planted the seed. So I confess to that.  My only out, is this. As I returned that weary, wry grin to my boss and had it mirrored back, he didn't realise one thing. I am an actor. I watch people all the time, and I'm going to step on that stage once more and when I do all these rancid, liquorice thoughts will fizzle away and I'll have one thought. To be absolutely truthful for that moment in time. 'But break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue...' Hamlet
posted to work by Bobbie, Sheriff of Darkness (1 comment)

Tired at 21

confession
I'm done with the bs of relationships any kind of relationship.I have been partying my whole life.I have had the same friends by my side for as long as i have been alive.Is it just me or is everyone out there crazy? Even my relationship with my "Boys" is fake because as soon as the party is over and i need something no one is there.If i'm there i take care of it no questions asked.But i see this in every fasit of life if you beleave in GOD as soon as some one see you doing something of the conturare to there guide lines the write you off.For me when the smoke cleared and the bottles were gone the party is over.Every one beleaves these days that everyone will stab them in the back.What has changed so much in are socitet that we only see the bad in people.Is it that we are so detached from the world because we liv are lifes threw others.Hold are standerds so high that we can't help to fale because that is what the world tells us is going to happen to all of us.When did we start looking for the pain to find pelsure?I emagine that it started when we had no  more world to concure.I'm tired at 21 of fighting to get by and never feeling like i have acomplished something because someone says so.A human life is priesless but we still manage to look at some one as worthless.
posted to life by Stevie, Herald of the craft table (1 comment)

I was on a bus today passing through Crouch End in North London on my way home. I was staring out the window and listening to Lying Eyes by the Eagles on my Nokia that doubles as an MP3 player. Quite suddenly and overwhelmingly, more than any other time in my life I had the feeling that my life was not a life that was worth living. The thought, the feeling has fleeted through me before. I can’t imagine anyone no matter how positive and happy an outlook hasn’t once experienced a moment like that, crossing a bridge perhaps, where you look down and stay who would notice if I just slipped over and splashed away simply into oblivion. But this was different. Because I fought the feeling. And it fought back some. And I felt nauseous. And I thought I was going to vomit. On the bus. At Crouch End. Listening to the Eagles. But I didn’t. I fought the nausea. And laughed at myself a little. And realised: this must be rock bottom. And once I realised that. I felt sort of renewed. Like I had killed myself. And this was me starting all over again. At the bottom, where I had nothing to lose. I felt a calm. An inner peace.  I’ll try to explain it all. The nausea. The fear. The dejection. I’m a mostly unemployed actor in London. From a foreign country. So I’m lonesome too. Fuck. The more I write about my woes, the more pathetic I sound. So I’ll be brief. I’m 26. I’m broke. I can’t pay my rent. I owe the bank money that I don’t have. But I start a job in one weeks time for eight weeks.  I haven’t had a girlfriend in four years and the last girl I dated starting going out with someone the day after our first and only date. But I don’t think the trouble is there. I’m looking for it still. Lonesomeness is only self-loathing. That’s what I keep telling myself. And that’s indulgent. Bullshit. Stuff that I can blow away like a dandelion clock. Uh oh. Poetry sneaking in. More indulgence. More pretension. This feeling. The overwhelming need to end it all, scared the shit out of me. But I fought it. And won. And I feel calmer now. Though sad. And I keep thinking of my ex-girlfriend from four fucking years ago and how I should maybe call her. That if she was happy now I’d feel great for her. Excited and hopeful for her. And if she wasn’t then maybe I could do something about it. She hasn’t returned my emails in about a year though. Writing this Holden Caulfield horseshit is making me feel better though, even if it doesn’t make for a great read. I want to be a brilliant actor. I’m not sure if I am yet. But I would like to be. And a lot of actors talk an awful lot of shit. And bore me to tears. Most of them if the truth be told. Watching them- brilliant. But listening to actors- oh Jesus shoot me. Don’t get me wrong- I love them too, but sometimes, fuck me, just shut up and do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.  And here I am. Not doing anything. And blaming my UK agent. Though everybody tells me how great the are. Even them! “We are the best agent in the UK. And your agency in your home country are the best there too” Which clearly means I’m a terrible actor! Even though I know I’m not! It’s the one thing I’m sure of. I’ve always been sure of. I can do some shite work. That’s ill-informed and not thought out or energised or too generalised, but I still know I have the potential to be good. Which is the secret- there I have it. The secret to everything. To acting, to living. I have the potential to do good. To be good. And to make other people feel good, more importantly. I used to tell my friend when he was worried about his confidence that we are all great shipwrecks sunk at the bottom of the ocean. And that if we can just remember that and be happy and proud and celebrate that beauty and that rootedness, that elegance then confidence will never be a problem. I still hold that idea true.  But I need a new image.  The shipwreck’s gone stale in my head.  I blame James Cameron. Now there’s a man I’d like to work for. So on wards. No more bullshit. Dry your eyes boy. I survived suicide at Crouch End.   
posted to life by Bobbie, Knight of Time (2 comments)

