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By the way, got any cute girl friends...?


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silly boys they are so fucking last year bye bye
posted to life by Stevie, Lover of the Financial Services department (0 comments)

So I'm 25 and play Video Games, Childish huh? I have a 9 mth old and when she's sleeping I usually play Call of Duty 4 multiplayer, while washing clothes. I love it. I've always been a gamer and I can't stop myself from playing. Anyway getting on multiplayer I'm always usually on top but, I have a really girly name, I guess. SO i get cursed out for no reason just cause I'm a girl. It's really horrible some things the guys say. "Fat, ugly, Bitch -- Stop letting your brother play for you"..Umm no I'm actually 117 lbs and I wish i was fat.... Clear skin and pretty attractive. I'm not a Bitch because I'm sitting here with my mouth open in shock because your dumb ass has balls when someone cant see your face. -- If not this the most sexually explicit sayings and talk of rape. It's fuckin horrible. Another reason why guys suck eachothers balls.
posted to life by Frankie, Knight of the Wildlands (3 comments)

so im comming out of the movies..and i see him...with some chick who he's un-officially dating. he didnt see me. so then i take the bus home. and walk for about 2 miles. it's freezing. i start to cry just cuz it seems appropriate at the time. sad story. but true story.
posted to life by Ari, Ranger of the Unimaginable Terror (0 comments)

okay.  i am a stay at home mom posing as a male teacher for an online school in europe;  why you ask?  because they pay teachers really well over there and I enjoy teaching online. So I'm using my husband's credentials and having fun signing his name when corresponding with college students.  You can call me "Mr. Mom."  Our condo burned down last year and we lost everything.  At first I was in shock and now I'm just pissed.  I am annoyed at pretty much everyone...including my husband who is slightly under-appreciative of what i do.  Most of the time i feel guilty that i am not a better mom, that i am so emotional and that i don't exercise or watch my weight.  i used to be a crazy-fit person.  now i'm just crazy.  i mostly spend too much time wasting time because i am too exhausted to focus.  like for instance.  i have grades due for my "man" job  but instead i'm doing this.  before this i was googling the other teachers i work with in the "online setting";  a mindless challenge I indulge in way too often.  my goal is always to find a picture or info about my colleagues and students. i enjoy the detective side of online research and always wanted to be a detective or investigator.  i am quick to clear my history because no one would believe that i have a 2 and 3 year old and that i'm stir-crazy;  they would assume i was a stalker.  I feel guilty that I am staying up late right now bc i know that it will take many diet pills and cups of coffee to keep me functioning tomorrow.  i am getting a little frightened with how psychotic I really am after seeing this all written down!  i take too much of my "ADD" medicine and then dream up ways to get my doctor to fill my rx early.  then i dream up ways to stop taking the meds. then i dream of ways to be a better person, a better daughter, wife and mother.  sometimes i get way too much pleasure out of ear wax removal and popping zits.  i used to be gorgeous...people would introduce me as "Meet her...she's the gorgeous one...wait till you see her..."  now I just hide behind make-up and baggy clothes.  i enjoy pretending i'm pregnant at gas stations.  i stand with my stomach sticking out while pumping gas and rub my belly so people will think i'm a pretty pregnant lady who wears too much makeup.  i branched out and made an appointment with a plastic surgeon and had the guts to go see him after two weeks of sheer panic.  after being left in a cold room with bright lights and a small smock, the doctor reappeared with his counterpart (the female "witness" of sorts).  He opened my gown and in a nutshell, told me i should lose weight and then come back for surgery. Basically: I'm too fat for that. :( i think i downed a whole bottle of wine, then went on a bike ride the next day, then made brownies, then ate some diet pills.  In between all that I spent some time solving my friends problems and snuggling my kids.  sometimes i look at my kids and feel so inadequate.  i hide when the doorbell rings and i close the blinds almost every day. the tree my husband bought for the front room is dying because it doesn't get any light.   i don't take showers for days at a time and think about taking them the entire time.  i ordered some diet pills online and then realized it was a scam operation. i hired a maid and she stole from me.  i married my husband and then he abused me.  we went to counseling and now things are "better." life is rotton and good;  i guess it just depends how much wine, friends and makeup you have available. 
posted to life by Max, Apprentice of the Wicked (1 comment)

I hate this.  I am stuck here and my room mate is pissing me off.  I feel like I can barely move with out his critical eyes pushing me down, making me feel like shit.  I feel like my life is completly worthless, I have done nothing towards accomplishment!  I suck at life, I am a waste of air.  I thought that maybe just maybe there would be a reason for me.  So far no.  My boyfriend doesn't express a want for me anymore. Tells me I'm fat when my day has been shitty thinking it will make me laugh.  Never tries to pleassure me, its all about him and I always have to make the first move.  And the worst part is, I feel like i am the problem, like I am causing all of these problems.  And I don't know how to stop it, how to cure it.  Am I a bitch?  I feel like someone would have told me by now.  Am I to reserved? Yes, I don't like people getting close to me, they always hurt me.  I feel like I have fallen from grace and into the depths of darkness.  All I have ever wanted was to sing.  I love writing music. I love learning about music.  I surpased all odds and went through three levels of college music theory with no experiance.  But, my dreams are fading.  I feel like myself is fading.  And all because I don't know what I am here for.  To work at a crap job for others, and too waste air?  Apparently. 
posted to life by Max, Pirate of the Financial Services department (0 comments)

Okay ever since i first started puberty this THING has always been giving me trouble. At 12, I had dysfunctional uterine bleeding and had to get a dumb ass D&C for it...I know what your saying.."ISNT THAT WHAT THEY DO FOR AN ABORTION" -- YES!! it is and me at 12 had one and everyone looked at me strange when I was in the, I guess, "I just got an abortion and I need to recover my emotional and Physicall wounds I just afflicted upon myself " room. I needed to go on birth control and I never even had sex. My daughter was born 2mths preemie. I had a placental abrubtion the Doctor told me that if we waited much long both me and my daughter would be dead. WOW ....another let down by my VA-JAY-JAY. It resulted in a C-SECTion and that just sucked. It took the cowards way out -DAYUM Va-Jay-JAY. LOL Anyway that was just the first thing. I am now 24 and I have been bleeding for 5 days with these (IF YOU ARE EASILY GROSSED OUT DON'T READ THE NEXT PART) Golf size blood clots. SO now I have to go to a doctor AGAIN for the same reasons. Well all I have to say is that my Vagina hates me. My husband wonders why I am so concerned with it and why I hardly have sex with him ( well i've been with him for 11 years and sometimes a girl just needs a Brad Pitt) or its because I'm depressed because of my Vagina. Dayum you Vagina Dayum YOU! LOLOL Signed ~ Miss Lee~
posted to life by Charlie, Supervisor of Arts and Crafts (1 comment)

My God, I get tired of saying "of course", something I imagine the legendary Murphy having uttered more than anyone else. Perhaps more than all others combined. You know it's gotta be true. This time it's for the "It's All Text" Firefox addon not working with this "Write here:" text buffer. I guess this buffer isn't a simple textarea. It's more. And thus for me it's less. Instead of writing this in the greatest text editor ever known to man and woman kind, I have to hammer and chisel in stone. Fucking eat me. And you don't care. Hell, I won't care in another five minutes. Yankees / Red Sox on the tube. A couple notebook computers on the same table as the TV. A 19 year old child playing computer games at a nearby table. It's a relaxed situation. Yet dominated by several big "of course"'s. The biggest being so-called "honesty". Of course everyone believes it's the best policy, blah, blah. Yet of course do I find myself one of the few I've ever met who can legitimately deal in/with it. That's right, fuckface. You  can't handle the truth, ha ha. You can't. I could reduce you to some fantastic blend of whimper and rage inside five minutes, simply by telling you the truth. And I don't mean some specific "you", as though writing behind someone's back. I'm talking about you the reader of these very words, this very moment. But of course it's a hopeless situation, much the same as the position a Ph.D. in math would be in relative to a 2 year old. The 2 year old still thinks itself brilliant and the one true possessor of truth, no matter who says what. All others know less, are less. Oh, brother. I have a girlfriend (who doesn't like being referred to as a girlfriend, yet there's no better term, so every time needing to refer to her comes up, there's this discomfort, knowing I'm risking being in trouble for using the wrong word, even though there's no right word), but she's a couple days into being away for ten, and I'm already lusting after internet pictures. What am I supposed to do? I won't sleep without relieving myself. I guess I could try to do so thinking only of her. But here comes that nasty thing called the truth: the same person becomes unimaginably contemptibly familiar after not too long. And I feel terrible about it (I just received a pix message of her from her, by the way). But it's who/what I am, apparently. And I think it so sucks that only village idiots can seemingly be themselves in the midst of the herd. Anyone slightly above average in the mental capacities department must pretend, must bury their invariably impossible-to-comprehend beingness. And she's both good looking and a wonderful person. But, see, I just barely believe in "persons". I'm kind of like the so-called "Lord" in that sense: not a respecter of person(s). So looks and personhood just doesn't matter. All that matters is now , what seems to be now. All this which,, of course, is mind-only. I guess I need to stop involving myself with normal people. Like you, the reader. You're likely just yet another dumbfuck who mostly believes most of what you've been told. I'm not that way at all. I may even be a whole lot dumber than you. But I most certainly do not mostly believe most of what I've been told. I know of an absolute certainty that no only are things not as they appear, but that appearance is all that seeming things are. All that notwithstanding, I wish very much for the Yankees to beat the Rod Sox both tonight, and for all eternity. Actually (truth time, again), she's not that wonderful a person. Like most others, she puts on a good show. But when she breaks down (which doesn't take much impetus), she's utterly terrifying. The few times I've seen her break down sealed her future fate with me, which will be nothing, because I could never hook up long term with someone who can fall apart like that, especially who can turn on me so vehemently. While I guess I understand it, I do not - nor will I ever - want it. Unfortunately, we have some gigs/commitments together in the next month, so I need to pretend all is well through such, so as not to totally "eff" our abilities to focus on the matters at hand. Yankees 1, Red Sox 0. Yay. 
posted to life by Blaine, Pirate of the Idealistic (0 comments)

