FearlessBlogging.com: anonymous discussions.

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Here are some recent conversations:


Jealousy..

confession
Now, I know what most of you are thinking by the title of my blog.  You're probably thinking that this is going to be a blog about being jealous of a girl over a guy or something.  But honestly, this blog is so much more than that.  This is my first time using this website, and I'm honestly I'm so glad that I found it so that I can anonymously post my thoughts daily and still get advice at the same time.  I'm in my mid 20's and I'm still living at home.  I have a somewhat boyfriend that I'm still deeply in love with even though we broke up over half a year ago.  Let's call him John.  John and I still hang out every week and we call each other daily.  I really think the reason John broke up with me is because this is his last year in college and he's scared about the M word...marriage.  He doesn't want to take that next step in the relationship.  I'm very much ready to be married and have my own house and have a family.  It seems like all my friends around me are having babies and getting married and living happily ever after.  I just found out that two of my friends my same age are pregnant.  They seem so happy and I'm really ready for that next step in my life but he's not.  I've been patiently waiting for something to happen, but my patience is running thin.  I don't want to be with anyone but him but what do I do?  It's so hard watching everyone else around me be happy and go home to their husbands and talk about the things they do as a family. 
posted to relationships by Ash, Warrior of Good (3 comments)

I have a question for anyone who will answer. Do you think I am wrong for not wanting children playing directy in my front yard, (everyday we have to pick up the garbage left behind)? We live in an HOA in a newer subdivision where there are rules about how the front of your yard and house look. I don't think I should have the extra work cleaning up after them. This is not just every once in a while, this is every day. We always hear them throwing balls up against our house loudly and on purpose. It's just a matter of time before a window gets broken. We don't even have kids yet and here we are with kids playing in our yard. We have finally put in a complaint to the HOA hopefully something will get done. In the mean time I guess it's time to look for a more expensive area like a golf course community. I hope people have more consideration in a higher end area. For the first time I can see why people push the budget to the limits when buying a house. Any useful feedback would be helpful.
posted to life by Addison, Author of Wild Parties (3 comments)

status....

rant
my brand new status: boyfriend: negative friends: so so...always fighting...the usual family: annoying the hell outta me school: uuh speaking of which...i gotta shit load of hw to do! Later gater
posted to life by Max, Elementalist of Darkness (0 comments)

Friends...

rant
I have a friend.  Let us call her Sarah.  Sarah is an addict to trouble.  In the past week she has lost the guy she loved, moved on to another guy that's a coke dealer, gave him a blow job, and is banned from a store for stealing.  She is driving me insane.  I'm supposed to be her best friend she can always turn to.  I've pulled her aside mulitple times to tell her she's acting like a whore because recently that's all she's been worried about people saying that but she's not changing what she does.  She almost dragged a guy she had just met to have sex with him the past weekend, and teasing guys with blow jobs.  It's just ridiculous.  She's hardly a teenager but she's trying to act like she's a 30 y/o but when she does that she only shows her true immaturity.  If she didn't do all of this stuff she would be the person everyone would love because she is really pretty and although her home life is rough right now she would have a great attitude.  I just don't know what to do with her.  At the moment we're off speaking terms, and everyone has left her behind, I'm just not sure she knows it yet.
posted to life by Frankie, CEO of the Poor (2 comments)

why do men always have to ask the same question? it's like it's the most important thing on earth? "are we going to shag?" why can't they just appreciate what's happening at the moment.. savour it, wait and move on to the next thing.. I've got no one and life is sad... maybe that's why I always wanted to please you but I'm scared to give in... Je vraiment comme vous et je voudrais vraiment vous faire l'amour. Mais j'ai peur de ce qui va arriver ensuite. Je ne veux pas aussi finissent par devenir être fait mal de nouveau. J'estime qu'il y a une forte connexion entre nous ... ou peut-être je me trompe. Peut-être que vous me cherchez est juste le désire. 
posted to relationships by Ari, Counselor of the Forgotten Lands (1 comment)

I'm not ok

rant
when people ask how am i, I'd always reply, I'm ok. ok I'm lying... I'm not ok, deep inside I'm dying!!!!
posted to life by Brett, Architect of Good (7 comments)

I don't know what's wrong with me, I know that i can never have him and yet i can't stop longing for him. I've never had so much in common with someone in my life and i never even felt this for my ex i was with 3 years. There's nothing o dislike about him. I've only known this guy six months and hes been with someone nearly 3 years now. Everytime they break up, I'm the first person he calls and very unselfishly i do my best to get them back together, resisting all urges to ask him to come with me. He's always on my mind, I've tried distancing myself from him..I've tried throwing hints but just a few weeks ago our mutual friend came onto him and now he's being ignored...I don't want to be that person, i don't want to spoil what we have but it's getting to me. I will never find another guy like him....He's got a beautiful personality, he's hot but he doesn't know it and he's only ever been with one person, he loves the same things i do, he holds doors open for me, we talk about our deepest darkest secrets and my mother loves him.
posted to relationships by Charlie, Butcher of the Satisfied (7 comments)

break up..

rant
alright, so ive decided to just rant my feelings out on this page because if i realize them to any of my friends they will just get sick of hearing me talk, ill admit i kinda bring up this whole break up thing just alittle, but can you blame a girl. We were together for a year and a few months, everything seemed quite alright. But then things went south, i felt for a long time he didnt love me anymore, and i guess i was right. He broke up with my through a text, refuses to look at me, basically has erased me from his life and im left trying to pick up the pieces and make things okay .. i shouldnt miss him but i do, i should hate him, but i cant.. im over him but im not over what we had, if that makes any sense
posted to life by Dakota, Supervisor of the Poor (3 comments)

