So I fervently suck from that nipple of life, only able to salvage stale and vacant air, absent of any reason to live and full of every reason to die.
A lot of strange things have been happening at work. In the breakroom, the coffee was dyed vomit green. Two days ago, there was a slice of cake in the mini-fridge with the label "death cake: please eat and die horribly." Nobody owned up to owning the cake. Yesterday, the slice of cake was still there, but half-eaten; a new label said, "thanks." Someone made a log cabin out of hot dogs and toothpicks. The guy who tried tearing it apart before throwing it out quickly realized that the hot dogs had been covered in rubber cement first, then painted to look like nutricious delicious meats. Mayonaise slathered condoms placed at strategic intervals in the workspaces. Yes, it was me. I did it all, and do you want to know why? Because that son of a bitch John has been working us like dogs, 60 hours a week, no Christmas bonus in sight. Let's see how he feels about employee morale after he finds a melted snickers in his office drawer all dressed up to look like someone's unmentionables.
So I gave u a second chance, u knew how scared I was and yet u did the same thing to me. So I guess I am the stupid one... stupid for letting u in again and stupid for believing your stupid meaningless words. U said u loved me but I didn't think thats how u treat someone u love but then what do I know. I don't get you... u told me whenever u thought about me ur heart felt like it might jump out ur chest but was that not good enough for u. What did you want from me? What did I do wrong? I think I might hate you now... how could u do this to me again? U make me wanna cry. Y dont i deserve someone great?
Okay that video by All American Rejects "Dirty Little Secret".... reminded me of how much i would like to tell my secret to someone who wont judge...so i said it on youtube... and then all the people after me started telling their secrets and problems which i loved to help with. And helped with too :] So if you have anything to tell, please do, i know people dont lilke to be starters to ill do it. Umm... When i was depressed, last year, i made up my own little world, where everyone loves me and protects me (in my mind) and i made accounts on myspace and acted as if i were those people, (im a hacker so it was easy to be on like 3 accounts at the same time), i have a split brain(personality) disorder, so it was easy for me to act as different people also since i know psychology. and well... when things at home and in school started to be worse, i ended up cutting myself, and crying, and i needed to see a psychologist (which pissed me off) my perfect little world that was in my mind started collapsing... and well the events (peoples deaths) that happened in real life, mixed up with my fantasy world, and the 'people' that protected me died, and that made me feel even worse, and i know this is most likely an undiagnosed mental disorder...or something... and i cant tell anyone.. i told one person..but he left me (yes im a girl) and hurt me... so now im afraid that this little collapsing thing that happened... will lead me to suicide...or...just a complete crash of my life...because my real world is crushing down... and even though i realize my faults... i cant help but cry every night for thoe people who never were...
Your fucking condesending superior attitude! I am so happy to be rid of your overexaggerating bull shit. You think that you are such a great person because you are able to show no emotion at work, but you are really just a totally fake person who deserves to have the snot smacked out of them. I am glad to be rid of your day to day bull shit!
I whine, I complain. Because I know what joy feels like. And I miss it. I know it cant be wrong to miss it. Why does it feel wrong? They're tired. I'm tired too. I don't want to be tired together, I want to be happy. I miss it. I don't feel like myself anymore. They see it, I feel it. I'm sure they miss me as much as I miss myself. I would be better off not knowing joy. Then I'd have nothing to yearn for, and I could live. Like everybody else. Inside, I know this is not true. I still wish it was. But I'm sure it has always been this way. People will laugh, people will cry. If we can do it, it will be done. And all people will live, all people will die. It must be done. It will be done. I just want to do something good before I go. Feel someting good. Be happy. I want to give someone the joy I used to feel. And I want to feel it too.
What you really do feel.? It seems to change far too often. Before you left for Christmas things were so good. Talks of hanging out again, movies ,skiiing and you calling me dear. We would say how much we missed each other and it even seemed as if you wanted me to come with you. Since you've returned things have been so different. I don't know what is happening becuase you won't let me in. And that's the odd thing. Honesty was always such a big part of who we were and now you seem so guarded. I just want to be here for you, to be your shoulder to cry on and your hand to hold. To know what it is like to wake up i your arms again. I have a feeling you want that too. There are so many things we took for granted, so many we never got to do. Please let me love you again.
I wish that boy with the blue eyes still worked at the university. I miss him. But perhaps the boy I remember or have come to remember, wouldn't be the same. But for me at this moment, he is adorning his cape. Right now he is coming to save me from this loveless marriage. The boy with the cape is coming to renew my faith in love. He has to. We spent too many hours talking. My head rested on his shoulder. My heart not troubled. I miss that boy.
My new Broadband setup supplies arrive and I connect the broadband modem, install the software, etc. I am very happy to be online again since I have not had Internet for at least 2 weeks. However, I am surprised to find the service REEEEEEEEEEALLY SLOW... It is much worse than our previous dial-up service, I am talking about 3-4 minute waits for simple pages to load, like the Google homepage. We are also plagued by those twin terrors of the Internet, the Blue Screen of Death, and that message from Hell, "your page can not be displayed". Of course, I try all the usual spells first, reinstalling the software, rebooting the modem, and restoring the default settings on the computer. When none of that helps, I go gather supplies for the coming ordeal, (a large Orange Juice and Vodka with plenty of ice, some chips, a paperback book, and several cushions), and call the broadband company's Tech Support. After a refreshing interval on hold, and the opportunity to tell my sad story at least 3 times, I am connected to "Jonathan" a techie with a clipped British accent that clues me that he is at the Bangalore Tech Center. He tells me that my software did not properly install, and furthermore, I am not getting on the internet because I have no account with his company. I point out to him that 1. I AM getting on the internet, just not very well, 2. I DO have an account with his company, I am holding the bill in my hand. At this point I should have hung up and called back, hoping to get somebody else, but I had been on the phone well over an hour, so I persisted. Jonathan finally admits that I do have an account, and tells me that he will reinstall my software remotely and all will be well. I watch him reinstall the software 3 times, using various settings, and then he tells me the problem is fixed and hangs up. Clearly, Jonathan did SOMETHING because the problem this time is completely different. Now, you can get onto the Internet, and go wherever you want blazingly fast, but only for 5 minutes! After 5 minutes, you can't get ANY page to display, and the only fix is to restart the computer and reboot the modem. Clearly this is not acceptable, so I call the Tech Support back again. This time I get a girl in Toronto who ask me what kind of computer I have. I explain that it is a brand new, top-of-the-line laptop with Windows Vista Premium. She immediately informs me that the Windows is the problem. After she suggests that I return the computer to the store I bought it from and insist that they load it with Windows XP, I ask to speak to her supervisor. Supervisor agrees that it is silly to blame Vista, but insists that since they reinstalled the software, the problem is clearly the new computer. Since it is now 11pm, I head into the kitchen for refills on the supplies before doing battle with the Computer's Tech support...