...and despite my family's deepest hopes that I'd be the first one in our family to get a college degree, I didn't. But, I'm doing alright. They understand -- they're just happy I'm making a lot of money. Be happy! 
posted to life by Dakota, Apprentice of Darkness (0 comments)

Operation Reconnect

confession
As a Scientologist, I always believed that this Disconnection issue was a rare thing and quite deserved. However, after reading many stories of disconnection on the message boards www.forum.exscn.net and www.exscientologykids.com I have a much clearer picture of this abusive and controlling practice. As a Scientologist, I once considered these protests to be the hubris of youth, misdirected by the seedy side of an internet culture. But now I know better. After reading the information gathered some anti-Scientology sites I now understand why they consider the Church to be an evil tyrannical organization that fleeces it's parishoners. If it weren't for what this little campaign has turned me onto, I would just be another sad commentator on the, I am sorry to say, gullibility of the people of my Church. However, this organization has taken on a much brighter side no matter what is professed by some of those in my Church. I was interested in finding out where some of these kids got their info so I visited the sites including the partyvan site where their "organization" started from. I must say I was impressed at the profound and thoughtful overtones of the discussion boards. Most were actively calling for peaceful, law abiding behavior at the protests, and they swiftly rejected any ridiculous calls for burning things, overturning cars, etc. In this age where we as Americans are being constantly reminded of how insecure our way of life is in the world. Where we seem to have lost some of the sanctity of personal freedom and the joy of pursuit of our way of life as we see fit, this campaign seems to be exactly what Scientology and our country needs, right now! These individuals know the Church is involved in some nefarious activity, and they have been very active in gathering any evidence of it, which they have promptly given to authorities. I have seen proof that the Church is fleecing people for profit and run as a pyramid scheme type of business, and I encourage everyone to contact the IRS, your representatives in Congress, and all other authorities and bring them your claims. Now I clearly understand that what the spokespeople of the Church of Scientology are doing is inciting malice and prejudice. Make no mistake not all in Scientology are the same and some probably just don't know what they are doing. However, they are some pretty nasty characters in there, I have seen it. It is unfortunate that the leaders of Scientology feed off of our youth to pursue their personal agendas of acquiring wealth and power. Quite despicable really.
posted to relationships by Bobbie, Gunner of Evil (0 comments)

...or the woman I so lovingly refer to as the WHORE!  She is, once again, wreaking havoc on my life. My husband can't stand her either so he is saying we should take advantage of the peace and quiet while we can. Well I can't because it's only the calm before the storm.  She has definite patterns and this just seems all too familiar.   I hate her.  I hate her with a loathing I have never felt for another human being.  She is mean, manipulative, vindictive, narcissistic, everything to hate in a person. She has a black heart she wears in the form of a wicked smile on her face.  I try really hard not to have evil thoughts of her. I wish death upon no one. But in the back of my head I can't help but fantasize how nice it would be if she went on vacation and just never came back......a gal can dream right? The sad part is I think way deep down she hates her self more than I do.
posted to life by Bobbie, Ranger of Evil (3 comments)

hello, I'm a junior doctor in UK. Fortunately I've got time off work this bank holiday weekend. I'm losing the will to live. I'm so unmotivated. It's so hard to get out of bed. I go to work but I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just out of it. I feel terrible because there's no reason for me to feel this way. My hours are not long, I haven't had any stressful life events. I just keep getting these 6 month episodes of depression. I feel so flawed. I don't know how to deal with it. I become a recluse - wrapped up inside myself, intensely introspective. Things seem dark, and even the smallest thing in life except for eating and sleeping seems too much. I know I can't be someone else and therefore I think the only option left is to leave this world, but I'm married to the most wonderful man ever and I couldn't ruin his life by doing that. Hopefully by August I'll be out of this depression. I'm still taking the antidepressants and have started doubling the dose but it doesn't seem to make that much difference. I feel like such a freak.
posted to life by Addison, Lover of the Irredeemably Moist (3 comments)

Do you ever just sit back and think, where am I going in life? What the hell am I even doing here? I am a young 20-year-old woman with the world at her feet, and yet I sit here pathetically alone on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon wishing I would just die. I have said this many times before, I mean lets be honest who hasn’t? The difference is I mean it. I believe in God, I was raised catholic and even went to a catholic school. I look at myself today and hardly recognize the person I have become. What did I do wrong to get here? How could I have changed this? I have no answers. All I can do is lie in bed with my shades tightly pulled down and weep into my white pillow. That poor pillow has seen its day’s; mascara has permanently ruined those pillowcases. Did you know that when a woman leaves make-up on while she sleeps she ages her face 7 days? Isn’t that ridiculous? My face must be like 32 by now because when I get down I’d rather see all my make-up run down my face and then proceed to fall asleep and wake up looking like Alice Cooper. It feels more like a successful cry then. Or, how about those ones that make you rush to the mirror just to see your pathetic self at your weakest moment. I have found I can’t do this because I get too self-conscious and then I can’t finish crying. Instead I am like, really, that’s how gay I look when I cry? Shit. I guess maybe you are wondering why I want to die, huh? The same reason every other morbid, depressed person does. It is because I am pathetic. I am going nowhere in life, I have no motivation and I am quite frankly, loosing hope in everything. I have begged God for signs or answers, I think just about the only thing I haven’t done is go outside and send out a flair to heaven to get his attention. He must be detained for the moment. Who knows, maybe he sent me a sign but I’m too deep into self-pity to have noticed it. I don’t know if pathetic was exactly the right word but it’s close enough. The main cause to my most currently laps back into depression is loneliness. I want a life companion. No not a dog…neither literally nor metaphorically. I want a man in my life. Somebody to come home to, to take care of and to most of all, live for. I know, judge me, I think it’s ridiculous too that I am one of those girls. The ones that need a guy in their life at all times.  That girl’s other half who predicts her happiness and sadness. Believe me, if I had my way, I would rather be a feministic bitch who hated men and loved to be alone. I use to absolutely love being by myself or just with friends, but now I’m finding a void in my heart that I, a family member, or even a friend can’t fill. I want my prince charming. A Jake Ryan if you will, or better yet, a Mr. Darcy. On that note I hope I don’t turn out like Jane Austin. I don’t want to grow into an old spinster who wrote amazing love novels about the love she never found. However that kind of does sound like something ironic that would happen to me though. Life has a funny way of turning things on you and it seems the universe is the one that gets the last laugh. I am emotionally drained. For once my sadness has paid of in a good way. I get to go sleep my life away and forget about reality. And listen; please don’t take me too seriously. I know there are billions of people out there that have it worse off. Believe me, I know. I think the only difference is this is luckily the most pain, emotionally, I have ever felt. So yes, I would gladly take this over the death of a loved one, starvation, or any of the other horrifying thing that exists in our world.
posted to life by Adrian, Alchemist of Darkness (3 comments)

Well we've been together since I can remember. You're my first and maybe you'll be my last. Remeber that time you went away for work for a whole 3 or so months. I met up with a guy that you will never know...you always so you could find out if I was cheating that you have a tight enough leash around me that you will be able to tell in an instant. Well, I met a totally random guy and gave him a fake name and changed my number once he started calling me a little to much. You were rushing me into marriage and i was so confused. You will never know and I am sorry but, it made things better for us. If I was to get married I didn't want to cheat on my husband. You try and make it seem like your smarter than me and like you know me so well. You said I have to be an Angel...well your Angel has a devilish secret and I will never tell.
posted to relationships by Ari, Peasant of the Financial Services department (0 comments)