I had a quiet relationship life as a kid but since seperating recently it all went a bit odd. First off the seperation was fairly acrimonious as it was- in fact it was bloody well fierce. Then after resisting even the idea of seeing someon new for ages it all got weird, and very busy. First there was my Ex wifes Ex sister in law who i met in town and ended up talking to till the early hours. I did not take too much notice at the but friends said she was a bit keen?? Anyhow she spent ages bending my ear a lot about her Ex and his odd behaviour, they are now happily living together again, got back together soon after, she still called occaisionally to say what an arse he was. Mind you there were some obvious strong political reasons why that was a bad idea.Then the woman her fella had originally left her for asked me if i wanted to live with her then stalked me for a while. Which was creepy, if a little amusing- especially for the guy at work who got my old extension number by coincidence during a shuffle and who then got a few calls from her. Then there was the woman at work, this is the same one that i am meant to be seeing now. So that started about 9 months back but she called it off and i worked out fairly easily she was back with an Ex and was proved right on that when she told me recently when we picked up again. Anyway that is all weird at the moment who the hell knows whats happening and i get the feeling that once again i don't know the half of it. There was the other woman at work that i literally had to peel off and was just short of rude to but still couldn't put her off- mind you she was a little drunk and a little scary. Then there was a woman that the whole time i was seeing her was getting texts and calls that i soon worked out was someone else and even who it was. then it turned out that we had never actually been 'seeing each other' apparently?? All that in the space of about a week of 'not' seeing her. She was cracking looking, funny and clever though and i'd do that all over again. Then there was the woman who i got on so well with that it was unreal, but maybe that was the problem, we were mates so quickly that it seemed that was going to be it and apparently she wasn't ready? I am fairly sure though that she saw someone else over christmas- sorry but if your not ready, your not ready are you? Now of course i know that was a soft let down, but don't they just piss you off? Now all of that probably sounds okay and it is i guess at a glance, but it seems to me that each time i was given a complete run around. Full on, and then nothing. Hey if you just want a roll and thats that i'm fine with it, i am a man after all, it would just be nice to know whats going on. It has to be said that i never chat anyone up- i just can't do it, i have been chased each time. And i'm just tired now. Oddly i am fairly good friends with all of them now (apart from the stalker and my wife) and to an extent i am aware that i should consider myself lucky- and do. I just don't know that my teen years prepared me for this. Its like doing all that uncomfortable teens thing just 20 odd years late. Just a bit fed up from being messed around.
posted to relationships by Ari, Sous Chef of Arts and Crafts (1 comment)

Someone needs to make sure people arent being hurt by employees
posted to life by Charlie, Wizard of Time (1 comment)

So I married when I was young, and I thought I was ready, but apparantly not. Now, all we ever do is fight and I keep wondering, what if? Does this make me a bad person? I mean, am I the only one who wonders is this all there is to life? I just want more... Is this normal?
posted to relationships by Kadnyce, Apprentice of Musclebeasts (3 comments)

