FearlessBlogging.com: anonymous discussions.

Don't tell anyone I said that, though.


Here are some recent conversations:


I used to wonder if it was love because she would be my first. I've known this girl for 6 years now and fell in love with her within weeks after meeting her. My first issue was that she became my stepsister. My dad jumped into marriage with her mother faster than a jackrabit on speed only 3 months after my mother died. We've always been great friends and i felt such a strong connection with her until she started dating a guy about a year later. It was a secret she kept from everyone for a while. She used to sneak out to see this guy until one time i accidentally got her caught. She ended up moving out on with this guy not too long after and i didnt talk to her for a good while. before she got married to this guy i started to feel this stong connection again. Then it was gone again and she soon got married. Time passed and i still couldnt get her off my mind. There was one time when we were talking and she asked if i ever had feelings for her, i said yes, and she asked "why didnt you ever tell me?". I've tried to hate her for all the things that she did that was wrong, and i could move on but it was only temporary and my feelings would come back. Time passed and i eventually grew to be content with it all but every time i got with another girl, she would always be on my mind. Every girl i have ever been with I had broken up with because i still felt love for her.  I believe she is the most beautiful girl in the world, inside and out and i would do anything for her. I've been fine for the past couple of years until she recently has been messing with another guy. I know she is just gonna end up hurting herself because I've seen similar situations before with other people, and it just kills me inside to know she is'nt happy with her husband anymore. I dont think she knows that i still feel this way about her. I've never really talked about it with her exept for the one time i mentioned. I would love to be with her, but i would be happy if she would just be happy. I dont know what to do. I would be soo thankful to see feedback on this.
posted to relationships by Dana, Elementalist of the Financial Services department (2 comments)

Useless...

rant
What is the meaning of life? The question is meaningless. It is like asking "What is the road to happiness?"  Happiness IS the road. What do I say--to her?  I can't think of anything that would be received or accepted.  Random words on the page make sense?  What is the problem?  I don't know.  The poet said "trapped in a prison of my own devise."  What use is this?  I am useless--to her. I am a failure.  Everything I do fails and no one likes or respects me.  To be liked or respected, you must be likable and respectable.  Worthy of liking and respect. A bad son.  A bad brother.  A bad cousin.  A bad nephew.  A bad friend.  A bad employee.  A bad husband.  A bad father.  A bad student.  A bad person in general. A stupid person. I am sorry I am not as smart as she would like.  I am sorry for all she has had to suffer.  I am sorry I am not the Great Husband That Everyone Respects And Fears.  I am sorry I am such a lousy, stinking, pathetic piece of shit that she has to spend the rest of her life living with and regretting.  I am sorry that everything I try fails and everything I say is stupid. But please stop sharpening your sword in my heart.
posted to life by Frankie, Shaman of the Financial Services department (2 comments)

Question..

rant
Are you thinking about me? I know that you miss me.
posted to life by Ari, Gigolo of the Idealistic (3 comments)

<a href=http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=330244826898'>Check this out. The funniest item I ever seen on Ebay</a>
posted to work by Ari, Engineer of the Homeless (3 comments)

What have I been telling you!?!  If you would just get your head out of your ass and do what I have been saying ALL ALONG then you can still get the better end of this hole mess.  She is nothing but a tramp.  A malicious beast that is trying to tear everything good about you down.  Once you face the facts that she is NEVER going to change, you may be able to move on and let her go.  Until then, every move you have been making only makes her dig in those manicured claws deeper and deeper.  Your never going to be able to open your self up to anyone after the damaged she has caused you.  Get her gone, get some therapy and get on with your life.  YOUR LIFE.  Lived for you, not in servitude of a manipulitve she-demon. 
posted to life by Josh, Fashion Designer of Good (0 comments)

Do you really think that I am that stupid? GIVE IT UP!
posted to life by Ari, Superintendent of the Rich (1 comment)

So I've been working at my current job for a year and a half now. It's great, my bosses (who are husband and wife) are amazing people. Their kids are as well. Their youngest is a month younger than me, and lives in California. I met him July of last year. He is the most georgeous man I have ever seen in my life. He's polite, smart, sweet, and he has these eyes that you just cannot look away from. He heard me when I didn't think anyone did, he seems genuinely interested. I'm not much of a flirt, and he was flirting but maybe he's just a flirty guy?. Anyways, I think about him all the time and I really don't know if he does feel the same or if it's just wishful thinking. Plus he's probably a little more realistic than I am, and it would be a long distance relationship. I don't know, I guess we'll see what happens. It would be a dream come true. And at least I know I would have the best in-laws a girl could ask for if it ever went that far. Yes, I am a dreamer. Time to go do some more dreaming.
posted to relationships by Peyton, Clown of the IT department (1 comment)

I am bad..

rant
I don't know what is wrong with me. I want to fuck every chick I see with nice tits and a small waist. I often fantisize about sliding my cock into every good looking chick I see. I guess I am obsessed with sex. and before you all respond telling me a am a pathetic virgin you are wrong. i have had sex weith lots of chicks but I ahve become a married man. Since I have been a horny bastard such as any man whom is married because we all know that there is this programmed gene inside every woman which shuts down their sexdrive as soon as they say I DO. Oh well we live and we learn. And hookers and motel sixx don't cost that much.
posted to life by Kadnyce, Fashion Model of Justice (5 comments)

okay, so i was hired in an executive role here and had my legs cut out from under me before I could even get started. If this company is trying to recruit you just say "no thanks." it will be the death of your career and sanity. 
posted to work by Andy, Chronographer of the Financial Services department (1 comment)

fantasies.

rant
ok first off I am a dude so...other dudes...not what you were hoping for... ok So I am a musician. I have played in many bands. I am very talented. I am not the best player in the world by far but  I am a writer. I write music. I am not a lyricist. I am not a singer. I can play the drums and guitar and bass and piano very well though. I wish that someone would, could recognize my talent. I would love to get a publishing deal. I would love to partner up with a lyricist and make this my living. Music is my life and without it I would die. I just don't know how to get where I want to be. I would truely with out any questions or doubt give up anything in my life right now for music. (BTW, I think that john rich is a hypocritical cocksucker)
posted to life by Ari, Ship Master of Justice (2 comments)