well ill fill you in......boyfreind 0ne. two years, controlling, obsessive, we had fun, but only me and him- 2 years of this u are bound to have had enough so i left him. that evening met boyf 2. was seeing him for a few weeks made it official, causing incessaant phone calls from boyf 1, fights between the two of them, then boyf 2 gets serious. having just got out of a 2 year reationship wasnt ready to rush into anything major, so told him i dont think i was what he needed right now, and maybe in the future we'd see what happens- classic do it gently right? ok so now i have boyf 1 trying to get back with me- phonecalls, appearing at my work, borderline stalking. and boyf 2 calling me everyname under the sun because it makes him feel better i guess. then i made the mistake of having my first one night stand....which happened to be with boyf 1 half brother ( big secret, affair between the parents, not well publicised) . that fatal night i fell pregnant, one nighter had a girlfreind so couldnt tell anybody, asid emy mom, needed someone to support me through the decisions of pregnancy, so i did what a desperate women does, went back to boyf 1. seemed easy at the time, hed never know it wasnt his, i just wanted someone to cuddle me and tel me itd b ok who genuinely cared about me. so im now back with bf 1, greatly irritating bf2 causing more insults ( yay!). as my abortion date neared, i realised that as much of a dick bf1 was to me, it wasnt fair to di this, so i left him, again. was probably the horriblest thing iv ever done as he was hugging my legs, crying soo much, heartbreaking but i just didnt care about him like i used to. the day after the abortion, i met bf3. childhood sweetheart, we startedmeeting up and eventually got together, and were very happy. xmas eve, it came out that i was pregnant, with one nighters child, completely destroying bf1, leading him to drunkenly get his car and cum to visit me to demand explanation, he got caught by police and lost his license. so id broken his heart, lied about a child, and hes lost his license. youd think he hates me, but still, every weekend he comes where i work, tells me to leave bf3 and come back to him. bf2, will hurl abuse at me whenever i see him about, and then tell me he only does it because its easier than admitting he still wants. i feel like i have 3 bf's still, o and the one nighter who i had taken to having regualr sex with. i saw it as a release from my week, parents divorcing, work pressures, and need bf3 my one night a week was my selfless act. me and bf 3 are arguing a lot now, i thought it easier to blame the one nighter, its his fault we're rowing, its easier to pick a fight than feel guilt right. but the past month, i havnt been meeting my one nighter, i see him, we exchange greeting and i move on, i have ruined enough men without doing to bf3, but we are still arguing. over nothing, just me picking on him? i cant blame one nighter, as i havnt seen him, i cant blame bf 1 or 2 coz i have no feeling there just pity that they cannot move on. which leads me to believe that maybe i cant have a relationship? maybe subconscously i am sabbotaging my relationships, pushing my partners away before they do me.....? bf1- went for dinner with another guy at the very beginning of our relationship. bf2- finished with him in the middle of a pub coz he wanted me to come home early with him??? bf3- have been with the one nighter 4 times in the 4 months i have been with bf3. does this not suggest that i need to hurt them before they hurt me? that i want to do what the hell i please with the luxury of a devoted companion.  well, welcome to my world, more to come. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 
posted to relationships by Kadnyce, Hunter of the Wildlands (1 comment)

I am so sick of getting nasty looks from other women. I am a nice person and I do not walk around giving strangers nasty looks. Men don't give me nasty looks ever. Maybe they can't get over being jealous of women who workout, look nice and take care of themselves. Maybe if they started working out and taking pride in themselves they would stop giving me dirty looks. Women need to stop being mean to each other.
posted to life by Brett, Consultant of the IT department (3 comments)

I think I'm emotionally sterile now. My boyfriend has no clue that I'm still irrevocably in love with a man twice my age. I am fucking retarded? How could I have never seen this coming? I thought that for some reason being with him would never be anything but fantasy and so I would never feel anything. Before I knew it, BAM! in love. AND WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING? falling in love with me?! you nut job. you've got a wife, albeit i don't really like her but maybe i'm biased. what's worse, you've got two beautiful kids. why couldn't i have found you first? what were you doing with me? you were just telling me about swinging. then just taking me out to coffee. then dinner. then a weekend getaway. you are exactly everything i want...but i only realized this once i had and lost you. and no, i'm not stupid enough to ever imagine you would be with me. no, no, i would never have asked you for that. if i had, i know i'd have the world's worst karma. ugh. if this weren't anonymous, i couln't be this emo.
posted to relationships by Max, Lover of Light (0 comments)

All throughout my life it seems to be me that does all the compromising. Whenever no one else will do something, it's me that steps up. Whenever someone else wants their way and I want mine, I always give in, just for the sake of avoiding conflict. But you know where that gets you in life? NOWHERE. I'm never repaid for it. Everyone still always wants their way, but no one wants to give me my turn. I'm always gyped out of it. (Wow, that is a really fucking racist term, I've never even realized that!) I don't like to think that way, but maybe that's the only way you can get ahead in life is to take. You can't keep giving & giving and expect anyone to give back to you. You know what they call people that give and give but never get anything in return? SUCKERS. I don't want to be a sucker, but I'm already well on that path.
posted to life by Blaine, Accountist of Darkness (2 comments)

passport..

confession
I smiled on my passport photo...and i don't think i was supposed to.   I've seen a few and everyone looks so serious.o_O 
posted to life by Aubrey, Merchant of the Wicked (3 comments)

One of my very,very close friends and long time coworker is moving to Alaska on Sunday and I might never get to see her again. She doesn't have family here (I live in the south) and has no reason to return. My self centered husband has decided to put a time limit on how long we can spend with her on Saturday helping her finish packing and saying our goodbyes. I told him if he was so concerned about it interfering with the rest of his day (btw he has NO plans-- he told me as much) that he need not go. I would think that he would want to go and say goodbye as well because he's known her longer than I have. Her and her husband have always been like a second set of parents to both of us. Why can't he understand that spending the last little bit of time I have with her Saturday is more important to me than keeping my options open just in case something better comes along?!? I don't need him to break down over it but stop being such a selfish ass!!
posted to relationships by Allison, Chronographer of Darkness (2 comments)

weird dream

advice
can anyone here anylized a dream? i had a dream about twin girls, and twin rats, 1 black and 1 brown and also 2 identical doors and 2 identical signs.. i wonder what it means..
posted to life by Rebecca, Trollop of Darkness (2 comments)

Paranoid?.

rant
Ok, there is a girl in my eighth grade class who likes a much younger boy.  She is fourteen, he is ten in fifth grade.  This girl has always been sort of a bully, always loves to choose a vulnerable person and beat them verbally and in some cases even physically.  This was bad enough, but at our old school we were able to pressure her not to hurt people.  Our old school shut down last spring and since then she has been much, much worse.  Now she likes a younger boy.  You know how fifth grade boys love attention from older girls, right?  He loves it.  Well, my fear is not that she will attack him or anything, but there are some things eighth grade girls tend to know about how babies are made and such that a fifth grade boy has no business knowing.  She likes that area of her knowledge and I'm a little worried she might teach him some of it (accidentally maybe).  Remember this girl has no idea AT ALL where to draw the line in ANYTHING.  Am I being paranoid?
posted to school by Shiki, Squire of Time (3 comments)