Here I go Again

confession
I don't know what it is about you that I love. It's hard to say because I haven't known you that long but in a way I have known you my whole life. I have been married 13 years or so and I have 3 children. I am 39 years old and I feel like I have lived a lifetime until I met you. With you I want to do things that I only ever dreamed of before. I love the way you smile and I love your voice - a mixture of husky mixed with milk and honey. I love the way you are passionate about what you do. I love your intelligence and your humanity. I love your kindness, your sweet soul, your pure integrity and your sunny, positive outlook on life. You make me feel safe and protected and loved. At home I give and I give and at the end of the day when I am done feeding the children, checking homework, wifely duties and quite literally everyone has had their piece of me I experience the most aching of loneliness and the thought of seeing you is what keeps me going. I love you for all those things and more...
posted to relationships by Ash, Illusionist of Generosity (1 comment)

Pattern is meet someone, they come on very strong and about a month later thats that its all over. They want to be mates (and apparently mean it, i have some really strong female friends now). Sometimes i think i have worked out the details - but thats no better. I sussed one, who was amazing- funny clever sexy- was juggling a few blokes before making a final decision, i didn't make the final cut. But then i was rebounding already by then. The previous girl i had 'admired from afar' for years then she asked me out, month or so of intensity then its over, no good reason given but again i worked out that their ex was picking away and they were feeling under pressure and obligation to them. This was proved right when we picked it up again but that looks to have gone same way again, just with even more intensity this time- i'm so seriously hung up there that its already fucked up one year and has i suspect put me off the whole idea for a long time. but then its been a funny year like that. I have been asked out by so many women and its a bit tiring. I think part of the problem is that i am not much of a chaser, i just wait to be approached- clearly this is not the way??
posted to relationships by Adrian, Janitor of the Satisfied (0 comments)

I am here to tell you the truth. I am a former employee of a company that claims to help people by getting them their prescriptions for free. This company used high-pressure sales tactics to sell these programs to people who could not afford their medications. These companies coerce people who cannot afford their meds to enter into an annual contract to provide them with their medications. There is no guarantee that you will receive medications. They are charging the public for a service that is free from the pharmaceutical manufacturer. They tell consumers that the pharmaceutical company wants to keep the program a secret and that they are the good guys for helping through this process. This is truly the lowest of the low. They are preying on the sick and the elderly and using their weakness and lack of knowledge to turn a profit. If you are in need of help, please go to a company that will not charge you. These companies do exist! The one that my company exploited was http://www.needymeds.com/ This site will charge you nothing to download the latest prescription assitance applications. One of the best tools to see if you qualify for free medications is to go to http://www.freemedicinerevolution.com/ and use their qualification tool to see if you qualify for free medications. Do not complete the application process because they will charge you money! Once you have been prequallified, go to needymeds to download the form you need and you are done with the process. If you cannot find the meds you need on needymeds try http://rxassist.org/ it is another free site that will help you get the forms you need. If neither of these sites has the form you need, it is most likely not available for free. Try walmart. They offer some of their prescriptions for 4 dollars a month.   Good Luck and save your money from greedy people! 
posted to society by Peyton, Manager of the Homeless (1 comment)

B. Epp. you fat ass pig. I hate your loud stomping fat butt and noisy shithead kid. Get a job, loser, so your not home all day stomping around depressed because your wife left you (GOOD FOR HER BTW). Why would she want you? fat, lazy man? I HATE YOU!
posted to life by Ari, Shaman of the Lonely (0 comments)

one of the reasons for my depression is that life is a big catch 22
posted to life by Aubrey, Clerk of Good (2 comments)

Spammers. Bugs. Downtime.  Lot's of things can wrong with a website, even one that's been up and running for a few months like this one. The recent burst of spammers (all 2 of them) exposed a few oversights that I quickly fixed, but it was still kind of embarrassing, since I'm supposedly a senior level software engineer. But, not everything is bad. A lot of things go right, too. A couple thousand visitors a month come and read the site, and a few of them even manage to use it as an outlet, a kind of a catharsis. I've even used the site once or twice myself, and you'd never know unless I told you. It also makes for a really good hobby. All in all, I think everything has turned out pretty well.
posted to tech by Frankie, Matriarch of the Wicked (10 comments)