Sneaking out

confession
Two of my friends came over and spent the night last night. We planned to sneak out to go see the guy I like, because he was camping in walking distance of my house. We slept outside, and walked there. Me being a first timer at sneaking out was a little bit nervous. When we got there they were drinking beer, and smoking, both of which i don't do. The guy I like was putting up a hamock, and laid in it. Then he invited me to lay with him so I did. We laid there for about a hour, with my head on his shoulder, and hands touching. It really seemed like he was starting to like me, but if my parents ever found out I'd be in deep trouble! I don't regret it i just felt like telling someone since I don't really want everyone finding out, because not very many of my friends like the guy I am almost dating. But in the morning we went back to there camp site and it was totally different! He wasen't flirting with me, and then this other girl was all over him even though she know's ive liked him for two years! I was so upset, and to make matters worse I was fighting with my dad because his slut of a fuck buddy came over! So thats it, I just wanted to let that out...                                 ~ Blogger
posted to life by Addison, Hunter of the IT department (0 comments)

i know you don't need a hard time right now (as you always say) but i jut wanna say that if you really wanted to see me before you go back to France, you could've ask me to come along with you earlier, but obviously you don't. then last minute you gonna cancel on me making all these stupid shit excuses. pls stop pushing things under the carpet! you can always be honest with me! just make it easy! you can't blame me if I'm always in doubt, I don't think I'm over the top.. we both know that there's something wrong. we need to end the cycle as it's not good for either of us. you say you wanna be with me, you love and all this bollox then why can't you listen to me? everytime I'm gonna start talking, you gonna cut me off and you gonna say I'm doing your head in! you never listen, you just say that I'm moaning all the time. i can't just sit here and watch you hurt me, ofcourse I'm gonna say something if  i think that soemthing is wrong and if i feel that you've changed... it kills me when you always blow me off.. i miss how we used to be. if you don't want me no more then just fucking tell me. it's not gonna kill me..(but yeah you said you still want  me blah blah) but dyou know what? even though we've talked about this loads of times, what you're saying is totally different from what you're doing! this is torture.. i know you still care cos if you don't you wont bother calling me nomore but it still gets me down when you treat me like shit.. i love you.. too much that it hurts.. i wish I've never met you. I wish you've never said I love you that night.. then it wouldn't be so complicated right now.. now it's entirely up to you.. what ever your decision is. it's fine with me. "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" -I'll keep that in mind...xxx
posted to relationships by Taylor, Administrator of the Satisfied (1 comment)

Basically my ex boyfriend and I broke up for wrong reasons. He told me after his graduation, he wants to see if we can get back together. I still love him so much and I want it to work out so bad so I told myself I would wait for him to graduate. But there is another guy who likes me a lot and i developed a crush on him. The thing is... before me and my ex decided to try to make things work once he graduates, I kissed my new crush... three times. And not that's it's after me and my ex's agreement, I still hung out with my new crush and even went as far as making out with him. I feel absolutely horrible about it and I don't know what to do. I don't want my ex to hate me cause I did that and I don't want my new crush to get mad at me if I get back together with my ex. Did i kind of cheat on my ex? If that makes any sense.
posted to relationships by Aubrey, Observer of the Poor (4 comments)

I have waited... And perhaps in a way I will forever wait to hear a genuine apology. Some type of sincere sorrow for what you did to me. I also know you will likely never have that. The day you choke on your tears and your heart feels as though it has been ripped from your chest because all of a sudden you understand what you did to me. Desperation to make things right and the horrible knowledge that you never can. Because you finally get that I never can push it from my mind. You said that you're in the process of blocking everything out about me and you "recommend that I do the same regarding you"? I will never be free from that night. And god forbid, I suppress it all down into the "icky murkness" of my being Instead I will have the courage to face it time and again. And perhaps, just perhaps let it make me a better person. If I thought you could truly block it all I would be running to the nearest police station to make sure you DON'T ever forget. But the truth is, you won't. When you're married it will come back to you a bit. When you have a daughter it will hit you hard. Maybe in that moment you will realize. When she becomes a teenager the memories will grip at you. Wondering if some guy out there will hurt her the way you once hurt a girl you professed you loved. When she goes off to college Terror will grip your heart. And if she is a 1 in 3 women who get raped in life: all of the memories you blocked will come flooding back in a moment. You don't get to hurt someone the way you hurt me and then conveniently block it out. However, just maybe someday you will be forced to understand it in its fullness. Karma is interesting that way. And on that day maybe I'll get the one thing, the only thing I have ever wanted from you since that night: your true, intense, unwavering, and honest remorse. And on that day, you won't tell a friend that there is a different side of that story. Just the simple fact that you utterly destroyed someone you thought or said that you loved. Destroyed I was, but I have risen from the ashes. And I am a better person than ever before. Though the scars on my soul are thick and will never diminish or go away. But I won't block them. I'll be courageous and not cowardly. When your soul and your conscience catch up to you, then I wish to hear from you again. Until then as long as you can only refer to "bothering me" or causing me "unnecessary trouble," you can only hope that you do not run into me.
posted to life by Blaine, Janitor of Justice (0 comments)

Today my friend said him and I were "Made for each other" But are two people truly made for each other if one thinks about the other far more? If one of them is willing to change their life to align themselves with the other person? -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
posted to relationships by Aubrey, Travel Agent of Generosity (0 comments)

You are so mentally ill. What is wrong with you. You don't a chance in hell with me so leave us alone, I truly hate you and wish our paths never crossed. I am so glad nothing ever came out of our past relationship knowing now how really screwy you are in the head. I am not talking shit either, I HATE YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE WITH ME! So leave me alone and focus on your own family, you are absolutely nothing to me, I don't miss our friendship, I don't miss anything about you so FUCK OFF! This is the last time I am going to tell you so read this again and again until a light bulb goes off that I am not interested in you! Just so it's clear I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted to life by Frankie, Sniper of Generosity (0 comments)

Most of you have heard about the tornados in the mid east, and some of you have heard of the military bunker getting trashed, but only a handfull of you have heard of the claim that "We were blessed by God, and not a single soldier or marrine who were on the base was hurt...". As I watched the story on comcast, I was thinking, Is there a reson that the Marrines were saved but the wepons and transportation were distroyed? Maybe there is. I my self have no religon, you can even call me a hippie, but in this debate, I would say, God wasn't saving the Marrines for them to fight, but destroying only the wepons to tell us not to fight.
posted to society by Ash, Hunter of Time (3 comments)

If you don't know, the Islam nation believes that no image of their Prophet Muhammad should be shown anywhere to anyone. Not sure why so you would have to look it up on your own. They not only complain but make huge actions of violence to remove images shown in public or on the internet. Only an opinion that views both sides on the matter is a worthy statement unlike the many islamic writers that i have seen. They only see the issue through islamic eyes and not through the worlds eyes making their staments very biased and forceful for the images to be removed. I completely believe without a doubt that these images should NOT be taken down. It is a personal liberty to be able to show these images. To say such images must be removed is a violation of a GOD given right. Nobody is forcing anybody to to view these images. If you see the image you have the ability to stop viewing them. I do believe Religions should be respected but to force people, not part of your religion, to make an action for that religion's benefit is rude and disrespectful. This applies to all religions and societies. I have my own beliefs that i think many should follow but i do not go around trying to force people to do them and respect them. I believe this a very LOGICAL and reasonable way of seeing the issue. I am curious what others think?
posted to society by Brett, Handmaid of Imagination (1 comment)

People-wow.  Lets take a moment, a deep breath and not take your life's problems out to your friendly customer service agent.  That being said. People-fucking double wow.  I can see if you are pissed when you pay an ass load for something and you don't get what you pay for.  But if something is super cheap or totally free then relax and think before you write.    It isn't uncommon for tech start-ups to work off of investment money before charging for a product, getting more people on a program can help it grow and develop into something great-thus Beta.  But when something goes wrong with one of these free start ups that are in Beta, do not take your life problems out on their customer service department.  You are taking up their resources, which is costing them money and if they are free they are already spending money on you in hopes for a greater product, profit and customer base in the future-if you notice a real problem report it-if you don't want to deal with it then don't write in or keep writing in.  Mess around with the program a little before you decide everything is broken.  Don't assume you know what you are talking about- just because you were in tech support 10 years ago doesn't make you a fucking expert on the latest tech app, gadget or site.  Don't send in every suggestion you think of.    Thank you.   You know who you are.
posted to tech by Bobbie, Developer of the Homeless (0 comments)