I'm a pretty manly guy, I drink hard, play sports, military man, I don't cry over stuff. I'm in a relationship with a VERY strong minded, independent woman. I only have about a total of 6 weeks to spend with her on leave throughout the past year and when I do I want to spend EVERY minute with her. It's begun to smother her and I feel like she's lashing out at me because of it. The other day she said some stuff that really hurt and I spent last night drinking and then crying myself to sleep ... yeah ... I don't know what to do, I want to spend EVERY MINUTE I can with her, I only have a limited amount of time and I feel like my life stops when I am not on leave. It's confusing, I guess. I love this girl, I know the date I'm proposing to her, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her ... but I'm worried that I'm pushing her away. I'm going to go drink myself to sleep ... help?
I just cant take them anymore. They are so obnoxious, one acts like a 5 year old not a 15 year old and the other is just a plain old bitch. They are best friends of course, one following the other around being her little shadow. She wants my boyfriend, but she would never admit it of course, but everyone knows she does. She kisses his ass, and told him things that I didnt want him to know. She cant be trusted and I never want to be friends with her again. The other one cant be trusted either. We had this whole problem over the summer and there was lots of fighting and all that, and you know what the baby does? She tells someone who is not involved at all, EVERYTHING that went on this summer. And then, that person she told, confronts my boyfriend about it, he was involved too, and she tells him that he shouldnt go out with me! I hate them so much, and I can't belive I ever trusted them with anything. They dont deserve it. EC & RW, thanks for nothing.
So, I guess that's your New Year resolution? To end whatever this is with me, and not even talk to me about it? At some point in our lives, you're going to have to acknowledge me, what I am to you, and what I'm not. You're going to have to say it, one way or another. I'm not angry with you. I understand. But damn, why won't you talk to me about it? How long have we known each other? Whatever I am or am not, I am your friend. I always will be. You can say it. It's okay.
My husband has been sober for 46 days. Yay. Let's have a parade. Is there a 12 step for being a jackass? A treatment center? I'd love the break. Im going to Florida this Sunday for work and I can't wait to get away from him. Im gonna order room service, get a massage and not answer my phone. Perhaps to the naked eye I seem unsupportive. I am completely supportive to the selfish bastard. I just don't like him at this moment. I still love him, I'm just not particularly fond of him at the moment. Luckily he will be gone the majority of the day. I can't tell him how I feel - he can't handle it.
So, last night. Last night a friend instant messaged me -- we've known each other for a long while now. She sahd she was "sooo horny" and wanted to play. Cybering, you know; one-handed typing. So I said, "Why not?" But the deal is, the kind of things she likes to cyber are strange... it's hyper-sexual stuff, striaght out of SAW or Hostel or any other crappy horror movie you've seen this year. She's always the victim when we "play" and she really gets off on it. The sicker and more twisted, the better. She's not the only one who likes to do those things with me. I don't understand how I attract these kinds of friends. I'm not really interested in being cruel or wicked (or being the target of someone else's wickedness), but I do enjoy pleasing people. I have a pretty healthy submissive streak. That's why I do it, because they enjoy it so much. Sometimes I wonder to myself, though, is indulging them in those kinds of fantasies OK? Afterwards they become pretty submissive and docile, calling me "Master" and, if we're on the phone together, purring like a happy kitten in my ear. It feels so surreal, that they enjoy the fantasy of the abuse so much. What's funny is, each girl like this I've met, has been through normal conversation, or chance meetings. Like I said, I like to please -- so when the conversations turned to sex, I inevitably probed and prodded, pryed out the secrets of what made them aroused, and then I'd find myself "torturing" and "brutalizing" them during phone-sex. The situation is so surreal, I have a hard time explaining it. I seem to attract this kind of personality without any effort. It's not that they attract me, either; they're the kinds of women you would never suspect to have such deep, dark desires in their heart. What kind of person does that make me, to indulge them in those desires?
here in floridahonest lawyers are harassed by the bar association....... crooked lawyers are rewarded by judges and with high paying jobs..... the florida bar association is an organized crime scheme.
i work for a judge in broward county,florida..... the judge is not neutral or honest.... he arranges with his lawyer friends to harass opponents,fake testimony and takes percentages of a lawyers inflated ''fees''. kangaroo arbitration.com.
OKAY so i cant deal with it anymore im at my breaking point, i have my midterms coming up my SATs and i just feel like im going to explode. I have lost everything and now only have like 2 friends because im so focused on school. I just feel like dying everyday some days ill lie in bed and wonder how i could kill myselfjust to make all the pain go away. I just want to show everyone that i can do im determineded but whats the price for it. Losing all your friends, gaining so much weight from being stressed out- which i have i hate how i look now, its just so much when does it all end when when when and i feel like no one understands no one gets that i just need someone to tell me its going to be okay and mean it
I have been drinking high gravity beer lately. It cost 1.09 in our East coast Food Lion and comes in a big ass 24 oz can. It is 8.10% alcohol. I think that I'm one of a very few white people that will drink the stuff. Hell I don't even like to be seen buying it. It's a hell of a buzz for your buck. Here are some of the results of my testing. One High Gravity: An immediate warm feeling. I have to be careful not to talk to much or my friends will realize that I'm a total lush. High gravity #2 My speech is beginning to get slurred. I start to think about smoking crack cocaine and heading for the Food Lion for High Gravity #3. Now I'm at the Food Lion and the clerk is saying he's sorry but he can;t sell me beer because I've been drinking. I go to the Red Apple. High Gravity #3 I'm no longer capable of safely scoreing the crack but easily drink parmesian cheese straight from the can. High Gravity #4 I'm wallowing around in the back yard trying to get up on my feet. I give up and just lay there for a while trying to get it together. Next I go in the house and crash into a few walls before making it to bed. I've spent a total of 4.40 plus tax. Buzz Rating: unbeatable!