My parents got divorced about 1.5-2 years ago. It happened after my mom went to rehab for being an alcoholic. She's sober now, but her sobriety caused her to leave my dad.   Why?   She says its because my dad would put her down and drive her towards drinking. There was absolutely no abuse both verbal or phyiscal. My dad worked hard for his family while she raised us, and we've been on a lot of family trips. I just hear all of the excuses she has and even more that "I wouldn't understand." I am OKAY with her leaving my dad, even if there was no reason behind it, but ever since the seperation I start to notice my parents differently. Sometimes they ask about each other, not in a concerning way, but more or less to justify the seperation. My dad would like to get back together with my mom and thats great I wish him the best of luck. My mom would like to get as far away as possible. She even wants to move away from the town we live in. She claims she won't do it until my brother and I are out of college, but who knows, she said she wouldn't get divorced either.   Now I can accept the divorce and I can accept her trying to move away. That part is/was "hard" for me to do. What I CAN'T accept is the fact that she will rarely spend time with me and my brother if my dad is there. She is so selfish, and I mean selfish, that she can't go through an afternoon or evening with her kids just because someone she doesn't like is going to be there. I hardly ever see my family anymore. Oh sure I live with my mom and my dad and brother live less than a mile, but I still don't. When I lived at my dad's I would see him and my brother all the time, and I liked living there. Why do I live with my mom? Because I am concerned. I am concerned for her well being, I am concerned for her saftey, and I would like to make sure that she doesn't make the wrong decisions. I don't get much time to do that though, she never is home. She is always out of the house at work (she works for/with my dad for close to 10 years now) and hanging out with her new "friends." She complains that she never does anything with my brother and I but its because she is always out living her life how she wanted when she was younger. She doesn't even make me dinner anymore. Yeah I am 18 and I do know how to make my own dinner, but I can't because she won't go grocery shopping. I always have to do the shopping and I always have to make my own food. Its a little rough for me to do this because my Dad makes dinner 4+ times a week and if he doesn't make dinner he usually brings something home. I miss that, I miss having dinner every night with my dad and brother, and even my mom. But she is out with her friends not giving a shit where I am or what I am doing. The only time we talk is when its convenient for her which is in the morning when I say "Goodbye mom I love you" and at night when she bothers me while I have my alone time playing games or making websites and whatnot. So she goes to bed alone, not understanding why I am angry with her and why I don't want to talk to her.   The reason why I began writing this is because like routine she came in tonight talking to me. I usually interact with her by answering her questions and whatnot, being fair. But she brought up a topic we didn't connect on. That was spring break. Simple right? A week off, doing whatever you want. Well she wanted to know if I wanted to go to Colorado with her for a week and stay at her friends parents house. WTF? "No I don't want to go to Colorado and stay at someones house whom I don't even know," I thought to myself. Instead being as polite as I usually am I said No. I said thats what you want to do for spring break, not me. Spring Break is the time when I hang out with my friends for a week and go somewhere like Tahoe (to snowboard) or Havasu (to chill and boat and whatnot). She asked if I wanted to stay with my grandparents in Oregon. I said maybe. I preceeded to tell her that I will go anywhere she wants as long as it is with my brother and my dad, as a family. Where she started with I'm not going anywhere with your dad. So I called her selfish. Then she got upset starting in with the usual your dad was this this and this, did this this and this, made me feel like this this and this, and there is more you wouldn't understand and I won't tell you because I don't slander people like that. (Didn't she just do that?). Well we argued my main point being shes selfish and she cant sacrifice her time to spend with me and my brother unless its in her own setting on her own terms.   I honestly feel that I said nothing wrong and none of my intentions are wrong. She took an oath when she got married and she assumed responsibilities when she got pregnant. She has not fufilled the first and she is not fufilling the latter.   But why do I still feel bad? Why does it pain me to see her walk away and get upset? Is it the unconditional love families have for one another? Should I not worry about my mom and leave her to her path of lonliness and destruction? Should I let her fade out of my life and that of my brother and of my dads? Should I move back in with my dad and stop looking out for her? Moving in with my dad would be much better for me and for my brother. But wouldn't that make me just as selfish as she is?   I just don't understand what to do or why things are happening the way they are. It seems that just 3 short years ago everything was fine and perfect, now its just so messed up and hard to find solice.  And why the hell am I crying.   Please help? 
posted to life by Samantha, Janitor of Justice (2 comments)

FUCK U....

rant
y the fuck do u always do this dumb shit. playin ur fuckin lil agmes.. first u gotta gurl then u dont..then were best friends then u act like u dont kno mi fuckin name. YOUR A FUCKIN ASSHOLE. and im dumb wit ur dumb shit..its ur lost cuz i kno ima damn good friend and girlfriend. how they fuck can u b so fuckin blind to not c that im not over u and havent been 4 awhile. u act like u jus dont give a fuck nd then question mi attitude nd behavior. FUCK U! i dont understand u and never will. u say lets chill then u forget..yea u got time to chill wit everybody fuckin else buh not me. u dont call nemore nd den tell me well u dont call me eitha. wut the fuck i have never fuckin called u eva since we been talkin like wut the fuck nd u kno this so y borther sayin shit plus u the one that said ima call u every day...yea that lasted for boutta week. im sooo ova u nd ur bullshitty ass excuses. now I JUS DONT GIVE A FUCK PERIOD.     well that wuz nice ive been waitin awhile to actually say that..i feel very relieved now =)
posted to relationships by Adrian, Keeper of Wild Parties (2 comments)