Sex, it's all about men, despite their best efforts. I don't care how much I ride him or how many times I'm on top, what's the point of being in "control" if I still never climax. Sure they try, eating me out for hours, taking all the tips Maxim can give them, using their fingers...looking at me in earnest asking "How does that feel?" I try and show you boys but still it's never good enough  No I'm not one of those women that just fakes it, I refuse to, and when asked by my girlfriends how I can do such a thing, I ask them how they cannot.   Perhaps I'm in the wrong with all of this but ultimately, the number one person in my sex life, and ultimately my life is me. I please me. I please him too. Shame he can only repeat 1 of those above statements. 
posted to relationships by Josh, Curator of Darkness (3 comments)

I am glad we spoke today. I feel much better now. I hope you meant what you said about leaving him. See all it took was some communication. So are you going to tell him this weekend? Let me know.
posted to life by Adrian, Alchemist of the Poor (4 comments)

Politics- The Fox and The Hound   Once upon a time there was a feisty fox that like to sneak into the chicken house. He was very smart and clever and used his wiles and penchant for persuasion to confuse or seduce the hound guarding the hen-house. Over time his seduction of the hound was equally pleasurable with stealing chickens. As a consequence the hound became a mother.   The “Pup” favored the Hound more than the Fox in physical appearances, with traces of Fox and had the smart and clever skills of seduction possessed by the Fox. Once the Hound was “with Pup” the relationship ended. The “Fox” family stated the “Pup” would always be a “Fox” because his Father was. The Dog Breeders Government said he was a “Hound” because he was born to a Hound and because it was on his birth certificate.   Now, even though the relationship ended between the parents of the “Pup”, the hound now had a “Taste” for Fox. She married a new Fox and went to live in a “Fox” community where “Foxes” were the predominant state citizenry and raised her Pup, but he had dual enrollment in the Fox education classes where he was taught Hound classes separately she/he said.   When the “Pup” was pre-adolescent they left the Fox community and moved to another country where they lived in a “Hound Only” community. However, the “Hound” community had different social classes of Hounds. Pedigree, Mongrel, and Mixed. Sometimes the “Pup” was discriminated against by each class. Usually though because he was so clever and smart like his “Fox” father he was able to fit any group. However, once grown he chose a Hound mate who was “Anti Hound” because she was seen as part of the lower social class of Hounds. They went to meetings for twenty years where other “Anti Hounds” sentiments were expressed openly and with hostility. They raised their children in this hostile environment.   At about ten years into the “Pups’ marriage he decided to get involved in government. He went to a lower class Hound whom had succeeded in climbing to the upper class in government and asked for his help and support for a quick rise to the top with support from the lower class hound base. He immediately had support by those who believed because of their looks and their cultural tastes they were denied success by the Hounds who were in the majority nationwide. Female Hounds’ commonly called “Bitches” were also a previously discriminated against group. A “Bitch“ would be the primary opponent for a rise to the pinnacle of power after only ten years of embracement of the “Pup” by the “Male Hounds” in dominance of power.   The “pup” was a Chameleon(Like a Lizard who can change colors according to the environment to blend in). He could tout his Hound cultural characteristics of success or he could tout his “I look like a Fox, and know how others who look like Foxes are mistreated.” The leader of the meetings he had attended for 20 years with his wife, then later their pups, even had true “Foxes” for bodyguards. The rhetoric of their publicized meetings was to destroy the control by the upper class Hounds who did not look anything like Foxes, and were in the majority in population throughout the country. One way of gaining support was to oppose the aggression of the upper class hounds against a nation of Fox look a likes, where many of the hounds were losing their lives. The “Pup” stated he had always opposed the aggression and had he been the decision maker he would not have cared what direction public sentiment of the “look like foxes’ hounds or look like hounds” populace wanted him to do. He would have made his decision based on his preference. (I believe this is what Dictators’ do like)   The “Pup” knew he could buy his support from the male hounds in control, based on their pattern of governing and politicking. So he set up an internet site that could reach world wide. During this time the black market on stolen identities of Hounds escalated world wide in the Fox nations for credit cards. Because of “Hound” monetary contributions the “Pup” suddenly became the choice of the male hound politicians. Soon they switched their support to the “Pup” and railed against the “bitch”.   Now the pup has a chance for the only real power the supreme office offers. That is to control the military. With this power he could dismantle the aggressive hounds and stop opposition to Fox aggression world wide. Coincidentally Foxes had invested heavily in the Hound’s economy and are able to manipulate circumstances relating to finances and make the hounds want change above all. The Foxes controlled energy worldwide which affects the transportation costs all phases of production of food, travel, utilities and more and escalates all prices.   So the real question is “Is he a “Fox” in hounds’ clothing?” Does’ he think like a Fox? Does he surround him self with people who are anti -hound? Did his monetary fundraising start with the Foxes internet contributions which is extremely difficult to track or else the Terrorist funding would be stopped in its‘ tracks? Can the hounds, no matter what they look like, risk a Fox in charge of our government. Does financial stability outweigh fundamental beliefs that were responsible for a chameleon to have this chance for power? Bring back the “Bitch”. We know she is all “Hound”. She has been acting like a “hound” for 60 years, with no hint of “Fox” leanings., other than compassion and caring for those who are mistreated because they look somewhat like “Foxes”.   When you can’t tell who someone is because they are so private, clever like a fox, and want their family kept secret, you have to look at who they associate with that do not have the finesse to keep who they are secret. These private associates are embraced not for income, not for political climbing, but for pleasure. Where does the someone find pleasure and agreement in social only environments? What a married person does in secret does not reflect on the spouses’ values except in how they handle betrayal of their values. What a married person does in front of multitudes, in public, with the spouses’ knowledge does reflect on the values of person, who may be hiding who they truly are.   Anonymous Mary
posted to society by Ash, Shepherd of the Idealistic (0 comments)

Studio 54.

rant
God, I wish I could have experienced that. If only someone had gotten knocked up with me oh, say, about 25 years earlier.
posted to life by Stevie, Farmer of Time (2 comments)