I'm 28 years old and just moved to a new town and started my life, yes I said started. Up until now, my life has just been something to get through, and once I got here everything came easier, I didn't have to force myself so much. This is a good thing right? I have always been a very self sufficient person, and never been in a long term relationship. I never really examined why until now. I started dating a really great guy about a month ago - we are taking things very slowly....I mean really freakin slow. At first this seemed very sweet, and I thought that I would really enjoy it - not rushing into bed and complicating things. But now, I've become a complete idiot. About two weeks ago, I met one of my new neighbors, and long story short - I slept with him. In the past two weeks we have become "friends with benefits". This isn't the first of this type of relationship for me - honestly, it's what I am used to. But now, I am feeling totally guilty. I have no intention of telling the guy I'm dating about my freind, but I have been craving intimacy, which he is not giving me. Each time we go out, I tell myself that I am going to tell him that I want to be with him and that I'm sure things will happen. But then when I am with him, he is so sweet, and so bviously does not want to rush things that I don't want to freak him out and tell him that I want to fuck his brains out. I think that he sees me as the long term real deal, which I really want to be - but I'm starting to think that I can't be that. We haven't been together long enough to say were in love, really I'm not sure if I am. But, I'm scared that I am ruining this potentially great relationship by cheating on him. I have no feelings for my friend (neighbor), I just enjoy sex. Even as I type this I am freaking out that sex is always screwing things up!! I know that I should just tell my neighbor that I have met someone, but right now he is sending me dirty text messages, which I must say I enjoy. Am I really just incapable of being in a normal functioning relationship? Is a relationship not normal or functional without sex? Am I putting too much importance on sex? Why am I so screwed up?!
I saw you for the first time in months. I thought I had gotten over you. I was wrong. I think I might love you. I just wish that things had gone differently last year. I wish you weren't so ashamed of people knowing that you're bi. I wish you weren't so ashamed to be with me. You're all about being an individual and not caring about what others think of you, but you were too ashamed for others to think of us as together. I hate it. I hate that I might love you and yet you're too ashamed to see it. I hate it so much. Why can't you be with me? Please?
Somewhere along the way in the past few months we managed to lose each other. It used to be great, it was a 5 or 6 month long "honeymoon" period of our relationship, and as soon as we said "I Love You," everything changed... It seemed like a setup from the beginning except the opposite of that. I never wanted to date anyone in my small circle of friends, and my whole life I have avoided even sleeping with anyone in that circle. But up until then, nobody really sparked my interest enough. It was sometime in April, I had seen "Jess" around at various friend's houses. She was a friend of my friend's girlfriend and all of a sudden was hanging out all the time. I was seeing her more and more in the crowd at shows, never really worked up the nerve to talk to her because i never thought I had a good reason to. But she was easily the most gorgeous girl I had ever been in the same building with. One evening, I had just gotten off the stage and was talking to some fans, she walked behind me and grabbed my ass. Instantly, I knew we would at the very least have a conversation that night. I was outside smoking a cigarette and talking to Barker and she came up to me and asked me to her prom (she's a teacher, not a student). I graciously accepted without even thinking about it. We exchanged phone numbers, she left with her (my) friends, and as I tried to finish the conversation I was having with Barker, my mind continued to go blank. Before the night of the prom, we were hanging out on a semi regular basis, and eventually started "going out?" "dating" whatever, she was my girlfriend (despite talks of "Jen, you definitely should NOT date him," from my (her) loving friends). And up until recently when we started tossing the word "love" around, everything was great: the company, the sex, the time spent, the overall feel. Everything was just great. A problem I've had in just about every relationship that I have ever been in is that I have a really hard time opening up, saying how I feel. Basically, typical "guy" stuff. I never really know what to say when I'm just sittin around. Usually, I have nothing to say, I like to just sit around and watch tv after a long day. So that might be part of it, but for the last month she has been so very distant. She never comes to my place anymore, she never invites me to hers. I still see her, but its always at her place and I always basically invite myself over. The two of us never go out by ourselves anymore. The days I don't see her, I'm lucky to talk to her for 5 minutes on the phone if she even bothers to call me. It seems she is avoiding me at all costs, she never wants to kiss me for more than a peck, we haven't had sex in god knows how long, and when we sit inches away from each other she couldn't possibly be further away. She'll still tell me that she loves me, but she sure as hell doesn't show it. The whole thing is really wearing on me and as much as I don't want to leave her, it doesn't seem as if I have a choice. I'm borderline miserable when I'm with her now and when I'm not with her all I can think about is being with her. I can only wait for her phone calls for so long at night before I go to bed. When we talk now, most of our more serious conversations are done via text message or AIM, you know like all other grown ups, and I can't help but drop sarcastic comments like "maybe we can hang out sometime.." and she says that all the sarcasm and "pushiness" is pushing HER away! What the hell am I supposed to do? I really want this to work. My parents absolutely love her and I'm not getting any younger a few more years and its "think about gettin married" time. I'm miserable, and I am never miserable. All my life I've been just such a happy-go-lucky-nothin bothers me kind of guy. I just can't stop thinking about her. This weekend she's visiting friends in Maine, except her friends not our mutual friends. Also, her ex fiancee lives up there I believe. So while she isn't calling me this weekend, I'll just hang out and wonder what the hell she is really doing. Oh and I've asked her what the hell is going on and why all of a sudden she seems so distant and annoyed by me - and she claims not to know why. She claims it to be a mystery to her as much as it is to me? What the hell? I really don't think that she's cheating on me (ha the most recent post is called CHEATER, its literally staring at me). But does anyone have any idea what could cause such distance and what should I do? When she get's back from Maine or New Hampshire or wherever the hell she is, i'm gonna have a talk with her whether I like it or not, get to the bottom of this shit and if we part ways then we part ways. What do i do?
What the heck is up?!??!?! Why is nobody hiring me? I have been working full time for the past 27 years, only two different companies. I have no college education BUT I am reliable, work hard, detailed, don't do drugs, caring, kind, relational, motivated, honest, lots of experience, not too bad looking, decent shape, have lot of ideas, teachable, never been arrested, AND NOBODY WANTS ME!! I don't get it. I have applied for about 16 jobs in the last two months and have only received ONE callback AND I am not asking for much pay. At least $12.00 hr.(I need more though) That is nothing compared to what I am worth. I don't get it. I live in Cola. SC. Would you hire me? ...PLEASE!
