FearlessBlogging.com: anonymous discussions.

Don't tell anyone I said that, though.


Here are some recent conversations:


The ones that get away…..   Why does this always happen to me?  I meet someone I really like.  We get on, it  feels lovely and right.  Then they disappear.  It might last a few months or maybe just a few dates, but the men I think could have been really right for me never seem to last.  Is it that I get so over excited that they sense it and it scares them? Or do I get self conscious about my feelings, back off and therefore do not present my true self?  It’s upsetting and heartbreaking when it happens, and I would say this is probably about the fifth time.  Simon is everything I would want; fun, intelligent, ambitious, kind and good-looking.  I felt like I could be myself and he got me, and the conversations were great.  We didn’t even get to third date…he stood me up, and no word since.  Maybe he doesn’t see the potential? Maybe I don’t look or smell or sound quite right?  Maybe he has got loads of other more beautiful women to choose from?    Have I learnt anything from this?  Not to have sex on the second date?  Maybe, but I know great couples who slept with each other almost straight away.  Not to get my hopes up? But how do you suppress your own hopes? And would I want to?  Or to be patient? But surely if they feel the same they should be excited as you are?  I guess he didn’t.  I don’t really know the answers but I know I should always be myself.  Say what I think and do what feels right.  One thing I have to try and learn is not to take it personally.  I don’t believe there is anything wrong with me.  I’m sure Simon has done this to lots of women! Either way, I’m not sure I can stop the empty feeling of disappointment and loneliness.  When it fades it will be replaced by hope that I’ll be able to catch the next one that comes along!
posted to life by Ash, Guardian of the Financial Services department (3 comments)

I feel as though I am spiraling out of control...I am angry all the time.  People in life have done me wrong.  I used to have to rely on state assistance when I was raising my child....I didn't want to do that but I had no choice..I never went to college...but during the time when I was raising my child...I was treated like pure crap by the state.  Everytime I went to apply for a job...they backed away from me as soon as I knew I was a single parent.  I was looked down upon...I was part of a statistic according to this warped defintion of life of the world we live in...that statistic I was catagorized in was....my child is most likely to not do well in school, do drugs, get mixed up in the wrong crowd, etc...anything negative....that's what we fell under.  My child is 18 and has done absolutely well in school, I made sure we were in church when my child was very small, and we still attend church.....did that matter to people or make a difference....NO!!! it did not!  I was still a single parent, I still lived in a trailor, and I still had a low income Now I am bitter with the world....my anger has affected my heart...I feel like I want to give up...I am so tired of trying and proving to everyone that I am a genuine person.  When I first became a christian...I was so happy, nothing bothered me....then the unthinkable happened....there was a death...it affected my child deeply...but now my child is set for life because of that certain death...my child will never suffer financially....ever.  I hate the way that had to happen...but now my child will not have to suffer being under that catagory ever again.....Now my immediate family has taunted us...harrassed us, and even threatened us...just because they want some of that money my child...inherated....my parents have gone as far as ignoring us and even criticize us everytime we are visiting them....I cannot pound into their head enough that the money belongs to my child.....it's his/her future.....my father is trying every way possible to get some of that money....he even puts my child down for wanting to go to college.  I can tell they are so distant from us ever since that incident occured I am spiraling out of control because I am hurt, I am bitter, and I am confused...all my life I have been told I am no good...I am not a good parent just because I am single....I have even been told I am going to hell because i had my child out of wedlock...even though I have accepted Christ as my Savior...... What can I do.....?  I am on the defense all the time...I am bitter 
posted to life by Stevie, Crusader of the Wicked (3 comments)

I know you want to ride me and feel what you have been missing. I know your thinking about it. You say all this shit but I know you do not mean it. We can be so happy together if you would just let it happen.
posted to life by Adrian, Priest of the Idealistic (7 comments)

This one may just be short, but who knows.  Why is it that people think they have such a right to insult somebody they don't even know...for no apparent reason?  I noticed a comment on a blog calling somebody a loser just because they posted a disclaimer stating that they didn't want any opposing opinions or arguments, just to be able to vent.  Then I noticed a response post where the person explained they copy pasted this blog from one site to another.  Nothing wrong with that.  Should have edited the text perhaps, but what's done is done.  No need to insult the blogger for covering their ass elsewhere.  I've had the same thing happen...I've blogged in a place my identity was known and somebody I knew came flaring back at me about it.  So I've done the same thing also in stating that I don't want an argument started, I just need to vent.  So to the person who commented on the blog and ended in saying "loser" in the first place...it's a good thing this site is all anonymous or it would be easy to see your intelligence level.  Oops!  There I go name calling and making assumptions.  However, at least I have explained my standpoint.  On another note, perhaps it is so much easier to pick fights through the internet because it's easier to dismiss than a regular fight with somebody you personally know.  Pretty cheap scapegoat.  The real life arguments will happen someday, rest assured.  So just remember, as each of us are out here name calling another, all we're really doing is adding drama to our own lives.  If you've got no drama in your RL then perhaps you need to get a few hobbies, life must be too easy for you.  If you have plenty of drama in RL but still go creating it virtually, you deserve everything unsavory you get.  Me personally, yes I've decided to respond about something and lumped myself into the very thing I'm criticizing, but it's human nature, a I realize.  We all have to make ourselves involved somehow with what seems to be of interest to us.  The world wouldn't be the way it is if we all knew how to keep our noses where they belonged.  I choose to acknowledge my nose not staying where it belongs in some instances, such as this, but I also don't let any debates or discussions ruffle my feathers in RL.  Can you say the same?   -Hegemone-
posted to life by Max, Garçon of Arts and Crafts (0 comments)