Well what to say, I open my internet history on my laptop and there are two searches I had never heard of. One for a random reality star the other for her sex tape. I ask him who this is and he tells me she was here for something and his friend was talking about her and he didnt know who she was (bullshit) and I pointed out for that he could have gotten all the info he needed from the name search and didnt need to follow that up with looking specifically for her sex tape. Im just pissed he lied to me, and I know he is lying, and im also very aware that guys look at porn and im fine with that but looking at it on my personal computer not bothering to delete the search im just so pissed it makes me feel so inadequate, and has made me think about the times he has been too tired or not wanting sex that actually he likes the girls he looks at more. Or that he sees all the faults in me from looking at them. I know im not skinny but some of the girls he looks at are like skinnier  prettier versions of me, and it just makes me feel so crap about myself. I just feel a bit annoyed, not that he looks all men do. But just that I feel inadequate. Some things I dont need to know and thats one of them. Urgh rant over I just feel shite
posted to relationships by Rebecca, Illusionist of the Homeless (4 comments)

this is the most random thing i've posted. but apples are good.  they are so good that i eat one a day and it definitely does keep the doctor away.  I have to scoop up my cats poop and feed the dog.  I'm scared of people who throw up...it's a phobia i have called emetophobia...but i'm bulemic go figure..just kidding that was a bad joke. Its a serious problem that is affecting young girls today....My cell phone rocks but it's a piece of crap because i text constantly so the keys start getting wacky.... I get nervous when i talk to my boyfriend because i don't want to say something stupid even though i end up doing it and he laughs at me because he thinks i'm cute...or maybe because he thinks i'm stupid o_O.  i like to make up languages while i'm acting in the mirror even though Spanish is my major so i should just speak spanish and practice it more.  I visit this site sporaticly ( i think i spelled that wrong) and often wonder where do some of these people live....i love the Color brown and any one reading this from my hometown could probably pinpoint who i am...i mean they'd have to freakin know me and not just my name. because that wouldn't make any sense knowing  some one's name doesn't mean that you really know them.  But i hear alot of people say that.  Do you know so and so..." Oh yeah i know him...i mean just his name and what he looks like "   See i told you this was random. Now go eat a apple and smile =)
posted to life by Peyton, Rockstar of the Rich (0 comments)

Im soo confused about everthing.. i actualy NEED help.. My best mte thinks she owns me. and wont stop telling me what to do all the time and thinks im going to do it.. and if i dont i get called a bad friend, and when  think about it its really not me thats the bad friend its her, i mean its her thats treating me like shit isnt is... buut i also know she is always looking out for me she is such agood friend and im not about to loose her ever... but she dosent like being left alone not even if she is with someone and i always get shouted t.. AND MY BOYFRIEND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED... he wants me not to be with my mates and be with him more... wtf is that about aye... i want to be with all of them but when it comes down to it im not about to choose, and no one is about to make me.. and even if they do i know who im chosing by miles.. the ones who have always been and will always be there for me.. im not even sure about him any more... he isnt who i thout=ght he is i dont know if i have fealings for him any more.. 
posted to life by Adrian, Developer of the Wicked (2 comments)

The ones that get away…..   Why does this always happen to me?  I meet someone I really like.  We get on, it  feels lovely and right.  Then they disappear.  It might last a few months or maybe just a few dates, but the men I think could have been really right for me never seem to last.  Is it that I get so over excited that they sense it and it scares them? Or do I get self conscious about my feelings, back off and therefore do not present my true self?  It’s upsetting and heartbreaking when it happens, and I would say this is probably about the fifth time.  Simon is everything I would want; fun, intelligent, ambitious, kind and good-looking.  I felt like I could be myself and he got me, and the conversations were great.  We didn’t even get to third date…he stood me up, and no word since.  Maybe he doesn’t see the potential? Maybe I don’t look or smell or sound quite right?  Maybe he has got loads of other more beautiful women to choose from?    Have I learnt anything from this?  Not to have sex on the second date?  Maybe, but I know great couples who slept with each other almost straight away.  Not to get my hopes up? But how do you suppress your own hopes? And would I want to?  Or to be patient? But surely if they feel the same they should be excited as you are?  I guess he didn’t.  I don’t really know the answers but I know I should always be myself.  Say what I think and do what feels right.  One thing I have to try and learn is not to take it personally.  I don’t believe there is anything wrong with me.  I’m sure Simon has done this to lots of women! Either way, I’m not sure I can stop the empty feeling of disappointment and loneliness.  When it fades it will be replaced by hope that I’ll be able to catch the next one that comes along!
posted to life by Ash, Guardian of the Financial Services department (3 comments)

I feel as though I am spiraling out of control...I am angry all the time.  People in life have done me wrong.  I used to have to rely on state assistance when I was raising my child....I didn't want to do that but I had no choice..I never went to college...but during the time when I was raising my child...I was treated like pure crap by the state.  Everytime I went to apply for a job...they backed away from me as soon as I knew I was a single parent.  I was looked down upon...I was part of a statistic according to this warped defintion of life of the world we live in...that statistic I was catagorized in was....my child is most likely to not do well in school, do drugs, get mixed up in the wrong crowd, etc...anything negative....that's what we fell under.  My child is 18 and has done absolutely well in school, I made sure we were in church when my child was very small, and we still attend church.....did that matter to people or make a difference....NO!!! it did not!  I was still a single parent, I still lived in a trailor, and I still had a low income Now I am bitter with the world....my anger has affected my heart...I feel like I want to give up...I am so tired of trying and proving to everyone that I am a genuine person.  When I first became a christian...I was so happy, nothing bothered me....then the unthinkable happened....there was a death...it affected my child deeply...but now my child is set for life because of that certain death...my child will never suffer financially....ever.  I hate the way that had to happen...but now my child will not have to suffer being under that catagory ever again.....Now my immediate family has taunted us...harrassed us, and even threatened us...just because they want some of that money my child...inherated....my parents have gone as far as ignoring us and even criticize us everytime we are visiting them....I cannot pound into their head enough that the money belongs to my child.....it's his/her future.....my father is trying every way possible to get some of that money....he even puts my child down for wanting to go to college.  I can tell they are so distant from us ever since that incident occured I am spiraling out of control because I am hurt, I am bitter, and I am confused...all my life I have been told I am no good...I am not a good parent just because I am single....I have even been told I am going to hell because i had my child out of wedlock...even though I have accepted Christ as my Savior...... What can I do.....?  I am on the defense all the time...I am bitter 
posted to life by Stevie, Crusader of the Wicked (3 comments)

I know you want to ride me and feel what you have been missing. I know your thinking about it. You say all this shit but I know you do not mean it. We can be so happy together if you would just let it happen.
posted to life by Adrian, Priest of the Idealistic (7 comments)

This one may just be short, but who knows.  Why is it that people think they have such a right to insult somebody they don't even know...for no apparent reason?  I noticed a comment on a blog calling somebody a loser just because they posted a disclaimer stating that they didn't want any opposing opinions or arguments, just to be able to vent.  Then I noticed a response post where the person explained they copy pasted this blog from one site to another.  Nothing wrong with that.  Should have edited the text perhaps, but what's done is done.  No need to insult the blogger for covering their ass elsewhere.  I've had the same thing happen...I've blogged in a place my identity was known and somebody I knew came flaring back at me about it.  So I've done the same thing also in stating that I don't want an argument started, I just need to vent.  So to the person who commented on the blog and ended in saying "loser" in the first place...it's a good thing this site is all anonymous or it would be easy to see your intelligence level.  Oops!  There I go name calling and making assumptions.  However, at least I have explained my standpoint.  On another note, perhaps it is so much easier to pick fights through the internet because it's easier to dismiss than a regular fight with somebody you personally know.  Pretty cheap scapegoat.  The real life arguments will happen someday, rest assured.  So just remember, as each of us are out here name calling another, all we're really doing is adding drama to our own lives.  If you've got no drama in your RL then perhaps you need to get a few hobbies, life must be too easy for you.  If you have plenty of drama in RL but still go creating it virtually, you deserve everything unsavory you get.  Me personally, yes I've decided to respond about something and lumped myself into the very thing I'm criticizing, but it's human nature, a I realize.  We all have to make ourselves involved somehow with what seems to be of interest to us.  The world wouldn't be the way it is if we all knew how to keep our noses where they belonged.  I choose to acknowledge my nose not staying where it belongs in some instances, such as this, but I also don't let any debates or discussions ruffle my feathers in RL.  Can you say the same?   -Hegemone-
posted to life by Max, Garçon of Arts and Crafts (0 comments)