I have to let go

confession
I knew it was a huge mistake to keep him in my life. I am not sure why I kept doing it…. He made me so sad all of the time, in fact when he was around it was if I was in a prison. I guess part of me felt safe being with him (which was stupid) not safe from harm but safe from being made fun of by society. I am totally insecure so I guess that is what brought us together. I still remember the first time he attacked me… I was terrified for days… then of course he came crawling back with promises that it was a mistake etc. I went back and it happened again and again.. I told my mother and my friends and they promised me they would protect me from him.. But for some reason I felt it was my duty to protect him. The night I thought it was all over was when we met for dinner, I came only to get the money he owed me for things that he broke of mine in one of his fits of rage (he destroyed so many things I will never get back.. In fact he destroyed me) but that night ended up being one of the worst nights of my life.. His little sister committed suicide, and he found out during dinner.. He did not have his family to take care of him like I did when my father killed himself (which was very odd) instead he depended on me. I did everything I could, although in the back of my mind I knew this would not change the person he was. I feel as though I am a weak weak person., although it can not be completely his fault it sure as hell has a lot to do with it. More than the physical abuse was the verbal abuse.. I do not think a day went by in our relationship where he didn’t call me a bitch. Or fat, or a slut. He also liked to blatenly disrespect me in public or while we were alone.. Constantly drooling over anything with a vagina. For a while (and probably still now) I felt as though he was right.. I guess you could say I was brain washed (although he knew how to pick at my weaknesses). The hardest part through all of this was the fact that I was living a double life, my family and friends knew how horrible he was to me. So I didn’t want to dissappoint them by letting them know I was around him. I knew it was so wrong for me to be around him… but it continued. I had bruises on my body that I had to explain to my mother… was just a “drunken mistake” when really it was on his part. Finally I decided to be a stronger person (this was when I had no relationship with anyone but him.. I pushed everyone away) so I fought back. After he broke my windshield and sunroof…. I had enough.. He still made me feel like we were equally to blame, we were because I was stupid enough to keep him in my life. I did do and say things I will never forgive myself for doing… I broke his nose..(after he was doing his screaming and throwing fit while I was driving.. I had enough and just snapped/// I also put down his little sister .. I thought if I said something so bad to him it would make him never want to be around me again.. But that did not work, he stuck around and told everyone he knew about what I said, and did and told them I was bipolar! There are so many horror stories from our relationship… but everyday when I was at work or whenever I was alone I was sure he would go away one day. He still is not out of my life… well he is never allowed around me again FOR SURE! But he calls obsessivly at least 100 times a day. I am not sure what to do. I live alone.. I pray he will just move on or fall in love with someone else.. But I think that would be completely selfish of me.. Not to put a warning label on him. I know I need to get a restraining order.. But I feel as though this is not enough.. He is a bad person, mostly because he does not know the difference between right and wrong…When I was with him I felt as though I had no future.. Now there may be hope.. I just have to pick up the pieces in my life that I dropped. Now I constantly wonder if I will ever be the same… or if I will ever be able to have a normal relationship.. It is so hard for me to trust anyone more than ever.. I have this fear.. No matter where I am or what I am doing that someone somewhere is watching and laughing at how big of a fool I am.
posted to relationships by Reggie, Cleric of the Hungry (1 comment)

Well they've always told me it didn't matter, but what's the deal? Everyone always argues if Hotmail, Msn, AOL, yahoo, etc. is better. Does it really matter? Do people just argue to argue? Or is there really a prime mail server? Not sure. Please enlighten me! Or share your opinion. All responses will be appreciated.
posted to tech by Dakota, Shadow of Musclebeasts (6 comments)

It's pretty bad when every decent thing you have to say about your husband begins with "At least he doesn't..."
posted to relationships by Charlie, Consultant of the Rich (0 comments)

I was in love with someone, and then it ended. And now, months later, I feel attraction to no one. What is wrong with me? I wanted so much to be commited to this guy, now I'm over it, but in moving on, shouldn't I have found someone else, be attracted to someone else, or something? I feel like i'm becoming asexual. I used to go out to the bars and love being hit on and flirting, now I just don't care anymore. I avoid the whole being hit on and flirting.  I feel empty, but I just can't figure it all out. It's so frustrating!
posted to relationships by Allison, Illusionist of Wild Parties (2 comments)

I recently took a passport picture for my visa.. I didn't know that I have to show my ears on the pic, I didn't straignten hair, it looks like Marge Simpson/Krusty the Klown!!!   now I don't know if they're going to extend my visa cos I look so fugly there!!! :( 
posted to life by Charlie, Gunner of Generosity (0 comments)

24x7clearances was a seller on Ebay who stole untold amounts of money from his unsuspecting online buyers. He created a multitude of self-promoting fake feedback and used ebay rules to eliminate the bad feedback he was due. What's funny is there is an VP of Engineering for CableTV of Canada) who also lives with 24x7clearances So, it looks like sonnyboy is a slacker, living with Daddy, who can't make a go of real life success like Dad, so he's taken to stealing from people on ebay. What is this society coming to? Personally identifiable information whacked -- please see site rules
posted to life by Aubrey, Chef of Musclebeasts (9 comments)

I try and I try but i can't move my eyes from the screen...The internet is like a drug and i'm the junkie tyring to do the right thing and STUDY....but nooooooo i have to check one more thing in my my email....go look at pictures on facebook....gotta search for one more video on youtube, ask some random question about cantaloupe..then look it up on wikipedia It's killing me....It' procrastination at it's best. I'm doing it now as we speak.  Okay but what are other things i procrastinate about.... let me see=telling some one how i feel, calling my grandma, looking for a job. I think everyone does it, but it gets to the point where you hold off so much stuff and then it piles up to one big heap of SHIT-TO-DO! I don't know where i'm going with this(as you can see) but yea....errrr SAY NO TO DRUGS!(procrastination that is )
posted to life by Taylor, Tour Guide of Light (3 comments)

I just wished that one day I could go away and never look back…. I am a college student who has everything going for me… but not really. I am a failure at pretty much everything I do. I try to please everyone by doing what it is they want me to do. I am tired of all the pressures of needing to please other people. I am tired of letting people down and doing things to them that make disappointed in, whether it is a relationship I had with my ex-boyfriend, current one, friends, and family.  I am not the person they think I am! I want to disappear and live in the darkness of what some may call my self-pity.   I know by reading this you will not fully understand and will think that my life could not be this bad…. but it is. I don’t think that a person’s problem has some kind of measurement on it to define how bad it is. I think a problem is a problem no matter how big or little it may to seem.  But until then; I will hide behind my fake smile that seems so genuine and the laughter that covers up all the pain I am feeling.
posted to life by Max, Lord of Light (0 comments)

EXXON/MOBILE,boasted their final quarter profit was around 40 BILLION DOLLARS.in 2007.before hurricane katrina,premium gas was 1.89 a gallon.here in the east coast.now a whopping 3.17 and its gonna get higher.MARATHON has a commercia,stating it is investing 3.6 BILLION DOLLARS to build a new refinery.this will produce more gasoline,but I BET IT WONT HELP REDUCE THE PRICE OF THE GALLON.I know OPEC is part of the problem,NOT the sole reason.CORPORATE GREED is the main problem.think this over my fellow AMERICANS.since the gas went up,didnt the price of,MILK,BREAD,CHEESE,most everything else?together as one we can change the affect!BOYCOTT ONE BIG MONOPOLY IN THE THIRD QAURTER OF 2008.EXXON/MOBILE.this would send a powerful message to the BIG WIGS,AND THE CONGRESS.we are not going to put up with the price gouging/fixing.that has plagued our nation to to long now.for all you stock holders too bad.I bet your out numbered in this regard.This action will not bankrupt EXXON/MOBILE.but it would bring about a new order of power.power of the people who make up this country.the elites and lobbiest could care less about the price of gas,even our elected officials couldnt care less.its our tax dollars that fill their tanks!president bush has been of no help in this,taping into the NATIONAL RESERVE please.did you acually buy into that political bull.2008 is going to be great.boycott EXXON/MOBILE in the third quarter.regardless of the price of gas at the time.because word of this blog might have them lower the price temporaily to pull one over on the consumer.GOOD LUCK AMERICA.your pal,tired
posted to society by Frankie, Druid of the Lonely (4 comments)