Ok, so I know it’s been a while, but I have a few things built up.  So, before I begin, let me say this:  I intend on expressing a few opinions I have.  I have no intentions of anybody changing my mind on these things, I have no intentions on debating these things with anybody.  I just need to vent.  I stopped blogging a while back because of some bullshit caused by somebody not reading one of my disclaimer/statements and they decided to be a jerk about it.  So, as of this moment I am writing this disclaimer…also, my profile is private, so only people on my friends list can read it.  The only person I’m ok with disagreeing with anything would be my mom.  That said, once again, if you think you might have a problem with anything I say, stop reading now because I don’t want to hear about it.  This is in big bold red letters, you can’t miss it, so it’s your fault if you read it anyway and get upset.  If you agree on anything or would like to add anything, feel free, otherwise, let me bitch, it’s been a while!  All right, now that that is out of the way.  I’ve got a few things pissing me off.  I may or may not go into details about all of it.  My choice.  If you know me and talk to me often you probably know what the details are, if you don’t, well, guess we don’t talk much.  To begin with, at the present moment, I’m pissed about these damn property taxes.  They keep going up and up and up and the market just does not reflect that that should be so.  Furthermore, from what I’ve been reading in various sources, the property taxes are more or less going up on a whim.  Because one thing goes up everybody else wants their share too and goes for it.  Thusly screwing the little guys who do not have much money (i.e. US!).  I read a few things in the paper from Sunday that pissed me off especially.  To begin with, I think Mr. Blagojevich needs to open his eyes.  Why is Illinois one of the only states to rely primarily on tax payers to pay for schools?  Most other governments chip in quite fairly to schools so that it doesn’t hit the taxpayers so hard.  What about working that into the budget?  The other thing I read that just REALLY pissed me off was that part of the reason our  taxes are going up is to help the “poor & elderly people seeking assistance” (Belleville News Democrat, Sunday 6-8-08, Section A1& A8).  Ok, elderly people, I haven’t got a problem there.  Poor people…there’s my problem.  We’re poor…we don’t get help.  We were told we make too much money.  Sure yeah ok, but yet we struggle to keep all the bills paid, gas in our vehicles and food on the table.  Might I also add at the moment my husband doesn’t even have a vehicle as his broke down and we can’t afford to get him anything else or just do a fast fix on the truck.  Yes, we have wayyyyyy to much money.  But yet, I see these trashy ass other people out there who won’t work a job but just have to have state aid…or people who breed like rabbits and won’t do anything by way of protection, contraceptives or birth preventatives, so therefore they have 9 million kids and ‘Oh woe-is-me gimme money that other people who are more honest and need it for better things need!’  I have watched too many others on state aid go out and buy junk food, movies, etc. with their link cards or their assistance money instead of getting what they should be getting.  They don’t have to earn the money so why spend it economically.  Just leave the rest of us who pay it to dangle in the breeze wondering if we’ll ever get a break.  I’m sorry I don’t feel like having a billion brats running around or sitting on my ass getting fat just so I can say I’m disabled and not have to work but still get free money.  BULLSHIT to that I say.  I suggest the state needs to start requiring receipts for all link card or state money transactions…they need to start doing randomized spot inspections on people’s homes to see how they really live.  I’ve seen a few state aid people living and dressing better than myself even.  If I make too much money to be on state aid, then they should be dressing worse.  There need to be more regulations on this shit!  I mean, I would be fine with taxes going up for the actual poor people who really truly needed a hand, were at the end of their rope, had been responsible but just couldn’t catch a break.  Not these overpopulating, uneducated, lazy-ass morons.  But hey, this is America, land of the fat lazy French fry big mack eating sloth.  If this tax money was being disturbed fairly and evenly I could be ok with tax hikes…but the money isn’t being distributed as such.  The rich guys with the fat hands are enjoying it a hell of a lot more than the people who they claim the tax money is for.  I think I’m going to consider myself done with this part of the rant, otherwise this could go on forever.  Let’s just say I’m not so fond of government anymore.  Not to the point of anarchy…but the government needs a serious overhaul and I have yet to see a proper candidate anywhere.  Individual statement.  This is not necessarily a completed rant.  I am still reading about things and trying to figure everything out.  Some of these views could change via my own research.  So if there’s something I was blatantly wrong about, relax, I’ll figure it out.  To those of you who know me…I’m pretty sure you realize I was being pretty nice about this whole thing.  Had I voiced everything I wanted to say I’d have probably pissed a LOT of people off.  Ok, next section.  My family on my dad’s side is all a bunch of morons.  At least this is how I feel.  My great aunt died six and a half almost seven months ago.  Has anybody come to an agreement on what’s going on with her properties?  NO.  Let me really specify the problem here. My Aunt Mary* lives in CA which makes it difficult to really get everybody together to talk, sort of has a reputation for being a nut, so she’s only being taken seriously by certain parties.  My Aunt Paula* just recently got married, thus, she should be working on her new marriage, not worrying about this kind of stuff.  As it is, realistically, my uncle, whom she was married to years ago, passed away something like ten or eleven years ago…she shouldn’t have gotten drug into it to begin with.  My Uncle Matt* has a lot of his own shit to deal with, five children, work and his wife and ex wife (I’ll get to HER).  He shouldn’t have to waste time dealing with this crap, however, he does put some thought into it, he would like to see the property that my cousins live in stay in the family.  My dad has his own shit to deal with.  A mortgage on our home, taking care of OUR home, work, taking care of his back and making sure everything is fine here.  He doesn’t have the time or resources to keep dragging all this shit out.  He’s an alcoholic and this has become one of the worse things for him.  Now, that just leaves my “aunt”.  That bitch is a giant child who needs to grow the fuck up and learn how to prioritize.  All she’s worried about is running around like a chicken with her damn head cut off to do everything for everybody else and do anything humanly possible that a person could do.  I swear the woman and two of her kids find something to have a party about WEEKLY!  And they aren’t normal “party” people.  Mind you, I don’t mean like parties for adults to hang out at…I mean with kids, some for co-workers, or family.  They go all out on these damn things.  They are the type that would rather spend a paycheck on a party then pay the rent bill.  The woman can’t even find time to clean her messy ass house.  She has trails through the fucking thing of just nothing but crap.  So ok…that said…the longer all this stuff with my great aunt’s estate drags out, the more money it takes up for lawyers and the executor of all of the stuff and other legal costs.  Ann* WILL NOT make time to sit down and talk about the shit.  All she can do is whine bitch and moan because nobody is agreeing to just give all the money and shares of the property up to just one person so they can buy the one house that’s an issue, fix it up and live in it.  That’s not fair.  As I said, Paula* just got married and her husband was recently ill so they have bills to pay, Matt* has things to take care of, Dad has a mortgage on this house, Mary*, well I imagine she needs it too.  Ann* could use the fucking money to buy herself a new house since hers is so trashed out and not exactly safe anymore.  Her kids are the ones that fucked this whole thing up anyway when my great aunt bought that property and they moved in.  They donked off, screwed up, wouldn’t be intelligent with my great aunt and so she never signed the house over to them.  Now they’re acting like it’s some big fucking surprise that ‘Oh we have to pay for it ourselves?’ when they were approached about taking a loan out to buy their house.  So now they’ve decided to move to an even more expensive house.  It’s bullshit and it needs to be settled.  But I think I’ve said all I’m going to say about it for now.  There could be more to come.  Oh yeah, on this rant, I left wayyyyy a lot of stuff out.  This is the short and sweet version.  So anyhoot, yeah I think that’s all for now.   *Names have been changed.        Let me just post this at the end as well in case somebody decided not to read it.  Now it’s here twice, you have NO excuse not to have read it except for your own negligence.  I intended on expressing a few opinions I have.  I have no intentions of anybody changing my mind on these things, I have no intentions on debating these things with anybody.  I just need to vent.  So, as of this moment I am writing this disclaimer…also, my profile is private, so only people on my friends list can read it.  The only person I’m ok with disagreeing with anything would be my mom.  That said, once again, if you think you might have a problem with anything I say, you shouldn’t have read this because I don’t want to hear about it.  This is in big bold red letters, you can’t miss it, so it’s your fault if you read it anyway and get upset.  If you agree on anything or would like to add anything, feel free, otherwise, let me bitch, it’s been a while! 
posted to life by Blaine, Soldier of the IT department (3 comments)

Truth be told....

confession
I look at myself in the mirror a lot.  Other people do this excessively too, right?
posted to life by Charlie, Templar of Arts and Crafts (5 comments)

Manor, Tx.

rant
My Husband and I moved from out of state and didn't have a whole lot of time to search for a house. So we bought a bank owned 3 year old house in Manor , Tx. to save money and still get the size of house we wanted. Also, here in Texas you can find a bank owned property in every kind of area even high end ones. Little did we know how f**king ghetto the people are. Especially thier nasty little kids who like to hang out in extremely LOUD droves in front of our house. One day there where about 11 kids hanging out in our driveway!!! Come on!!! I know it is a neighborhood and kids are going to play outside but they need not to play in peoples yards that they do not know. Within the first two days our vehicle got very deeply keyed during the day while parked in our driveway. Within two weeks I was doing dishes at the sink and saw in our yard on bikes kids just ripping branches off our tree and riding thier bike in our yard. I had to tell them to leave. One of my all time favorites is the Dogs that are running around without leashes and half of them do not have collars. All of this bliss in a subdivision that is no more than 5 years old. People need to control thier kids, and if they all want to hang out together they should just be in thier yards or the community center. Just because the homes are more affordable it's not an excuse to act so ghetto. Another annoying things is the way Manor is pronounced "MaYnor" . I just want to say Hello ASSHOLE ther is not a "Y" in MANOR and I don't talk like a non educated White Trash HICK.
posted to society by Andy, Supervisor of Wild Parties (4 comments)

boys, boys, girls?