Ok, so I know it’s been a while, but I have a few things built up.  So, before I begin, let me say this:  I intend on expressing a few opinions I have.  I have no intentions of anybody changing my mind on these things, I have no intentions on debating these things with anybody.  I just need to vent.  I stopped blogging a while back because of some bullshit caused by somebody not reading one of my disclaimer/statements and they decided to be a jerk about it.  So, as of this moment I am writing this disclaimer…also, my profile is private, so only people on my friends list can read it.  The only person I’m ok with disagreeing with anything would be my mom.  That said, once again, if you think you might have a problem with anything I say, stop reading now because I don’t want to hear about it.  This is in big bold red letters, you can’t miss it, so it’s your fault if you read it anyway and get upset.  If you agree on anything or would like to add anything, feel free, otherwise, let me bitch, it’s been a while!  All right, now that that is out of the way.  I’ve got a few things pissing me off.  I may or may not go into details about all of it.  My choice.  If you know me and talk to me often you probably know what the details are, if you don’t, well, guess we don’t talk much.  To begin with, at the present moment, I’m pissed about these damn property taxes.  They keep going up and up and up and the market just does not reflect that that should be so.  Furthermore, from what I’ve been reading in various sources, the property taxes are more or less going up on a whim.  Because one thing goes up everybody else wants their share too and goes for it.  Thusly screwing the little guys who do not have much money (i.e. US!).  I read a few things in the paper from Sunday that pissed me off especially.  To begin with, I think Mr. Blagojevich needs to open his eyes.  Why is Illinois one of the only states to rely primarily on tax payers to pay for schools?  Most other governments chip in quite fairly to schools so that it doesn’t hit the taxpayers so hard.  What about working that into the budget?  The other thing I read that just REALLY pissed me off was that part of the reason our  taxes are going up is to help the “poor & elderly people seeking assistance” (Belleville News Democrat, Sunday 6-8-08, Section A1& A8).  Ok, elderly people, I haven’t got a problem there.  Poor people…there’s my problem.  We’re poor…we don’t get help.  We were told we make too much money.  Sure yeah ok, but yet we struggle to keep all the bills paid, gas in our vehicles and food on the table.  Might I also add at the moment my husband doesn’t even have a vehicle as his broke down and we can’t afford to get him anything else or just do a fast fix on the truck.  Yes, we have wayyyyyy to much money.  But yet, I see these trashy ass other people out there who won’t work a job but just have to have state aid…or people who breed like rabbits and won’t do anything by way of protection, contraceptives or birth preventatives, so therefore they have 9 million kids and ‘Oh woe-is-me gimme money that other people who are more honest and need it for better things need!’  I have watched too many others on state aid go out and buy junk food, movies, etc. with their link cards or their assistance money instead of getting what they should be getting.  They don’t have to earn the money so why spend it economically.  Just leave the rest of us who pay it to dangle in the breeze wondering if we’ll ever get a break.  I’m sorry I don’t feel like having a billion brats running around or sitting on my ass getting fat just so I can say I’m disabled and not have to work but still get free money.  BULLSHIT to that I say.  I suggest the state needs to start requiring receipts for all link card or state money transactions…they need to start doing randomized spot inspections on people’s homes to see how they really live.  I’ve seen a few state aid people living and dressing better than myself even.  If I make too much money to be on state aid, then they should be dressing worse.  There need to be more regulations on this shit!  I mean, I would be fine with taxes going up for the actual poor people who really truly needed a hand, were at the end of their rope, had been responsible but just couldn’t catch a break.  Not these overpopulating, uneducated, lazy-ass morons.  But hey, this is America, land of the fat lazy French fry big mack eating sloth.  If this tax money was being disturbed fairly and evenly I could be ok with tax hikes…but the money isn’t being distributed as such.  The rich guys with the fat hands are enjoying it a hell of a lot more than the people who they claim the tax money is for.  I think I’m going to consider myself done with this part of the rant, otherwise this could go on forever.  Let’s just say I’m not so fond of government anymore.  Not to the point of anarchy…but the government needs a serious overhaul and I have yet to see a proper candidate anywhere.  Individual statement.  This is not necessarily a completed rant.  I am still reading about things and trying to figure everything out.  Some of these views could change via my own research.  So if there’s something I was blatantly wrong about, relax, I’ll figure it out.  To those of you who know me…I’m pretty sure you realize I was being pretty nice about this whole thing.  Had I voiced everything I wanted to say I’d have probably pissed a LOT of people off.  Ok, next section.  My family on my dad’s side is all a bunch of morons.  At least this is how I feel.  My great aunt died six and a half almost seven months ago.  Has anybody come to an agreement on what’s going on with her properties?  NO.  Let me really specify the problem here. My Aunt Mary* lives in CA which makes it difficult to really get everybody together to talk, sort of has a reputation for being a nut, so she’s only being taken seriously by certain parties.  My Aunt Paula* just recently got married, thus, she should be working on her new marriage, not worrying about this kind of stuff.  As it is, realistically, my uncle, whom she was married to years ago, passed away something like ten or eleven years ago…she shouldn’t have gotten drug into it to begin with.  My Uncle Matt* has a lot of his own shit to deal with, five children, work and his wife and ex wife (I’ll get to HER).  He shouldn’t have to waste time dealing with this crap, however, he does put some thought into it, he would like to see the property that my cousins live in stay in the family.  My dad has his own shit to deal with.  A mortgage on our home, taking care of OUR home, work, taking care of his back and making sure everything is fine here.  He doesn’t have the time or resources to keep dragging all this shit out.  He’s an alcoholic and this has become one of the worse things for him.  Now, that just leaves my “aunt”.  That bitch is a giant child who needs to grow the fuck up and learn how to prioritize.  All she’s worried about is running around like a chicken with her damn head cut off to do everything for everybody else and do anything humanly possible that a person could do.  I swear the woman and two of her kids find something to have a party about WEEKLY!  And they aren’t normal “party” people.  Mind you, I don’t mean like parties for adults to hang out at…I mean with kids, some for co-workers, or family.  They go all out on these damn things.  They are the type that would rather spend a paycheck on a party then pay the rent bill.  The woman can’t even find time to clean her messy ass house.  She has trails through the fucking thing of just nothing but crap.  So ok…that said…the longer all this stuff with my great aunt’s estate drags out, the more money it takes up for lawyers and the executor of all of the stuff and other legal costs.  Ann* WILL NOT make time to sit down and talk about the shit.  All she can do is whine bitch and moan because nobody is agreeing to just give all the money and shares of the property up to just one person so they can buy the one house that’s an issue, fix it up and live in it.  That’s not fair.  As I said, Paula* just got married and her husband was recently ill so they have bills to pay, Matt* has things to take care of, Dad has a mortgage on this house, Mary*, well I imagine she needs it too.  Ann* could use the fucking money to buy herself a new house since hers is so trashed out and not exactly safe anymore.  Her kids are the ones that fucked this whole thing up anyway when my great aunt bought that property and they moved in.  They donked off, screwed up, wouldn’t be intelligent with my great aunt and so she never signed the house over to them.  Now they’re acting like it’s some big fucking surprise that ‘Oh we have to pay for it ourselves?’ when they were approached about taking a loan out to buy their house.  So now they’ve decided to move to an even more expensive house.  It’s bullshit and it needs to be settled.  But I think I’ve said all I’m going to say about it for now.  There could be more to come.  Oh yeah, on this rant, I left wayyyyy a lot of stuff out.  This is the short and sweet version.  So anyhoot, yeah I think that’s all for now.   *Names have been changed.        Let me just post this at the end as well in case somebody decided not to read it.  Now it’s here twice, you have NO excuse not to have read it except for your own negligence.  I intended on expressing a few opinions I have.  I have no intentions of anybody changing my mind on these things, I have no intentions on debating these things with anybody.  I just need to vent.  So, as of this moment I am writing this disclaimer…also, my profile is private, so only people on my friends list can read it.  The only person I’m ok with disagreeing with anything would be my mom.  That said, once again, if you think you might have a problem with anything I say, you shouldn’t have read this because I don’t want to hear about it.  This is in big bold red letters, you can’t miss it, so it’s your fault if you read it anyway and get upset.  If you agree on anything or would like to add anything, feel free, otherwise, let me bitch, it’s been a while! 
posted to life by Blaine, Soldier of the IT department (3 comments)

