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By the way, got any cute girl friends...?


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Appearantly her and her mom, dad and sister are going to see indiana jones on friday. im invited to go with my family, were going, but thats pretty much all we will be able to do on friday, other than dinner, should i give her a random gift? i think i am going to make something for her.  BUT saturday!, we are going to a mutual friend of ours graduation party (clean party, no drinking and smoking and such) i might be able to woo her there lol, mabye bring something like... iono my mind is drawn to gifts, what other things SCREAM i Love YOU? she loves it when i dress up, i think mabye ill hella overdress for friday, is that tacky? whacky? HELLPPPPP!!!!!!! i need to know these answers by thursday!
posted to relationships by Peyton, Secretary of the Satisfied (5 comments)

This here is a classic example of a waste of sperm. This is a 22 yr old that lives at home because he does not have the ability to go out and live life on his own because he cant get off mommas tit. He has completely totaled three cars since his first one, including a DUI, went to school out of state spending 25k in education money with nothing to show for it, eats all my food, doesnt do crap but play video games all day when hes not out pretending to be a football hero or smoking dope with his buddies. He has one job that pays the bare min on his accumulated credit card dept which is run up on useless shit. Behold...The loser and what he does all day. [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v223/smithers/misc/cid__0520081238.jpg[/IMG]
posted to life by Ari, Peasant of the Unimaginable Terror (2 comments)

I really dont know what to do anymore. I love her but she dose not love me...I LOVE her soo fucking much its not even funny. i NEED her. I cant take it. I wont to hold her, kiss her, tell her that i love her, touch her skin, smell her, and look into her eyes. School is almost over and i dont know if i can go on with out her. eeeuuuugggghhhh. why do i love her
posted to life by Adrian, Devourer of the IT department (5 comments)

OK, so it's my own fault.  I knew when I met him 13 years ago that he had less ambition than I do.  I knew then that he was sleeping on friends couches because he had no job.  I knew then that he was a bad risk if I wanted security and stability.  But I loved him then and I love him now.  I am a self sufficient woman.  When I want something I just put my nose to the grindstone and work until I get it.  I am not looking for a man to take care of me financially, but seriously, at least contribute!  This time he has been out of work since the first week of February.  This would not be so bad, except he is running out of options.  Not a high school graduate.  Felony conviction on his record.  He's from a family that thinks 'why work if you can get welfare'.  I know.  You are asking your self....why is she still with him?  Because he has the biggest, kindest heart in the world and I love him.  In all our years together, whenever we have gotten in to arguments, he has never crossed the line and called me horrible names that I know he must have wanted to (because I can be a raving b!tch).  He helps care for my elderly parents (which is no easy task since my mother is a barracuda and my father is........well, my father.)  I just hate the fact that he gets a job and we get our heads well above water and start saving money and I start being able to put in to 401k.  We can go out withouth having to worry about the bills, then, I get a call (or worse, a text) saying he lost another job.  All the money I put away now has to be dipped in to again.  We have very little debt so it's not like we are in danger of losing our home or our car but why am I busting my rear to keep us that way when he doesn't seem to care?  And when he does work, I only ask that he only pays 1/3 of the bills. We've got no children so maybe he thinks that means he doesn't have to be as responsible.  Whatever it is, I am just plain fed up with being the only bread-winner in the house, no matter how much I love him.
posted to life by Peyton, Real Estate Agent of Arts and Crafts (3 comments)

So to update on the drama with my immature mother. Well at least in my eyes. I don't care who reads this or what they think of me in anyway as to how I feel about all of this. If anyone was in my shoes dealing with a mother like mine, they would understand. She left Chattanooga for California. Yep, with the boy toy she snagged up. I suppose she wanted a son to take care of instead of a daughter. Oh and to find out he's not exactly my age, he's a year younger to the day. She in some North California town with all of 400 people. Sounds like a nice vacation, wouldn't want to live there. But again that's just me. Her and Wes came through two weeks ago like a tornado. Dropped stuff off at my house. Had to leave the kids while we went to storage. After running late, O called me and asked when i was going to be home. I said right away. Then Wes had the fucking nerve to say " Um, dude, I'm like so hungry. Could we stop and get a big fat steak or something?" I said, "NO, I have two kids waiting for me and it's 10:30 at night" He has no concept of what family is. I mean, he left his 8month baby with the baby mama in Chattanooga. She said she will be coming to Cali too but who knows. To me it would be more important to be with my child than to find the "perfect wave, dude". Stuff like that just kills me. DBD! That's all I have to say. If a wave is more important than the child then there's a problem. I have no respect for him. I apologized for being a bitch in the car but I felt like I had a right. I had a right to feel angry at this person. What hurts the most is that Olivia is mad that she can't have her "Nana" time this sumer like it was "promised". But then again a lot of promises have been broken. I should have just expected it. But, hell I got the antique desk that I've wanted forever and she didn't even have to die to get it. Whatever. She spent all of an hour (maybe) with her grandkids. Family first is not in her genes. I wonder if it ever was. That just doesn't run in the family I suppose. I didn't get that gene. I'm glad it skipped me. My kids are the most important thing to me, doesn't matter if they are 8yrs, 10 yrs, 20 yrs or 40 yrs old. They will always be my 1 and I'll make sure they know it. I don't want them to have resentment towards me like I have towards my mother. I think and pray and hope I've broken the cycle of 5 marriages and the latch key kid that had to take care of herself since the age of 10 years old. I'm second to her, not 1. But I'm not 1 to anyone. Maybe the dog now. That's just how it's always been. I have to admit I was quite the bitch when I met Wes. What else was to be expected though? He's just another man, another "Skip", another person for her to be co-dependent on. She's a chameleon. If a guy wants her to be a trophy, that's what she'll be, if he wants her to be a hippy again that's what she'll be. I suppose I'm just sicken by the fact that she's fucking a person that could be her son. 20 years difference. Think I'm going to spend holiday's with this person..I don't think so. I want nothing to do with any men in her life anymore. I'm over it. Right now I feel like her secretary. Her mail is sent here now and I have to send it to her in Cali. I know I can't change her but I wish she wanted to change into a person that was more family oriented. I'm at the point after today's conversation with her that i don't even want to take her calls. I just want to say FUCK YOU. She said that she'd come back to spend some "Quality" time with me and the kids before summers up, but that was a lie. So, Mom, go live the life you always dreamed of. I'm sorry if I got in the way after you got knocked up at 17yrs old. At least I can learn from your mistakes and not take paths that will just be disappointing over and over and over again.
posted to relationships by Addison, Necromancer of Time (2 comments)

Shut up...

rant
I thought it was cute at first, you talking about your consipracy theories, information for your stories. Then it got out of control; I can't tell where your belief and where your skepticism ends. I can't tell if I want to slap you or cry. I hate hearing the bullshit that comes from your mouth about such-and-such a consipiracy and such-and-such a terror issue. I don't belive it, not one bit. If it was just for stories, I understand... but when you declare something so fucking stupid as how the world's population is coming to a end in such and such a year, and everything's already planned out, it makes me sick. I don't believe it, not for one second. Stick to research for your stories, don't go declaring everything you read to me, as if it's true I'll never believe it, ever.
posted to society by Peyton, Thief of the Homeless (0 comments)

people....