I hate the greyness and that depressing feeling that you can't get out of. You're stuck in a bubble that can see other people enjoying themselves and not being depressed but you can't get out of it. there is so much that I wish I was that I'm not. I seem to lack energy and motivation to keep going on a daily basis. Where others can just continue, I seem to give up so quickly. Why do I not seem to be able to keep going? I feel like I was not meant to exist in reality. I am not adjustable or amenable to life and its ways. I'm not very good at adapting to situations.
posted to life by Bobbie, Funeral Director of the Lonely (3 comments)

Ouch.  I moved here to be with him.  I have no job, and I can't get a car because I have no job, and he can't finance his money.  I am freaking out inside.  It seems like somedays I question whether I love him or not.  But it hurts, to think that we would ever be separated.  I wanted to get married a long time ago and he told me to wait a couple of years....nothing is happening and I don't want to leave but there is this little voice in the back of my head saying.  Let Go.  but something deeper is holding on.  Waiting.  He is getting better, he is working to take care of me.  I am so scared and beaten from the people hung around last.  We were fine until i started to be around these people...I feel like that little voice isn't mine, or isn't anything from me, but it keeps echoing on bad days like these. 
posted to life by Peyton, Templar of Evil (0 comments)

Phone conversation this AM. Me:  I’d like to buy the baby a warm jacket because it’s really cold outside today.   Him::  Well, she has several jackets already.  What about the jean jacket that she wore yesterday?   Me:  Something warmer – it’s really cold outside.   Matt:  Well what about the fake suede jacket with the roses on it?   Me:  That’s not warm enough.  Something that zips up, is lined, has a hood, like a puffer jacket or something.   Matt:  What about that zip up sweater that I bought at Costco last week?   Me:  SHE NEEDS A WARM F---ing JACKET. I don't even feel like coming after work because I don't enjoy interacting with him.      Another complaint…   My parents bought our daughter a sandbox over the summer.  We finally went to purchase sand maybe about 4 months ago.  He didn’t like the sand because the texture wasn’t nice enough, and has been doing research to find the right kind of sanitized sand.  So as a result of his long investigation – she has had a sandbox that has been sitting out on the patio for approximately 7 months now that our daughter has been unable to use because he is so careful about every single decision that is made.  It just gets exhausting and interacting him is a challenge in patience that a Buddhist monk would find impossible.  We also have piles of new flooring lining the inside of our garage because he continue to find new pros and cons of not only the flooring that was purchased NINE months ago but other flooring options.  I wonder how long this search will continue until we find the perfect flooring.    Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode. 
posted to relationships by Peyton, Hostess of Light (4 comments)

So there it is. 10 years in a loveless marriage and an acrimonious seperation. 2 years avoiding everything and get asked out by someone i had liked for ages. So all good for a very short while then bang thats gone. Not ready apparently but suspect something to do with her Ex. So i drift through another couple of relationships, never getting involved enough that it is likely to go anywhere - until its finished and then obsessing about what it was  (or wasn't). Never quite knowing why successive relationships fall apart at regular intervals despite apparently going along great although at least one and probably 2 had found someone else along the way. And then full circle and the girl at the begining is back - for about as long as the first time round. But so intense and full on and after a this time i'm feeling something completely new, but bang all over again and once again no bloody clue as to why. Lots of talk some about being scared but net result the same. She says she can't give me all i want- but doesn't appear to even know what that is and i think its all actually more about what i can't give or do or more to do with someone else being around, and god knows i have been right there before because in the mean time confirmed that she had spent some time with her Ex as i thought. Then the merry go round comes round again. Hook up with someone else too soon, go in too fast, she is lovely i guess she seems interested enough not to dump me after a month or whatever but i'm just hollow and seeing everything i ever hated in other people mirrored in everything i do. Works screwed, i'm up and down my mood is all over the place, can't do anything and have so much to do. And if she got in touch now i'd almost definately screw it up or tell her to take a running jump because i'm that mangled from it all. so here i am and will have to carefully let the latest know that i can't do it just so i can go back to avoiding it all- but always wonder if it will ever feel like that again? Somehow i doubt it.
posted to relationships by Ash, Shepherd of Evil (0 comments)

The contract

advice
M, nice of you to read this. Seems to be a little matter you’d like to settle, a favor you want after you treated Me as you did. It is now obvious to Me with your wild ratings and changes in story that you will without thought or remorse say or do anything to have your way regardless who it might hurt.   Since this began in a M/s scenario I say we settle this in M/s terms seems very appropriate don’t you think? Now do not misunderstand My tone this is not a negotiation – so don’t even begin to try and bargain.  My proposal is as follows.   For the duration of the next 25 days you’re My s. This will be all inclusive; you are to be tracked and monitored every moment in sl using all means. There will only be contact with those that are on a prior approval list and all chat will be monitored. Don’t even ask about P/M he is not on the allowed contact list for the duration. Of course I know you will sneak some and if I catch you at any point this proposal will be null and void. During this period you will be My s and as such there will be no limits whatsoever.  One really can’t be a true s and have limits now can they?   In this role you will not complain, try to bargain or avoid this time or in any way be a displeasing s. If fact you WILL be highly enthused about each and every scenario I wish to entertain. If you do not live up to the terms of this proposal both in written word and spirit of M/s relationship this proposal will again be null and void.   Since you have proven yourself to be manipulative and untrustworthy what you want will only be released on that 25th day. If you through actions, words or attitude fail to live up to this proposal at any point up to and including the last moment of the last day the proposal will be voided. And don’t even try the “technical difficulties or large rl interruption to schedule” as they will at the very least extend the time on a day to day basis or render the proposal void.   It up to you to choose M, it can only be a yes or no.
posted to relationships by Ash, Peasant of the Rich (3 comments)