I'm miserable. I don't have parents.. I barely have a home. I don't go to school either. (I was forced to drop out because of my lack of parents.) I don't have any friends. (I broke up with all of my friends.. they were bad influences.) I hate it here. I hate people here. I wish I had somewhere I could run away to. I wish I could have someone to run away to. I don't have a car or any money... so I don't see how that would be possible... at least not right now. .....
E. Savarese is using his girlfriend ("J") big time. He's a serial monogamist. Get free before you waste years of your life, woman. Learn to read his body language. Lean to read YOUR body language. Look at the pictures objectively. Open your eyes to what everyone else can see. Love and chemistry is blinding you. Your neediness is blinding you. What you see is not what you get. What you feel is not real. He's not into it, like you are. Not into it FOR what you are. Don't take my word for it. Let the pictures tell you. Bodies don't lie. Take his culture into consideration. All that touchy feely stuff doesn't mean what you think it does. Get yourself free. This is a warning. Look at where his feet, knees, and body are pointing. Away from YOU. Yours are pointing toward him. His hands are in his pockets while you're giving with both hands. Count the signs. Do a statistical analysis! Compare him to you. Learn to spot a phony smile. Live and learn. From one woman to another. I don't want you to suffer like I did.
He pisses me off so bad. Can you say obsessed much? I hate that people on Facebook still go on about him. He's nothing special, he's obsessed with some girl named Amanda that he can't let go of so he posts about it everywhere on the internet. Amanda's going to get freaked out if she ever see's all that, and I wouldn't blame her either. I wish I knew her last name so I could look her up on Facebook and tell her how far this Zach guy has taken it with being obsessed with her. I'm surprised he hasn't hired people to hunt her down or spies on her through her window. He's a real creep. He's going to develop some weird mental illness where he's going to be obsessed with Amanda for the rest of his life and won't rest until he has her...even if it comes down to having to slit her throat and chop her up where he'll leave her remains in his freezer that he'll go look at every day and admire. I wouldn't be surprised if he would take out her hand and make it caress his face, or even somewhere worse...his p33n0r :o!! STOP POSTING AMANDA GUY WE HATE YOU!!
Alright so I've been dating this boy for over a year now, and everything up to this point has been great. The whole relationship jitters and can't get enough of each other, but i find myself fearing that he doesnt love me like he used to. Even though he says he does i think my insecurities are getting the best of me. Im not the kind of person who just lets people in and when i do , like i have with him, i get very nervous that they will just walk out and leave. How does anyone truly believe that the other peron loves them, how do you take that risk ?
If I could really tell you the way I feel , It would be truly amazing. I'd say that im completely in love with you. I'd say that I love being around you and I love it when you hold me and kiss my forhead and I love the way you look into my eyes. BUt you don't feel like that. You dont love me at all. But I'm stupid enough to keep this thing we have going because I keep telling myself that one day you'll realize you love me. bUt you won't. I can't keep this going any longer. It's killing me inside. If I keep letting you treat me like this I don't think I'll survive. I have to end it but I can't. If i could tell you what I really feel i'd say that all I want is for you to say "I love You". even if we couldn't be together it would be worth it because I would know you feel the same way.Â someone help.
This is my first ever blog because i cant say it to him. I need to just to get it somehwere else but my mind. I am 22 years old and finally in a serious relationship. We had one of those summers that just brings a smile to your face thinking about any moment. He fills my heart with such joy, and I do love him, a love I never felt before. But like everyone he and I have pasts. The one thing that is tearing us apart is he is unable to let go and I can. I am not asking to just forget about his always keep it in your heart.. a past is what makes you who you are. But to step over the line and bring me into it is just wrong. I was so very hurt to find out the things that you said to me that night were part of just getting back and her and him. I took what you said seriously, you have said them before but not like that. To make me think that most those things were coming from your heart that night and they weren't killed me inside. Sorry I got mad when I found out but what would you have done gave you a kiss goodnight and seem like everything was okay. I know why that hole was punched there now... you were mad you lost but to her made you angry. I am not saying what they did to you is right. No he is family you don't do that. But say that to them... don't through our relationship in their face just to let them know you are okay. How would you feel if the tables were turned and I did that to you. Every time that I said I love you i ment it... and I can honestly say that I think you ment them then but not recently. I know you have been hurt badly in the past and I am sorry for you. It hurts my heart that stops you from seeing that I am not going to do that to you. The concert was the night i fell in love with you. Everything was so good till about a month ago. I said sorry so many times for that ... Things got carried away between the both of us. Yes she makes me jealous.. did you think she wouldn't to anyone you date? I know it is not just me .. remember I am friends with your ex-gf before we ever met. The main thing that sucks so badly is that I love you so much but you break my heart little by little also. I am scared in a way to talk to you.. but I feel so badly that we need to. You make me smile but I have this horrible feeling that since the night you wanted to break up with me... that has stayed a little with you since then. Thats why it hurt so very badly when you told me those things and I know they were just said to make her jealous. Baby thats just not right. I really wish you knew how much you mean to me....
so its two days before christmas and it might as well be june for all i know. Even though the radios are blasting holiday sing alongs, i find myself not excited by the moment and lost in joy.
this is it, ive gone under the stress of everything has hit me, to the point where i am now on an anonymous blogging site, my god, my life is pathetic am i the only who feels this way
I'm constantly feeling as though im completley alone in the world.I have a family and plenty of friends but for some reason I just feel empty. I'm not depressed or anything but whenÂ I think about it, I realize that if I had something extremely terrible happening in my life, I would have no one to talk to. I mean i've already been through something terrible (my mother almost past away) and I talked to a person who I no longer am in contact with. I miss him so much. We were so close. I could talk to him about anything and when I was with him it felt so right. I want that feeling back but it scares me when I realize that I might never have it again.