rant
i'm so sick of people. like bitches who are too insecure with themselves to actually be their own person. and guys who will lead you on and then ditch you for more popular girls, regardless of who they end up hurting. why would you care about someone else's feelings about you if they "don't matter to you" anyway?  and another thing: i hope all these people know that once they get ouot of highschool, no one will worship the so-called "popular" people anymore. no one's going to know your social status from when you were in school and you're going to have to make a name for yourself, regardless of who you are. no one's going to worship you like they do now, and besides, they have no reason to. seriously, you dont do anything better than anyone else. you're all bitches and half of you aren't even pretty. just because you're sluts and think you're the shit and boss everyone around, people somehow fins it suitable toworship you. well, middle school is a lot different than the rest of the world, and when the rest of the world sees how pathetic you all are, you're not going to be happy. stop being afraid to be yourself, you insecure little sluts, and think for yourselves for once.
posted to life by Max, Wizard of the Rich (0 comments)

Okay, well i had a major fight with the girl of my dreams last night. & i do love her she knows it too, but she just dosent seem to feel the same way. but she is always trying to make me jealous...wtich i really dont understand (by the way i am a girl not a guy, & in the 8th grade). so yeah during the summer her "friend" asked me if i would give her a few letters so i did. & well long story short my mom opend a letter and i found out that they were dateing. and they are both girls so yeah. but that was way in the past, and they are not together anymore. and i have asked her about it b/c she says that the reason she cant be with me is b/c she is straight and has always been. but i know the truth. so last night i kind of brought it up last night. and i guess i pissed her off really bad. and know she wont even let me pick up her books when they fall. and i really dont know what to do anymore. i wont to say sorry but she did tell me that she cant stand me and wonts nothing to do with me. so i dont know if i should say sorry or wait for her to sya it. but i really do love her...she is like my night time, and one day i wont to be her star, you know. but i just cant stand her being made at me any more. its like i lost my everything, my sunshine, my night time, my heart...i dont even have my heart anymore she took it from me, and i dont wont it back. she has it forever more. even though she dose not like me like that. but i really wont to say sorry for starting it. but i just dont know. i miss her so much, even though it has been a day, it feels like it has been 4936493056327846 years. god i fell hard and man i wish that she did know how much i really do care about her. but i really need to know where to go from her. please help, please...
posted to life by Yoko, Prostitute of the Irredeemably Moist (3 comments)

 I am 9 years old, and I love guitar and baseball and I learn to play my guitar 3 days a week. I saw a rock guitar show staring, GW Williams last night. he was the greatest player ever.    Also my mommy is helping me write this so I can share. Hope you like my post. It's my first ever.    Thank You        Bobby Townsend My mom help me post link to GW  Williams, I want to play like him some day. <a href="http://jordanriversguitarforum.blogspot.com">Rock,Blues,Jazz Guitarist GW Williams  The Birth Of A Guitar Legend</a>
posted to life by Josh, Necromancer of the Lonely (3 comments)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 9 years. His father passed away a few years back and he's never been the same. When we first started dating, it was awsome. Now its simply a nightmare. No longer he believes in marriage, children or owning a home. Out of the three, we settled for the last. A while back I determined that yes, marriage is overated and why would I want to have a child in a school with others that could possibly cheat, steal or kill?    I know I'm not the smartest person in the room, but I have a HUGE heart. I give and give and give not only to him, but to my self absorbing and lazy dad and all the friends who never give it back. I'm so sick of putting myself in second place to please everyone around me and the worst of it all: its my fault because I let it happened.   Now my boyfriend is thinking of "checking out". He is miserable with life and me. He loves me and I do him but he is so angry all the time. Every little thing sparks angry remarks that I can't help to feel personal about it, even when it has nothing to do with me. Bad things happen to him all the time and I dont understand why. I have a positive outlook in life but he no longer does. People dissapoint him every day.. with every promise comes a dissapointment. I understands why he feel the way he does but do not see "checking out" as a solution. When he asks for help, I say what I know I can do but its not enough... its never enough. Too many  "sorry"s and no care of my good intentions; only for my good acts. Maybe I'm too needy.  This is not the whole story but I do welcome your thoughts. I'm simply a really nice girl who works so very hard for it all and believes that nothing is impossible and I don't care to make a fool out of myself in public because I don't care how others may perceive me as long as I'm having a good time and not injuring or offending anyone else.   Thank you J    
posted to relationships by Brett, Engineer of Musclebeasts (4 comments)

At one point or another everyone steps into this world. The world where it’s everyone vs. You. The place where everything which is overlooked hurts the most. It’s the people you know who destroy and eat you up, it’s your friends, it’s the students at school and nobody stops them unless you take action. I hate these people and so do a lot of other kids but no, parents and teachers don’t see why. It’s normal, they say. Well fuck it. Fuck them and all the other killers. Killers are guns and TV to adults, but it’s words and peers to us. Those little bumps and words in the hallway are nothing to teachers and are 'just a little bump' to them. It's not when it happens everyday, for your entire life...nothing's little. Everything's big and now it's our time to step up for a 'little' Revenge. 
posted to society by Josh, Host of the Idealistic (3 comments)

So the recent blogs in this area are all about grade school and jr high but I'm in one of my final semesters and I feel like I'm drowning.  I'm only taking TWO classes!   I love my two professors, and that's the hardest part about it all.  One is pretty sure I'm britllian, but I wanted to debate with him yesterday because we have more writing to do than is logical.  We just started discussing a book, and he laready wants a paper.  His plan is to discuss the end of the book on the day the paper's due, and that won't happen because LAST time that what he planned and he wound up lecturing.   My other class is so much more reading and work that I have no idea how I'm going to survive this week.  We turned in a "one-day" lesson plan that was EIGHT pages long.  We have to compose an entire unit.  10-15 days, which means that if I do the minimum (which I can't with the topic I chose)... that's right, at least 80 pages....  Grad students are not allowed to have a life.
posted to school by Brett, Apprentice of the Hungry (3 comments)

So, i'm not sure what i feel. theres this guy...and i've been talking to him for over 9 months... we started having sex around the month marker. everything was grest until the months started to pass and i realized that we still weren't a couple...i started talking to someone else for about 2 weeks and he finally tole me he loved me and everything was great. we started going out a few weeks later...from day one we had a bunch of issues and after we had been together for almost 2 weeks he decided to start talking to someone else...he claims it wasn't serious...but it took him 2 months to get rid of her because he didnt want to hurt her feelings...ugh. so after that things went downhill. we cnontinued to fight about it until eventually we just couldn't go any further. he broke up with me though. the next day we talked and realized that we still loved each other and wanted to make it work, but he figured it would be best if we weren't actually a couple while we fix it. well we broke up in february and its may and we are still not back together. in between this time we have lost a child, hes met my family, i stuck by him through his arrest, and after i discovered he had been continuously lying to me about a few things...nothing too major...but they were still lies...and now to top it off me and his best friend have become really good friends...he has also been trying to get into my pants for the last few months but i will never let that happen...the other day we were talking and he tells me that he doesnt believe that my guy is in love with me....he said he loves me but hes not IN love with me....now hes known my guy for a lot longer then I have...and in the beginning my guy says that this guy knows him better then anyone...but at the same time he really doesnt because theres a lot about my guy he doesnt know. so now im stuck...i love him really i do...im in love with him. i want to marry him and have his children one day....but i dont wanna keep spending all my time and effort with this guy if its gonna go nowhere...and this is only the cornerstone of the things that have happened with us but i dont have enough time to type out everything...
posted to relationships by Charlie, Travel Agent of the Wicked (0 comments)