The Soldiers You Don't Know You’re not going to read about Audie Murphy jumping onto a tank and manning a .50 caliber machine gun.  You’re not going to read about the exploits of a heroic band of 101st Airborne troops.  I’m certainly no Dick Winters. What you will read is an accurate, sometimes sad, sometimes inspiring, and sometimes disheartening tale of the soldiers the media doesn’t cover unless something bad happens.  I know you’ve read the stories.  The maintenance unit that went the wrong way, twice. The end result was Operation Iraqi Freedom’s first POW’s and the Jessica Lynch story. How about the transportation unit that rolled into a massive ambush near Baghdad International?  That incident resulted in the Global War on Terrorism’s only MIA soldier. Did you know that the same ambush resulting in Keith Maupin’s capture also produced the first Silver Medal for the Army Reserves in the Global War on Terrorism.  Of course you didn’t, you only hear the bad version of these stories.   The purpose of this is to educate those who know nothing about the soldiers that are part of the service support, non-combat, section of the Army.  It will also serve as an educational tool to those who serve without an Expert Infantry Badge on their chest or haven’t had the privilege of serving their country in a combat zone.  As such this will be written for two audiences.  Those who want to know what it’s like because they are curious and those who want to know what it’s like because they want to survive.   What I won’t be able to do is tell you every single story a unit of 150 soldiers or so can tell. That would be quite a read. You would hear stories of heroism, infighting, love, sexual conquests, alcohol and possible drug use, you name it. When you cram 150 people into a building for over a year, you’re going to have all kinds of interesting stories.  I don’t know them all, but I know the important ones. I was the unit’s company commander.  The reason I know most of the important stories is because it was my job to document all After Action Reviews (AAR’s).  We had one for every single mission and major event.  Eventually I passed the duty of writing the mission AAR’s to our Operations section but I still wrote the big ones for events that changed our lives.  The level of documentation I maintained was absurd and it allows me to recall events from 4 years ago.  I remember being contacted by the Inspector General) IG after our return home.  There were a myriad of complaints filed by soldiers who I suppose felt safe from retribution only after they got home.  I told the IG that instead of me answering their questions, why don’t I send them the memos I wrote pertaining to those troubled soldiers.  I ended up e-mailing 50 or so documents.  The next call I got from the IG went something like this, “We’ve never seen this much documentation. We don’t have any more questions.”  Somewhere in that special folder on my computer I even have a memorandum for record (MFR) about an accusation of someone in my command trying to kill me. An MFR is something of an affidavit. The accusation came to me by way of an NCO I trusted. I asked for something formal but the soldier who told this NCO wouldn’t go that far.  My only recourse was to document it in case it happened. I didn’t really care because my life wasn’t an issue at the top of my priority list.  Funny how our priorities change in an environment like this.   I suppose I should tell you a bit about myself and exactly how I ended up a company commander in Iraq. I still remember applying for various ROTC scholarships in high school.  I even remember filling them out on our kitchen table and especially remember my interview with Army ROTC. I certainly recall being told by my high school guidance counselor that I wouldn’t be able to get in to a certain college because of my grades. I showed him, I guess. I was accepted to that college and then chose another. After four years and two quarters of being a mediocre cadet and a less then mediocre student, I barely graduated in March 1996.  This graduation came after a few hard months of trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life.  I had just found out that I was going to be placed in the Army Reserves and the Transportation Corps.  This is unique because having been a scholarship cadet, active duty should have been mandatory. I still haven’t figured that one out. Not going active duty was more of a surprise then not getting my branch of choice, the Signal Corps. This was indeed my first major life challenge but who knew at that time it would pale in comparison to what I would face 8 years later.   Graduation and commissioning came and went and then I attended my officer basic course (OBC) at Ft. Eustis, VA. Ft. Eustis is the home of the Transportation Corps.  Here they indoctrinate you into the fraternity of transporters.  I was really gung ho coming out of there.  I was actually excited to be a transportation officer. It’s important to mention that something happened to me at OBC because everything seemed to click. OBC was an environment where I excelled.  I never dreamed I’d graduate in the top 5%. I returned home with this new found confidence and I continued to impress a few. My unit would be on a training exercise and an evaluator would make a comment like, “How did you know that?”  I even found myself correcting them a few times. I think it was this time in my life when I realized the importance of training.  Repetition and drilling eventually leads to reaction.  You don’t need to think, you just know and you do.  This will become key in the years to follow.  It saved my life.   After OBC, I served 6 years as a platoon leader in another transportation unit.  Soon after 9/11, I was offered the command of the unit I deployed with.  They got me good.  I was offered commands before and I turned them down prior to 9/11.  I was in the “get out” mode and I didn’t want the responsibility of command. You see, I was coming up on the end of my 8 year obligation for my scholarship. I thought nothing of continuing my military career. Post-9/11 I was very patriotic and wanted to be part of the operation in Iraq.  Yeah, they got me real good. So that’s how I became a company commander.  Soon after taking command I was handed Captain’s bars, a rank I didn’t even want nor submit for.  Someone in Battalion put my packet together and submitted it for me.  It wasn’t long after my promotion that the unit was deployed.   I wish I could give you a bio of every single soldier under my command. They truly deserve the recognition given to units of glory.  Those units being the ones who are in the business of combat and measure success by enemy body counts.  We never knew how many enemy we killed. We’d kill and keep driving. We measured success by gallons of fuel delivered.  I personally measured success by every soldier making it back to base alive so they could drink their near-beer and play their Playstation with their buddies.  Our unit specialized in bulk petroleum transportation.  This was the major focus during our tour but we also received convoy security missions, training missions, other types of cargo transportation missions, and we almost escorted an ambassador to Turkey.  That mission almost being given to us told me the level of faith our higher HQ had in us. We were that damn good at our jobs. I imagine the ambassador hopped a chopper to Turkey instead. Smart, regardless of our abilities.   In closing I wanted to set the tone for the remaining chapters. I want to describe what it’s like to be a fuel transportation unit in Iraq. You know the ducks you shoot at with a BB gun at fairs and carnivals. We were the ducks and they burn for a long time if they catch fire. Sometimes the BB’s were a 125 mm artillery round with wires sticking out of it. If you want to know what it’s like to drive on the roads in Iraq, try this exercise.  Choose a road you know like the back of your hand. Perhaps it’s a road you drive to work every single day.  Have you ever seen a dead animal on the side of the road?  That animal might have a bomb in it and it’s going to explode as soon as you drive by.  Have you ever seen a car parked on the side of the road? That car is going to explode as soon as you drive by.  Have you ever seen a cop on your drive in to work?  That cop is the trigger man of a much larger ambush that’s going to try and kill you. How about that building or house you drive by every single day? Someone is going to shoot an AK-47 out a window and try to kill you. And my personal favorite, every single car driving along side you, in front of you, or behind you, could be a suicide bomber that’s going to try and blow up your tanker full of fuel.  Transportation soldiers went through that nearly every single day. I have a high school buddy  who is in the Army Special Forces.  He wrote me one day and told me he made it to the big show. He asked me how we did that day in and day out. My response was, “You guys drive in small groups and have much better weapons.  Now imagine your 4 vehicle convoy is actually 30+ vehicles and 2 miles long.”  What I didn’t tell him was, now do that for over a year. As I recall, Special Forces tours are a few months.  If I’m wrong, I apologize.  I don’t want to piss off someone that can kill me with their thumb.  I know they have it rough, but I’m convinced the soldiers who drive on the roads of Iraq nearly every single day had the toughest, most thankless job the U.S. military ever saw.
posted to life by Frankie, CEO of the Financial Services department (1 comment)

my best friend raped me...and i cant tell anyone because he is 17 and im 19 he can turn it around to be statutory rape or so he says.
posted to life by Josh, Monk of Good (4 comments)