confession
I have turned into THE biggest horn bag recently, since my new found singledom. Every day I wake up and wish thatI could text him 'Life is so much better now You're not around!'.  Which although true, is just a lil bit insulting. Aynways, so. I met this beee-utiful guy with the grrenest eyes Ive ever seen on anyone, and the sweetest caramel skin and even though I have met up with him a couple of times for drinks and still only kissed. Its great! im lovin takin things slowly. I feel in control, atleast I can't be backed into a corner anyway. Ohhh I fancy him, lust makes you so damned blind. Right now Im trying to get rid of some one I was ALLOVER and thought was the cuddliest thing, now I feel as though I despise him. Oh well, life is good.
posted to relationships by Blaine, Ninja of the Irredeemably Moist (3 comments)

First off I want to remind you that Salvia is completely legal, so I can't get in trouble for talking about this.  I tried Salvia for the first time today. I actually took 5 Salvia journies in total today, but four of them were alone, and one was with a person. The first one I completely filled the bowl, and then almost immediately I felt like my eyes needed to close and like by moving I was interrupting some divine course this trip was supposed to take. And then the trip part lasted like 5 minutes. My muscles tightened up a bit and I started sweating and all the colors around me became very vibrant. Light stayed with me if I closed my eyes, and I went into a brilliant rush. Then I burst out laughing. It came so quickly, and the rush was so intense, but then the afterglow left me with a feeling of extreme dysphoria. I became incredibly aware of how sweaty I had become, and my shirt stuck to me, and I was very uncomfortable and had an unbelievable urge to take off my clothes and get in front of an AC vent or something, but my friend was there. I went into a panic, and for some reason I had this feeling that I would never go back to normal, and it was just terrifying. I just kept telling myself I'd never do it again, I'd never do it again. But then I chilled out and everything was fine. I bought some from my friend in case I wanted to try it again. I had this feeling that if I had been alone, the trip would have been much more enjoyable.  And later on I mustered up the balls to try it again when I was alone. I got into bed, took off all my clothes, didn't put nearly as much in the bowl, and then took the hit and closed my eyes on the bed. The rush was intense, but I was calmer this time. After the initial shock of the rush, I just chilled and enjoyed the experience. I was aware that I was sweating, but I didn't have any clothes to stick to me uncomfortably. The second time I did it was...enlightening. The third time I did it I really had to take a shit. I wondered what a shit would feel like during a salvia trip, so I took a hit and then squeezed. That was the second most intense rush next to the first one where I burst out laughing. and again it left me with a pleasant afterglow. All I can recommend if you're going to try salvia is that you be comfortable. Make sure you're not too hot. Lie down someplace comfortble, because the first time I was in uncomfortable clothes lying on my uncomfortable couch and it was bad. Remember that you will eventually come down. No matter how much it feels like it will never end, it will. It'll only last 5 minutes or so, but it'll feel like an eternity. Once you know exactly how it feels to go up and come down, and have some familiarity with the feeling, it's really personal, spiritual, and enlightening. I'm not religious, but I'm telling you, after trying salvia, there is definitely some higher state of existence. It's not like...God spiritual. You just become aware that there's something inside of you that's unique and completely metaphysical, and that's you. Your consciousness is like a separate entity from your physical being. I can't really explain it too well. All in all, the experience can't really be described because it can't be compared to anything you would otherwise experience. That's all I have to say on the matter. 
posted to life by Ash, Counselor of Imagination (6 comments)

I've been soo deppressed sence my mom got married. She had a baby and now im not the youngest anymore. I now have to face the harsh reality that i cant do say or act the way i used to. I have to sit back and watch him do the most stupid ass stuff. It gets so hard to handle. Sometimes i want to just go in my room and bust out crying and dissapear off the face of the earth. All my step dad does id piss my mom off and make my life a living hell. I want everything to just dissapear and i just wann live life the way it used to be. But that will porbably never happen especially after the (unexpect...to me) birth of my sister. I hate my sister to. She annoys me and crys all the time and my mom forces her on me. I ask myself everytime "if my mom wanted a baby then why doesnt she take the baby when shes happpy or sad???" UGGGG....I wanna just explode and break away so bad. My friends dont understand and my mom is to stubburn to even care.  So i just keep it bottled inside and justs slowly wait for the piont to where i burst into an awfull furry. i love my mom but can i forgive her for messin up my life?
posted to life by Ash, Summoner of Darkness (2 comments)

China is investigating whether Bjork broke Chinese law during her recent concert in China where she shouted "Tibet! Tibet!" after performance of her song, "Declare Independence". The Chinese government has released a statement declaring Bjork's actions as criminal and shameful. Fuck the Chinese government! Fucking communist mother fuckers who stifle freedom of speech and are so weak that they outlaw and protest demonstration that challenges their one-party rule system. 
posted to society by Samantha, Historian of the Forgotten Lands (2 comments)

Racism....

advice
I am a 23 year old woman, I live on my own, take care of all of my own bills and such. I am very close to my dad. I am madly in love with a 29 year old black man, who loves me as well. I haven't told my dad about how serious we are because I know he will disapprove. Do I do what I want, or should I still obey my father? I know that if we were to get married, my dad would probably refuse to pay for the wedding, and I am ok with that. I don't want to lose my relationship with my dad, but I don't want to give up my happiness to accomodate him
posted to relationships by Stevie, Observer of Generosity (2 comments)

so last night was new years eve and my friend had a pretty big party, my boyfriend went to his brothers party and didnt go to my friends party, so all night i was kinda bummed out about that but as the night went along i just didnt have any fun, i realized that my junior class( im currently in high school) is made up of a bunch of morons who i cant stand, i left the party at 10 30 and went home by myself and rented a movie and slept through the new year, lately i have no fun when i go out, i lie in bed alot, i dont know i feel so depressed, does anyone think medication would help?
posted to life by Stevie, Counselor of the Wicked (7 comments)

I like the tragedy, and maybe I am one. See, while the family and the friends and few associates might say, "Oh, honey! You're out of your mind! You're crazy! Psych ward, stat," I sit back, snorting parts of my paycheck like I'm the second coming of Tony Montana. A bit exaggerated, but... People would say I'm not living in the "real world". What the fuck is the "real world", anyway? Real is knowing that you're nuts and just not giving a fuck about it, because you're comfy that way. Like a blanket, fresh out the dryer, smelling like fabric softener. I love fabric softener. I like being off-center and quirky and drugged. What I hate, is pretending that I don't. That's not real, no, that's fake and terribly put together, like an ex-popstar's weave. What I hate, is having to say, "Oh! No! That's bad! This is bad! I'M GOOD!" Fuck that, I'm bad and I know it, so I'll clap my hands. Call me crazy, delusional...whatever. I hold it together pretty well. I've got a damn good life, actually. I'm happy, and it's not false. I've got money, from an honest living...but I do my dirt. I hurt feelings. I yell and curse and kick and scream. So what? So me. I don't non-conform for the masses, to be the next revolution. I'm just too pro-everything. You see the world in a depressing black and white, and I see it in fucking acid-dropped Technicolor. I like being imperfect. I embrace my insanity. I have a morbid preoccupation with dark shit. And? I won't change it, though. Just until people around me stop giving a fuck about me not giving a fuck, I'll sit here and smile my Crest smile, flip my Pantene curls, and let the fools keep on thinking I'm an angel.
posted to life by Andy, Deviant of Imagination (5 comments)