Ok..so this is my first go at this whole blogging thing, but I need to vent and happened to find this. Today was SO frustrating! First of all you need to know that I work as a live in nanny. Been doing this for about 6-7 months. For the most part, my job is very easy. I watch two school aged kids, and for the majority of the day they are in school leaving me with quite a bit of free time, which I enjoy immensely! Of course I have to clean up the house, do some laundry and run a few errands now and then, but other than that, not much to do but kick back and relax. Although one of the parents works from a home office, which is kind of awkward for me, but they also travel alot which gives me the house to myself during those times. This week has been one of those times!  So today I find out that school is cancelled due to the amount of snow we got last night and then there was "flooding rains" all day today. Yes I'm on the east coast and am from the west coast, so I'm used to snow and all but not like they have here. They get like snow ice. Anyway, so I was already put in a bad mood because I would have to entertain the kids all day and most likely their friends too, which you know is fine, I know it's part of my job, but after getting all this free time to myself day after day, a girl sort of gets used to it and loves it! So then I was supposed to help one of the kids make heart shaped muffins for their class for V-day tomorrow, but the cake recipe needed eggs and we were out. No big deal, we'd go to the store. So I go down to my room in the basement and get ready and I'm down there for maybe all of a minute and the kids start fighting upstairs and the younger one ends up biting the older one on the arm all over a hairbrush! Geez I can't leave them by themselves for a second! The older one wants to have two friends over later and I ok it, but then we have to pick them up because of course the other kids parents would rather not drive in this weather. We go outside to the SUV and I scrape the layers of ice and snow off of it and we are halfway to town and oh, the driver side windshield wiper decides it doesn't want to work anymore. And it's pouring rain and I can't see a dang thing! So we turn around and come back to the house, upsetting both the kids because we didn't get the eggs to make the muffins, nor were we able to pick up the friends for their playdate. They expect me to be able to fix this windshield wiper so that they can have everything their way and go get their friends and the eggs. I was on the verge of crying at this point because not only am I soaking wet from having stood out in the rain trying to fix the wiper and scraping ice off the truck, but they think that I'm like superwoman or something and have the solution to everything. I wanted to start crying right then and there..yeah I'm a girl and we get like that. And I guess I have to cut the kids a little slack because when you are young and I guess even at my age, you think you're parents can fix everything and have the solution to all your problems and I'm their parent figure so to speak for the majority of their day, so ok I give them that. Then finally the younger kid calls a friend for a playdate whos mother offers to come pick them up take them to their house. That was great! Then the older kid's friends ended up getting their parents (heaven forbid) bring them over here and they played all day. Which was nice for me because then I really didn't have to do much but keep the house clean. Oh but then we throw a twist in and guess what!? Water is leaking into the basement! Which I wouldn't be hugely worried about except for that my room is down there, and that's about all there is down there other than storage. So I keep trying to clean that up all day, or at least make it so it doesn't get into my room. Well some water did end up getting into my room and soaking my carpet, but so far only about a foot past the door and it's night now and finally the rain is done, so I think the water leakage should be done too, but I've got a fan blowing on it. That's pretty much all of my story ventage, but I have come to sum up that these kids who I watch, although not nearly as spoiled as some kids are, are much more spoiled than I ever was growing up. They seem to think they can have whatever they want. They expect me to do everything for them, which hello!? I'm not a servant...the parents are actually really nice and have tried to make me feel like a part of their family. But the girls, although they do look up to me like an older sister at times, they also demand things of me which is just not cool. They think everything is about them. But again, I look back to when I was a kid and I was the biggest brat so now I know what my parents went through and I try to teach that to these kids, try to get them to see the bigger picture, but of course at their ages they are just living for the moment, and not looking to the future as much as you do when you are older and have a broader perspective of things.
posted to work by Alice, Fashion Designer of Imagination (1 comment)