Progress Energy - A Bias Company   Progress Energy is one of the largest electric power providers in the state of Florida. I work in the call center. I have done well in my career with the company, however the company is taking a stance, in regards to the Spanish community with which I disagree. Since the state or Florida has such a large number of Spanish speakers, which is increasing every day, it is important to have adequate personnel to man Spanish calls.  Progress Energy has however taken sides with someone who does not have the interest of the customer at heart.   Representatives who speak Spanish sit in close proximity with in the call center. This has been so for close to a decade if not more.  Because Spanish speaking reps deal with the same customers as their Spanish speaking peers next to them, this help when you need to quickly discuss something in regards to an account.  This also helps out when you need to review documentation of an account with a Spanish speaking peer and so-forth.  This is just a few examples of the advantage. However it makes sense that in a large organization, those that perform similar job functions should sit in close proximity.   Everyone with in the call center takes calls.  And those that are part of the Spanish Team, as previously mentioned, sit in close proximity.  Likewise, those that work on the New Construction Team (dealing primarily with contractors) sit together.  The same is true for all other specialty teams such as the On-Line or Web Support Team.  However what I’m upset about is the fact that the Spanish team is being disbanded and broken up.  The company states that this is for reasons of diversity.  However, it doesn’t seem that way.   The Spanish Team was previously overseen by a Spanish Speaking supervisor.  Recently a new supervisor was brought in who doesn’t speak Spanish.  The fact that she is overseeing a group of employees that she can’t understand seems to be the root of the problem.  Because members of the Spanish Team are there for the purpose of taking primarily Spanish calls, they spend the majority of their shift speaking Spanish both with the customer and with each other.  The new supervisor doesn’t seem to like that.  And it seems to be that because she doesn’t understand us she put in a request to have the Spanish Team broken up, citing that it was for reasons of diversity.   How does this move benefit the customer? It doesn’t. It does the exact opposite.  But then again so does every other move Progress Energy has made in regards to the Spanish Speaking community.  As mentioned previously, the Spanish Team used to be overseen by a Spanish speaking supervisor.  That is no longer the case.   How does this benefit the customer? It doesn’t.  Currently if you’re a Spanish speaking customer and you request with a Spanish speaking supervisor, there isn’t one. How does that benefit the customer? It doesn’t.  So what does Progress Energy do to help the Spanish speaking community? To date, everything that’s been done has been to the contrary . The Spanish speaking Supervisor was removed.  A non-Spanish speaking supervisor was put in place. After-hours Spanish speaking reps were removed.  And the Spanish team was disbanded.   Progress-Energy is one company that does not have the Spanish community in mind.
posted to work by Harper, Shadow of the Wildlands (0 comments)

local governments cap off the jack pots at 10 million dollars,and they supplement the winners that hold five out of 6,and 4 out of 6 numbers matched.I believe this would help if it were tried. who needs ,200,000,000.00 that is too much money for most AMERICANS.lotto has got it all wrong.if more people hit with 5 and4 numbers,for several thousand dollars.considering that they are following a DREAM so to say.they could pay down their credit card,car loans,buy that new sofa,or big screen t.v.THATS HOW TO BOOST OUR ECONOMY JACK!not sending more promisary notes out in the form of stimulus packets.we can bail ourselfs out .am I right?
posted to society by Max, Hero of the Satisfied (2 comments)

Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike 'lesser' estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America's richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own 'humanitarian' spin on it. Calling attention to her own 'good will'. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Money does not grow on trees. When too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world's richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not 'trickle down' as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves 'humanitarians'. IT CAN'T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. A total collapse of the US economy. Probably within a decade. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Please copy this entry and run it by any professor of socio-economics. I speak the truth. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
posted to society by Bobbie, Servant of Light (1 comment)

I have a friend, who, since I've known her, has been in one long term relationship after another. Everytime she meets a new guy, she believe he's 'the one' and suffers through years-long relationships with men she seems to never really love with. 99 percent of the time she looks like she is just trying to cover for being bored and miserable.  Here's some advice. It's OKAY to be single. You don't have to have a boyfriend. You learn alot by being on your own, and having independence. You should be as picky about your men as you are your comforter. You don't buy some cheap, tacky, uncomfortable comforter just because you're afraid there won't be one out there for you, so why would you act differently about finding a guy?
posted to relationships by Bobbie, Apprentice of Time (1 comment)

I lost my virginity... to my bestfriend's ex-boyfriend. She has no clue... and hopefully it will stay that way. I think the real reasons I did it was because I was tired of being a virgin while everyone else around me wasn't... and because deep down I wanted to get a little revenge on my bestfriend (not that she would really care too much anyways) because she has ditched me for her new boyfriend.  She really has missed out on my life... yet she's still right there where she'll always be. I just wish she still cared.
posted to relationships by Bowie, Historian of the Wicked (1 comment)

love & life

confession
My husband becames with this man.  They became best of friends and my husband could not wait for me to meet him.  The day we met, one look at him and my heart stopped.  I immediately looked at the ground, not like me.  He did as well.  He wasn't warm to me.  We were together often but he would never look me in the eye even though he always did when speaking to other people.  Eventually we became really good friends.  One day almost 2 years later he called me to pour his heart out.  The same thing had happened to him on the day we met.  It was so wrong, both of us married, him being my husbands best friend but he couldn't live with his secret feelings for me and he had to tell me.  We shared the same feelings and the same reservations.  We met up one night to talk.  Yes, of course it happened.  That started our affair.  Love was instant, sex was AWESOME!  His wife is a psycho bitch.  Eventually he walked away from all of his friends.  I was lost, felt betrayed yet as much as I hurt I still loved him.  I hear things about him every so often, and my heart breaks for him.  He's so quiet that if he really hurts he'll lock it up inside and withdrawl and of course people need to start rumors and stories as to why he's being so quiet.  It's been a year and a half since we stopped seeing each other.  He called me once on Thurs and told me he would call again on Monday.  His life went to hell over that weekend and I never spoke to him again.  He called me, FINALLY!  We missed the hell out of me.  I told him I couldn't decide what hurt most, losing the greatest lover or losing my best friend.  If I could only have one I'd still be with him.  He said the same.  Both of us are very private people and hold allot of things inside.  With each other there are no secrets and nothing we can't talk about.  We have so much in common and oddly, regardless of the lies to others to keep our secret safe, we have complete trust in each other.    My plans for this year were to leave my husband.  I'm tired of getting struck by a drunk.  I deserve better.  Yes, I may have done the ultimate wrong but with him it felt so right.  My one and only affair and if the feelings had not been as strong as they were it would have never happened.  We both held those feelings back for almost 2 years before we couldn't hold them back any longer.  He's finally decided all that he's worked for isn't worth living with his wife, his wife hits him too.  He was so unhappy last year.  He called because he needed his friend. I don't know where this will lead, honestly, I don't even care.  I got my friend back!  Oh God, how I've missed him.  I get to get good sex again, Oh God, how I've missed that!  You see, we're not bad people just two hearts and minds that insist on being together.       
posted to relationships by Ari, Fashion Model of Darkness (4 comments)

sleepy....