Tax the Cult

advice
The Shadowy Story Behind Scientology's Tax-Exempt Status The New York Times By DOUGLAS FRANTZ March 9, 1997 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Oct. 8, 1993, 10,000 cheering Scientologists thronged the Los Angeles Sports Arena to celebrate the most important milestone in the church's recent history: victory in its all-out war against the Internal Revenue Service. For 25 years, IRS agents had branded Scientology a commercial enterprise and refused to give it the tax exemption granted to churches. The refusals had been upheld in every court. But that night the crowd learned of an astonishing turnaround. The IRS had granted tax exemptions to every Scientology entity in the United States. "The war is over," David Miscavige, the church's leader, declared to tumultuous applause. The landmark reversal shocked tax experts and saved the church tens of millions of dollars in taxes. More significantly, the decision was an invaluable public relations tool in Scientology's worldwide campaign for acceptance as a mainstream religion. On the basis of the IRS ruling, the State Department formally criticized Germany for discriminating against Scientologists. The German government regards the organization as a business, not a tax-exempt religion, the very position maintained for 25 years by the U.S. government. The full story of the turnabout by the IRS has remained hidden behind taxpayer privacy laws for nearly four years. But an examination by The New York Times found that the exemption followed a series of unusual internal IRS actions that came after an extraordinary campaign orchestrated by Scientology against the agency and people who work there. Among the findings of the review by The New York Times, based on more than 30 interviews and thousands of pages of public and internal church records, were these: Scientology's lawyers hired private investigators to dig into the private lives of IRS officials and to conduct surveillance operations to uncover potential vulnerabilities, according to interviews and documents. One investigator said he had interviewed tenants in buildings owned by three IRS officials, looking for housing code violations. He also said he had taken documents from an IRS conference and sent them to church officials and created a phony news bureau in Washington to gather information on church critics. The church also financed an organization of IRS whistle-blowers that attacked the agency publicly. The decision to negotiate with the church came after Fred T. Goldberg Jr., the commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service at the time, had an unusual meeting with Miscavige in 1991. Scientology's own version of what occurred offers a remarkable account of how the church leader walked into IRS headquarters without an appointment and got in to see Goldberg, the nation's top tax official. Miscavige offered to call a halt to Scientology's suits against the IRS in exchange for tax exemptions. After that meeting, Goldberg created a special committee to negotiate a settlement with Scientology outside normal agency procedures. When the committee determined that all Scientology entities should be exempt from taxes, IRS tax analysts were ordered to ignore the substantive issues in reviewing the decision, according to IRS memorandums and court files. The IRS refused to disclose any terms of the agreement, including whether the church was required to pay back taxes, contending that it was confidential taxpayer information. The agency has maintained that position in a lengthy court fight, and in rejecting a request for access by The New York Times under the Freedom of Information Act. But the position is in stark contrast to the agency's handling of some other church organizations. Both the Jimmy Swaggart Ministries and an affiliate of the Rev. Jerry Falwell were required by the IRS to disclose that they had paid back taxes in settling disputes in recent years. In interviews, senior Scientology officials and the IRS denied that the church's aggressive tactics had any effect on the agency's decision. They said the ruling was based on a two-year inquiry and voluminous documents that showed the church was qualified for the exemptions. Goldberg, who left as IRS commissioner in January 1992 to become an assistant secretary at the Treasury Department, said privacy laws prohibited him from discussing Scientology or his impromptu meeting with Miscavige. The meeting was not listed on Goldberg's appointment calendar, which was obtained by The New York Times through the Freedom of Information Act. The IRS reversal on Scientology was nearly as unprecedented as the long and bitter war between the organizations. Over the years, the IRS had steadfastly refused exemptions to most Scientology entities, and its agents had targeted the church for numerous investigations and audits. Throughout the battle, the agency's view was supported by the courts. Indeed, just a year before the agency reversal, the U.S. Claims Court had upheld the IRS denial of an exemption to Scientology's Church of Spiritual Technology, which had been created to safeguard the writings and lectures of L. Ron Hubbard, the late science fiction writer whose preachings form the church's scripture. Among the reasons listed by the court for denying the exemption were "the commercial character of much of Scientology," its "virtually incomprehensible financial procedures" and its "scripturally based hostility to taxation." Small wonder that the world of tax lawyers and experts was surprised in October 1993 when the IRS announced that it was issuing 30 exemption letters covering about 150 Scientology churches, missions and corporations. Among them was the Church of Spiritual Technology. "It was a very surprising decision," said Lawrence B. Gibbs, the IRS commissioner from 1986 to 1989 and Goldberg's predecessor. "When you have as much litigation over as much time, with the general uniformity of results that the service had with Scientology, it is surprising to have the ultimate decision be favorable. It was even more surprising that the service made the decision without full disclosure, in light of the prior background." While IRS officials insisted that Scientology's tactics did not affect the decision, some officials acknowledged that ruling against the church would have prolonged a fight that had consumed extensive government resources and exposed individual officials to personal lawsuits. At one time, the church and its members had more than 50 suits pending against the IRS and its officials. "Ultimately the decision was made on a legal basis," said a senior IRS official who was involved in the case and spoke on the condition that he not be identified. "I'm not saying Scientology wasn't taking up a lot of resources, but the decision was made on a legal basis." The church's tactics appeared to violate no laws, and its officials and lawyers argued strenuously in a three-hour interview at church offices in Los Angeles last month that the exemptions were decided solely on the merits. They said the church had been the victim of a campaign of harassment and discrimination by "rogue agents" within the IRS. Once the agency agreed to review the record fairly, they said, it was inevitable that the church would be granted its exemptions. "The facts speak for themselves," said Monique E. Yingling, a Washington lawyer who represented the church in the tax case. "The decision was made based on the information that the church provided in response to the inquiry by the Internal Revenue Service." Church officials and lawyers acknowledged that Scientology had used private investigators to look into their opponents, including IRS officials, but they said the practice had nothing to do with the IRS decision. "This is a church organization that has been subjected to more harassment and more attacks certainly than any religion in this century and probably any religion ever, and they have had to perhaps take unusual steps in order to survive," Ms. Yingling said. THE ORIGINS: AN EXPANDING CHURCH ON A COLLISION COURSE Since its founding in 1950, Scientology has grown into a worldwide movement that boasts 8 million members, although defectors say the actual number is much smaller. The church, which has vast real estate holdings around the world and operates a yacht based in the Caribbean, describes itself as the only major new religion to have emerged in the 20th century. Its founder, Hubbard, asserted that people are immortal spirits who have lived through many lifetimes. In Scientology teachings, Hubbard described humans as clusters of spirits that were trapped in ice and banished to Earth 75 million years ago by Xenu, the ruler of the 26-planet Galactic Confederation. Scientology describes its goal as "a civilization without insanity, without criminals and without war, where the able can prosper and honest beings can have rights, and where Man is free to rise to greater heights." To reach those heights, Scientologists believe, each individual must be "cleared" of problems and afflictions through a series of counseling sessions known as "auditing." The sessions are performed by a trained auditor assisted by a device similar to a lie detector, known as an E-meter. Although Scientology's complicated finances make a total estimate difficult, records on file at the IRS indicate that in the early 1990s the church was earning about $300 million a year from auditing fees, the sale of Scientology literature and recordings, management services and the franchising of its philosophy. Church officials said those figures were higher than actual earnings. The original mother church, the Church of Scientology of California, was established by Hubbard in Los Angeles in 1954. Three years later, it was recognized as tax exempt by the IRS. But in 1967, the agency stripped the church of its exemption, and a fierce struggle broke out between the agency and the church. In its revocation letter, the agency said that Scientology's activities were commercial and that it was being operated for the benefit of Hubbard, a view supported by the courts several times in the ensuing 25 years. The church ignored the action, which it deemed unlawful, and withheld taxes. The IRS put Scientology on its hit list. Minutes of IRS meetings indicate that some agents engaged in a campaign to shut down Scientology, an effort that church officials cite as evidence of bias. Some of the tactics led to rebukes by judges, including a 1990 ruling in Boston that criticized the IRS for abusive practices in seeking access to church records. Scientology retaliated. In 1973 the church embarked on a program code named Snow White. In a document labeled "secret," Hubbard outlined a strategy to root out all "false and secret files" held by governments around the world regarding Scientology. "Attack is necessary to an effective defense," Hubbard wrote. Snow White soon turned sinister. Under the supervision of Hubbard's third wife, Mary Sue, Scientologists infiltrated the Department of Justice and the IRS to uncover information on Hubbard. They broke into offices at night and copied mountains of documents. At one point, an electronic bugging device was hidden inside an IRS conference room the day before a meeting about Scientology. Critics say those actions fell under a church doctrine that Hubbard had called the Fair Game policy. Hubbard wrote that church enemies may "be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist. May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed." The conspiracy was uncovered in 1977, and Mrs. Hubbard and 10 others were eventually sentenced to prison. Hubbard was named an unindicted co-conspirator because investigators could not link him to the crimes. The church promised to change its ways. Scientologists said members who broke the law were purged, including Mrs. Hubbard, and the church was restructured to protect against a recurrence. The Fair Game policy, they said, has been misinterpreted by courts and critics. "There is nothing like that," said Elliot J. Abelson, the church's general counsel. "It doesn't happen." THE COVERT WAR: WHISTLE-BLOWERS AND 'VULNERABILITIES' But interviews and an examination of court files across the country show that after the criminal conspiracy was broken up, the church's battle against the IRS continued on other fronts. When Hubbard died in January 1986, his opposition to taxes lived on among the new generation of leaders, including Miscavige, a second-generation Scientologist. Part of the battle was public. A leading role was played by the National Coalition of IRS Whistle-Blowers, which Scientology created and financed for nearly a decade. On the surface, the coalition was like many independent groups that provide support for insiders who want to go public with stories of corruption. But Stacy B. Young, a senior Scientology staff member until she defected in 1989, said she helped plan the coalition as part of Scientology's battle against the IRS in late 1984 while she was managing editor of the church's Freedom Magazine. "The IRS was not giving Scientology its tax exemption, so they were considered to be a pretty major enemy," Ms. Young said. "What you do with an enemy is you go after them and harass them and intimidate them and try to expose their crimes until they decide to play ball with you. The whole idea was to create a coalition that was at arm's length from Scientology so that it had more credibility." Ms. Young said she recruited Paul J. DesFosses, a former IRS agent who had spoken out against the agency, to serve as the group's president. DesFosses acknowledged that Scientology provided substantial financing, but he denied that the church created or ran the coalition. "We got support from lots of church groups, including the Church of Scientology," DesFosses said in a recent interview. The coalition's biggest success came in 1989 when it helped spark congressional hearings into accusations of wrongdoing by IRS officials. Using public records and leaked IRS documents, the coalition showed that a supervisor in Los Angeles and some colleagues had bought property from a firm being audited by the agency. Soon after the purchase, the audit was dropped and the firm paid no money. Kendrick L. Moxon, a longtime church lawyer, acknowledged that the coalition was founded by Freedom Magazine. He said its work was well known and part of a campaign by Scientology and others to reform the IRS. The church's war had a covert side, too, and its soldiers were private investigators. While there have been previous articles about the church's use of private investigators, the full extent of its effort against the IRS is only now coming to light through interviews and records provided to The New York Times. Octavio Pena, a private investigator in Fort Lee, N.J., achieved a measure of reknown in the late 1980s when he helped expose problems within the Internal Revenue Service while working on a case for Jordache Enterprises, the jeans manufacturer. In the summer of 1989, Pena disclosed in an interview, a man who identified himself as Ben Shaw came to his office. Shaw, who said he was a Scientologist, explained that the church was concerned about IRS corruption and would pay $1 million for Pena to investigate IRS officials, Pena said. "I had had an early experience with the Scientologists, and I told him that I didn't feel comfortable with him, even though he was willing to pay me $1 million," Pena said. Scientology officials acknowledged that Shaw worked for the church at the time, but they scoffed at the notion that he had tried to hire Pena. "The Martians were offered $2 million; that's our answer," said Moxon, whose firm often hired private investigators for the church. Michael L. Shomers, another private investigator, said he shared none of Pena's qualms, at least initially. Describing his work on behalf of Scientology in a series of interviews, Shomers said that he and his boss, Thomas J. Krywucki, worked for the church for at least 18 months in 1990 and 1991. Working from his Maryland office, he said, he set up a phony operation, the Washington News Bureau, to pose as a reporter and gather information about church critics. He also said he had infiltrated IRS conferences to gather information about officials who might be skipping meetings, drinking too much or having affairs. "I was looking for vulnerabilities," Shomers said. Shomers said he had turned over information to his Scientology contact about officials who seemed to drink too much. He also said he once spent several hours wooing a female IRS official in a bar at a conference, then provided her name and personal information about her to Scientology. In one instance, information that Shomers said he had gathered at an IRS conference in the Pocono Mountains was turned over to an associate of Jack Anderson, the columnist, and appeared in one of Anderson's columns criticizing top IRS managers for high living at taxpayer expense. Shomers said he had received his instructions in meetings with a man who identified himself as Jake Thorn and said he was connected with the church. Shomers said he believed the name was a pseudonym. Shomers said he had looked into several apartment buildings in Pennsylvania owned by three IRS officials. He obtained public files to determine whether the buildings had violated housing codes, he said, and interviewed residents looking for complaints, but found none. In July 1991, Shomers said, he posed as a member of the IRS whistle-blowers coalition and worked with a producer and cameraman from NBC-TV to get information about a conference for senior IRS officials in Walnut Creek, Calif. The producer said that she recalled Shomers as a representative of the whistle-blowers, but knew nothing of his connection to Scientology. The segment never ran. At one point, Shomers said, he slipped into a meeting room at the Embassy Suites, where the conference was held, and took a stack of internal IRS documents. He said he mailed the material to an address provided by his church contact. Krywucki acknowledged that he had worked for Scientology's lawyers in 1990 and 1991, though he declined to discuss what he did. He said he would ask the lawyers for permission to speak about the inquiry, but he failed to return telephone calls after that conversation. It is impossible to verify all of Shomers' statements or determine whether his actions were based on specific instructions from church representatives. He said he had often been paid in cash and sometimes by checks from Bowles & Moxon, a Los Angeles law firm that served as the church's lead counsel. He said he had not retained any of the paychecks. Shomers provided The New York Times with copies of records that he said he had obtained for the church as well as copies of hotel receipts showing that he had stayed at hotels where the IRS held three conferences, in Pennsylvania, West Virginia and California. He also provided copies of business cards, with fake names, that he said had been created for the phony news bureau in Washington and copies of photographs taken as part of his surveillance work. One of the IRS officials investigated by Shomers recalled that a private investigator had been snooping around properties he managed on behalf of himself and two other mid-level agency officials. The official, Arthur C. Scholz, who has since left the IRS, said he was alerted by tenants that a man who identified himself as a private investigator had questioned tenants about him and the other landlords. He said the tenants had not recalled the man's name but had noted that he was driving a car with Maryland license plates. "He went to the courthouse and found the properties, and then went out banging on doors of these tenants and made a number of allegations dealing with things that were totally bull," said Scholz, who had no involvement with the IRS review of Scientology and was at a loss to explain why the church would have been interested in him. "I notified the local police about it." Shomers, who has since left the private-investigation business, said he was willing to describe his work for the church because he had come to distrust Scientology and because of a financial dispute with Krywucki. Moxon, the Scientology lawyer, said the IRS was well aware of the church's use of private investigators to expose agency abuses when it granted the exemptions. Moxon did not deny hiring Shomers, but he said the activities described by Shomers to The New York Times were legal and proper. Moxon and other church lawyers said the church needed to use private investigators to counter lies spread by rogue government agents. "The IRS uses investigators, too," said a church lawyer, Gerald A. Feffer, a former deputy assistant attorney general now with Williams & Connolly, one of Washington's most influential law firms. "They're called CID agents" -- for Criminal Investigation Division -- "and the CID agents put this church under intense scrutiny for years with a mission to destroy the church." A blunt assessment of Scientology's victorious strategy against the IRS was contained in a lengthy 1994 article in International Scientology News, an internally distributed magazine. The article said: "This public exposure of criminals within the IRS had the desired effect. The Church of Scientology became known across the country as the only group willing to take on the IRS." "And the IRS knew it," the article continued. "It became obvious to them that we weren't about to fold up or fade away. Our attack was impinging on their resources in a major way, and our exposes of their crimes were beginning to have serious political reverberations. It was becoming a costly war of attrition, with no clear-cut winner in sight." THE UNUSUAL PEACE: AFTER A MEETING, A 180-DEGREE TURN Scientology made the initial gesture toward a cease-fire when Miscavige, the church leader, paid an unscheduled visit to the IRS commissioner, Goldberg. The first full account of that meeting and the events that followed inside the IRS was assembled from interviews, Scientology's own internal account, IRS documents and records in a pending suit brought by Tax Analysts, a nonprofit trade publisher, seeking the release of IRS agreements with Scientology and other tax-exempt organizations. Feffer, a church lawyer since 1984, said he approached officials at the Justice Department and the IRS in 1991 with an offer to sit down and negotiate an end to the dispute. The church's version of what followed is quite remarkable. Miscavige and Marty Rathbun, another church official, were walking past the IRS building in Washington with a few hours to spare one afternoon in late October 1991 when they decided to talk to Goldberg. After signing the visitors' log at the imposing building on Constitution Avenue, the two men asked to see the commissioner. They told the security guard that they did not have an appointment but were certain Goldberg would want to see them. And, according to the church account, he did. Goldberg said he could not discuss the meeting, although a former senior official confirmed that it occurred. An IRS spokesman said it would be unusual for someone to meet with the commissioner without an appointment. Miscavige does not grant interviews, church officials said, but Rathbun said the Goldberg meeting was an opportunity for the church to offer to end its long dispute with the agency, including the dozens of suits brought against the IRS, in exchange for the exemptions that Scientology believed it deserved. "Let's resolve everything," Rathbun recalled saying. "This is insane. It's reached insane levels." Goldberg's response was also out of the ordinary. He created a special five-member working group to resolve the dispute, bypassing the agency's exempt organizations division, which normally handles those matters. Howard M. Schoenfeld, the IRS official picked as the committee's chairman in 1991, said later in a deposition in the Tax Analysts case that he recalled only one similar committee in 30 years at the agency. The IRS negotiators and Scientology's tax lawyers held numerous meetings over nearly two years. An IRS official who participated, and who spoke about the meetings on condition that his name not be used, described the sessions as occasionally rancorous, but he said the general tone was far friendlier than over the preceding years. There are indications that the early momentum was toward resolution. In a letter to Ms. Yingling on Jan. 19, 1992, John E. Burke, the assistant commissioner for exempt organizations, brushed aside what could have been a stumbling block. Ms. Yingling had apparently objected to the potential public disclosure of information that the church was providing to the IRS. Burke said he did not want the dispute to delay the talks, and he committed the IRS to allowing only a portion of the information to become public. He said the only hitch would come "in the event that our discussions break down, an eventuality that I have no reason to believe will occur." An IRS official involved in the talks said it was not unusual for the agency to negotiate with a taxpayer over what is made public in an agreement. By agreeing at the outset that information could be withheld, however, the IRS seemed to relinquish a big bargaining chip. Paul Streckfus, a former official in the IRS exempt organization division, first disclosed the existence of the negotiating committee in a trade journal after the agreement was announced. He said in an interview that creating the group meant a settlement was almost preordained. "Once the IRS decided to set up this rather extraordinary group, the wheels were in motion for a deal," Streckfus said. Not even a stinging court decision in favor of the IRS could derail the talks. Midway through the negotiations, in June 1992, the U.S. Claims Court handed down its decision upholding the IRS denial of a tax exemption for Scientology's Church of Spiritual Technology. The ruling underscored the agency's longstanding concerns over the commercial nature of Scientology and other matters. Ms. Yingling, the church's tax lawyer, said the Claims Court ruling ignored the facts and was filled with gratuitous comments. She said the IRS negotiators were fairer in considering the evidence. A portion of the correspondence between the agency and church from the two years of negotiations was released when the exemptions were granted three and a half years ago. It fills part of a large bookcase in the IRS reading room in Washington. The central issues are discussed in a series of lengthy answers by Scientology's lawyers to questions from the IRS. The church provided extensive information on its finances and operational structure. The senior IRS official involved in the negotiations, who asked not to be identified, said the church satisfied the agency in the three critical areas. He said the committee was persuaded that those involved in the Snow White crimes had been purged, that church money was devoted to tax-exempt purposes and that, with Hubbard's death, no one was getting rich from Scientology. Ms. Yingling argued that nothing substantive had changed. She said the church had been qualified for tax exemption for years, but biased elements within the IRS had stood in its way. "There were no changes in the operations or activities of the church," she said. "What came about was finally that they looked at all the information and saw that the church qualified for exemption, and they were satisfied." In August 1993, the two sides reached an agreement. The church would receive its coveted exemptions for every Scientology entity in the country and end its legal assault on the IRS and its personnel. There was just one more step. Scientology entities were required to submit new applications for exemption, which were to be evaluated by the agency's exempt organizations division. But something unusual occurred there, too. Schoenfeld, the negotiations chairman, ordered the two tax analysts assigned to the review not to consider any substantive matters, according to IRS memorandums and records in the Tax Analysts case. Those issues, Schoenfeld informed them, had been resolved. Both analysts, Donna Moore and Terrell M. Berkovsky, wrote memorandums specifying that they had been instructed not to address issues like whether the church was engaged in too much commercial activity or whether its activities provided undue private benefit to its leaders. Schoenfeld, who has since left the IRS, said he could not discuss the case. But the senior IRS official involved in the talks said there was nothing sinister about the instructions because those matters had been decided by the negotiating committee. He acknowledged, however, that this was not the typical procedure. The agreement was announced on Oct. 13, 1993. The IRS refused to make public any of its terms, including whether the church paid any back taxes. The IRS also refused to discuss the legal reasoning behind one of the biggest turnarounds in tax history. Tax lawyers said the IRS could have required the church to disclose terms of the agreement, which it has done in the past. In 1991, the IRS required the Jimmy Swaggart Ministries to disclose that the group had paid $171,000 in back taxes for violations. In 1993, just a few months before the Scientology agreement, the IRS required the Old Time Gospel Hour, a group affiliated with the Rev. Jerry Falwell, to publicize its payment of $50,000 in back taxes. "The IRS actually specified which media outlets we were to notify and approved the release," said Mark DeMoss, a spokesman for Falwell. "When nobody picked it up, they put out their own press release." William J. Lehrfeld, who represents Tax Analysts in its suit to make the Scientology agreement public, said, "You and I, as taxpayers, are subsidizing these people, and we should see this information." THE AFTERMATH: A FORMER ENEMY BECOMES AN ALLY Five days before the official announcement, Miscavige went before the Scientology gathering in Los Angeles and declared victory. In a two-hour speech, according to the account in International Scientology News, Miscavige described years of attacks against Hubbard and Scientology by the government. "No other group in the history of this country has ever been subject to the assault I have briefed you on tonight," he said, calling it "the war to end all wars." As part of the settlement, Miscavige said, the IRS had agreed to distribute a fact sheet describing Scientology and Hubbard. "It is very complete and very accurate," Miscavige said. "Now, how do I know? We wrote it! And the IRS will be sending it out to every government in the world." Feffer, Ms. Yingling and Thomas C. Spring, another of the church's tax lawyers, appeared in formal attire on stage that night and received Waterford crystal trophies in recognition of their efforts. Miscavige called the agreement a peace treaty that would mark the biggest expansion in Scientology history. The church immediately began citing the IRS decision in its efforts to win acceptance from other governments and to silence critics. But the biggest public relations benefit may have come from the U.S. government itself. Four months after the exemptions were granted, the State Department released its influential human rights report for 1993, a litany of the countries that abuse their citizens. For the first time, the report contained a paragraph noting that Scientologists had complained of harassment and discrimination in Germany. The matter was mentioned briefly in the 1994 and 1995 reports, too. Throughout those years, the dispute between Scientologists and the German government escalated. In an intense publicity campaign that included advertisements in this newspaper, the church said that businesses owned by Scientologists were boycotted and that its members were excluded from political parties and denied access to public schools. The church asserted that the German actions paralleled early Nazi persecution of Jews. The German government responded that Scientology was not a church worthy of tax exemption, but a commercial enterprise -- the very position the IRS had maintained in its 25-year war against the church. German officials said equating the treatment of Scientologists with that of Jews under the Nazi regime was a distortion and an insult to victims of the Holocaust, a view supported by some Jewish leaders in Germany. The dispute turned into a diplomatic ruckus in January when the State Department released its 1996 human rights report, with an expanded section on Scientology that said German scrutiny of the religion had increased. Artists had been prevented from performing because of their membership in the church and the youth wing of the governing Christian Democratic Union had urged a boycott of the film "Mission: Impossible" because its star, Tom Cruise, is a prominent Scientologist, the State Department said. German officials were angered by the criticism, and Foreign Minister Klaus Kinkel raised the matter with Secretary of State Madeleine K. Albright when she was in Bonn on Feb. 18. Ms. Albright told him that the issue was a subject for bilateral discussions, but she said she found claims by Scientologists that they are the victims of Nazi-style persecution "distasteful." Nicholas Burns, the State Department spokesman, said that, despite the belief that Scientologists had gone too far in drawing comparisons to persecution of Jews, the department had felt compelled to expand on the church's troubles with the Germans in its latest human rights report. "The Germans are quite adamant, based on their own history, that these are the kinds of groups that ought to be outlawed," Burns said. "However, for our purposes, we classify Scientology as a religion because they were granted tax-exempt status by the American government." Copyright 1997 The New York Times
posted to society by Max, Illusionist of the Wicked (1 comment)