I found this website and I wrote a long essay about my trials and tribulation in relationships I have decided not to post it. I am to the point in my self destruction where I would rather keep it inside and let it keep hurting. 
posted to relationships by Bowie, Warrior of Space (1 comment)

2 years. best sex ever. Now.. when me n 'mitch' so the hanky panky. he wont look at me. why is this?
posted to relationships by Dakota, Deviant of Darkness (1 comment)

Oh love...

rant
If he said the words I would end it. I would leave my current relationship. If he had the balls to stand up to his roommate (not my boyfriend, an ex), I would leave my boyfriend  I am hopelessly in love with this man and I know he at least feels halfway the same). I just wish he would fucking grow some balls and be with me forever.
posted to relationships by Stevie, Ranger of Light (4 comments)

On the 28th of Dec. I visited with my dad at the Lloyed center with my sister. He gave us each $100 to Nordstroms which I said wasn't necessary because I know of his situation. He said with his salary from Home Depot and the Country Club he bar tends at, it's nothing because he had a few good nights (buying our love. ) He obviously has not learned that I can read through his bullshit. About a month prior for my sister's birthday we met at that same place. He looked way better than he had so I asked him later if he was not in his car anymore. He said he was living in some shitty place in Newberg. I didn't really think about it, but after it had stewed for a few days I realized he there was no way he could afford rent anywhere by himself. So I asked him who exactly he was living with. My thoughts had immediately gone to he had manipulated some woman into living with her. He told me it was some guy.... I decided to ignore my intuition. Back to the present. So I called him to ask him something about a week and a half/two weeks ago and it said the number wasn't working. I didn't think much of it because it's happened so much before. Then I checked my child support debit card balance that is taken directly from his paychecks by the state and nothing had been put in for a while. Still, I ignored my thoughts. My step dad called and asked if I had received my money because my mom didn't get my sister's. That's when I got worried. I called the Home Depot he worked at and the guy said he had to let me dad go because he was showing up late and yada yada. I asked when he was fired and it was before Christmas... that means before my dad gave us that money. Obviously he shouldn't have been able to afford that, even with another job. The guy preceded to tell me he heard a rumor that he had been stealing from his other job and his GIRLFRIEND had kicked him out. I became irate. GIRLFRIEND!? What the fuck.... I fucking knew it. That's what made me the most infuriated. I had just assumed he was fired from the other job as well so I didn't know where he'd be. I called the local police stations and hospitals surrounding where I knew he had been last in hopes of contacting him. If anyone had heard from him that I'd be able to contact, it would be them. I was not successful in some ways thankfully. The next day I called the country club and they said they'd get him for me, so he was employed there still. He came on the line and said, "This is Mike. " All I said was, "Hi. " He followed with the, "Oh hey what's up. " I made a statement of, "You're phone's disconnected and you were fired from Home Depot. " He repeated that yes he had been fired from there with a joking tone. I asked why he hadn't contacted me and he said that he was mistaken in not checking in. I then asked, "... and what about that "GUY" you're living with?" His reply, "well I can't use his phone.... " I came back with, "I don't think it's a guy. " There was a silence of around 3-5 seconds which is quite sometime on the phone. I interrupted the silence by saying that I knew he was at work and we could talk later when he called. He repeated that in a scolding manner to somehow redeem his superiority as a "dad" and he said he'd call soon and we hung up. It is now 4 days later and still no word. I would figure he would have the balls to confront me, but again I was mistaken. Maybe he's waiting until his excuses are good enough to sell. Maybe he forgot with that bottle of Jack he drank that night and the other 3 bottles the following nights after. Maybe he finally realizes his failures and is finally going to follow through with those previously empty suicide threats. And just maybe, he has finally come to the untrue conclusion that there is no way to redeem himself and he'll never contact me again. He'll change jobs, and numbers, and maybe move to California like he has talked about for years. I'll never know what is in store for the future, I just want to know what went wrong. I realize you cannot tell me this, I'm just putting my thoughts on paper. Thanks for listening.
posted to life by Bobbie, Keeper of Arts and Crafts (3 comments)