rant
Ever since my mother passed away I've fallen into a depression. . . My work ethic has decreased immensely and I only enjoy doing two things (mainly). Music.. and sleep. I promise you if I could sleep forever I believe I would. Sometimes it's the time I'm happiest.. just on my bed..eyes closed.. dreaming about the unreal. Music has also been amazing.. just playing my instrument..makes me so happy .... I fear when college comes around I will fail. Now I barely have energy to do HW when I return from school and I end up sleeping until the next day. It's been like this for a year. I'm managing to keep my grades at in the B+ ~ A- range.. but it would be a solid "A" if I did my work. it's been tough..but that's life. =P .. poop 
posted to life by Harper, Secretary of Time (2 comments)

It’s cold inside this heated houseBy the fire, burning, It’s cold It rains a lot, outside and in.Warm sun, glaringIt rains It’s grey around the rainbows edgeBright colours, eye-catchingIt’s grey I’m sad at dawn on Christmas dayPresents, overflowingI’m sad. What in life made me this way?Indifferent and cold no matter the dayIf I try to laugh the feelings awayThen it rains, inside, it rains,  And the pain, oh  god, the pain… -> basically my lfie is really, really good and for some stupid reasonw hich I cannot understand I sometimes get ridiculously unhappy and paranoid and.... depressed??!!!! AHHHH what if the point in life it makes me so damn apathetic... I relally shoudl be shot...
posted to life by Brett, Gunner of Good (1 comment)

sometimes i think im selfish i cant really tell if i am but i jst want attention from someone....i mean my mom never asks me how scool is going..i have a 5 yr old brother and a 22mnth old sisterand my grandma...my mom is always always concerned with her and always has to pay attention to her then theirs the baby i mean i nderstand becz shes a baby bt shes not really that mch of a problem thn theirs my brother he gets sooo mch attention...bt thats because hes always introble at school and he goes to therapy and a conselor he gets attention from everybody becase of it so theirs no attention for me i mean my boyfriend asks me evryday how im doing hows school  what happended to day anything new  kno the usaal.....bt thats the things i want my mom to ask i mean she has no time for me im almost 18 bt im still  her child i jst feeel so alone sometimes..i mentioned today that i wanted to take thai kick boxing it lets out anger and my mom replied"what anger do  u have @ 17?,i said alot.so she replied "im always angry so what"..its like things are never abot me NEVER...i dont kno if that makes me selfish or not bt i dont haardly ever see my dad and my mom is always busy.. i cant really talk to anybody abot how i feel everybody has problems oftheir own...sometimes i get  angry for no reason at all or i jst strt crying i always feel so sad bt if i mention it all i get from my mom is "im always sad thats life"sometimes i think abot hrting myself jst to get noticed...i kno it sounds crazy bt its true i feel so stressed but once again my mom will say "@ 17 u dont have anything to stress abot.i stress all the time".and i kno she does bt its like being in a box with no window or door and your screaming at the top of your lungs making all th enoise u can possibly make bt no one turns around or looks up to see whats going on..............
posted to life by Dakota, Guardian of the craft table (2 comments)

boys :/...

rant
why do i like that one boy. hes so not my type. all my friends hate him. he's cocky as hell. i hate him so much but i can't stop loving him. its been months and i can never get him out of my head. ive had other boys but i just keep wanting him. its so frustrating i cant get over him but he seemed to have moved on....but then when his friends talk about how im hot he gets hella jealous. the most confusing guy ive ever met and we talk about how he never has girlfriends and he says its b/c hes gunna graduate in a few months anyway so whats the point of having a gf if their gunna gt hella close then be heartbroken when they have to split.
posted to relationships by Bobbie, Wench of the Poor (1 comment)

Hi there  this is a story of a boy and a girl. Nothing different. There was a boy named a. he went to study in a boarding school. he then went to  college and then finally joined NI to work. There he met a beautiful shy cute and very very sweet girl. He ofcourse thought that there was no way he could get her. He so just passed by her and one day soon after he had met her, his boss called him to set up a joint internship with her!    He was still very pessimistic about it. In his first meeting with her he teased her about her hairs. Its only him who knew how much he enjoyed that moment talking to her. As days passed by, he started talking more and more. She also talked more and more. They almost spent the full hours together. He started to get a hope that she might like him. Being neglected and treated badly before in his life, he had his best bet to call for an answer straight throwing it at her. He couldnt live the uncertainty of hope that had risen upto. He called her on the double road restaurant one day. This was his first ever date of his life. At least sort of. He enjoyed that evening with her but he didnt ask her anything that day. Another day he once again called her. She came again (to his surprise). He told her that he liked her. But she replied that she didnt like him. She said that you wouldnt love her in future. But that was too late for him to listen to after she had said no. He was very happy inside being the romeo once again. But he did love her. So he felt very sad too. And in some corner of his heart, it kind of got confirmed that girls dont like him. Esp her.     She went back to her school after internship was over. He was sad and helpless and angry and depressed. He started taking his anger out on her. He did terribly good at that and managed to completely fuse her threshold. She then cut him off for a few years. Closed all contacts and alarmed all common friends. In this age of internet, he ran out resources to get across a single word to her. He felt desperate  and sad about having lost even the last chance of having any communication with her. He was alone and he was cold. Then one day he came to know about a coursework called airwork forum. He attended that and it sparked a lightening in his brain. He did take adv course to have it though. He started fighting again. He went up to her and met her in person. Being miserable in his personality and physical looks he failed. She had numerously told him several times to just go away. He still kept on fighting and fighting in a very wrong way (im sure as it didnt work). Then one day he got a threatening call from her brother to stop bothering her.      That was the end of the romeoship. He completely gave up the idea of being a romantic hero and making a comedy of his life. He realized how miserable he had been with her. He also realized that he did love her a little.   Time passed by and now as I write I just watched the movie "The Notebook" today after about 5 years its been. Yes that boy is me. Today I cried again. After several years. And I missed her. I miss her all the time.  The end of the story is yet to be written. For all of you I wish you pray to god to make the best possible ending for her..  As if I dont get her, god will be there for me. So either ways it shall be fine.   And for those of you trying to take out a lesson out of this, remember an angel will come to you only once. Dont miss your chance.    A
posted to life by Stevie, Sommelier of Darkness (4 comments)

Hopefully I (and you) will only do this once, so its nice to feel good about the purchase afterward.  Here is some things I discovered in the process:  Good advice is hard to come by, even on the net.   This post isn't going to help you choose a diamond, your on your own for that, although I will mention to make sure the rating system being used is consistent among all your potential stones.  GIA appers to be the most stringent and best rating system.  Most realators don't own their diamonds, this is especially true if you are buying the diamond online (like from USAA).   Once you've selected a stone, get the measurements and the GIA certification number (assuming the stone is GIA certified).  The measurement go down to the 1/100, so it is a pretty unique identifier.  Google those measurements, and you should get some results that direct you to wholesalors.   These wholesalors don't care whether they sell to a retailer or directly to you the consumer.  You will be able to find the EXACT diamond you were going to buy from the retailor, the EXACT one, not one just like it.  You will know it is the exact one becusae the measurements will be identicle, the ratings will be identicle and most telling it will have the same GIA report number (assuming once again the stone is GIA certified).  The only difference you will notice is the price will be 10-15% or so lower.  I hope this is helpful to some of you.
posted to relationships by Max, Herald of Arts and Crafts (1 comment)