From: The Wall Street Journal The influence of Scientology at Allstate Insurance Company is no joking matter. Between 1988 and 1992, the Good Hands company entrusted the training of workers coast to coast to a consultant teaching Scientology management principles. The consultant says more than 3,500 Allstate supervisors and agents participated in the nearly 200 seminars conducted by his firm, which was licensed by a Scientology institute to teach such classes. The course materials -- which preached a rigorous, even ruthless devotion to raising productivity -- were developed by Mr. Hubbard, founder of the religion that some critics claim is a cult. One of the purposes of teaching Mr. Hubbard's management program, a Scientology pamphlet states, is to instill "the ethics, principles, codes and doctrines of the Scientology religion throughout the business world." Though the company recently banned and repudiated the courses, their reverberations are still being felt -- and may even be growing. Some employees continue to use Mr. Hubbard's techniques, while other workers weave conspiracy theories about an alleged Scientology plot to infiltrate the highest levels of the company. Some agents believe they have been harassed and, despite repeated denials, the insurance giant has been unable to put all the speculation to rest. Recently, agents in Florida have launched a drive to unionize the work force -- and they are using the Scientology issue as a centerpiece of their attack on management. Allstate employees who took the classes say an important, although hardly exclusive, theme of the training was an uncompromising commitment to the bottom line -- even if that meant treating poor performers harshly. The course materials warned managers never to be sympathetic to someone whose productivity numbers, or "statistics," were down. "We reward production and up statistics and penalize nonproduction and down statistics. Always," the training booklet said. "Don't get reasonable about down statistics. They are down because they are down. If someone was on the post, they would be up." The course underscored this point by advising that "reasonableness is the great enemy in running an organization." Continues here: http://www.lermanet.com/scientologynews/allstate.html
posted to life by Peyton, Cleric of the Wildlands (0 comments)