Well lets start by clearly stating that i have nothing but respect for women generally and i am not into the whol battle of the sexes idea- in fact this will probably argue quite strongly for there being less diference than suspected between the sexes.   I have talked to loads of women lately, and throughout my life, and heard them go on about how bad men are. Well 2 things on that....... First of if they are not arseholes you aren't interested half the time. There is apprently nothing duller and more of a turn off than a bloke that you connect with as a friend or who actually understands you. These type of men are apparently the worst type of criminal in existance- but on the upside it means that you can be REALLY nice to them and maybe even tell them that you yourself have no idea why you are dumping them ......when you dump them out of the blue. Also if a fella makes noises about actually being interested in being with you then hey! better get out quick- god forbid it might work out and you might end up in a relationship with someone who not only shares views/sense of humour/goals with you but might actually be faithfull as well. But of course if your fella runs off and shags your best mate.....chances are that you will be begging him to come back sooner or later??   You see that guy with all the charm and sex appeal and whatever, well he's practiced that shagging half the town and will be reluctant to give that up (and may well leave you witha dose). that 'dangerous' guy really is! Of course you could change him........ha ha ha oh yeah right that ones always good for a giggle.   Second ....women have reached full equality when it comes to the relationship arsehole award stakes. Sisters are most definately doin it for themselves. Oh yes indeed. 'It' being, sleeping with someone while the bloke they are actually interested makes his mind up, shagging for comfort or rebounding around from one relationship to another (or in and out of one with your long term Ex and your chosen victim), they are not immune to the 'get your ex jealous' shag either. Its worth saying that i have avoided most if not all of this behaviour as i grew up (or if i did i hear you say). I am the guy who has had less relationships in part because he thinks it through first, because he doesn't do it for the sake of it, because he is actually uncomfortable about dumping (to the point it will hold him up even starting with them), and i can say with confidence that i have had less partners than most of my friends and i say that without shame.  Now you might detect a hint of bitterness here and you'd be right i have spent some time learning this lesson though. Optomists are the guys with there balls under a arc of a meat tenderiser hammer held by a sadist with a liking for anothers pain and thinking- 'they won't really do it ....will they?' . I used to be very optimistic. Then i married the girl voted most likely to be devoted wife and mother who actually turned out to have psycotic tendencies (in the full medical sense of the words) and who then proceded to pull my life apart and do her best to punish me for allegedly fucking up her life.....i beg to differ. My life is to the larger extent rebuilding, no thanks to a slow and extremely one sided legal and social support system that is sexist in the good old fashioned sense of the word. Then to come out of that relationship and resist the attentions of my Ex brother in-laws Ex wife and his new girlfriend just for starters just to 'almost'date someone who apparently hadn't finished their previous relationship, who persuaded me that it might be time to give it a go and then decided that they had changed their minds. But on the upside i filled up some evenings for them for a while while they decided whether or not to drag their arse back to the Ex. When they did of course they did not mention that was what was going on, just you know....not ready. Then comes the predator who as far as i can tell was lining up potential candidates at least 3 deep, i think she actually hinted that i should be more possesive at one point but then took the plunge elsewhere. And so it goes on lets face it i am sure that if i treated any of these women like i was treated then i would be called everything. I am all for sexual enpowerment or whatever you want to call it- but if you want to do it lets play fair- with power goes responsibility. (in fairness there may not be enough detail here to truly explain but i have droned as it is). I am now apparently of interest to a larger number of women than i ever expected but near crippled by what can only be called 'trust issues' on the upside all the women who have stood on me in heels are quite keen to be mates and even have the odd move toward reviving things every now and then. Just in case i haven't had enough yet....but of course as soon as it seems i might be interested they fuck off again back to whoever so its all good, never thought i would be 'the other man' so often.
posted to relationships by Stevie, Crusader of Generosity (0 comments)