Okay, I'm getting fed up with these "celebrities," I know not all of them are bad but it seams like most of them are, I applaud people with talent and those who give to charity, but people like Paris Hilton get on my nerves. You need to be famous because you are good at or have accomplished something, not for being hot, wild, and ridiculously rich. Secondly, if you've become famous you need to accept that the public knows what your doing, you need to be a role model, don't complain about how hard it is because you asked for it. As for the others, we shouldn't be worshipping these people anyways. I understand what it means to be a fan but screaming and obsessing over them is a disgrace to the American society. We have multiple magazines and TV show dedicated to them, way too many. We need to learn to live our own lives because they are just as good as the stars. This is my opinion so don't get all upset with me and tell me that I'm wrong, its what I think and I just want to see who agrees and some other opinions
Inquiring minds want to know
There are companies that ask for your social security number. They compare it to a list. If it is negative you will not be able to fill out an employment form.The companies then can claim they need green cards to fill the positions. The list can deny you of your right to work for any reason and give your job to an alien.
I am married with a 2-year-old daughter. My husband and I get along well only occasionally. We do not have an ideal marriage by any stretch of the imagination. I am crazy about my daughter and couldn't live without her. I like my job pretty well. I am busy all the time trying to take care of my daughter, working, doing housework, preparing meals, blah, blah, blah....It's such a grind lately. I've been feeling like I just want a different life, in a different city, with a different man, in a different career. I'm not usually attracted to other men but lately I find myself watching men that I see while driving, walking down the street, shopping, wherever... Sometimes I just want to run off to Barcelona or Zurich or Prague. Maybe I could give espionage a try? I might be able to leave my husband but never my daughter so hopefully this feeling will go away and I can live my life with some degree of satisfaction. Does anyone else yearn to ESCAPE?
Inquiring minds want to know
Well, I have a great boyfriend. Anything and everything you could ask for in a guy. Sweet, good hearted, smart, funny, etc. Anyway, I love him. A lot. He goes to a different school. I cant get over to his house a lot for various resons. But there is a guy at my school now, I love him to. I feel so strongly when I am with him. He dosent belive me though, he thinks I am to good for him. But im not, I am not better than anymore, I dont think I am pretty, I am smart though. My problem: I can not chose. The one that I am currently in a relationship with told my that he just wanted me to be happy no matter what. And the guy that goes to my school, dosent like or love me, but my feelings are SO much stronger for him. I need opinions, thoughts, relief from this pain. I have been crying myself to sleep every single night for the past couple of days. So lets emphasize the RELIEF part.
I have always thought, then while in a relationship, I do very well. Im not possessive, Im not jealous, I dont call to much, Text to much. None of that. I love my personal space, I value it very much actually. So in return i give my significant other the same respect. My lastest ex, was amazing. We met totally on accident. It was kind of an awkward situation, but it worked. We hung out, talked for hours every night, and basically just had a great time together. So after a few weeks, I was under the impression that things were going great.Then things took an intresting turn, I would call to say Hi and ... I would get no answer, no call back. So i did what i probably should not have done and wrote him a message on myspace. It consisted of me explaining that i refuse to chase him around, I wasint going to be some overbearing girl who tried to make him jump into a serious relationship, and further more (not to toot my own horn) I am a successful, smart, funny, attractive woman. Okay okay im only 19, but still all true. I ended it with, Call me if you want. A week or so went by, and what do you know. I wake up to an IM reading: "Can i give you a call in about 30 minutes?" I replied with a simple: "Sure". 30 minutes later, The cell phone goes off. Its him. The conversation was weird. There we countless umm's and silences and then i asked "So, would you like to get together sometime soon?" and then.... he dropped the bomb. "Well, i sort have been seeing someone else. So im not sure how fair that would be"... Uhmmm excuse me? FAIR? Fair would be you telling me that we werent seeing eachother anymore, Fair would have been informing me of this little secret, and FAIR would have been not even starting something with me if he wasint even planning on keeping me around for more than a month. Of course i said none of this and responded with: "Seeing someone. Oh.".. I must have sounded foolish. Infact i know i did. I was shocked. What are you supposed to say to that? Well after about 4 more mintues of silence and fake giggles, I told him i would talk to him later. He gave me... "If you call... or if i call"... What the hell is that supposed to mean? Really?. Ugh. You would think that only being 19, I wouldint have much to worry about in the relationship department. Being this young means your supposed to go out, and have fun. Stay single. Live in the moment. However, somehow i always manage to get mixed up in "going nowhere relationships". With the same type of guy, who all have something in common. (i made a name for this disorder they all seem to have) FALSE ADVERTISEMENT Its so true. All guys put on this front, and pretend to be something there totally not. They act like the perfect man. When in due time, they turn out to be extremley unperfect. No, Im not looking for a perfect guy, because no one is. I am looking for a decent guy. One who, wants to be with me as much as i want to be with them. Will it ever happen? What am i doing wrong? Well its Sunday, the designated day that Mr. Ex and I usually spent together. Oh well, I have a bottle of wine and new cosmopolitan. This can't what my single life is going to be.... is it?
Wow...this is the first time I've ever blogged online...I just needed to write these feelings without anyone close to me knowing about them! Last June I got engaged to a wonderful man, I was supposed to get married on October 11, 2008. Well I entered college this past fall during the same week that he was deployed to Iraq...being around the new guys at school gave me a feeling of happiness that I didn't have with my fiance'. See, we had been apart for over six months and hadn't seen each other once. I loved the attention I was getting at school...so much that I decided to throw away my fiance' and my upcoming marriage! Now, three months later I am dating a guy from school...but I question my decision everyday. For the past three months, everyday I ask myself why did I throw it all away. My mother thinks I made the right decision and anytime I say anything about making a mistake she tells me it wasn't a mistake because I didn't go around crying about it. I'm so confused!