I was searching the Indianapolis craigslist for random free crap, when I started to notice some of the postings in the jobs sections were obviously fake.   One was very funny in its...<i>fakeness</i>, so I went to copy paste it in a forum when I found that hitting Ctrl+A turned up some hidden text.  More over this text is different in most of the postings.   I'm no cryptographer, But I bet there might be something here.... here are the postings from Saturday May 17th<br><br>    Vazhikkadavu Kerala Bangalore Communications in India Districts of India Geographic coordinate system Gudalur Hasan India Indian Standard Time Karakkodan puzha ///upload wikimedia org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3b/LocationZafarraya png/190px-LocationZafarraya png widthTo this day Weyrich has close ties to various Russian political figures and has not joined the hard line others on the right have taken on Russian presidentes traveling in order to discover new cultures and new meals She likes swimming walking and painting<br><br>           This merger created the largest laboratory (over 600 personnel) on the MIT campus and was regarded as a reuniting of the diversified elements of Project MACdemonstrating their willingness to defend British territories from forceful invasion signalling British intent to recapture the Falklands and showing their ability to attack Argentine forces on the islands It also demonstrated the possibility of escalating the conflict in future by striking industrial targets on the Argentinian mainland Regardless of whether or not the British actually intended to pursue these options and escalate the conflict the Argentinian leadership would have been fullWithout aircraft able to cover the long distance activities in the South Atlantic would be down to the Royal Navy and the British Army Plans were set in motion within the RAF to see if it could carry out any operations near the FalklandsThe increasing dimensions of garments of the same nominal size has caused some designers to introduce           <br><br> Rutgers School of Business - Camden Articles lacking sources from December 2007 Articles to be expanded since December 2007 Accounting Adventure Aquarium Benjamin Franklin Bridge Camden NJ Management Marketing New Jersey Organizational behavior /Stand Alone Complex eventually came to represent a phenomenon where unrelated yet very similar actions of individuals create a seemingly concerted efforthowever as true as this may or may not be Rockwell Green is actually older than Wellington In 1991 the population was estimated at 1618 Recently however more houses have been built and the population has almost doubled in the last 10 years//el wikipedia org/wiki/%CE%9A%CF%85%CE%BA%CE%BB%CE%BF%CF%80%CE%B5%CE%BD%CF%84%CE%AC%CE%BD%CE%B9%CE%BF           <br><br> is the one who defeated Justice) May is reunited with Johnny who had been imprisoned but escaped by using his charm on the female guard though he does not reveal this to May claiming instead that he fought his way outconverge to an eigenvector corresponding to the eigenvalue of greatest magnitude This algorithm is simple but not very useful by itself However popular methods such as theMosby's upper body was horribly scalded and several of his teeth were broken before he made his way through the opening of the tunnel Witnesses reported he was in shock and layers of his skin were hanging from his body He died later at Grace Hospital It was from there that the story took on a life of its own through decades of retellingTherese Vick grassroots environmentalist organizer (BREDL and NC ACT spearhead) Born September 21st 1957
posted to life by Peyton, Fashionista of the Rich (0 comments)