I think it's ridiculous that insurance companies get to dictate treatment by refusing to pay for certain drugs, procedures, treatment protocols, etc. The abuses seem especially outrageous for mental health treatment, as so often an insurance representative gets to decide what is "medically necessary" despite evidence provided by psychiatrists, psychologist, and social workers. Multiple states in the US have begun to implement parity laws for mental health benefits, but they certainly do not solve all the current problems associated with getting insurance coverage for mental health treatment. In New York, for example, “Timothy’s Law” was just passed in 2007, which is supposed to enforce parity in mental health treatment coverage. However, the law differentiates between “biologically-based” and “non-biologically-based” mental illnesses. Only nine illnesses, including major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, anorexia, bulimia, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, schizoaffective disorder, and delusional disorder, are categorized as “biologically-based.” So a person who has a clinical diagnosis of anything other than those nine disorders is basically out of luck in terms of insurance coverage. Moreover, defining them as “biologically-based” and “non-biologically-based” also implies that if your disorder or disease isn’t on the above list, it’s not because of some biological cause – i.e. it’s your fault. It’s absurd to say that because we don’t completely understand the brain and mental illness, we’re going to just say that other diseases are completely the result of environment/personality. How do we know that scientists won’t discover a gene related to alcoholism or borderline personality disorder or generalized anxiety disorder in the coming years? Further more, why does it matter if your mental illness is “biologically-based” or not? Insurance should be mandated to pay for treatment that mental health professionals deem appropriate for a person, regardless of this arbitrary classification system.
posted to society by Peyton, Dark King of Light (2 comments)

i really like this guy...but we come from two different backgrounds... racially and socially.  He's this white gamer dude who likes to smoke pot and go out and drink all the time and i'm this dredlock totin' black girl who is anything but that.  I don't think it has to do with the good girl bad boy concept all though it might seem that way. I just know that when i see him there is a connection between us. before we had expressed our feelings to eachother through aim but when we are face to face we don't know what to do... It's frustrating because he wants to get drunk and make out and i'd rather be sober. OH and i forgot to mention he's a man whore.
posted to relationships by Taylor, Farmer of the craft table (2 comments)

my boyfriend finally stepped up and made a commitment to me, by asking me to move in with him. to do this i have to pack all my stuff and move 6 hours away from my friends and family. i was very excited to start this new life with him. now, he has lost his job. i feel like ive been kicked in the  head. his lease is up on june 1st. and he plans on moving back up here, providing he gets a job. he still wants me move down. and then move back up with him. in the midst of this two and a half months, i have a sister, my only sister, getting married. so ill need to take three days to come up in april for her shower and then for a week in may for her actual wedding. my brain and gut are telling me to stay, but i also have roommate issues that i previously blogged about (all relationships suck). my heart wants to live with my boyfriend. i want to start building traditions with him. my friends and family are mixed half and half and i prayed about it but, either god is telling me to wait or he hasnt answered me at all yet. plus, im not sure that i would hear him even if was talking. help.
posted to life by Adrian, Pope of Musclebeasts (1 comment)

I would like to expose the big pink elephant in the room when a certain family member is around. The serious issue is eating me up and I am sick of it being swept under the rug. I do not like people who don't know much about me but still have something against me. This person often judges other people without full knowlege of the situation in which they judge. They are often wrong and admit to being confused. They keep a warped sense of reality that EVERYONE else is aware of but will not say it to this person. This person has a false sense of entitlement but noone has told them. If this person was told how everyone else feels about them it would be a huge thunderstorm. Sometimes it takes a really good storm to clear the air. I want the thunderstorm to be over with so the clouds can clear and I can have fresh air.  
posted to life by Addison, Breeder of Time (0 comments)

YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT MEETING HER FIRST OFF!! You Didnt meet her ONCE, but THREE times. What happened to i met her once took her for pizza and dropped her back off. You forgot to tell me about the other times. Usually i'd just forget something like that, but then she tells me you did stuff all three times.... YOU CHEATED ON ME HOW COULD YOU!!! we been  going out 6months. You tell me itll never happen again you confess all your sins i confess mine as well Then you lie to me yet again DO YOU THINK THIS IS THE SONG I LET HER LIE???? well news flash your a him and im not going to let you lie anymore I cant take this, knowing u cheated with her, ure letting ure ex send u nude photos wat are u fucking her too....wat diseases are u passing me? after all this u cant see why i wont fuck you?!!!! are u serious....u fucking arrogant self riteous (sp?) prick!!!!!!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!....I hate you!!!!....no i dont god help me i love you...why cant i leave you... i look at u on your phone texting her and i cry...you say your going to make my bday the best day of my life....well fuck you i wont accept your ring not again u already broke two promise rings...my family warned me ....i wouldnt listen .....my coworkers looked at me with pity in their eyes wondering how i could be so blind....my brain was to clouded by my heart to see....but now i have no heart you shattered it its not fixable anymore....so u take the pieces my sould is dead you can have the empty shell....uve already ruined my college years might as well ruin my life u fucking fucked up fuck......Im sorry wats going to happen next...have myy empty shell to keep your bed warm but as far as im concerned im dead
posted to relationships by Andy, Clown of the Financial Services department (2 comments)

I was shallow. I only was with guys that were hott or cute or something. I let them use me. I didn't want to be alone. Then I met this guy. He definitely didn't have the looks that I usually go for but the more I talked with him and hung out with him, the more I realized that looks don't even matter. We hung out for a while and he made me feel so comfortable. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the entire world. We never even kissed but I know that I am in love with him. The worst part is that I didn't even realize it until he stopped talking to me. I didn't even realize that he was the only nice guy i have ever met. He told me I was beautiful and he put his arm around me all of the time. He never expected to get sex or anything out of our realtionship, which was only a friendship. But I had never met a guy like that. I guy who just liked me because of who I was. I didn't even know those guys existed. And now he won't speak to me . He won't ook at me. And I don't know what I did wrong. I don't know what to do. I miss him and I love him and he obviously doesn't feel the same way about me. I just can't believe that the first nice guy that I thought was different from the others turned out to be the same. My heart is broken. I feel so empty and alone. I can't go one day without thinking about him. I cry all of the time. I come home everydayand just start to cry. I don't know what else to do. I don't know if I even believe in love but I believe that someone can make you feel like no one else can make you feel and he did that. He made me feel so good and now without him, I feel like nothing. 
posted to relationships by Adrian, Bright King of Generosity (2 comments)