Can I control my own destiny? I feel like there is an uncontrolable force that is preventing myself to actually break free of society's restraints. I feel like I must conform to everybody's ideology. It makes me wonder when idividualism was murdered and who was the culprit. I ask myself why sometimes I drown my sorrows with more sorrows? Why I want attention from the people who matter most? Why I have to live a life full of injustice? I see myself as a social outcast compared to the people who surround me. Why are the best dreams the ones in which I die. I feel like everyone around is moving at the speed of light and I am running a turtle's race. Running pass thoughts of suicide and feeling depressed seems like all I have at the moment. It seems like the life I am living is cyclical. I don't know what tomorrow will like, but I can only hope that I can finally take a step out the shadows and inhale fresh air... My childhood years felt like the best of times, but it ended too early. I was young, care-free and niave of what the world had to offer in actuality. Where was the confidence that you had to offer me? Where were you when I needed you the most? I felt like I was forced to turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of neglect. A handful of regrets haunt my inner thoughts.... When you saw me happy, it was only a cover-up of my true feelings. I don't the last time I was happy and I don't know when the next time i ever will be. Its gonna take more then a few words to cheer me up. Why is life full of expectations? Why do you expect me to be a certain type of way if it isn't going to be that way in the end? I'm not going to turn out to be the person you want me to be...I see the doubt in your faith on me...I see the truth in the lies you tell.... I've been catergorize into the ranks of not being fit to inhabit this world. Why do I feel this way? I've been living a dream until I was told that it was just a scheme to be used as a prime example of what a teenage adolencent will encounter if the wrong steps were taken. It's not fair how some people dream of making it big in their young lives and tryna get rich and successful when other people wish for a bullet to pierce their heart so that they can instantly end their sorrows...I feel this way
I have two things on the tip of my fingertips tonight and still have not decided which one to divulge. I suppose the decision has fallen towards sticking with the timeline of events therefore…Death is first. It has been decided that I am the first responder in the event that someone thinks that my grandfather has died in his sleep…or worse. Since the time of my grandmother (mom’s) death the local family and friend have devised a sort of system of phone calls and meal deliveries and scheduled visits that meticulously chart the daily events in my grandfather’s life. Should there ever be an unscheduled event, such as the unanswered daily morning call that my great-aunt makes at 9am every day, she will then call me and ask me to investigate. I work only 2 minutes from my childhood home, and have rarely roamed farther than a 10 mile radius from it’s magnetic grasp in my nearly 32 years. I’ve received several of these bowel stripping calls in the last few years. On one he had fallen and broken his hip and in the most recent I arrived to find him lying naked, incoherent and surrounded by his own excrement. He was rambling on about some hallucination of party streamers and tricks played on him by my cousin. I carefully covered him with a sheet and called my uncle and aunt, who are thankfully registered nurses and somehow accustomed to or blessed with the ability to finesse such a situation. Once they arrived I blended into the shadows and stood in awe of their swift ease at assessing the situation then gently and quickly putting things right. While they labored over him and wiped him as if he was some huge infant I heard him mention me being there and he did his typical simpering impersonation of a female voice with words that I never said. Here he was, totally prone on the floor with his son and daughter-in-law seeing to his most personal care, and he still found the presence of mind to ridicule.
So I have this friend that can keep her cool better with guys then she ever will be able to with me in a million years. But for some odd reason I always wind up back hanging out with her doing absolutely nothing. I feel like we once had some sort of balance in a push-pull relationship and now she is not only doing all the rope work but is screaming! Constantly! I don’t mind a few raised voices every now and then, I mean it is only healthy, but when it is non-stop over the littlest things I really need to start to question. Which I have; I went a whole year, a very important year, not talking to the girl and we somehow came to amends. The insignificant things she broadcasts piercing cries for ranges from being two minutes late, me not wanting to sleep on the coach, not wanting to switch her seats in the car, me simply asking little questions like “do you wanna pick something up for lunch” or my favorite “We should pick up a newspaper”, there was even one time she completely lost it over spilt milk and an iPod charger….basically if I don’t say “how high” when she says jump. And the worst part is she claims this in the name of love. Love? I’ve heard of tough love but this is just ridiculous! Tough love is a motivational driving force that is delivered from a father or coach. Friends are the supposed to be the support system that you choose to keep you from killing people or self when tough love is being distributed. I know it takes two to tango but through all this I cannot figure out my driving force in all this. It could be because I’m too passive, or the fact that I have been with her so long I can’t imagine my life with out her…not in the romantic way, more of the “it’s habit” way. I have even thought that there could be a slight possibility that deep down I secretly am dying to annoy the shit out of her and that I am exactly like every other girl on the planet and craving drama: complete with catfights and fireworks. So I guess there are a few questions I need to do some soul searching on: can I live without her? If so how will I attempt to fill her shoes? And if I stay can I tolerate it? If so how much longer till I’m back her blogging?
why am i being so paranoid? i haven't even missed my period yet. but i'm supposed to get it in 2 days, that would be precisely on time. and every month for the past 5 years, i've ALWAYS been early. this isn't supposed to happen to people who do everything right. we used condoms, he even wants to wait until i start birth control. the sunday after my next period. hopefully, this sunday. but all the signs are matching up. i'm never sick, last night my stomache felt queazy. i'm always a night owl, and i've been sleeping from 9 to 7 every night for a week. i've been having cramps for a week as well, but nothing, no relief. i'm eating and eating and eating, its just that i feel i should. i cant wait the prolonged 48 hours until i'm officially late. until i can officially take a pregnancy test, and be sure. but hopefully it wont come to that. i can't make those 2 days alone. but i won't tell him until i have to. until i see that the blue lines on that little $15 pee-on stick seal my fate for good. but what if i am?
omg. i am so sick of my stupid job.....i work in fast food...not mentioning any names...but he's married to the burger queen...i've been a shift coordinator for two years now...doing the job of an assistant manager for half the pay...and so i go for it....take the assistant manager "compatibility test"...guess what????? i am not 100 percent compatable and therefore unable to advance at this time....have to wait 6 months to take the test again....now i am usually am not one to complain.....but......DANG IT TO HECK....I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS CRAP....I WORK TEN HOURS A DAY 5 DAYS A WEEK BUSTIN MY A** FOR THIS COMPANY FOR 8.75 AN HOUR AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET...I CANT BELIEVE THIS......SO I GO OFF ON THE LITTLE MANAGER...AND HERE'S WHAT I GET....I SWEAR TO GOD HE SAID THIS " I WAS REALLY ROOTIN' FOR YOU I FEEL JUST AS BAD AS YOU DO." NO F'N WAY I SAID....YOU GOT NO KIDS ... YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS YOU ARE YOUNGER THAN ME AND I HELPED TRAIN YOU YOU LITTLE S***. OH IF MURDER WASN'T ILLEGAL...............