Dear Dad,   Before I start I want to apologise for the fact that I am unable to say this in person and that is nobody’s fault but mine.   I want you to know that I really appreciate everything that you have done for me – there are not many people that would take on somebody else’s three children.   I know that it can’t have been easy and I don’t know if the fact that you were Ray’s best friend (and best man) made it easier or made it harder.  I hope it made a bit easier and I’m sure that Ray would have approved and could not have chosen a better ‘replacement’ that’s what I believe and the way I look at it.   As I have grown up I feel that the closeness we had when I was little has gone, I’m not entirely sure why this happened it might just be one of those things, part of growing up or maybe there were a few things growing up that affected me consciously or subconsciously but regardless of the reasons (and there is no blame directed to anyone) it is one of my big regrets that I don’t feel I can talk to you about it.   I just look at your relationships with the girls, Louise and Michael and I feel jealous and I feel I am missing out.   Your relationship with Michael I feel more envious of as with the girls it is probably as you are older, more relaxed and a father daughter relationship might be easier.  I think with Michael when he was younger he rebelled and you were often the target of his frustrations when he used to say “you are not my dad/real dad”) - and that might be a reason that I started to withdraw and/or become distant or the closeness went as I may have subconsciously looked up to him, admired him and that he was always right – but you are now closer to him and spend more time together – I wish I enjoyed golf!   I love the way you are with Olivia and Henry you make such a great granddad, although extremely unlikely I hope if I have children you will be just as good and close with them.   When I was growing up I used to really wish that you had disciplined me as the one time you told me to look at how much I was hurting mum it had more effect than a thousand slippers.  I know and appreciate why you chose or preferred not to as for all you knew my reaction could have been like Michael’s when he was rebelling – even though I made you replace a hundred garage windows when I was played football in the garden, you never said anything, you never complained about the hassle or the cost.   I remember when I was little going to watch you play football and playing on the touchline with Vic, I remember watching you and being impressed you were on a team and wishing I could play like you.   So how did we get to stilted conversations on the way to Brentford or when we meet or me struggling to speak to you about anything except football or birthday presents, let alone asking you for your help with something.  It’s not you.     I know you are a private person and you probably found it embarrassing that I used to give you a kiss goodnight and I just wanted you to know that through no fault of yours I think I took this subconsciously as a rejection and maybe that was when I started to become distant or find it hard to communicate emotionally with you – unfortunately I don’t do moderation and go from one extreme to the other.   I know if I could ask you for help that you would help me but I wanted to let you know that I feel unable to ask and that is why I end up asking Uncle Tim to do things for me via Julie.   I know I speak to Julie more than I should when I should speak to mum and I think it’s because subconsciously she is now the last link to my dad and what he was like at all ages.   I realise now that I have wasted so many years in not realising what a loss it was to lose my dad and how I could have spoken to you about what he was like at school I am sure you would have some good stories.  Maybe that might have helped me stay closer to you by talking about him and maybe kept his memory alive.   I am sure it would have stopped all the times when I would refer to you one minute as “Dad” and the next as “Jim” , I am sure that must have been difficult for you, as maybe talking about Ray would have been.   I think I wanted to call you “Dad” as you took on 3 children and treated them like your own, I thought that Ray would have approved this (that he would have wanted it) as you were close but then the next minute I was worried that he would be upset that I had forgotten him or replaced him.   See I told you I was messed up as I don’t think he would have thought that, he would have been ok with this and understood.       Maybe I chose wrong, maybe I should have called you Francis like Michael (but it was different for him he remembered Ray) but I wanted you to know I thought of you as a dad, in hindsight I know now the name wouldn’t have mattered it’s the actions that count and you might not be my natural father but you are my dad, I have 2 dads.   It would be hard to change now, although maybe it would help me as the older I get the more I think I miss him (if you can miss what you don’t remember), the more I want to know about him and see if I take after him in anyway, if he would be proud of how I turned out and the choices I have made.    I would ever only make this change if you were happy about this and knew that you were still my dad – I wouldn’t want you to feel that I was taking or trying to take everything back that you have done for me.   One last thing did mum give you what I wrote the night before my operation in May 2000?   If so how did you feel, were you pleased, proud or disappointed that like always that I took the cowards way out.  I wish you just mentioned that you got it or said thanks or “I knew” something like that would have meant so much.   I hope you know or feel that I love you even though I can’t say it to you.       Dear Dad,   I’ve got so many questions to ask, so much I want to know about you I don’t know where to start.   I want/need to know if I have made you proud with the things I’ve done, the choices I have made and the way I have lived my life, if you feel I have followed in your footsteps.  I don’t think I have – I’m not the happy go-lucky optimistic boy I used to be and certainly not like you were.   I have grown into a miserable, cynical and pessimistic person who is too afraid to live, take chances or risk rejection – all my life I have played safe but yet still worried and over analysed over every detail and the smallest things.   Its like I need everyone to like me and approve of what I’m doing, its like I need them to like or love me feel valued, maybe its because I don’t like or value myself.   I know I would have been different if I had been able to follow your example, see the way you lived your life and I know that you wouldn’t have let me become a pathetic person who likes to wallow in their own self pity and be a martyr, I know that you and Nan would have made me see the light, believe in myself, take chances and appreciate everything that I do have instead of concentrating on what I don’t have.   My counsellor asked me if I blame you for dying, for leaving me, I don’t.  I do blame life/god/world for allowing it to happen, for taking you from me.  Selfish I know, I’m not the only person to lose their dad at a young age – and I guess you must be angry or upset too as I know there is no way you would have ever chosen to leave mum with three children.   I really want to be able to remember you but I can’t and I feel empty and guilty because of it, I know I was only six but you are my dad and I should remember you, I can remember times when you must have been there but I can’t remember you.  Does that make me a bad son, a failure?   When people talk about you it makes me feel so sad that I never got to see / or remember what they saw, I feel jealous that Michael can remember you but I can’t, I know I had longer with you than Louise did but maybe because she accepts/ knows she was far too young to remember anything and that’s why she finds it easier to get on well with francis?   Are you watching over me with Nan, are you proud?  If you are watching I really need the strength to change, to start living my life to be more like you, to be strong like you and Nan were with all the horrible things you both had to deal with, and the way you dealt with them without giving up.  Do you miss me?   Do you love me?   How do you feel about Jim being our step-dad, has he done a good job (I know he’s done his best and it can’t have been easy job to do voluntarily) – what would you have done differently.   Does it hurt you that I call him “Dad” – I thought it would be what you wanted.   If you had been here would you have disciplined me or still left it to Mum?   Michael tells me you weren’t a fan of smacking & wouldn’t let Mum do it – I deserved it and it was done for the right reasons).   francis never did any disciplining and I can understand why but maybe it would have made us closer, showed me he cared.   Would you have stopped me from kissing you goodnight?  When francis did it I took it subconsciously as a rejection, I think that’s why I can’t show my emotions in person or tell people that I love them.    I know he never intended it that way and he’s just a private person, but I think its one of the reasons why the closeness we had when I was younger went.  I feel like I lost another dad, a father figure.  Sounds harsh he only did what he thought best I can’t blame him for all my emotional hang ups.   There aren’t many men who will take on three children that aren’t his and I have so much respect for him for that and I am sure that I love him, I’m just jealous that I’m not close to him like Michael, Louise and the girls.   I always used to say that you wouldn’t have picked anyone else to raise us as he was your best friend, your best man.   Are you angry or upset that we don’t talk about you often, do you think that we’ve forgotten you?   You are not forgotten by those who can remember you.  There is so much I want to know about you but I don’t like to talk to Mum incase it upsets her or brings back the pain.   I try and talk to Julie but I think this upsets mum, but I don’t want to upset mum but Julie knows what you were like as a child, I feel that she is my last link to you.  If I were closer with Jim I could maybe ask him but then he is a very private person and may feel uncomfortable.   Did you/do you love Michael more?  I feel my whole life I have been trying to live up to him and failing he has all the things I’ve ever wanted.   What would you say about Mum, how she bought us up (I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her with three young children) has she followed the values that you wanted.   How would you help her with her problems before something happens?  I feel helpless I want to help but I’m not strong and I can’t say anything until she admits it to me.   Were you and Nan there on my graduations, I wish you could have both been there at least I was lucky that Grandad Smith got to see one.   How did you get on with Nan & Grandad Smith, were they good in-laws – were you all close?   How did you feel of the way I was at school when I was being a bully, I bet you were ashamed and you would have had every right to have been – its one of my big regrets that I wish I could take back, just like I wish I could turn back time and see more of Nan before she was taken.   Would you have wanted me and Michael to go to a private school.  I never wanted to go to one but it bothers me for some reason that I was never asked to take the test, like it wasn’t thought that I would pass but Michael did and he went.   At school were you a class clown like I was, how did you deal with being teased?   It must have been even worse for you with the callipers you had to wear, did you fight back or rise above it?  I bet unlike me you didn’t try and be the biggest, hardest guy to deflect attention.   Julie told me that you wanted to be a journalist, did you always know, did you go for it, if so how did you deal with it when it didn’t work out?  Mum said you were overlooked for promotion because you were too friendly or couldn’t be taken seriously (so they thought, and I bet wrongly) and that upset you.   I can’t manage people as I am too afraid of confrontation, basically I’m a coward, how did you deal with confrontation, did you give in or stand your ground?   How did you feel when they told you that you had Marfan?   Did they tell about the serious implications, were you worried, scared – why didn’t you make them try and treat you or do something.   You must have really hated shaving to have grown a beard, every time I try (I hate shaving too!) it itches so bad that I have to shave it.  When I do grow a beard I look just like you but with shorter ginger hair (courtesy of Nan!).   Were you disappointed when I sometimes used your passing as an excuse for sympathy, it was a very low thing to do.  Almost as low as when I still went out and played pool with Dan on the night Mum told me Nan had died.   I know you would have pleased to see her but I really needed her, it knocked me for six – it was such  a huge blow and so unexpected – I was expecting to be told about francis’s Dad when mum sat me down (so I had prepared myself for that) who had been poorly for a while.   Were you proud that Michael and I were pall bearers for Nan, that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and I was so angry that they didn’t get people of similar heights so the coffin was more level – I thought it made it look like a laughing stock.    I was so emotionally drained and crying that I couldn’t sing Nan’s favourite hymn (the Lord’s my Shepherd) but I still remember Michael holding my shoulder as I cried while trying to sing it, it felt good that he was showing me he cared, I know he does but he never physically shows me.   I can’t really talk, sometimes I just want to give everyone a hug but something inside me is stopping me, perhaps it’s the coward worried that he won’t hear it back, worried he will be rejected.   Have I been a good son?   A good brother?  Have I helped the family with their problems?   I fear I have done more harm than good, Louise seems to be following me with bad habits like worrying, checking things, doubting herself and having low self esteem.  Louise is now having counselling for her ocd I hope it works better than mine, the bottom line is that the year Louise has spent living with me has made it worse or given her extra things to worry about.   Were you good at sports? Could you sing or play musical instruments?  Were you naturally intelligent or did you have to work hard?   I know I was named after a Brentford player but did you really call me your little bomber?   Were you neat, tidy and energetic or lazy and messy like me – a slob.   Before you died did you have any pains, any inkling that something was wrong?  Did you feel anything when it happened, were you in pain?   I used to tell everyone that I wouldn’t live past 29, I was very relieved to get to 30 and I don’t know how much further I will go but the truth is whatever age I live to I wont have packed in anywhere near what you did or lived life the way that you and nan did.   The only positive that has come out of this is amy-marie and may.   I know it sounds bad but I can’t remember you as much as I desperately want too and I can’t imagine them not being around I felt so blessed in having newborn siblings when I was older and could really appreciate them.    Francis is a fantastic granddad he is so good with the kids I know that they would have loved you too.   I was often told that I would have made a good dad but alas it is never to be so I will just try and be the best uncle.  Nanny smith used to say that I would settle down with someone who already had children and although it hasn’t happened I think it would be poetic, that way I could see what “fun” you went through when you took mum and michael and when francis took mum and 3 kids.          
posted to life by Adrian, Manager of the Wicked (0 comments)