Truth be told....

confession
I look at myself in the mirror a lot.  Other people do this excessively too, right?
posted to life by Charlie, Templar of Arts and Crafts (5 comments)

Manor, Tx.

rant
My Husband and I moved from out of state and didn't have a whole lot of time to search for a house. So we bought a bank owned 3 year old house in Manor , Tx. to save money and still get the size of house we wanted. Also, here in Texas you can find a bank owned property in every kind of area even high end ones. Little did we know how f**king ghetto the people are. Especially thier nasty little kids who like to hang out in extremely LOUD droves in front of our house. One day there where about 11 kids hanging out in our driveway!!! Come on!!! I know it is a neighborhood and kids are going to play outside but they need not to play in peoples yards that they do not know. Within the first two days our vehicle got very deeply keyed during the day while parked in our driveway. Within two weeks I was doing dishes at the sink and saw in our yard on bikes kids just ripping branches off our tree and riding thier bike in our yard. I had to tell them to leave. One of my all time favorites is the Dogs that are running around without leashes and half of them do not have collars. All of this bliss in a subdivision that is no more than 5 years old. People need to control thier kids, and if they all want to hang out together they should just be in thier yards or the community center. Just because the homes are more affordable it's not an excuse to act so ghetto. Another annoying things is the way Manor is pronounced "MaYnor" . I just want to say Hello ASSHOLE ther is not a "Y" in MANOR and I don't talk like a non educated White Trash HICK.
posted to society by Andy, Supervisor of Wild Parties (4 comments)

boys, boys, girls?

confession
I have turned into THE biggest horn bag recently, since my new found singledom. Every day I wake up and wish thatI could text him 'Life is so much better now You're not around!'.  Which although true, is just a lil bit insulting. Aynways, so. I met this beee-utiful guy with the grrenest eyes Ive ever seen on anyone, and the sweetest caramel skin and even though I have met up with him a couple of times for drinks and still only kissed. Its great! im lovin takin things slowly. I feel in control, atleast I can't be backed into a corner anyway. Ohhh I fancy him, lust makes you so damned blind. Right now Im trying to get rid of some one I was ALLOVER and thought was the cuddliest thing, now I feel as though I despise him. Oh well, life is good.
posted to relationships by Blaine, Ninja of the Irredeemably Moist (3 comments)

First off I want to remind you that Salvia is completely legal, so I can't get in trouble for talking about this.  I tried Salvia for the first time today. I actually took 5 Salvia journies in total today, but four of them were alone, and one was with a person. The first one I completely filled the bowl, and then almost immediately I felt like my eyes needed to close and like by moving I was interrupting some divine course this trip was supposed to take. And then the trip part lasted like 5 minutes. My muscles tightened up a bit and I started sweating and all the colors around me became very vibrant. Light stayed with me if I closed my eyes, and I went into a brilliant rush. Then I burst out laughing. It came so quickly, and the rush was so intense, but then the afterglow left me with a feeling of extreme dysphoria. I became incredibly aware of how sweaty I had become, and my shirt stuck to me, and I was very uncomfortable and had an unbelievable urge to take off my clothes and get in front of an AC vent or something, but my friend was there. I went into a panic, and for some reason I had this feeling that I would never go back to normal, and it was just terrifying. I just kept telling myself I'd never do it again, I'd never do it again. But then I chilled out and everything was fine. I bought some from my friend in case I wanted to try it again. I had this feeling that if I had been alone, the trip would have been much more enjoyable.  And later on I mustered up the balls to try it again when I was alone. I got into bed, took off all my clothes, didn't put nearly as much in the bowl, and then took the hit and closed my eyes on the bed. The rush was intense, but I was calmer this time. After the initial shock of the rush, I just chilled and enjoyed the experience. I was aware that I was sweating, but I didn't have any clothes to stick to me uncomfortably. The second time I did it was...enlightening. The third time I did it I really had to take a shit. I wondered what a shit would feel like during a salvia trip, so I took a hit and then squeezed. That was the second most intense rush next to the first one where I burst out laughing. and again it left me with a pleasant afterglow. All I can recommend if you're going to try salvia is that you be comfortable. Make sure you're not too hot. Lie down someplace comfortble, because the first time I was in uncomfortable clothes lying on my uncomfortable couch and it was bad. Remember that you will eventually come down. No matter how much it feels like it will never end, it will. It'll only last 5 minutes or so, but it'll feel like an eternity. Once you know exactly how it feels to go up and come down, and have some familiarity with the feeling, it's really personal, spiritual, and enlightening. I'm not religious, but I'm telling you, after trying salvia, there is definitely some higher state of existence. It's not like...God spiritual. You just become aware that there's something inside of you that's unique and completely metaphysical, and that's you. Your consciousness is like a separate entity from your physical being. I can't really explain it too well. All in all, the experience can't really be described because it can't be compared to anything you would otherwise experience. That's all I have to say on the matter. 
posted to life by Ash, Counselor of Imagination (6 comments)