This is more like advice about life to myself.  When I was younger, I was never strong enough or secure enough in myself to just do what I knew deep down was right, always talking myself out of decisions I would inevitably make anyway, just far too far down the line.  An example being staying with a childhood sweetheart for years too long, because of nothing more than sentimentality and my comfort blanket.  As a result, I missed out on a lot of fun and experiences I could have had.  Now, almost ten years down the line, I endure a job I despise, in a town I don't feel happy in, with a man I don't feel secure with.  Why do we never learn?  I had the best time of my life in school and uni, now feel lost without any direction or ambition, living day to day and brushing the long term under the carpet. What does it take to make silly little girls like me learn?  When I look back on justnow, another ten years down the line, I will regret the procrastination all over again. 
posted to life by Reggie, Funeral Director of Wild Parties (0 comments)

I know this sounds silly, but  it absoultely drives me insane! I have chosen to blog this so I can get it off my chest! To start, myspace, yes, that drama filled world, 1. If you comment on someones picture, aww, you look pretty, or aww, your kids are so cute...etc...wouldn't you expect a "thanks, thank you? Commenting on ones page, How ya feeling (pregnant) not too much longer now, Hey, did you go down to that parade? -No Response!  I just think its RUDE!  If you take the effort to friend request a person, at least try to be a friend! I don't add these people, they requested me! 2. People that like to cause drama that cant grow up! I am 27 years old, and it still seems to find me! Going to a friends page that has someone as a friend that you dont get along with, those imature people like to post comments with stupid ass things just entirely to offend you, or put you down! WTF Everywhere I look there are RUDE ASS PEOPLE lingering!
posted to life by Aubrey, Venture Capitalist of the Rich (1 comment)

past tense

rant
I hate it, thats how i want to start this for anyone that cares to read or respond. I just wish I could fuckin tell you (him) all that im about to write. I sit here and wait for a chance to talk to you, I'll wake up at random hours to see if you're around. You  fill me with all this we should have never broken up bullshit that makes me fall for you all over again, and again. Yea we were kids back then but its so weird that we find each other again after seven years, and still have that connection. But I tell ya, its true when they say people dont change deep down. I'm like caught up in the same shit I was when I was thirteen or fourteen years old. You give me all this attention and tell me I'm the only one that could make you feel the way you do when you're around me. Then all of a sudden you get caught up in something more convient for you and your life at the time and i get pushed aside again, and again. Then you always have the same line, I hope I haven't broken your heart AGAIN, I don't mean to, things just happen sometimes. Well you know what I never tell you but it hurts, it fuckin hurts like a bitch! I hate it. I have someone that loves me more than life itself and I'm sittin here wishin you would be around. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't tell anyone about you or any of the shit you do to me cause I don't want to look like a fool....but in reality I am a fool, I guess. I mean I would tell myself dude you dont need that shit let it go, screw him. But theres just somethin that keeps drawin me back in, those blue eues, your smile....ugh! I have got to find a way to quit you. But here I sit at this very moment in the back of my head hoping you'll be around soon. Maybe if I could talk some sense into myself I would say Fuck you and send you this shit instead of hiding behind the anonymous idea. But all of you know by getting this far in this blog I'm not going to do that. But when your bitch of the month or maybe even your wife decide to say hope I didn't break your heart,didn't mean to oops!, don't come cryin to me about that shit cause you fuckin deserve it. Later Loser
posted to relationships by Bobbie, Servant of the Hungry (2 comments)

........is a pompous ass!!!...he has treated me like crap since the day I was born..I am now in my 40's and he still treats me like crap.  He talks down to me, and insults my intelligence....I hate going to his house but I have to...what am I going to do father's day?...all those cards out there say...to my dad whom I love, and all that crap....they don't have a single card that says...you are a sorry excuse for a father and you have made my life a living hell!!!
posted to life by Samantha, Sommelier of the Wicked (1 comment)

Never have you shown or said that you care for your LOSER HUSBAND. I know that you are more worried about how I feel towards you. If you did not want me then you would stop seeking my attention. You should just get rid of HIM! You know deep inside that I am the one who belongs with you. What does he do for you that I cannot? FUCK HIM! FUCK HIS FEELINGS!
posted to life by Dana, Summoner of Wild Parties (1 comment)

my mom ...

rant
So im sitting here dwelling on my life and i noticed , my mother is no longer the loving person she used to be . she has changed completely . chooses other people over me no matter what i do it is NEVER good enough , all i want is some recognition. When i confront her about this her exscuse is i always knew you could , but still it hurts to feel like your efforts are pointless. ive been depressed now for a couple of months. i used to cut myself. i dont know why i feel like this everyone thinks i have a perfect life. WRONG .  but no matter how i feel i do not let it  hold me down if anything it gives me the strength to do better .  I stopped cutting .  i got myself together and im coping with the issues i have with my mother.  i just want a normal life. but nothing will ever be the same. not now.
posted to relationships by Taylor, Pirate of the Unimaginable Terror (1 comment)

you are NOT worth it. you are not attractive and not a good person. you might be an excellent friend but as far as "relationships" go, you have openly admitted to me that you have never actually been in one (bc NO that high school one does NOT count, a couple months does not equal an actual RELATIONSHIP). and not only have you not been in one, but i'm fairly certain you've never done the whole "dating" thing either. cool, we're drunk/have all the same friends/end up at the same parties/bars all the time.. thennn we makeout. whatever it happened for entirely too long bc i got attached. but the thing is, we would talk like we were making progress and i didn't want a relationship but at the same time, i don't want your stupid ass to completely suck. this wasn't days, it wasn't weeks, it was months. this back and forth crap went on for a looong time. too long. i'm SO much better off without you in my life at all but i guarantee the only reason we haven't hooked up recently is because you stopped going out the same places as me and i refused a booty call sitch. you were my date party date and you were incred. i had a ton of fun with you, mostly bc we were both able to do our own things but still keep coming back to each other. you were so attentive and so into me and i slept over and you spent the whole next morning how you wanted to lay with me forever and it was a really good weekend. then you turned on me. actually. i'm not entirely sure it can even be called turning on me bc i think you were just being yourself. you're so into your little bachelor life that anything that could become something more scares the crap out of you. do you remember asking me out on a date and then never actually following through with it? why bother asking in the first place dumbass? all your friends say you have no game, i know that's true. they tell me you do this, you can't do the girl thing. you honestly aren't used to girls being into you. and i don't know why i was/still might be. you're a complete tool. i can't even begin to understand you but we're gonna have to see each other when school picks up in the fall and all of your single friends are gonna eventually stop being single and you're going to HAVE TO GROW UP sooner or later. am i going to be there when you do? probably not bc honestly i doubt you're gonna want me there. we'll be friends, bc we still are. esp with you at that freaking bbq where you somehow thought it was remotely appropriate to be all over me. weelllll it's not. and never will be again. you grab my hand and put your arm around me and kiss my cheek and freaking PLAY WITH MY HEAD and i LET you. i am DONE. go find some other girl to play your games with dickhead bc i can and WILL do soo much better than you. i wish i understood why you are so attractive to me and why i let you get under my skin everytime but as of right now? NO MORE. step one to being over youuu.
posted to life by Ash, Pope of the Idealistic (1 comment)

one of my best friends is a marine literally on the other side of the world.. we got close a couple years ago right before he left and talk all the time even with the 14 hour time difference.. he means the world to me.. we talk about everything, his crappy relationships with girls and my even worse ones with guys.. give each other advice on them and everything.. but he's constantly telling me none of them measure up to me and how he can't wait to see me and how pretty he thinks i am and how none of those guys deserve someone like me.. all very friendly things to say.. but i get such a vibe from him sometimes that it's not just friendship, like there could be something more behind all this.. he's not at all my type looks-wise, i go for the dark hair/features look everytime.. but at the same time he's the sweetest guy.. sent me roses on valentine's day.. is taking me to a concert when he comes home this summer.. but at the same is always telling me how hot my friends are.. i only want  friendship out of this but i feel like if i gave in and kind of hinted i'd be into it, he'd definitely try to make a move.. i just got out of a relationship this year and really don't wanna jump into another one a few months later, with anyone, including my best friend.. i really hope we can stay just friends and that he doesn't actually want anything more.. but then again i don't know
posted to relationships by Bobbie, Gigolo of the Forgotten Lands (0 comments)