Oh well...

confession
Has it become that bad? All I want to do is see Matt, even though I know he's a twat because he used me so he was one step closer to winning his bet. It was only one night, but bloody hell, why can't i get him out of my head :( I know he pretty much wants nothing to do with me, and ignores me when we're in the same group. But god, I just want to see him.  Not good.
posted to relationships by Shiki, Herald of the Idealistic (0 comments)

I hate girly girls

confession
I dont know why but I just hate girly girls probably because of the way they talk and they think they are so perfect. No body is perfect though, but there is people that think they are. I once tried to be one of them, but it didnt work. I know it sounds kind of funny, but I tried to talk like them even dress like them, but it just didnt work so I decided to be the way  I am. I realize by then that I dont have to be something that Im not and just be myself.
posted to life by Max, Apprentice of Arts and Crafts (5 comments)

PUSSY BOY takes BARE COCK UP THE ASS. EVERY HERE OF AIDS STUPID?
posted to life by Addison, Warlord of Time (1 comment)

Looking for the men an adulteress has cheated with to depose them in court...it's disgusting how these people get away with the shit they do and their cuckold husbands end up fucked by the justice system.  Anyone know how to convince an accomplice in an affair to come forward?
posted to relationships by Ari, Curator of Arts and Crafts (2 comments)

Again, you are so hilarious! At least I'm getting a good laugh before work. Which reminds me, truck, what truck? Did you forget it's a bike I ride to work with a bucket. Your threats don't concern me because actually, you are NOT a threat to me, YOU POWERLESS PIG! AND AGAIN, YOU WILL NOT EVEN GET WITHIN A FEW FEET OF MY WIFE! Do you treat your wife this way?
posted to life by Andy, Superintendent of the Rich (0 comments)

I feel like I've scraped away at removing my mississippi working class up bringings. I'm still the ol' piece of shit punk that was always there. i'm working through an undergrad now and feel like shit
posted to life by Reggie, Soldier of the Forgotten Lands (0 comments)

Would I?  What would I have become if you hadn’t had to die? Would I have more self-confidence, could I look people in the eye? Would I still be frightened of rejection? No belief in life or my selection, In large groups would I still feel a loner? Thought of as a whingey old moaner   Oh I wish you didn’t have to go, A different me I’ll never know, I can only guess at when or why I left that path and said goodbye To the man I should have become Instead of the king of unrequited love   I feel as though I let you down When every day I wear my frown, I hear that you were full of life And yet I wonder why I have no wife With each day passing it gets clearer still I’m destined to live alone like Uncle Bill   Don’t want to die; don’t see why to live, I’ve got no strength, or fight to give, Nothing to show for all my years, Except pain, disappointment and all my tears, Feeling that I’ve been singled out, To watch in envy whilst going without   It seems so unfair, seems so wrong Never feeling that I belong, Its not that I want to take take take, Just would be nice to catch a break, No surprise that half empty is my glass, When the distribution of love and luck’s a farce   Heart full of love but never dated, At work disliked and often hated, It makes me tearful, it makes me sad, What have I done that’s been so bad? All the time I think and worry, Always stressing out and in a hurry,   A fool to himself his hopes he raise, Never follows through then “down” for days, An emotional coward who’s got no guts, A million reasons and if’s and but’s, Too frightened, too scared to make a change, To feel true happiness would seem so strange I wish I could have been more like you, So many things I’ll never do, Like buy a house or say “I do”,   Do something crazy like holiday on a whim Or have a child and teach them to swim      Her smile lights her eyes like a twinkling star, Her soft spoken voice can be heard from afar, Her classic beauty and flawless skin, Her long flowing hair, her button-nose chin,   When I’m near her I fill my heart melt, Such powerful feelings never before felt, A smile from her and my knees goes all week, I get tongue tied and the lose the ability to speak   My stomach flips at the way she says my name Only in my wildest dreams could she feel the same My heart races fast if I know she will be there She will never be mine, it's too painful to bare You’ve probably seen him and walked on by, His head stooped low can’t look you in the eye, You think he is arrogant or up on his own posterior, He’s actually just shy, unconfident, feels inferior  
posted to life by Harper, Accountist of Imagination (0 comments)

I work in a large software major and with five and a half years of experience. But I am 33 and that has tells me that anything new I learn will not be useful as there won't be many employers willing to give me a job. And that kills all my motivation to learn anything. On top of it, my boss the director of R&D is all the time interested in people's age. He just makes it a point to ask people's age when its very embarassing, in front of younger team mates and during team lunches. This again has caused a motivational problem for me and I don't feel like working at all for him anymore. Which has had the adverse effect of affecting my performance. Even though I have made it known to him umpteen number of times that I am not comfortable with personal questions, he just wouldn't mend his ways. I now fear that it might be a universal problem with employers and my career as a software engineer might be over in less than 5 years.  And that scares me badly.
posted to work by Andy, Sniper of Imagination (1 comment)

My fiance is the type who likes to have people listen to him, and he will spend all day at work talking to his friends on IM programs.  I'm the control freak type, so that already gets to me a little bit because I have no idea what he's talking about with them, and he'll talk to exes and flings.  His line for what is inappropriate is very different than mine, for example his ex didn't consider talking dirty to random people online inappropriate, and he used to do it during that relationship.  He's just more sexually open than me, and he's also more constantly horny and interested in talking about it. So my work sent me to South America in March, and while I was gone he started talking to girls from Craigslist that he met in the "strictly platonical" section.  He didn't even tell me he'd met them until I got back.   I asked him point blank if he talked dirty to any onf them, and he denied it.  So about a week ago I read a chatlog where he had cyber sex with some random girl while I was in another country.  I blew up at him, crying histerically, and saying I couldn't marry him and I hate him.  It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, partically the logistics of it, because I was willing to tell all our family and pay all sorts of penalties for things we've bought for the wedding.  That's how big a deal it was to me.  But he convinced me to stay with him, that he views it differently and didn't consider it cheating, and he doesn't know why he does it, he jsut does.  And honestly, it still feels like I only stayed because the fight lasted so long that I was too tired to try and leave any more.  I still feel like I'm doing a disservice to myself because I'm staying with a guy who cheated on me. That's all.  I've been to ashamed of the whole situation to tell anyone I know, so any perspective on the whole thing would be greatly appreciated.
posted to relationships by Max, Templar of the Rich (4 comments)

So, so, very funny. It makes me wonder why people have to involve themselves in other peoples lives. Ranting and raving about taking someones wife and putting a business under? What could they possibly be trying to achieve and for what selfish reason, I think it's dillusion. They simply are mentally unstable, it's the only thing I can think of. Maybe it makes them feel manly because they have too much female hormones? Anyone? He claims he does it for the other's wife, does he even know her? Pathetic, meaningless, selfish, egotistical, AND FUNNY AS HELL bullshit. What time can my wife expect you tomorrow, yeah that's what thought.
posted to life by Dakota, Sommelier of Space (1 comment)