i mean seriously...i know married life is hard, most times it s down right impossible. but here lately i've had the rough end of the stick. so i start dreaming. i keep having dreams about my wifes best friend, more to the point i keep having dreams about having sex with her in very in appropriate and erotic ways. it doesn't help that my wife has become two scoops of crazy since our marrage. she quit her job got prego,(inthat order) forced me into bankruptcy because i couldn't afford to pay her doctor bills and keep rent carnote credicard bills yada yada. i sank like a rock so now im married misreable bankrupt and scared shitless by father hood, on top of that now i have to worry about my fidelity too? when's it gonna stop god when! I love my wife dont get me wrong but my god she has let herself go! she's gained weight she has stopped bathing regularrly can barely manage to take care of our daughter, sits at home all day long doing absolutely nothing but playing video games and complaining about how much work she has todo with our 2 yr old daughter. wtf guess what i have to do almost every day after i come home from my 9-5 job....i have to wash dishes cus the kitchen is a goddamn wreck looks like a gorrilla on the rag came through the place. then when im done with that i have to "give my wife a break" and take care of our daughter while she relaxes playing video games or just generally complaining aobut her life. so that entails diaper changes, making dinner for her, bottles of milk and getting her off to bed. some where in there i find the time to take a piss and or shit and eat a scrap of food, or cook a meal for the both of us and i try to sit down for some gaming after my daughter is tucked in. so yeah i guess once you take all that into account its pretty easy to see why i'd be daydreaming at work about having crazy wild slap your momma sex with multiple partners from previous relationships and or those quasi friendships/relationships that never lead me past the gate to her secrete garden ...those are the worst...i recently got contacted by one of those ex gf's that i never had the pleasure of sleeping with and so now my brain is all twisted by my cock, i swear i masturbate at least 4 to 5 times a week on her ass alone. then of course theres the girl who became my best friend that i secretly wanted to fuck since day one..now she's in a steady healthy relationship and im still finding myself wishing I had of made that push to be more than her friend...it would have no doubt resulted in us not being as good of friends as we are now but god damn at least i could have tried and hell who knows maybe i could have gotten the wonderful pleasure of sleeping with her..i mean she was/is the total package, great body wonderful personality blonde blue eyes did i mention rockin body? and she's artistic and compasionate and...loves to give head. how can you beat that! i can't get my wife to go down on me to save my life , i go down on her all the effin time and she acts like my penis is a septic tank or something holy hell i mean no offense to women but a mans dick is way less juicie and gross than a womans vagina. or at least mine is i guess there coudl be some real slobs out there who are nasty as nasty can be. i guess to wrap this up...my vent session ...somedays i really really wish i could just step out side of time and space and just go to those women that i really want to fuck and just do them...no conscious no thinking just straight up fuck thier brains out and enjoy just having those physical pleasures that are soo withheld from me now...and to know what it feels like to be inside her to feel her nice supple breasts in my hands , to be able to wrap my arms around her waste and pull her to me, to feel that closeness that i longged for and pined over for soo man years...to let my demon out and let him lick play touch taste and suck on every part of her body...oh my god...would be the best 5 mins of my life..lol ha yeah in my dreams i know.
I hate you so much for everything you did to me. You treated me like a nonhuman. To you - I was just an object ripe for exploitation. You stole my money - your leached off my kindness and didn't give two shits about taking everything I did for you for granted. You are a lecherous, disgusting pig. You do not deserve the status of a human being. All those nights when lies would spew from your mouth like black and lime green bile poisoning my mind and making me think that I was being unreasonable, controlling and demanding. You lied to me. You cheated on me. You spread your putrid seed around town without a thought as to who you were hurting. You are selfish and disgusting. You filled your body with poison - you filled my body and mind with lies and cruel manipulations. You let me believe that you cared about me, that you loved me while you just let your disfunction and addiction reap havoc in our lives. You took my money without so much as a thank you. You stole my money and lied about it. You still go out of your way to torture me to this day. All those nights where you were at your friend's house or at the art studio - you were not at those places. You were sleeping with someone else. I never walked in on you - I never caught you in the act.. but I KNOW what you did and it makes me want to vomit all over the place. You are disgusting. You hurt me profoundly. You have fucked me up for almost a year now - periodically reasserting yourself in my life. I am absolutely done with your sick and twisted machinations. I am DONE and I never want to see your bloated, blotchy face and your receding hairline ever again. If you dropped off the face of the earth I would not shed a tear for you. You are a scourge on this planet and cause nothing but pain in your wake. For the longest time I thought you only treated me so poorly because you had issues separate from our relationship. That you were insecure and had many demons to battle. Now I know that you are a malicious human being with no soul to speak of. All I see inside you is a field of bubbling mire with poisonous mushrooms feasting off of all the destruction you have caused in people's lives. You let your mother think you were dead and probably thought it was funny. Your exgirlifriend killed herself because of you. You opened up your raunchy gullet and poured the booze down and what came out after was equally as repellent. You were an impish, two year old child throwing tantrums and seeking out every insecurity visible in someone's eyes and prodding it with a fiery poker. You did that to your exgirlfriend. She was 18 and she killed herself because of some drunken insult or slur that you directed at her. Yet everyone still likes you. You have an excessive amount of charm to mask all of your reptilian and vile tendencies. You trick people with your wit and intelligence but you are nothing more than scum. You can only enchant these people for so long before they discover what you really and what you will do to them. You revel in your alcoholism. You think it is a beneficial aspect of your personality and you mocked me for not partaking in your debauchery. You drank so much that you pissed our bed on two occasions yet you ridiculed my lifestyle choice. You mocked me for not going out and drinking myself sick every night and insulted the decent, kind friends that I made. I was an idiot for staying with you for so long and continually making excuses for your behavior. I am grateful that the experience occurred - it has taught me so much about the capacity of human cruelty. When you looked at me some of those nights - with a look so full of hatred - I almost believed that the devil did exist. What you were feeling - that hatred - was not for me, but for yourself because I am sure you saw what you did in my eyes and how much it hurt me. I have heard several people say that they would take a bullet for you in your sober state - but have never met a more horrible person than you when you are drunk. For the longest time I held out for the sober version of you, who seemed like a decent person.. but now I see that the drunken person was with you all the time. They were one in the same. There is no separation in my mind anymore and that is the reason that I can let myself hate you so completely now. Goodbye, R. I hope I will never let one of these feelings or thoughts plague my mind or my dreams. I hope by releasing it to the public - somehow it will help set me free. I now see you for what you really are. I will not hope for your redemption - I will not offer some glimmer of hope here at the end. You deserve to suffer for what you have done to so many people. I can only hope that the universe will self-correct and apply appropriate punishment for your cruel deeds.