My Mother.

rant
So my mom is not the typical mother. She's young...in mind, looks, dress, friends...and BOYFRIENDS. I get so irritated that she can't seem to date someone in her age range instead of MY age range. I know times are different...blah, blah, blah. But my whole life I've had to deal with this. So today I'm talking to her on the phone and she is telling me about these puppies at "Wes's" house. I ask who is Wes? She says "Oh, haven't I told you about him. He's just a friend." Ok...then she says something about giving her a new DVD player because the one she had broke. I asked if she was seeing him...she didn't answer. Dead give away. I then asked, "How old is he?" DEAD SILENCE. He's my fucking age. We actually share a birthday. He has a son out in California. Great. Why does my mother at age 53 in just a few months have to go for men that are 34 years old or so. My husband is going to be 38 this year. She's dating someone that is YOUNGER than my husband. I just don't like it. It's always been this way. I get so sick of it. Her friends are my age, her boyfriends are my age, she dresses like she is my age. I'm not judging her for wanting to stay young but why can't she just find a man that is mature and young at the same time (in age). I know that some of you might be saying something to the effect that age is just a number. Whatever! This is my blog and this is how I feel. Well, that's just something I had to get off my chest.
posted to relationships by Adrian, Monk of the craft table (5 comments)

my mom ...

rant
So im sitting here dwelling on my life and i noticed , my mother is no longer the loving person she used to be . she has changed completely . chooses other people over me no matter what i do it is NEVER good enough , all i want is some recognition. When i confront her about this her exscuse is i always knew you could , but still it hurts to feel like your efforts are pointless. ive been depressed now for a couple of months. i used to cut myself. i dont know why i feel like this everyone thinks i have a perfect life. WRONG .  but no matter how i feel i do not let it  hold me down if anything it gives me the strength to do better .  I stopped cutting .  i got myself together and im coping with the issues i have with my mother.  i just want a normal life. but nothing will ever be the same. not now.
posted to relationships by Ash, Chronographer of the Idealistic (3 comments)

orgasm....

advice
So ive been sleeping with one of my best friends for almost 2 years. I am really comfortable with him and we have amazing sex. I can never orgasm from sex, it is not him, I never have. I cannot only get off from clitoral stimulation. He gets so down on himself that he cant make me finish on his own. It is nothing that he does right\wrong its just the way it is. He says he likes it when I touch myself but then he gets upset sometimes afterward like hes useless or soemthing. And increasingly he hasnt been able to get it up since i first manually orgasmed in front of him. Which NEVER EVER happens. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to tell him that has nothing to with him that I love having sex with him and I think hes still amazing in bed. I don't want to start faking orgasms but I am seeing that as my only option.  
posted to relationships by Brett, Warlord of Darkness (1 comment)

Why don't you just come clean with me. What is holding you back, wouldn't you feel sooo much better if you can just be honest with me, friends right? Not if you can't be honest with me. All these games are going to make me not to want to have anything to do with you, is that what you want? Why is it necessary for all these games you are playing? Maybe we can work together to figure it out but you have to come clean 1st before we can move on.
posted to life by Andy, Devourer of the Wildlands (4 comments)

all I want to do is fuck, no ties, no words, no hugs, I just want to fuck every guy I set my eyes on, all those over 30 +.  No names, just touch, kiss, fuck,  til I fill all  of me..
posted to life by Frankie, Investigator of Light (2 comments)

...Personality Disorder. Actually, so much, that I've gone on to research various disorders, and have been led to believe that I just might have Histrionic Personality Disorder. Thing is, I've never actually needed to go to the hospital for more than just my yearly check-up, and a few years ago, I went in for a mild case of the flu. This might seem silly, coming from the girl who posts so many snarky-yet-generally-helpful comments on blogs around here, but how, exactly, do I go about finding out if I really do have this little "disorder"? Am I going to need to talk to a shrink? Medication? What could I be looking at here? Pardon my ignorance, but if it's something that won't affect my life too much, in the long-run, I'm totally just going to pretend this thing doesn't exist. And who knows, it might not even exist now. I might just be a damn hypochondriac - which would then be another problem all in itself.
posted to life by Aubrey, Warlord of the Wildlands (0 comments)

feel guilty now

confession
I slept with my best friends boyfriend to get even with her for sleeping with my fiancee
posted to relationships by Brett, Fashion Designer of the Homeless (3 comments)

Faggot ass, dead beat who gets off on his 16 and 20 year old stepdaughters.He enjoys having sex with men when he gets drunk and his wifes not around, trust me honey I know.When his car was towed away the tow man said that a object (DILDO) fell out of the car when he opened the driver door to put the car in neutral. I have heard his drunk messages to my other gay guy friends saying he wants to "feel" them near. His appearance?? The most deceiving you'll ever see...he's a painter at construction sites, painting houses when they are ready he drives a tanish white Chrysler M300,his initial are A.R.M and lives in CG, AZ and if that faggot ass mutherfucker wants to know who this is tell him Mikey AKA Big Sexyy said it... that punk ass bitch gave me the itch!!!!!! NOW THATS BLOWING UP FO YO MUTHAFUCKIN ASSSSSSSSS!
posted to life by Harper, Scout of the Wicked (3 comments)

man. .....

rant
im not some douche bag who complains and tells all of my 'darkest secrests' to people. pretty much, b/c i dont have any, i just want to get some shit off my mind. everything seems shitty right now. everything. i dont know. and i hate being that kid that has problems and i feel pretty lame right now, but who cares. and im not some kind of messed up pessimist, but it really feels bad right now. i feel like i dont really have any good friends, and that no one wants me. including my family, which is odd. i dont go to parties, i dont like those little fucking smiley faces(ex:  ;) ), i dont act like a normal teenager. i live in the fucking bible belt so can't tell anyone that im not sure i even belive in religion, my best friend isn't even a best friend. she uses me when she wants to go somewhere and have someone to talk to at lunch. i hate that i realize these things. i hate stupid girly things like jewlery or acting like your fucking brain dead in front of a guy so maybe he'll think your some stupid easy slut. but guys like that i guess. and they'll say they dont, but its bullshit. i wish i would've done a little better my previous years of school so maybe i could get into an awesome college and get away from here. but nothing would change anyways. i'd still be an awkward girl who thinks she's kind of cute, but doesn't act like it. i dont know. i complain way too much out loud, and even more in my head, and i'm not ever really satisfied with anything and hate grammar mistakes and taking pictures of myself. i like this guy and we talk, but i feel like i bore him, but not really. i cant make desicions about anything, and i have a million things going through my mind, and so whenever i talk i have to pause a second, get my thoughts together, then say what i want.. and this is usually in the middle of a conversation, so you can imagine how weird i would look if you were talking to me. i just feel like life or god or whatever is just shitting on me for its own amusement. im just a weirdo. thats all i can come up with. and ive been thinking about things for a long time, and that is seriously the only thing i can come up with. im just a crazy like my grandma.
posted to life by Peyton, Breeder of the IT department (2 comments)

i wish....

rant
I wish someone can really be my friend... because most of the time... no scratch that.. all the time, they just wanted to sleep with me and use me. I'm longing for someone who'll care, someone i can trust. i just need a friend.. not a fuck buddy!
posted to relationships by Adrian, Druid of the Unimaginable Terror (3 comments)

it's the end.