Has anyone out there ever encountered a German living in Montreal and Barbados who appears to be a pyscho stalker.  He writes slanderous and deeply offensive emails about his ex partners and is disliked by everyone he meets.  His name is Ditlef Fermann and he has blue eyes. We see him in bars  wearing an ugly scouling expression and a shirt that looks like a bar code. He has alledgedly been banned from part of sandy lane beach for taking videos of women and children which alarmed the parents. He has been banned from another west coast hotel for posing as a guest and hassling women.  Seems to think that all women are whores he must be a pyschopath be warned!
posted to life by Bobbie, Magician of Time (0 comments)

Your wife is so HORNY. She FUCKED ME HARD again today. That’s  3 days in a row.  See this is what happens when you are a LOSER and a PUSSY. Your wife gets a REAL MAN with a REAL DICK for REAL SEX.  PUSSY BOY!
posted to life by Charlie, Sniper of Darkness (6 comments)

TITLE.....

rant
OK SO I FEEL LIKE I AM WHINING AND RANTING ON ABOUT NOTHING, BECAUSE MY PROBLEM IS THAT I AM IN A RUT!! AND THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE I FEEL LIKE I CAN WRITE FREELY ABOUT THIS. SO LIKE I SAID I AM IN A RUT! AND NOT A CERTAIN RUT, A LIFE RUT! I AM IN A FUCKING LIFE RUT AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN MY LIFE IS DOING NEW THINGS AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE, BUT IM JUST FUCKING NOT! DUDE I SWEAR IM GONNA BE THAT GIRL THAT DOESN'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND UNTIL SHE IS FUCKING 45! I HAVE NO GUYS, 2 FRIENDS, I USE TO HAVE A GORGEOUS BODY, AND NOW IT IS SHIT, AND I HAVE BEEN DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, AND MEETING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE! SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!! LOL. AND ITS HARD CAUSE I KNOW I SOUND TOTALLY LIKE A TEENAGER WITH NO REAL BUT PROBLEMS, BUT JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER TEENAGE GIRL, I LIKE THIS GUY, AND THIS IS THE ONLY REAL PLACE I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS. AND HE JUST DOESN'T LIKE ME (I KNOW, WE'VE ALL HEARD THIS B4) BUT MY GUY LIFE IS JUST FUCKED AND FUCKED UP, AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANNA SCREAM FOREVER, I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!
posted to life by Kadnyce, Student of Good (0 comments)

Why???....

advice
Okay i finally told this girl that i love her. & sadly she said i just dont feel the same. but i am still not all that sure. she tells me that she wont date me because i am a girl and so is she. btut for some odd reason she is always trying to make me jealous at school by huging, rubing, and saying i love you to other girls. so i am like what the hell what am i doing wrong. and she told my best friend that she is trying to make me jealous. but why if she dose not like me the same. dose she, or dosent she...man i am sooo confused.
posted to life by Aubrey, Butcher of Wild Parties (1 comment)

I have HUGE BALLS you FUCK. I have made my calls and talked to my people. I am looking out for your wife and I know what would best for her. She even told me that you are a LOSER. You should have DOUBT about her. She is with ME and only wants ME. Just you wait. PUSSY BOY!
posted to life by Dana, Janitor of the Hungry (1 comment)

Happy.....

confession
I'm happy. Its an astounding emotion, but one i've felt rarely through out my life. I cant actually be more pleased to feel it now! It feels like i havn't in years. I'm happy. Finally happy! And not because of some random new person coming into my life, but because i've learnt to accept change, and move on.  I'm finally happy! =D
posted to life by Aubrey, Venture Capitalist of Space (1 comment)

I don't really want to tell anyone 'real' this, so can I tell you? Thanks :) OK, there's this girl at my school. She was new about 18 months ago and at first I didn't really like her. She was a bit stuck up and always trying to show off. But, after about 6 months, I got to know her a bit better, and found she was actually quite nice (to me at least) and fun to be with. This school year (since September) we are in most of the same classes and we started hanging around together more at break and lunch, and now I have to say, she's the person I spend most time with. My very best friend is one of those busy busy people :) so I don't see her as much in school, tho we do all the time out of school. I love her to bits (in a friendly way), whenever we're together we have such a good time, and we're so close we can criticise each other face to face and not fall out. So this isnt about the fact I have NO friends :) So anyway, this new girl has never been my best friend, but we do spend a lot of time together and talk a lot. And I've been always very nice to her, not a complete doormat, if I disagree with something she said, I'd probably say, but generally, I have been nice to her. We pair up in lessons and have a great laugh. We go out on the weekend and we've been round each others houses. So anyway, I was thinking she's one of my best friends. I certainly felt quite close to her. She can be a little fickle and quite mean to (and about) others. But overall we are (were?) good friends. Lately, I've found she can be very...inconsistent in the way she acts with me. One week she was saying "let's go out on Monday! let's do this, and this..." This was on the Bank Holiday Weekend so we had the Monday off school. Then one of my other best friends (who I've known 4 years) asked if the two of us wanted to go to the cinema as well, with her and another friend. I said yes on our behalf (without asking her as she wasnt there) Then I texted her and said I'd said yes, and she didn't have to go to the cinema if she didn't want, but the two of us could still go to town in the day. She texted back and said she didn't want to on that day, but the two of us could go the next day. So I texted STRAIGHT back and said, fine, but I won't be able to get to town until about 2pm cos I had to go somewhere else first. She texted back THE NEXT DAY at 10.45 (when she KNEW I would have already left the house for the other place) and said she didn't feel well. Now I don't want to be mean, but to be honest, I was 99% sure she was lying. So I didn't text back at all that weekend. I forgot her and ended up having one of the best weekends I'd had for absolutely AGES with other people. It really was great, and I'm not saying that spitefully, because it's true. So on Monday, she said she "just thought it was a little bit odd" that I hadn't texted back. I lied, I'm a bit ashamed to say, and said that I didn't have any credit. But she HAD messed me around, because she (almost certainly) deliberately waited til the very last minute to blow me out. If she'd told me the night before I might have arranged something else...but no. She left me hanging on and getting confused and annoyed. And I couldn't tell my mum my plans which could have messed her about too, tho thankfully it didn't. So ANYWAY. Since then she has been a little "off" with me and acts like she doesn't really care whether I'm there or not. She hasn't exactly said anything but it's in the way she acts. I have other friends, who I can hang around with, but I'm not sure who else she's got. She does go with other people but she seems to be almost "gate crashing" on them. She hasn't really got the benefit of really long lasting friends cos of joining the school late but I've been there since Year 7 so I've got a few :) Then tonight I was on her myspace page and looked at her Top Friends. She is my top friend but that is only because my best friend is on Facebook instead not myspace. So she does instead, cos as I said, we ARE/WERE good friends. I am 8th in her top friend list! And that is after at least 4 people I know for sure she hardly speaks to or spends time with. I know spendign most of your time with someone doesn't autimatically make you their top friend or anything, but surely that means your friends, right? Though she seems to favour, say, the girl who sits next to her in science and is friendly to her. And I have to say that is TRUE. I know for a fact they have never socialised out of lessons. And certainly not out of school, unless you count msn/myspace. So, I think she's doing it to spite me. And that feels bad to me. And she hasn't said anything. And I don't really know what to do. If you've read this far, you're pretty darn amazing, I wouldn't have really :) I'm not expecting replies, I just wanted to get it off my chest, BUT, if you have ANY advice AT ALL, please please let me know what the hell I can do about her!!! I'm listening to a song right now, it describes exactly how I feel, but doesn't actually have any advice :) Thank you!
posted to life by Harper, Alchemist of the Homeless (3 comments)