I've been soo deppressed sence my mom got married. She had a baby and now im not the youngest anymore. I now have to face the harsh reality that i cant do say or act the way i used to. I have to sit back and watch him do the most stupid ass stuff. It gets so hard to handle. Sometimes i want to just go in my room and bust out crying and dissapear off the face of the earth. All my step dad does id piss my mom off and make my life a living hell. I want everything to just dissapear and i just wann live life the way it used to be. But that will porbably never happen especially after the (unexpect...to me) birth of my sister. I hate my sister to. She annoys me and crys all the time and my mom forces her on me. I ask myself everytime "if my mom wanted a baby then why doesnt she take the baby when shes happpy or sad???" UGGGG....I wanna just explode and break away so bad. My friends dont understand and my mom is to stubburn to even care.  So i just keep it bottled inside and justs slowly wait for the piont to where i burst into an awfull furry. i love my mom but can i forgive her for messin up my life?
posted to life by Ash, Summoner of Darkness (2 comments)

China is investigating whether Bjork broke Chinese law during her recent concert in China where she shouted "Tibet! Tibet!" after performance of her song, "Declare Independence". The Chinese government has released a statement declaring Bjork's actions as criminal and shameful. Fuck the Chinese government! Fucking communist mother fuckers who stifle freedom of speech and are so weak that they outlaw and protest demonstration that challenges their one-party rule system. 
posted to society by Samantha, Historian of the Forgotten Lands (2 comments)

Racism....

advice
I am a 23 year old woman, I live on my own, take care of all of my own bills and such. I am very close to my dad. I am madly in love with a 29 year old black man, who loves me as well. I haven't told my dad about how serious we are because I know he will disapprove. Do I do what I want, or should I still obey my father? I know that if we were to get married, my dad would probably refuse to pay for the wedding, and I am ok with that. I don't want to lose my relationship with my dad, but I don't want to give up my happiness to accomodate him
posted to relationships by Stevie, Observer of Generosity (2 comments)

so last night was new years eve and my friend had a pretty big party, my boyfriend went to his brothers party and didnt go to my friends party, so all night i was kinda bummed out about that but as the night went along i just didnt have any fun, i realized that my junior class( im currently in high school) is made up of a bunch of morons who i cant stand, i left the party at 10 30 and went home by myself and rented a movie and slept through the new year, lately i have no fun when i go out, i lie in bed alot, i dont know i feel so depressed, does anyone think medication would help?
posted to life by Stevie, Counselor of the Wicked (7 comments)

I like the tragedy, and maybe I am one. See, while the family and the friends and few associates might say, "Oh, honey! You're out of your mind! You're crazy! Psych ward, stat," I sit back, snorting parts of my paycheck like I'm the second coming of Tony Montana. A bit exaggerated, but... People would say I'm not living in the "real world". What the fuck is the "real world", anyway? Real is knowing that you're nuts and just not giving a fuck about it, because you're comfy that way. Like a blanket, fresh out the dryer, smelling like fabric softener. I love fabric softener. I like being off-center and quirky and drugged. What I hate, is pretending that I don't. That's not real, no, that's fake and terribly put together, like an ex-popstar's weave. What I hate, is having to say, "Oh! No! That's bad! This is bad! I'M GOOD!" Fuck that, I'm bad and I know it, so I'll clap my hands. Call me crazy, delusional...whatever. I hold it together pretty well. I've got a damn good life, actually. I'm happy, and it's not false. I've got money, from an honest living...but I do my dirt. I hurt feelings. I yell and curse and kick and scream. So what? So me. I don't non-conform for the masses, to be the next revolution. I'm just too pro-everything. You see the world in a depressing black and white, and I see it in fucking acid-dropped Technicolor. I like being imperfect. I embrace my insanity. I have a morbid preoccupation with dark shit. And? I won't change it, though. Just until people around me stop giving a fuck about me not giving a fuck, I'll sit here and smile my Crest smile, flip my Pantene curls, and let the fools keep on thinking I'm an angel.
posted to life by Andy, Deviant of Imagination (5 comments)

This is more like advice about life to myself.  When I was younger, I was never strong enough or secure enough in myself to just do what I knew deep down was right, always talking myself out of decisions I would inevitably make anyway, just far too far down the line.  An example being staying with a childhood sweetheart for years too long, because of nothing more than sentimentality and my comfort blanket.  As a result, I missed out on a lot of fun and experiences I could have had.  Now, almost ten years down the line, I endure a job I despise, in a town I don't feel happy in, with a man I don't feel secure with.  Why do we never learn?  I had the best time of my life in school and uni, now feel lost without any direction or ambition, living day to day and brushing the long term under the carpet. What does it take to make silly little girls like me learn?  When I look back on justnow, another ten years down the line, I will regret the procrastination all over again. 
posted to life by Reggie, Funeral Director of Wild Parties (0 comments)

I know this sounds silly, but  it absoultely drives me insane! I have chosen to blog this so I can get it off my chest! To start, myspace, yes, that drama filled world, 1. If you comment on someones picture, aww, you look pretty, or aww, your kids are so cute...etc...wouldn't you expect a "thanks, thank you? Commenting on ones page, How ya feeling (pregnant) not too much longer now, Hey, did you go down to that parade? -No Response!  I just think its RUDE!  If you take the effort to friend request a person, at least try to be a friend! I don't add these people, they requested me! 2. People that like to cause drama that cant grow up! I am 27 years old, and it still seems to find me! Going to a friends page that has someone as a friend that you dont get along with, those imature people like to post comments with stupid ass things just entirely to offend you, or put you down! WTF Everywhere I look there are RUDE ASS PEOPLE lingering!
posted to life by Aubrey, Venture Capitalist of the Rich (1 comment)

past tense

rant
I hate it, thats how i want to start this for anyone that cares to read or respond. I just wish I could fuckin tell you (him) all that im about to write. I sit here and wait for a chance to talk to you, I'll wake up at random hours to see if you're around. You  fill me with all this we should have never broken up bullshit that makes me fall for you all over again, and again. Yea we were kids back then but its so weird that we find each other again after seven years, and still have that connection. But I tell ya, its true when they say people dont change deep down. I'm like caught up in the same shit I was when I was thirteen or fourteen years old. You give me all this attention and tell me I'm the only one that could make you feel the way you do when you're around me. Then all of a sudden you get caught up in something more convient for you and your life at the time and i get pushed aside again, and again. Then you always have the same line, I hope I haven't broken your heart AGAIN, I don't mean to, things just happen sometimes. Well you know what I never tell you but it hurts, it fuckin hurts like a bitch! I hate it. I have someone that loves me more than life itself and I'm sittin here wishin you would be around. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't tell anyone about you or any of the shit you do to me cause I don't want to look like a fool....but in reality I am a fool, I guess. I mean I would tell myself dude you dont need that shit let it go, screw him. But theres just somethin that keeps drawin me back in, those blue eues, your smile....ugh! I have got to find a way to quit you. But here I sit at this very moment in the back of my head hoping you'll be around soon. Maybe if I could talk some sense into myself I would say Fuck you and send you this shit instead of hiding behind the anonymous idea. But all of you know by getting this far in this blog I'm not going to do that. But when your bitch of the month or maybe even your wife decide to say hope I didn't break your heart,didn't mean to oops!, don't come cryin to me about that shit cause you fuckin deserve it. Later Loser
posted to relationships by Bobbie, Servant of the Hungry (2 comments)