confession
my boyfriend is going to break up with me. he's my life. without him i'm nothing. i'm going to kill myself if he breaks up with me.
posted to life by Aubrey, Janitor of the Hungry (9 comments)

I have two darling children and I have never been so unhappy. I hate the job of mother. All I do is listen to whining, crying, and complaining all day and clean up after their messes. It's exhausting. I change poopy diapers at least 5 times a day. They don't sleep well so it's a 24/7 job and I want to kill myself sometimes. I am ashamed to admit to my husband how deeply unhappy I am. I cry daily.
posted to life by Shiki, Student of the IT department (2 comments)

i hate being reminded how i've no idea what im doing with my life. How every plan i've had has failed. How everything i've done has failed. And now im stuck, 6 months after leaving college, in exactly the same position. Sat at home, waiting for news on a job. But i cant go back into education of getting a degree, ive got 6 months before i go travelling. I cant do much in that. It doesn't help when my mum reminds me im wasteing my life. I wish i knew what i wanted to do with my life, or even wish i had a full time job. I mean, the weekend job ive got now is fine, but not suitable for someone who does nothing during the week. I hate it! Plus i actually do NOTHING! i have no motivation to do anything. It sucks. Maybe i've ruined my life, all my chances. I've lost inspiration to do the things i love. I cant draw, i cant do photography. I dont care any more. I mean, im probably going to be in my 20's when i return from travelling.. does it seem reasonable to just start a career at that age? Im considering taking a foundation course in uni after that.. is that too old... im definatly not going back to college anyway. Perhaps the worst education of my life, the teachers managed to suck all love for my subjects out of me. Especially french, i used to LOVE french before i went there.  I need help. I want to give up on everything, but i can't being myself to even consider the worst. I dont want to go back to that, because no matter how much i hate where i am at the moment, theres a few people that make it worth my while, and the few people i couldn't hurt like that. Thats always been the issue tho, even when i did want to end it. I couldn't hurt them, i hurt them too much when they just found out i had kind of tried, and they knew i felt that way.  But i spoze, if life isn't worth living for those you care about, and those who care about you... what is it worth living for. Maybe i will figure out what i want to do with my life... maybe i never will. Hopefully i will end up happy, there isn't much more i can ask for than that really. 
posted to life by Addison, Priest of Evil (2 comments)

I dont even know where to begin. i feel like maybe im not living, like maybe everyone around my is in the world, living in it, and im just laying in my bathtub cutting myself, wondering what would happen if i went to a bar, met a trashy messed up guy, and moved foward with that. im just wondering if im ever going to be happy, if im ever going to be romantically involved with anyone. im just wondering how long im going to have flirty friendships and how long im going to continue living a luke warm life with nothing happening. no feelings, i am numb, but i will probably never be able to feel again anyway. i wish that i had someone to talk to, someone who could listen and who couldreally understand all of my feelings, someone who didnt pretend to listen, someone who would look at me in my eyes when i talked. i cant deal with pretending to like people anymore when i am so tired from trying to carry myself around. trying to avoid drugs, alcohol and sex because that road has taken me into hell.  i dont want to do that crap again, but at the same time, i wish i could feel emotions, i wish i could talk to someone and i wish that i could understand that everything is going to be ok. and for once in my life i wish i could believe that maybe one day i will be in love, like really in love, not just hanging onto the guy who provided my weed, my sex, and my awesome music and art.. something real, something godly, something whole and deep. not surface or empty love. i feel stupid for blogging this. i have had too much coffee and i need to go to sleep. but what will happen when i wake up? ill wish i was still asleep and ill wish that i could numb my depression that is always existing inside of me. the only thing that i can feel right now is ryan adams. but all he does is go to rehab, make an album, go to rehab, make an album. whats that shit all about. no more thinking about drugs, no more wishing that i could be someone else, somewhere else. everyone i know is seeing the world and posting happy pictures of themselves with friends and family. happiness and love. i feel a bit out of the loop, like perhaps i missed the memo on how to be happy and enjoy my life. where is my mind? i dont even know who the hell i am. someone told me once that there is no point in asking questions and writing in search of answers; he said that you will always go in circles and you will drive yourself crazy. he's so fucking right. why cant i just accept the fact that if i wanted to, i could become the wife of a stable, happy, money making graphic designer? i could move away with him. but my problem- i dont like him. i never like anyone unless i cant have them. im going to go to sleep now.
posted to life by Rex, Devourer of the Homeless (2 comments)

hooray!!  big girls unite!  I was 23 and 200 lbs at 5'2" tall when I met my husband (6'6" and 220).  i am now 36 and 300 pounds & he still loves every bit of me.  so weight or not, you can find someone who loves you EXACTLY as you are.  most days i look in the mirror and think, 'how cute are you?' but every once in a while i wonder who that fat girl blocking my way is.  i do have trouble finding the cute clothes in my sizes.  but i have started to work on it.  i cut my calories by 50% and increased my activity level and in 5 weeks have lost 13lbs and a full size.  BUT I AM DOING IT FOR ME.  he loves me regardless and you should not settle for anything less. 
posted to life by Frankie, Templar of the Irredeemably Moist (3 comments)

it's been about five years since i met this guy and we did the whole teenage flirt everyone knows you should be dating thing but he had a girlfriend.. i dated someone to make him jealous.. it worked.. he broke up with the cheating slut and wanted to date me but i was scared, i was young and he was older and i reallly don't do relationships well at all.. year later he's dating someone else but telling me he wants to see how things go hanging out with me, we went on a date and everything.. i couldnt' keep myself in that situation so i distanced myself from him again.. two years later i'm the one getting out of a relationship and we'd started talking again so he comes to visit me at college and we had an amazing night we kissed finally and didn't even go out we just walked around and talked and had an amazing time just being around each other.. he went home in the morning, he had work (an hour away) and called me a day later.. things were going well, he was excited for me to come home for the summer, we were making plans.. then i kept having to reschedule once i was home for a whole slew of reasons.. he got mad.. we got in ONE fight.. and he started avoiding me.. to the point where he stopped even picking up a phone.. we had known each other for four years at this point and there was a lot of history and he was scared of letting the vision of our perfect ideal relationship that never was actually be realized bc no way it could live up.. so he gets another girlfriend two weeks later (i swear this guy has SUCH a complex, in five years i've never seen him be single for more than a month) and we're still not on speaking terms for whatever irrational reasons were created in his overactive imagination.. fast forward three months and i'm visiting my friend at her school (his school too) and we're at a wrestling party on his street.. i keep thinking there is NO way i'll see him, it'd be too coincidental.. so i'm standing outside talking to some people, getting ready to leave and i see his best friend and then he's walking right behind him and my heart stopped.. we had the lame smalltalk convo and he was on his way.. i get a text two minutes later and we have a text convo where he basically is telling me how great it was to see me and how great he thought i looked and that i should come over later and we could talk.. i finally call bc i'm getting angry and we talked forever and i'm telling him how he can't talk to me like this and reminding him he has a girlfriend and he's telling me he doesn't know what he's thinking but he's really glad he saw me and wants me to come talk etc etc and i'm hysterical crying.. i swear he is the ONE guy who can reduce me to this.. otherwise i'm so so strong.. it's now like eight months since that night and we haven't spoken much since.. but i still have these days/nights when i hear a certain song or something that reminds me of him and i'm taken back to why could we never make it work to give us an actual chance instead of so many almost's and what-if's.. the pictures of him and this new girl are terrible btw.. they pose like awkward middle schoolers at a snowball dance.. it's not love.. juuust needed to rant about this stupid stupid guy.. it's been five years since i met him and not only can he still reduce me to tears, but i'm still not over it apparently
posted to relationships by Adrian, Scout of Arts and Crafts (1 comment)

Booze.....