I am CRAZY

rant
After I watch movies about girls (or just people in general) that have some sort of mental instability, I immediatley think that I AM that person, and I begin searching within my mind and labeling myself with thousands of disorders and such.  I act creepy: I get quiet and the people who are around me start laughing at me, saying that I am dramatic and that I WANT to be crazy so I pretend like I am after watching psychological thrillers. I think I'm crazy alot.  I write more than I talk to people; that may have something to do with it.  I secretly wish I was crazy (sometimes) because then my brain would be interesting and I would never run out of things to think about. Everyone is probably crazy if they are amplified, if their thoughts were always revealed and if their motives were extrememly analized.  If they were honest with the world and they explained their true intentions in stead of hiding behind facades of insecurity and expected social norms.  If we are all crazy, then would that not make us all normal?  And then the "normal" people would be considered the "crazy" people because they would be the ones going against the grain... So in summary, being "normal" and "crazy" are simply labels of society that are not significant outside of society and would not even exist if society did not exist.  Except for the biology of the craziness; like the people who you can biologically see in their brains that their chemistry is wacked up and they are scitzophrenic.  But where is the line between biologically insane and environmentally/outwardly effected in sane?  When is the environment responsible for your mental state verses the heredity and biology?  The line is like a shoreline of a bayou.  It doesn't really exist and it is always fluctuating. And who has the authority to tell you that you are crazy or in sane? I mean honestly, people go to school to become certified to diagnose patients with mental illnesses.  But as far as research goes, depression (as a disorder) is not even neccessarily CURED with antideppressants.  And yet so many people are paying thousands of dollars, to treat these disorders that may not even exist, to take medicine that may not even work, when all that they really need is good food and sleep!?! The more people become diagnosed, the more that they think is wrong. People are walking into theropist offices expecting to have disorders, expecting to become drugged up on Lexapro.. And the pills are only increasing their "risk of suicide," poluting thier bodies with toxins, and fucking up their brain chemistry. AHHHHHH
posted to life by Stevie, Embalmer of Time (1 comment)

My crazy mind

confession
Ok so I have a panic disorder and it rules my life. I hate having it and I feel so alone. I also have an eating disorder because im so stressed out from the panic that I just dont eat. Does anyone else have fears so bad that they keep you from leaving the house? I just want to know that Im not the only one out there.
posted to life by Peyton, Herald of the IT department (0 comments)

Does anyone know anything about a town called Barnesville, GA? I have read some about the activities and local area. Thinking of moving, and it seems to be a nice place. Tell me more about this little hidden town. Local leaders, schools, jobs, ETC..... Any rumors, corruption, that I need to hear or know? This will help in my decision.
posted to society by Blaine, Engineer of the Financial Services department (8 comments)

  I am hopelessly, helplessly in love with you.We have worked side by side for nearly two years and I cannot stop thinking about you. You are my best friend and I am a rat for feeliing this way. I betray your frinedship with every thought and feeling I have about you. This letter is written under the cover of darkness; so that neither you nor my faithful partner can find out my deepest darkest secrets. I can never tell you how I feel about you. You think that we're like sisters. You just think that I care about you like I would a sister. I wish I did. I wish I could just be the true and faithful friend that you need me to be. I have never had a sister. I have never felt like this about anyone. Ever. Even She never inspired this kind of raw emotion in me. I have thoughts about you that I am ashamed to put to paper. Passionate, detailed, explicit. I wonder if your body looks like I've imagined it. I feel like I am living in a fantasy world. Imagining a life that will never be afforded me. You could never love me. Even if you were like me, you still couldn't possibly love me. You are perfection. Beautiful, stunning... Not just your obvious flawless exterior, but inside your soul. You try so hard to be a good person. You deserve all of those things that you dream about. I know that you want to get married and have a family and live a normal life, but I think of you kissing C or making out with N and jealousy rages through my veins. I truly cannot stand the thought of anyone else ever touching you. You don't belong to me. You are nobody's property, but I just cannot bear the thought of you being with anyone else. You have saved yourself for so long and I wish with all of my heart that I could be your first and last love. I am so glad that you quit working here. I could not bear to watch you every day. I would be on the phone and I could turn around and watch the sunlight on your golden hair, hear your canorous laugh, watch you doing everything that makes you, you. I thought life would get easier for me after you left, but it's getting so much harder. I think and dream about you more frequently. I am afraid to be left alone with my thoughts, for they stray too often to your blue eyes. You always look at me so knowingly; like you can see what I feel in my heart and are laughing at me for it. You say things that give me false hope. You think I'm brilliant and tell me how much you love me. I can't breathe when you say that you love me. You look at me adoringly and I hope for one moment... You put your arm behind my chair at lunch the other day and kept touching my back. I almost fainted. You like hugging and touching and I feel like I'm going to pass out whenever you touch me. I avoid your eyes whenever possible. I cannot look in your eyes. You will discover this shame.. I am not being a true friend to you. I wish I could... I'm so childish and stupid. I made a CD of songs that remind me of you. I never labeled it but I listen to it in the car, over and over. I listen to two songs more than the others, because they hold especially deep meaning for me. I imagine you telling me that you love me. You do it in front of a bunch of people so that I know you are not ashamed of the way you feel or of me. You wrap your arms around me and kiss me deeply. Even though I am awake during this daydream, sometimes it feels so real that my breath catches when I feel your lips upon mine. This is ridiculous! You're a movie star and I'm just your deluded stalker.  I want to get on with my life. I want to be attentive to my partner of ** years! I don't need this kind of distraction! Is this just infatuation or is this true love? I cannot even make love with Her anymore because I feel like I'm cheating on you. I feel like I should tell her and let her move on with her life. I want to be honest, but for what? So that I can live alone the rest of my life? I still love her and want her in my life. She is also a best friend of mine. I don't want to hurt her. I just want to feel the way I used to about her. Why is this so hard? I have nothing left to give her emotionally, but if I let her go, then she will have nothing. She deserves to be taken care of. She deserves the home and the life that we've built together, even if I have to live a lie. God, I LOVE YOU!!! I love you. I love you. i love you. i luv u. It doesn't matter how much I change it, I still feel it the same. I wish I could shout it out. I wish I could say it to you. I wish I could say your name.  Hold you. Love you. Kiss you. Touch you. I wish, I wish... i wish... I can never have you.  You're all I want out of this life. I would gladly give up everything else just to be with you. Everything. You. You. I realize that I will never be OK just being your friend. I will never be a good friend to you. You need a good friend who will support your dreams. I can never be that friend. I will always question my own motives when dispensing advice.  I need to find a way to distance myself from you so that you can find your path. You have your entire life ahead of you. Be happy. Find true love. Find true friends... Always be beautiful you...
posted to relationships by Bobbie, CEO of Good (3 comments)

i am not sure if she likes me, one min. she dose the next she ACTS like she dose not...i wonder if i should ask her out. she knows that i like her, but she dose not know that i LOVE her...so much. should i ask her out our should i just keep trying to get her to like me the same way???
posted to life by Blaine, Farmer of Justice (6 comments)

im a sad lonely 30 yr old guy, im not a very good looking person and have no self esteem.   ive never had a real relationship and yes im a virgin.   my problems are i set my sights too high and prob give off desperate vibes.   i want to have  relationship but at same time worried about my sexual experience and the fact they would find it far oo strange ive nveer had relationship.   im so frightened of rejection ive not approached anyone in years.  i worry tht people can see way i look at them i dont mean to look at their bodies i just cant help it, maybe its natural or maybe because i can only wonder wht it would be like to be with someone.   im thinking of paying to lose my virginity but i know it wont really help and part of me does want to save it for someone i love, but i know tht may/prob never happen and then i would die a lonely old virgin.  i see couples together hugging and holding hands and i sm so jealous.  i cant tell my friends or family, they prob have guessed but dont know for sure.
posted to life by Max, Farmer of the Wildlands (2 comments)