so im a late teen with every thing going for me...but as usuall there are obsticals in my way of happyness! my main example is in my love life. i have a wonderful boyfriend of three years of which we have conquered many things, however the interferance of meddeling wee girls is beginning to get to me! i have a good nature were i prefere to talk first and not use my fists unless i have to which is a terribly rare occasion to say the most. the most recent challange has presented itself in a girl one year younger and a previous friend of my boy whom of which lost touch when she moved school (pity she came back). she is loud and outgoing but the worst part she has my boy in this trap of friendship where she fones texts and emails him daily, she also sees him in school all the time, prefect place to try and wind me up. i made clear to my boy which i am now going to refer to as mr x, she needs to know her place. so he text her and made clear she has not got a chance while he is still in love with me. but as usuall mr x finds it hard to understand my problem, which is how she told him she has feelings for him although she knows nothing can ever happen, HELLO DUH reverse psychology just because she says that doesnt mean that she means it or is even trying to use that to rope him in. they are very close and i do not like that as i know what she is trying to do. maybe im paranoid, but as girl with a similar mind and friends to boot who work in the same way to get a guy you would think i would get the benefit of the doubt but no. i love him with all my heart and i do see a future together in the long term but at the moment i feel betrayed in a way as he is still friends with her even though he knows how much it hurts. to him it is clean cut friendship, he told her to back off and she has aggreed with him, but she is a devious girl with a bad track record and more guys than friends episodes, all i want to hear from him is "dont worry i understand and yes im aware of her rep and i will be carefull not to give her the wrong impression" i really do trust him but i cant trust her! i mean tbh (to be honest-tbh) she is everything he hates in a girl...flirts with guys non-stop even when she was in a relationship of her own...lets guys and friends take absurd pic's of her. like the other night she was showing an adult her knickers, friend or not and in public and sober! HELLO SLUT OMW (oh my word- OMW) it really does stress me out how can he like her??? when he hates girls like that. i know he enjoys her attention it is expected but he needs to admit it and move on in our relationship or move on out of our relationship. i ask him all the time to tell me if he ever feel he wants to break up dont matter if its over another girl or anything esle i would prefer the honesty. i partly blame some of his friends for thier single lifestyle, where they just use girls for sex even if they are in a relationship it gives him ideas and feelings i dont like, trying to get him to talk is a major problem, he feels that me might hurt me but these secerts and hidden feelings hurt me more! i would not be worried but for a while he was deleting messages that she sent him, like he was hiding something. i have decided though that no matter what im am not going to let her see that im annoyed or upset as that is what she wants. i feel that she is after my relationship, after certain findings recently it would explain alot. the fact she likes attention and likes trying to get what she cant have means that my relationship is in the line of fire from a sleeked jealous girl who does not know when to back off. i have chatted to both friends and teachers as well as mr x to try and help my paranoia and reslove these issues, but as of yet all i can do is think the worst. this is why i came to the conclusion of posting a blog where know- one know me and i can thrash out my issues without hurting anyone. my main issue is that i would like to hurt her physically...but as violence gets you know- where i have decided to take a more tactful route to my injustice, also to save face and my relationship. a famous quote i live by is "keep your friends close and your emnies closer" another quote i live by is "what goes around comes around" and sometimes ten fold, i want to be there when she trips up and i know she will fake people can never hold their front, they forget at some point and i shall make it my business to be there partly so i can say to mr x i told you so now do you believe me. i think she is trying to get at me so i break up with him and she can then make her move without feeling guilty and keeping her true spiteful self hidden, but i am tough and can be pretty heartless at times (or so i have heard from close friends) so i am going to do everything in my power to keep my relationship close knit. my theroy has been tested and proved personally as i was once bullied by close friends, with a little perseverance i saw one leave school and get pregnant to a loser whom of which she apparently loves, another dead end job with a boy 2 years her junior, the rest who joined in also have dead end jobs with no real career prospects and i doubt they ever will have. with support of friends to back me when times get tough i know i can conqure this challange which has been set for me. my advice to any girls going through the same situation is either play her at her own game, or just sit back and watch her mess up with a huge I TOLD YA SO! really will make ya feel better. Just DO NOT back down at any point! also let him know his limits before it is taken to far, if your not comforable tell him, if you bottle it up it just makes things worse in the long run and her job will be carried out with ease. i apoligise for any spelling mistakes made within this blog. i dont not mind if i dont recive a reply just typing it seems to have helped me cool down, but any thoughts would be great! sugar & spice .x.x.x.
what do you all think about online dating? personally i am old fashioned and believe in (and really want to) meeting people randomly and see where it goes from there. it just seems more real. however, im discovering how difficult it is to meet nice people. or any people of the opposite sex for that matter! do you think online dating is desperate? i do. but im a hypocrite. i havent done the thing yet but i have created profiles and looked at others profiles. which actually just made me scared! its a great way for lonely people to get together, its very to the point. and i actually have a friend who met someone online and is happily dating that someone. but what does that say to the world? looking for love online, i mean? im torn between fear of meeting a psycho, fear of looking desperate, and wanting to be old fashioned and fall in love in a "normal" way. like in romance novels - im a real romantic girl at heart. any comments?
My mom is nuts. I'm very, very sorry, Home Depot. About a year and a half ago, my mom ordered some very specialized flooring to redo our kitchen floor with. Unfortunately, my mom likes to buy first, and work later. A lot later. A whole year passed before my mom, when looking at the flooring for some completely unrelated reason, realized that it was the wrong thickness. So she waits about 6 months, six freaking months, before she finally hauls the specially ordered flooring back to Home Depot. And, for an entire hour, she "battles" the manager because he doesn't want to take the flooring back: it was a special order, and the manufacturer won't take it back because it was forever ago. So long, in fact, that they didn't even have the transaction on record! But, somehow, someway she convinced the manager to take it back, even though they'll be taking a loss of $4,000 because they clearly won't be able to sell it (it's way out of style). She got a refund in store credit, but she just told me that she'll "use it later," later being about 6+ months when she finally gets around to working on another of the many, many jobs she's started and left for dead. I am so, so sorry!