rant
Why must such a nice thing be so evil?? I wish booze didn't create hangovers. I blame the lack of drinking i've been doing recently. Made me more suceptable to it. I think i had a good time last night, lots of blank bits though! Definatly a good 18th, i just wish this facepaint would come off easier. =D
posted to life by Dakota, Developer of the Satisfied (1 comment)

Read This.

rant
Melissa, why don't you tell George the truth?  Tell him you fucking hate him and that you want to be with me.  STOP THE LIES!
posted to life by Stevie, Guardian of the Irredeemably Moist (2 comments)

Stitch Up.

rant
Hi Guys Just to keep everyone safe, there is a group named the whereonearth on the web, who cover many areas. However I just tried selling my idea to them a while back where it was going all well, and they wanted to get it online to make money. I have many phone conversations. They then asked to upload the site to their server, to test things before launch date. I then heard no replies. A month later my site was taken renamed and they were generating money and stitched me over massively. So this is just to warn many of you. Look elsewhere.
posted to life by Charlie, Bright Queen of the Rich (1 comment)

I have not told anyone about this. I don’t want to because the fact that it’s a secret makes it a lot more exciting. But I have to write it down before I forget it. It was a normal day. The only thing that was different was that my hair was straight and I had shorts on for the first time all year. I spent the early afternoon sitting at the tables, talking to different people. He was sitting a few tables down, alone with his computer. I was sitting at a table full of boys, I the only girl. He looked over at me periodically, just staring. I stared back and smile each time. He got up and left. I guess he went home. Then he texted me, telling me that I was coming over to his house with my guitar, he’d pick me up in five minutes. And he did. And I brought my guitar. So I got in his car and threw my guitar in the back. I wasn’t nervous and I didn’t care that my shorts were really short and he was probably looking at my legs. He was listening to the Snow Patrol…which I like a lot. But only because when I stayed at my friend’s house out of town, her and I fell asleep in her sister’s Victorian white bed listening to their new cd--really good sleeping music. So we small talked, sort of sarcastically like we do; almost a mean way of flirting, and he drove to Sonic. He ordered us dr.peppers even though I was starving, I knew he didn’t have much money and I had none. I was totally relaxed and up for being with him. I forgot what I looked like, I stopped worrying about my hair and makeup status. He drove us back to his house. His house was light green; almost the color of grass but with a faded, kaki twist on it. I loved the way it looked. It looked like one of the beach houses in Florida that are on the old streets in the cozy neighborhoods right on the gulf. Except this beach house was right in the middle of Ruston lined with oak trees. It was odd and out of place but almost in a wonderful, original way. Really indie. So we got out of his car. I grab my guitar and we walk up the pathway/ramp that leads to the front door. The green painted rail of the ramp had twinkle lights on it, twirled around it, braided on it. He unlocks his front door. We walk inside. Upon entering his house I felt as though I was stepping into another dimension. I was no longer in college-town. I was no longer in my home-state. I was no longer a freshmen in college world, and everything faded into the back round. All that existed was me, him, and this house. The house smelled old, like antique wood. There was an old-lady sofa with retro flowers on it. There were two pianos, one in the den, one in the living room. But standing at the front door I could see both at once. They were both old, he probably bought them at goodwill or flea markets. I was so consumed in the moment. I set my guitar down and walked slowly through the den into the kitchen. Through the living room. He followed me. I’m sure he was wondering what I was thinking, seeing as my lips were slightly parted and my eyes were opened wide. I was absorbing everything. Then we went back into the den and I sat on his retro yellow couch. I got out my guitar. He sat at his piano which was perpendicular to my sofa. Then he played. I’m not going to lie, I had no idea he could actually play the piano decently. But when his fingers moved along the keys, it came out naturally. Not the freak naturally, like “this person was born autistic and all they can do right in life is play the piano supernaturally well” naturally, more like the “this boy practices everyday” naturally. I got lost in the sounds of the keys and notes blending together, I became hypnotized by the piano noises. I sat back on my retro sofa still holding my guitar, and I sang. I sang to his songs, his Coldplay, his Ryan Adams, his Aqualung. My guard fell down completely. I was now vulnerable to him, because he had broken me with his piano talent. The whole thing was incredibly surreal. I felt like I was in Edward scissor hand’s cave. Society was going on outside, yet him and I were all that existed and mattered. We froze time and sinned socially. We became engulfed in the music together, and even though we hardly knew each other and he was 6 years older than me, it didn’t matter. We were best friends that day, we didn’t need to know anything or be anywhere, all we had and we wanted was all that was there. It was perfect. I began to realize as he continued playing his ancient piano what was really going on. I’m sitting in this man’s den, on his grandmother’s old sofa, listening to him sing and play, and I’m loving it for no reason other than I’ve completely let myself be free and feel what I’m really feeling. This man lives in an old house alone, a house that has old furniture in it and pianos. He collects pianos. He invited me over for reasons that I do not know. I know he thinks I’m pretty, but at the same time I’m too young for him. We do not share mutual friends and we do not have much in common. Yet the afternoon that I spent with him in his home was natural and happy. It was relaxed and surreal. It was like no one knew that we were together, and no one knew that we were making music. No one knew that this was all that mattered and that we stopped time. No one realized that we existed, no one heard that our music was playing. But that didn’t mean that it WASN’T playing.
posted to life by Bobbie, Writer of the Hungry (0 comments)

I worry a lot. Im even worrying right now about what people might about this post, i havent written a blog before but iv got so much bottled up and i dont feel like i can talk to anyone even because typically im worried about sounding stupid and my friends not understanding. How stupid is that? So problem number one. Probably the root cause of everything else is of course and totally unoriginally a guy. Whoever you are reading this i an just imagine you rolling your eyes and thinking not this again but yes the highly overated girl meets boy, boy and girl become best friends, boy and girl become more than friends, boy screws girl over and breaks her heart. Well i guess the breaking my heart bit is a bit dramatic but yea. We'd been best friends for 6 years (considering im only 17) and i guess things got romantically involved because we were just lonely and wanted someone and we knew we'd always have each other. It strange but comforting and carried on for a few months untill he called it off with the line "I dont want to ruin our friendship". Telling me how much i mean to him and all that rubbish. It was obviously lies as a week later he had a new girlfriend and its about 4 months later now and hes hardly said two words to me. Im angry at him for it all but i miss him so much as that friend, my confidante that i could talk to about anything. I guess he's not that guy anymore. Problem number two. Exams. Enough said i think, i just cant concentrate with all the stuff going on (family problems etc that i wont bore you even more with) and i really need to do well in these exams (A-levels) so i can go to uni and get away!! Thanks for reading, i know my problems are reaaally trivial  and stupid and probably not explained really well but i feel a bit better now there out there..
posted to life by Andy, Travel Agent of Wild Parties (1 comment)

I can’t bear the thought of you with him. I FUCKING hate him for taking you from me. What were you thinking? You jumped right into it with him not even giving us a chance to fix things. WHY?  I want ANSWERS!
posted to life by Kadnyce, Breeder of the Unimaginable Terror (3 comments)