 How often are we alone? Besides sleeping I am around other people most of my concsious life. I think a lot of us are falling into a trap of forced socialism. We all need some time alone..... break away and relax a litte, forget our stupid problems. It's all meaningless when its just you in your own existence.
posted to life by Blaine, Security Guard of the IT department (1 comment)

Thanks....

rant
Your wife drained me dry again today. You should have paid more attention to her. I will be seeing her again tomorrow. It should not be a surprise to you.  I guess I should say thanks. YOU REALLY ARE A FUCKING PUSSY.
posted to life by Bobbie, Shadow of Generosity (4 comments)

you know the song "everybodys changing" by keane? its so true everyone around me is changing there growing up so fast, theyve completely changed beyond anything i ever knew, into things i didnt think they would ive changed to of course, but not that much im still the same and now everybodys changing and i dont feel the same i try to make a move just to stay in the game...try to stay awake and remember my name...   :(
posted to school by Andy, Summoner of the Idealistic (0 comments)

Texting...

rant
There's a couple of cell phones out there in Tucson, AZ that really get on my nerves, they love to harass people by texting them.  I've tried to track down the numbers, call or text them myself, but can't seem to get anywhere.  They're probably fake numbers as well as fake people.  I am so tired of them harassing me, I wish someone or something would harass them instead and leave me alone.  The numbers I keep getting on my cell phones are 6091234 and 7308557.   Just ranting....
posted to society by Kadnyce, Templar of the Financial Services department (2 comments)

George ...

rant
Hey, I just left your place. Hope I did not forget anything.
posted to life by Samantha, Summoner of Generosity (6 comments)

PETER.....

rant
Why are you doing this? Is there some really good reason? Is there something you expect to accomplish or gain out if this? Are you still not over it??Honestly, I'm trying not to believe you can be such a monster but I need something to believe or know that drives you to do these meaningless things, what is it? Do you really want me to think of you in these negative ways, if not I need an explanation!
posted to life by Aubrey, Clown of the Wildlands (0 comments)

I have been in many sudo-relationships in my 29 years on this planet.  My marriage now of 2 years has not only been mostly great but it has also shed a brillantly white bright light on the area of a persons sanity.  My wife to be exact.  The female gender as a whole, truthfully.  "Please put lids back on containers honey.", "Could you not leave the door open honey?", It's raining, did you remember to roll your car window up?  No.  Honey, can you now roll your car window up?", "Honey if you dont shut the house windows at night the heater will run continuously." , "Honey can I wipe your ass for you too?"  I mean if I have to pick up all of the slack you leave.  It would be nothing at all for me to wipe a grown womens asshole.  Fresh powder?..... I thought so.  Here ya go....off ya go now.       This all happens when she is not on the rag.  When the emotions hit I don't stand a chance of anything going my side of not half bad.  This was mothers day today.   It was one of the worst days of my life.  Believe me. I have had a few.  My wife is so fucking jacked in the head.  We have one child together.  He is the best thing in the world.  He makes up for her.  Before my wife ihad been cool.  Anymore it seems I go from one screw up to another.  For instance: I spent all day yesterday in the wood shop making her a new shelving unit for her arts and crafts.  When I came in I got the wrath.  We never spend enough time together.  You always go do stuff and get inside your head.  You just check out.  No fucking shit! It is called a mutha fuckn' hobby.  And I had you in mind when I started it.  But guess what now?  You can shove it in your pampered asshole cus I just want to quit.  I am a very strong individual and you are a very weak being.  Stop sucking off of me and grow yourself up.    I feel better.     Until next time,    Decipher 
posted to life by Harper, Pirate of the Wildlands (2 comments)

I guess what i want from this is closure. I think i'm making a mistake, but at the same time i know i should do this. The truth is i'm terrified, moving across the continent with no one to hold my hand is hard. You wouldn't expect this from someone my age, but i think its fate. Fate; theres a whole new topic in itself. I'm  writting a novel here, and i'm sorry. but do you think someone in their middle teens can just know that what they want is what they should do? this may be hard to think about especially since you really don't know about my story, but have you ever known it was what you were meant to do before you did something?
posted to life by Charlie, Chronographer of Generosity (3 comments)

This is so great, I have a fan! Who knew my wife could make me so popular. Now you have to sit there and think " Is the window cleaners wife really worth all this time I've been putting in on him"? Shit, maybe this is your way of making friends, it's odd, but different and why didn't you just say you wanted to be buddies! Gosh a new friend! OH, will I be getting fan mail soon??  Talk to you later BUDDY!
posted to life by Shiki, Funeral Director of Musclebeasts (2 comments)

I'm married. My marriage very stable and secure, but we're also polygamous and open. We date others. It's no big deal; we still have home, kids, laundry, homework and dishes like any family would. I statred dating a very nice woman with a grown daughter; lunch, then dinner....it was a perfect start. We went Dutch - I paid, she paid, I paid... we focused on each other intently, but we were mature in our caution...no one wanted to screw it up. But she can't introduce me to her family and friends as a boyfriend, obviously...there's too much baggage attached to such an admission; we both knew that going in, we understood the limitations we had to adhere to, we were OK with it. When she decided to just be friends, it was because she didn't want to hurt me or herself with that social burden we would eventually bear...I was OK with it. I've been let go many times over the years for the same reason; it's the price I pay for being seen as "normal" in the eyes of the public. She doesn't talk to me much any more; when we do, it's cordial, but if I don't motivate the conversation somehow, it will eventually trail off and stop. I don't press - that would be rude. I let her go. I'm happily married; a lesser man would have forgotten about her long ago and be working on a replacement already. That's not me. I shouldn't miss her...but I do.
posted to relationships by Ash, Pope of Light (3 comments)

When does being alone become pitifull and creepy? Just curious so that i don't become one. I'm so freakin bored but what else am i supposed to do? Already spent too much money, friends are all busy, house is now spotless, all my movies watched, now what? I feel like I've done all i can to become the person that I want to be and now what? Now I wait or feel like a jackass for trying too hard and then look like I'm pitifull and lonely? I just want my life to be full and meaningfull, not just for me but for the people who's lives I am in. What else can I do to make myself happy when all my goals for now are fulfilled? I feel like I just do things to pass the time, waiting for something new and exciting to come along but it just doesn't seem to be coming.
posted to life by Bowie, Patriarch of Justice (1 comment)

I want to take a break form my boyfriend but I dont know how the hell to tell him! We have been dating since highschool, like 9 years! We live together and share so many friends and other stuff too. I dont want to totally break up with him, I just want a break because I am starting a new job training program where I will be traveling for a year away from him and think it will be best to not attempt a long distance thing. So what do I tell him??? Whats the best way to break up with someone that your still love?
posted to relationships by Ash, Alchemist of Light (7 comments)