Why.......

rant
do i still look at my ex's picture and wonder what happened? I think is odd because i am madly in love with my boyfriend of almost 3 years! I adore him however i look at my ex and sometimes wonder about if we could work out... i think i know why i do this. my current boyfriend is well jobless at this point yes we are young both in our low 20's graduated college... but he cant find a job! and my ex well he is a freakin doctor! how could that not sound appealing why i keep hearing from my boyfriend that he cant find a job and we cant get married yet which i agree with... my ex was the most selfish  person i have ever met... but soemtimes we talk which my boyfriend does know about and i get a little sad thinking about how much easier life would be if i could just have th emoney my ex has now... i dont make much i am a public teacher... NO MONEY but love my job... sounds a lot like my relationship as itype it out... i love my boyfriend but hes sometimes lazy about the job thing... going on 15 months since he graduated... he does have a job interview tomorrow... god i hate wishing i was with my ex... but he is cute in a weird way taht my current its... my current is athletic and build and HOT! he's a marathon runner and my ex is slighty chubby... who knows... i just know i adore my boyfriend but wish he had money i guess... thanks for listening.
posted to relationships by Dana, Sous Chef of Darkness (4 comments)

Ack! my husband. Okay....here it goes. So I have a really hot friend (lets call her Cecile). My husband and her ex husband were highschool best friends. He knew Cecile before me and i guess they were close. So when we first started going out he introduced me to her and I was instantly intimidated by her beauty.  During this time of getting to know her, I noticed my husband, my boyfriend at the time, would check her out and he once confessed that he had a dream if her in the shower (we were 15 and we just started going out so what could I say).  Well now we're 25 and Cecile and I are really close ....she's still really gorgeous, And the boyfriend who is now my husband has said she's like a sister.  So we were at a friends house and he got drunk and started discussing about Cecile and her EX husband situation with these friends and I told him that I felt her ex was jealous of her that she got so much attention. He answered "because she's really hot" and I was like "yeah he had a dream of her in the showers" and he told them "yeah with my dick".  I got pissed and got in the car and he didnt understand why I was upset. One he just disrespected his so called "Sister" and me in one big closing statement. I mean what the fuck? He also said "I saw her Naked a couple of times before she had teh baby when she look like a model"   After that we got in the car and had a big spat and he didnt understand why I got upset. He got way more upset than I did. Probably it was the boos. He was like so what I never touched her.  I don't know. He ended up sleeping on the couch. So now I feel so useless and wierd about the whole this I'm very upset about his lust towards her.....I don't know why.   Once I got dressed up and Cecile and I went out and I was getting talked to by all these guys and they said we looked like sisters and I told my hubby and he said "yeah right".  I guess his perception of her is totally above his perception of me. Even one of her old friends he went out with -- they compared their beauty and he also said "YEAH RIGHT" Cecile once told me someone would call masterbating to her voice and she cursed them out ...it probably was my nasty fuck of a husband -- or someone else putting her on the MOST beautiful girl pedestal  Anyway Cecile is very flirtatious in nature I guess some past experience in her life has made her this way. She throws around that she loves sex and shit but she admitted to me she hates it and wishes that she didnt feel like she has to act like she wanted it all the time but she feels like sex appeal is all she has to offer. Undeniably sexy I guess. Sex sells all that shit. She is now single and love the attention she gets from guys now that she is single. She slept with her Ex husbands other best friend (lets call him Tom)and a couple of guys she says she uses for money. She hasn't ever worked in her life and is somewhat becoming the whore of the City ...... Ahhh I love her to death and i somewhat feel bad for saying it ....but this is why I'm doing this anonymously. I told hubby about tom and Cecile, thinking he wouldnt get upset.... he got upset because he loves her ex huband..or maybe some other reason he will never admit too.  He said he wouldnt fuck her if she was to do that to him.... Yeah right. Well my jealousy rant has gone on long enough.... My husband wants to screw my friend... and whatever. I guess I'm just not good enough. O well. back to my world.
posted to relationships by Stevie, Scout of Wild Parties (3 comments)

IS A WASTED OF A HUMAN BITCH.. SHE IS FAT UGLY AND LIVES WITH HER MOMMY. ALL HER WEB PAGE IT A LIE. SHE CANT KEEP A MAN BECAUSE SHE IS SO CLINGING. FAT ASS WHORE. YOU NEED TO GO AWAY.
posted to life by Andy, Janitor of the Forgotten Lands (1 comment)

people pls take time to read this http://delfindjmontano.blogspot.com/2008/03/dj-montano-delfin-justiniano-ocampo.html
posted to life by Brett, Herald of Musclebeasts (0 comments)

Life Sucks. It really does. i am the most insecure person i know. I can't be happy that i have 4 amazing friends. I have to draw attention to myself for no reason because i feel that they are more interesting than me. I am so protective over my friends but i bitch and i get myself so down i feel like i can't do anything right. I am totally useless friendwise, academicwise, familywise. I basically suck. Trying to stop smoking which is getting me even more crazy. I have an obbsessive ex who is seemingly crazy for me but he cant get that i obviously had a reason to dump him. The only time i am happy is when i am drunk or anything else that makes me forget who i am. my friends think i'm suicidal which, in a twisted way makes me excited because i'm getting attention. I am a sick human being. Actually, I don't deserve that title. I have a friend who is exactly the same as me. We both hate our mothers, rely on our friends to keep us from going insane, are super protective over those we care about and sometimes people we don't care about. We come to eachother when we get so fed up we just burst into tears. We know when to leave it out and when we want to be left alone. Its great because depression is so much easier when you have a friend to cope with. But even so, i had to be pissed mortal before i'd tell her all that bothered me. That I feel like the loser out of our group of friends, my two closest friends in particular, who like live together and share everything. they insist i'm part of this but i never believe them. One of these friends once stole my diary and read it out at school to get in with the popular girls, as we both were proper rejects in 1st year. We both have loads of really close friends now but i dont think i'll ever forgive her for the pain she caused me. Some of the girls involved in the plot still bring it up to bring me down. I hate it. I think i might have an eating disorder but not because i dont eat. because i cant eat without gettin depressed. Its sucks. Loser over and out.
posted to life by Yoko, Musician of the Lonely (1 comment)

Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I really Love him.Nathan, This other guy is one of my closest friends..  Actually He is one of the most important persons in my life, he's just amazing. Ive always considered him as "different" I mean he is just very sweet and he makes you feel really special to his heart, and hes someone you can rely on.. Unfortunatelly every girl he knows could say the exact same thing about him, he is known for his irresistible charm..  He is an amazing creature I admire him a lot. Okay I am not very proud to say this But like 3 years when we started getting to knw each other, I kinda had a thing for him, I mean Talking to him is just my favorite thing to do.. and it still is..  I considered it as a crush I knew he liked me back.. and that feeling used to come and go, it was no big deal..  A year ago, I fell in Love with this incredibly Amazing Guy, who is my current boyfriend.  Nathan was still very dear to my heart.. actually more than that, my love for him was really strong, I never considered him as my big brother or something, I see him as my future husband. Okay I am obssesed with this guy. For the past 2 months hes been stuck in my mind, And everytime we talk I just feel this unexpected feeling, I feel comfortable while talking to him, he makes me happy. But the truth is, everytime I see him hanging out with a girl or seomthing I am jealous, yes jealous. And Now I know That I am In Love With Him.Yes, I am in Love with This Guy. I have fallen for him.  Just like any other girl.. I confess that girls could be weak sometimes, and really he his ways are powerful.. And he never goes out with someone. I knw that he enjoys being loved by evryone. I Feel like shit right now, I have an amazing boyfriend, why am I so attracted to that guy? like shit! I want him, and you know whats worse than that ? is that I dont feel annoyed that I have feelings for him, its like I enjoy thinking about him and stuff. Im in love with two guys. 2 weeks ago, I confessed to Nathan that I had feelings for him. And his response was is that If  ever had feelings for you he wouldve never told me, because he respects me and my boyfriend... Then he shows me the exact opposite thing by flirting with me, as always. I mean it is unbelievable. And its When I realized hes like every other guy, hes not different, his ways just are. And now I feel miserable and ashamed of myself, knowing that I dont even feel annoyed by my feelings for him, its not fair to my boyfriend, Im being selfish. And The Funny thing is That I told him I regretted telling him, but the truth is I dont, I felt so relieved when I started talking about my feelings.. And after what happeend, we decided to move on as if nothing serious happened, we would still be best friends. And now whenever we talk, he gets his way, its just awfyul, becuz I am aware of it all. And now I cant even look in his eyes, I try to avoid him at school. He doesnt know that I am IN LOve with him.. I told him these feelings would go away easily.. but the truth is that I am deeply in love with him, and thats as much as I am in love with my current boyfriend. Is that possible? and now Im going crazy its like I wanna tell him how much I love him.. Can I? Its not like Im gonna gain anything from it!! I dont wanna lose our friendship though. I am an unfaithful girlfriend!!! And I feel soo stupid! Can I tell Nathan what I just wrote? The thing its not that I cant make these feelings go away, its the fact that I WANT them to stay I dont want to let go! I confess that I WANT to love him.. and I want to tell him.. and at the same time im crazy about my Boyfriend Pls Help me..  And Thanks For Reading..
posted to relationships by Max, CEO of the Lonely (0 comments)

I have the best boyfriend i mean hes not the greatest looking ever but he's the best becuz love feels better when its coming from some1 that doesnt have tol ove u baq
posted to relationships by Peyton, Gunner of the Satisfied (0 comments)

School destroys every little opinion you have of the world including how it was created.  we do not need school or college to succeed. some do. most dont.  to succeed we need talent, opinions, logic, and possibly more.  school makes you blend in with a retarded crowd that walks the same way and blinks at the same time. BLENDING IS NOT GOOD!!!   trust me...school does not do any good.   it takes away your creativity, messes up your personality, and shutters your opinions to peices. 
posted to school by Andy, Engineer of the Wildlands (5 comments)

i love you and i don't want to carry on on hurting you. i don't wanna do this anymore. whenever i look at your face, I'm always close to tears, i can feel how much i love you. yet i'm always looking for something else to kill time, to have excitement. when i should be just be contented. you're a good person and i'm so sorry for being so unfaithful. sometimes i just don't know when to stop. i couldn't sleep at night thinking, what's gonna happen if ever you'll find out but very excited at the thought that i might get caught. it's crazy.i don't wanna lie anymore. i don't wanna be paranoid all the time. i wanna stop but i just can't. it's like drugs, it's so addictive. i will be punished in the after life.. and i deserve it.
posted to relationships by Frankie, Archaeologist of Generosity (2 comments)

Okay, we've only know each other for a couple months, and we just have lunch together because we bumped into each other a couple times.  This does NOT make me your therapist at 2 am.  It sucks that your boyfriend is a jerk.  But it sucks even more that you feel the need to call me every hour and use up my out-of-network texts telling me that you feel like crap.  Worst of all, when you call, all you do is blubbler, and say your underage butt wants to get drunk and drive around. at 11:30.  You are a pathetic, whiney person.  I would break up with you if I were with you, too. Hell, you refuse to see therapist because your jerk of an ex made you promise never to see one.  And you're about to get your BA in psychology!  What is your problem?  It's women like you who are the reason women are perceived as WEAK.
posted to relationships by Ari, Security Guard of Space (1 comment)

questions.

rant
is our friendship ruined? are things going to be awkward between us? are you actually attracted to me? do you want to be with me, or do you just want me? was it a mistake? will it happen again? do you regret it? do you love me, are you in love with me, did you use me? do you miss me during the day? do you think about me? why don't you initiate conversations more often? am i being a complete fool? do you still think that i am sexy, or are you repulsed by me? i feel like I know so much about you, but i dont know you. i want to know you, i want to be with you. i miss you when we arent together. i think you are amazing. you are handsome and sexy and gentle and sweet. i have never known a sweeter man. you make my heart race and my knees quake. being with you was the best time of my life. you were an amazingly sweet lover. i have yearned for you all day. i would give anything to see you again tonight. i loved cuddling with you on the couch, listening to your heart beat, and watching you smile. i loved feeling you caress my fingers, feet and legs. i want to invite you again. i want to sit with you again. i am afraid of rejection. what if last night was awful for you. what if you hated every minute and you are disgusted with me. why didnt you want me more? why didnt you want to come? why wouldnt you stay?these are the things that make me question myself. i wonder if seeing me nude turned you off. i wonder who you will tell, what you thought and how you feel. do you have more feelings for me than just friends? i wish i could be cuddling with you now. i miss you already, and i want to see you again. i would do anything to keep our friendship if that is all that you are interested in. you cheer me up when i am down, and make me smile and constantly cause me to giggle. you brighten my day with your never-ending compliments. so many questions are whirling through my mind today and i would give anything to have the answers
posted to relationships by Bowie, Tour Guide of the craft table (1 comment)