Do you have trouble finding a shop steward when you need one?  How many times have you called for a shop steward and one never comes?  How often have you received the wrong information from your steward?  Is your job in jeopardy and the NY Metro shop stewards have told you nothing?  Well, many of the shop stewards are getting paid for doing absolutely nothing.  Following are some of the highest earners for 1996-1997:  Tawanda Young, $44,854.00, (Director of Human Relations) Theodore Nicholas, $37,220.00, (Torrence’s Thug) Chuck Zlatkin, $31,187.00, (“Union Mail” Editor) Gregory Wilson, $30,751.00, (Idiot) Joann Flagler, $26,568.00, (Opportunist) Shilda Motley-Simmons, $26,071.00, (Knows Nothing) Giselle Ambursley, $22,784.00, (Torrence’s Chief Ass Kisser and Rat)Norman Shepherd, $19,373.00, (Knows Nothing and Opportunist) Wayne Lewis, $11,959.00 Ernesto “Tito” Jordan, $11,935.00, (Torrence’s “Boy Toy” and Lover)Kejia McClarin, $11,877.00                        Remember, the above amounts are in addition to both their shop steward salaries and post office wages. Ask yourself what does Tawanda Young to earn that money.  And, it is rumored that because Chuck Zlatkin is assigned to Tour 2 that he gets paid from the Union while he is getting paid at the same time from the Postal Service.  Talk about “double-dipping!  In fact, ask any of the above individuals what they’ve done to earn that money. Clarice Torrence maintains others’ loyalty by “paying them off,” and that is what she continues to do with her “friends.”  Members, we are in the biggest struggle ever for our jobs, and Torrence, Wall, and many of the shop stewards are doing nothing.  Torrence is in meetings with postal management, says nothing, and is literally “giving away the store.”  Or, in other words, is “throwing us under the bus.”  Her chief goal is to pay off her “friends” in exchange for their loyalty.  She is a power hungry thieving dictator who will stop at nothing to totally ruin this union.  She is an old and tired wannabe who feels as though life has passed her by and now in her sick mind she wants revenge against Josie McMillian, William Smith and you, the members.            Members, don’t be like the ostrich and keep your heads in the sand any longer, we must get rid of Torrence and her crew.  The election for a new NY Metro administration is just around the corner in 2009 and we cannot have more of the same of Torrence stealing and taking down our union.  We must mobilize now to make sure that the Torrence administration is history forever. DUMP TORRENCE and WALL! Concerned Members 
posted to life by Brett, Shadow of the Financial Services department (3 comments)

Most people have experimented, generally starting out as a teenager. I'm like most people, and I enjoy doing it(coke). There's no habit, nothing bad going on...blah, blah, blah. Whether or not any of you think I'm a bad person...well, I don't think I care. =]
posted to life by Taylor, Sheriff of the Wicked (3 comments)

He's nothing like anything I ever wanted. Physically, emotionally, romantically, nothing. He was a really good friend who I just didn't want any other girls to flirt with. Ha, yea, just a friend. He was the guy i cried to about other guys, he was the one I complained about life to and not having anyone. Before long he was the first one I ran to when something funny/sad/exciting happened to me. His opinion counted more than most and at the end of the day he was always the last one I said goodnight to. I thought i just found an amazing best guy friend, since I had lost mine when i lost my fiance, I thought I just was lucky enough to find another amazing guy to be my rock, my friend. I have always be close with guys, never girls, always guys, and I've never even considered dating any of them. That just wasn't me. They were friends and that's it. And that's what he was suppose to be...until we were drinking on his birthday and he kissed me. All I remember saying it, "We shouldn't do this, it's going to mess up our friendship." and he just said, "No it won't. I promise." yea, he was wrong. We both denied it would lead anywhere. It was a one time drunk thing...then it kept happening and everything got more intimate and more sentimental and uuuggghhh....but no one stayed out of it. His commitment phobia and "whipped boyfriend" paranoia kicked in when everyone kept making comments about us being together or insuating that we were dating. So it fell into a downward spiral and we started fighting, over everything.  Mostly his inability to admit he wants this. So instead of losing everything, and for the fact 98% of our closest friends are mutal, we decided to get it back to where it was, friendship. He's doing ok with it...minus the small jealous comments i get about textin a friend of ours that he thinks likes me.....he's happy. I'm dying. I can't stop thinking about how we were when it's just us. It's so easy and perfect and everything you'd want. i was in a 6 year relationship and after he left i never thought i'd find someone that i clicked with so easily like that. He gives me that amazing, sighing feeling you get when you just crawl into bed to go to sleep and you're just so happy to be next to them. He just did that for me. I cant believe I have to lose that again. Everyone still keeps makin the comments about us ending up together and how it's "kust going to happen." Actually my roommate told me today, "Everyone's going to so freakin happy when you two finally get together because it'll be that 'It's about time' sigh of relief." But yet, i'm suppose to be ignoring all of this and pretneding I'm ok, I'm suppose to be moving on.  So last night I went to meet up with a "friend" of mine. He's probably the most attractive man I've ever seen, he used to make me giddy, and shaky, and dumb...and I'm not like that, at all. Let's call him M. When M and i hang out, it's randomly, usually after a night of drinking (not always but usually), and well let's just say I can't say no to him. He's a good guy, he's fun to be around, but he has his own relationship turmoil so he's what I have dubbed undateable. So I have hun gout with M about 2 or 3 times since my 'friend' and I started all our drama and nothing physical ever happened because I was trying to make it work with the other guy. Well, last night M called me to come hang out, and I was already talking to the guy online so I was missing him and sad...so I said yes to go see M. I went and tried to forget guy, but those intoxicating kisses M use to have were gone. They didn't do anything to me. Then the worst of all, that damn Colbie Cailat song Realize, came on. Kills me every time. Then it was time to go to sleep. I couldn't even look at M without seeing the guy....BUT HE DOESNT LOVE ME. How am i suppose to move on and get over this feeling when the one guy who could take my mind off anyone doesn't anymore! i'm screwed. How am I suppose to get over him when he's right next to me? He's not even right for me. He's not the guy you fall for looks....or even personality because in all actuality he can he a dick unless he likes you. He's emotionally retarded, the man can't say what he's thinking, I mean our friendship honestly grew through texting....it once took him about 40 minutes to get out the words to ask me to come sit next to him on the couch. Everything is a game and he will never admit to wanting me, I have to say ti to him first. I mean granted he's been screwed by every woman he ever tried to date and his parents are divorced and all of his best friends have whoreish cheaing girlfriends...but he knows me. he knows id never hurt him. He's just so damn afraid.  He constantly asked me, during the course of our trying to make it work, why i liked him. He always tells me I deserve so much better. He doesnt think he's attractive so he's always askin me why I did go after his good friend A when I met them because A is the all american abercrombie model that girls fawn over, and I dont. I dont think I'm the most attrative girl ever by any means but alot of his friends have hit on me and he's seen me get apporached when we're out. He just cant phathom why i'd want to be with him. But something in me just needs him. I like affection and being romantic and cute....he's not like that, unless we're completely alone. He's nothing i've ever wanted. Why the hell am I so damn in love with a man that will never go out of his way to make me feel special? I need to just get over him because it'll never work. And the funny thing is he always says how I need to not want to be with him because he doesnt deserve me...he could if he tried.
posted to relationships by Frankie, Sniper of the Poor (0 comments)

where does everybody go, when they have to go? i've been "missing" for 4 years, and no one's reported it yet. i'm a wanderer, a cutter, a whore, and an addict with 2 suicide attempts under his belt. it's not a selfish move when you think you're doing the world a favor.
posted to life by Aubrey, Fashion Designer of Good (2 comments)

High School??

advice
I have a question, are there a lot of pretty lesbien girls in high school? I just have to know
posted to life by Addison, Breeder of the Poor (5 comments)

Sex in my dreams

confession
Now, I don't have a girlfriend, i'm already in my mid 20s, im a student, and as you may have guessed, me is a virgin. i do watch pr0n, but it is only lately that I have felt the need to actually have sex. result>? i am having sex with unknown girls in my dreams. with condoms, of course. i wake up thinking i'm gonna be the father of a baby only to be relieved that all the sex i've had while dreaming is just imaginatin. I really am freaked out that i will do something really bad to some girl. damn.
posted to life by Blaine, Fashion Model of Arts and Crafts (4 comments)