........is a pompous ass!!!...he has treated me like crap since the day I was born..I am now in my 40's and he still treats me like crap.  He talks down to me, and insults my intelligence....I hate going to his house but I have to...what am I going to do father's day?...all those cards out there say...to my dad whom I love, and all that crap....they don't have a single card that says...you are a sorry excuse for a father and you have made my life a living hell!!!
posted to life by Samantha, Sommelier of the Wicked (1 comment)

Never have you shown or said that you care for your LOSER HUSBAND. I know that you are more worried about how I feel towards you. If you did not want me then you would stop seeking my attention. You should just get rid of HIM! You know deep inside that I am the one who belongs with you. What does he do for you that I cannot? FUCK HIM! FUCK HIS FEELINGS!
posted to life by Dana, Summoner of Wild Parties (1 comment)

my mom ...

rant
So im sitting here dwelling on my life and i noticed , my mother is no longer the loving person she used to be . she has changed completely . chooses other people over me no matter what i do it is NEVER good enough , all i want is some recognition. When i confront her about this her exscuse is i always knew you could , but still it hurts to feel like your efforts are pointless. ive been depressed now for a couple of months. i used to cut myself. i dont know why i feel like this everyone thinks i have a perfect life. WRONG .  but no matter how i feel i do not let it  hold me down if anything it gives me the strength to do better .  I stopped cutting .  i got myself together and im coping with the issues i have with my mother.  i just want a normal life. but nothing will ever be the same. not now.
posted to relationships by Taylor, Pirate of the Unimaginable Terror (1 comment)

you are NOT worth it. you are not attractive and not a good person. you might be an excellent friend but as far as "relationships" go, you have openly admitted to me that you have never actually been in one (bc NO that high school one does NOT count, a couple months does not equal an actual RELATIONSHIP). and not only have you not been in one, but i'm fairly certain you've never done the whole "dating" thing either. cool, we're drunk/have all the same friends/end up at the same parties/bars all the time.. thennn we makeout. whatever it happened for entirely too long bc i got attached. but the thing is, we would talk like we were making progress and i didn't want a relationship but at the same time, i don't want your stupid ass to completely suck. this wasn't days, it wasn't weeks, it was months. this back and forth crap went on for a looong time. too long. i'm SO much better off without you in my life at all but i guarantee the only reason we haven't hooked up recently is because you stopped going out the same places as me and i refused a booty call sitch. you were my date party date and you were incred. i had a ton of fun with you, mostly bc we were both able to do our own things but still keep coming back to each other. you were so attentive and so into me and i slept over and you spent the whole next morning how you wanted to lay with me forever and it was a really good weekend. then you turned on me. actually. i'm not entirely sure it can even be called turning on me bc i think you were just being yourself. you're so into your little bachelor life that anything that could become something more scares the crap out of you. do you remember asking me out on a date and then never actually following through with it? why bother asking in the first place dumbass? all your friends say you have no game, i know that's true. they tell me you do this, you can't do the girl thing. you honestly aren't used to girls being into you. and i don't know why i was/still might be. you're a complete tool. i can't even begin to understand you but we're gonna have to see each other when school picks up in the fall and all of your single friends are gonna eventually stop being single and you're going to HAVE TO GROW UP sooner or later. am i going to be there when you do? probably not bc honestly i doubt you're gonna want me there. we'll be friends, bc we still are. esp with you at that freaking bbq where you somehow thought it was remotely appropriate to be all over me. weelllll it's not. and never will be again. you grab my hand and put your arm around me and kiss my cheek and freaking PLAY WITH MY HEAD and i LET you. i am DONE. go find some other girl to play your games with dickhead bc i can and WILL do soo much better than you. i wish i understood why you are so attractive to me and why i let you get under my skin everytime but as of right now? NO MORE. step one to being over youuu.
posted to life by Ash, Pope of the Idealistic (1 comment)

one of my best friends is a marine literally on the other side of the world.. we got close a couple years ago right before he left and talk all the time even with the 14 hour time difference.. he means the world to me.. we talk about everything, his crappy relationships with girls and my even worse ones with guys.. give each other advice on them and everything.. but he's constantly telling me none of them measure up to me and how he can't wait to see me and how pretty he thinks i am and how none of those guys deserve someone like me.. all very friendly things to say.. but i get such a vibe from him sometimes that it's not just friendship, like there could be something more behind all this.. he's not at all my type looks-wise, i go for the dark hair/features look everytime.. but at the same time he's the sweetest guy.. sent me roses on valentine's day.. is taking me to a concert when he comes home this summer.. but at the same is always telling me how hot my friends are.. i only want  friendship out of this but i feel like if i gave in and kind of hinted i'd be into it, he'd definitely try to make a move.. i just got out of a relationship this year and really don't wanna jump into another one a few months later, with anyone, including my best friend.. i really hope we can stay just friends and that he doesn't actually want anything more.. but then again i don't know
posted to relationships by Bobbie, Gigolo of the Forgotten Lands (0 comments)

My Mother.

rant
So my mom is not the typical mother. She's young...in mind, looks, dress, friends...and BOYFRIENDS. I get so irritated that she can't seem to date someone in her age range instead of MY age range. I know times are different...blah, blah, blah. But my whole life I've had to deal with this. So today I'm talking to her on the phone and she is telling me about these puppies at "Wes's" house. I ask who is Wes? She says "Oh, haven't I told you about him. He's just a friend." Ok...then she says something about giving her a new DVD player because the one she had broke. I asked if she was seeing him...she didn't answer. Dead give away. I then asked, "How old is he?" DEAD SILENCE. He's my fucking age. We actually share a birthday. He has a son out in California. Great. Why does my mother at age 53 in just a few months have to go for men that are 34 years old or so. My husband is going to be 38 this year. She's dating someone that is YOUNGER than my husband. I just don't like it. It's always been this way. I get so sick of it. Her friends are my age, her boyfriends are my age, she dresses like she is my age. I'm not judging her for wanting to stay young but why can't she just find a man that is mature and young at the same time (in age). I know that some of you might be saying something to the effect that age is just a number. Whatever! This is my blog and this is how I feel. Well, that's just something I had to get off my chest.
posted to relationships by Adrian, Monk of the craft table (5 comments)

my mom ...

rant
So im sitting here dwelling on my life and i noticed , my mother is no longer the loving person she used to be . she has changed completely . chooses other people over me no matter what i do it is NEVER good enough , all i want is some recognition. When i confront her about this her exscuse is i always knew you could , but still it hurts to feel like your efforts are pointless. ive been depressed now for a couple of months. i used to cut myself. i dont know why i feel like this everyone thinks i have a perfect life. WRONG .  but no matter how i feel i do not let it  hold me down if anything it gives me the strength to do better .  I stopped cutting .  i got myself together and im coping with the issues i have with my mother.  i just want a normal life. but nothing will ever be the same. not now.
posted to relationships by Ash, Chronographer of the Idealistic (3 comments)