TAX THE CULT! The Shadowy Story Behind Scientology's Tax-Exempt Status The New York Times By DOUGLAS FRANTZ March 9, 1997 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Oct. 8, 1993, 10,000 cheering Scientologists thronged the Los Angeles Sports Arena to celebrate the most important milestone in the church's recent history: victory in its all-out war against the Internal Revenue Service. For 25 years, IRS agents had branded Scientology a commercial enterprise and refused to give it the tax exemption granted to churches. The refusals had been upheld in every court. But that night the crowd learned of an astonishing turnaround. The IRS had granted tax exemptions to every Scientology entity in the United States. "The war is over," David Miscavige, the church's leader, declared to tumultuous applause. The landmark reversal shocked tax experts and saved the church tens of millions of dollars in taxes. More significantly, the decision was an invaluable public relations tool in Scientology's worldwide campaign for acceptance as a mainstream religion. On the basis of the IRS ruling, the State Department formally criticized Germany for discriminating against Scientologists. The German government regards the organization as a business, not a tax-exempt religion, the very position maintained for 25 years by the U.S. government. The full story of the turnabout by the IRS has remained hidden behind taxpayer privacy laws for nearly four years. But an examination by The New York Times found that the exemption followed a series of unusual internal IRS actions that came after an extraordinary campaign orchestrated by Scientology against the agency and people who work there. Among the findings of the review by The New York Times, based on more than 30 interviews and thousands of pages of public and internal church records, were these: Scientology's lawyers hired private investigators to dig into the private lives of IRS officials and to conduct surveillance operations to uncover potential vulnerabilities, according to interviews and documents. One investigator said he had interviewed tenants in buildings owned by three IRS officials, looking for housing code violations. He also said he had taken documents from an IRS conference and sent them to church officials and created a phony news bureau in Washington to gather information on church critics. The church also financed an organization of IRS whistle-blowers that attacked the agency publicly. The decision to negotiate with the church came after Fred T. Goldberg Jr., the commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service at the time, had an unusual meeting with Miscavige in 1991. Scientology's own version of what occurred offers a remarkable account of how the church leader walked into IRS headquarters without an appointment and got in to see Goldberg, the nation's top tax official. Miscavige offered to call a halt to Scientology's suits against the IRS in exchange for tax exemptions. After that meeting, Goldberg created a special committee to negotiate a settlement with Scientology outside normal agency procedures. When the committee determined that all Scientology entities should be exempt from taxes, IRS tax analysts were ordered to ignore the substantive issues in reviewing the decision, according to IRS memorandums and court files. The IRS refused to disclose any terms of the agreement, including whether the church was required to pay back taxes, contending that it was confidential taxpayer information. The agency has maintained that position in a lengthy court fight, and in rejecting a request for access by The New York Times under the Freedom of Information Act. But the position is in stark contrast to the agency's handling of some other church organizations. Both the Jimmy Swaggart Ministries and an affiliate of the Rev. Jerry Falwell were required by the IRS to disclose that they had paid back taxes in settling disputes in recent years. In interviews, senior Scientology officials and the IRS denied that the church's aggressive tactics had any effect on the agency's decision. They said the ruling was based on a two-year inquiry and voluminous documents that showed the church was qualified for the exemptions. Goldberg, who left as IRS commissioner in January 1992 to become an assistant secretary at the Treasury Department, said privacy laws prohibited him from discussing Scientology or his impromptu meeting with Miscavige. The meeting was not listed on Goldberg's appointment calendar, which was obtained by The New York Times through the Freedom of Information Act. The IRS reversal on Scientology was nearly as unprecedented as the long and bitter war between the organizations. Over the years, the IRS had steadfastly refused exemptions to most Scientology entities, and its agents had targeted the church for numerous investigations and audits. Throughout the battle, the agency's view was supported by the courts. Indeed, just a year before the agency reversal, the U.S. Claims Court had upheld the IRS denial of an exemption to Scientology's Church of Spiritual Technology, which had been created to safeguard the writings and lectures of L. Ron Hubbard, the late science fiction writer whose preachings form the church's scripture. Among the reasons listed by the court for denying the exemption were "the commercial character of much of Scientology," its "virtually incomprehensible financial procedures" and its "scripturally based hostility to taxation." Small wonder that the world of tax lawyers and experts was surprised in October 1993 when the IRS announced that it was issuing 30 exemption letters covering about 150 Scientology churches, missions and corporations. Among them was the Church of Spiritual Technology. "It was a very surprising decision," said Lawrence B. Gibbs, the IRS commissioner from 1986 to 1989 and Goldberg's predecessor. "When you have as much litigation over as much time, with the general uniformity of results that the service had with Scientology, it is surprising to have the ultimate decision be favorable. It was even more surprising that the service made the decision without full disclosure, in light of the prior background." While IRS officials insisted that Scientology's tactics did not affect the decision, some officials acknowledged that ruling against the church would have prolonged a fight that had consumed extensive government resources and exposed individual officials to personal lawsuits. At one time, the church and its members had more than 50 suits pending against the IRS and its officials. "Ultimately the decision was made on a legal basis," said a senior IRS official who was involved in the case and spoke on the condition that he not be identified. "I'm not saying Scientology wasn't taking up a lot of resources, but the decision was made on a legal basis." The church's tactics appeared to violate no laws, and its officials and lawyers argued strenuously in a three-hour interview at church offices in Los Angeles last month that the exemptions were decided solely on the merits. They said the church had been the victim of a campaign of harassment and discrimination by "rogue agents" within the IRS. Once the agency agreed to review the record fairly, they said, it was inevitable that the church would be granted its exemptions. "The facts speak for themselves," said Monique E. Yingling, a Washington lawyer who represented the church in the tax case. "The decision was made based on the information that the church provided in response to the inquiry by the Internal Revenue Service." Church officials and lawyers acknowledged that Scientology had used private investigators to look into their opponents, including IRS officials, but they said the practice had nothing to do with the IRS decision. "This is a church organization that has been subjected to more harassment and more attacks certainly than any religion in this century and probably any religion ever, and they have had to perhaps take unusual steps in order to survive," Ms. Yingling said. THE ORIGINS: AN EXPANDING CHURCH ON A COLLISION COURSE Since its founding in 1950, Scientology has grown into a worldwide movement that boasts 8 million members, although defectors say the actual number is much smaller. The church, which has vast real estate holdings around the world and operates a yacht based in the Caribbean, describes itself as the only major new religion to have emerged in the 20th century. Its founder, Hubbard, asserted that people are immortal spirits who have lived through many lifetimes. In Scientology teachings, Hubbard described humans as clusters of spirits that were trapped in ice and banished to Earth 75 million years ago by Xenu, the ruler of the 26-planet Galactic Confederation. Scientology describes its goal as "a civilization without insanity, without criminals and without war, where the able can prosper and honest beings can have rights, and where Man is free to rise to greater heights." To reach those heights, Scientologists believe, each individual must be "cleared" of problems and afflictions through a series of counseling sessions known as "auditing." The sessions are performed by a trained auditor assisted by a device similar to a lie detector, known as an E-meter. Although Scientology's complicated finances make a total estimate difficult, records on file at the IRS indicate that in the early 1990s the church was earning about $300 million a year from auditing fees, the sale of Scientology literature and recordings, management services and the franchising of its philosophy. Church officials said those figures were higher than actual earnings. The original mother church, the Church of Scientology of California, was established by Hubbard in Los Angeles in 1954. Three years later, it was recognized as tax exempt by the IRS. But in 1967, the agency stripped the church of its exemption, and a fierce struggle broke out between the agency and the church. In its revocation letter, the agency said that Scientology's activities were commercial and that it was being operated for the benefit of Hubbard, a view supported by the courts several times in the ensuing 25 years. The church ignored the action, which it deemed unlawful, and withheld taxes. The IRS put Scientology on its hit list. Minutes of IRS meetings indicate that some agents engaged in a campaign to shut down Scientology, an effort that church officials cite as evidence of bias. Some of the tactics led to rebukes by judges, including a 1990 ruling in Boston that criticized the IRS for abusive practices in seeking access to church records. Scientology retaliated. In 1973 the church embarked on a program code named Snow White. In a document labeled "secret," Hubbard outlined a strategy to root out all "false and secret files" held by governments around the world regarding Scientology. "Attack is necessary to an effective defense," Hubbard wrote. Snow White soon turned sinister. Under the supervision of Hubbard's third wife, Mary Sue, Scientologists infiltrated the Department of Justice and the IRS to uncover information on Hubbard. They broke into offices at night and copied mountains of documents. At one point, an electronic bugging device was hidden inside an IRS conference room the day before a meeting about Scientology. Critics say those actions fell under a church doctrine that Hubbard had called the Fair Game policy. Hubbard wrote that church enemies may "be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist. May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed." The conspiracy was uncovered in 1977, and Mrs. Hubbard and 10 others were eventually sentenced to prison. Hubbard was named an unindicted co-conspirator because investigators could not link him to the crimes. The church promised to change its ways. Scientologists said members who broke the law were purged, including Mrs. Hubbard, and the church was restructured to protect against a recurrence. The Fair Game policy, they said, has been misinterpreted by courts and critics. "There is nothing like that," said Elliot J. Abelson, the church's general counsel. "It doesn't happen." THE COVERT WAR: WHISTLE-BLOWERS AND 'VULNERABILITIES' But interviews and an examination of court files across the country show that after the criminal conspiracy was broken up, the church's battle against the IRS continued on other fronts. When Hubbard died in January 1986, his opposition to taxes lived on among the new generation of leaders, including Miscavige, a second-generation Scientologist. Part of the battle was public. A leading role was played by the National Coalition of IRS Whistle-Blowers, which Scientology created and financed for nearly a decade. On the surface, the coalition was like many independent groups that provide support for insiders who want to go public with stories of corruption. But Stacy B. Young, a senior Scientology staff member until she defected in 1989, said she helped plan the coalition as part of Scientology's battle against the IRS in late 1984 while she was managing editor of the church's Freedom Magazine. "The IRS was not giving Scientology its tax exemption, so they were considered to be a pretty major enemy," Ms. Young said. "What you do with an enemy is you go after them and harass them and intimidate them and try to expose their crimes until they decide to play ball with you. The whole idea was to create a coalition that was at arm's length from Scientology so that it had more credibility." Ms. Young said she recruited Paul J. DesFosses, a former IRS agent who had spoken out against the agency, to serve as the group's president. DesFosses acknowledged that Scientology provided substantial financing, but he denied that the church created or ran the coalition. "We got support from lots of church groups, including the Church of Scientology," DesFosses said in a recent interview. The coalition's biggest success came in 1989 when it helped spark congressional hearings into accusations of wrongdoing by IRS officials. Using public records and leaked IRS documents, the coalition showed that a supervisor in Los Angeles and some colleagues had bought property from a firm being audited by the agency. Soon after the purchase, the audit was dropped and the firm paid no money. Kendrick L. Moxon, a longtime church lawyer, acknowledged that the coalition was founded by Freedom Magazine. He said its work was well known and part of a campaign by Scientology and others to reform the IRS. The church's war had a covert side, too, and its soldiers were private investigators. While there have been previous articles about the church's use of private investigators, the full extent of its effort against the IRS is only now coming to light through interviews and records provided to The New York Times. Octavio Pena, a private investigator in Fort Lee, N.J., achieved a measure of reknown in the late 1980s when he helped expose problems within the Internal Revenue Service while working on a case for Jordache Enterprises, the jeans manufacturer. In the summer of 1989, Pena disclosed in an interview, a man who identified himself as Ben Shaw came to his office. Shaw, who said he was a Scientologist, explained that the church was concerned about IRS corruption and would pay $1 million for Pena to investigate IRS officials, Pena said. "I had had an early experience with the Scientologists, and I told him that I didn't feel comfortable with him, even though he was willing to pay me $1 million," Pena said. Scientology officials acknowledged that Shaw worked for the church at the time, but they scoffed at the notion that he had tried to hire Pena. "The Martians were offered $2 million; that's our answer," said Moxon, whose firm often hired private investigators for the church. Michael L. Shomers, another private investigator, said he shared none of Pena's qualms, at least initially. Describing his work on behalf of Scientology in a series of interviews, Shomers said that he and his boss, Thomas J. Krywucki, worked for the church for at least 18 months in 1990 and 1991. Working from his Maryland office, he said, he set up a phony operation, the Washington News Bureau, to pose as a reporter and gather information about church critics. He also said he had infiltrated IRS conferences to gather information about officials who might be skipping meetings, drinking too much or having affairs. "I was looking for vulnerabilities," Shomers said. Shomers said he had turned over information to his Scientology contact about officials who seemed to drink too much. He also said he once spent several hours wooing a female IRS official in a bar at a conference, then provided her name and personal information about her to Scientology. In one instance, information that Shomers said he had gathered at an IRS conference in the Pocono Mountains was turned over to an associate of Jack Anderson, the columnist, and appeared in one of Anderson's columns criticizing top IRS managers for high living at taxpayer expense. Shomers said he had received his instructions in meetings with a man who identified himself as Jake Thorn and said he was connected with the church. Shomers said he believed the name was a pseudonym. Shomers said he had looked into several apartment buildings in Pennsylvania owned by three IRS officials. He obtained public files to determine whether the buildings had violated housing codes, he said, and interviewed residents looking for complaints, but found none. In July 1991, Shomers said, he posed as a member of the IRS whistle-blowers coalition and worked with a producer and cameraman from NBC-TV to get information about a conference for senior IRS officials in Walnut Creek, Calif. The producer said that she recalled Shomers as a representative of the whistle-blowers, but knew nothing of his connection to Scientology. The segment never ran. At one point, Shomers said, he slipped into a meeting room at the Embassy Suites, where the conference was held, and took a stack of internal IRS documents. He said he mailed the material to an address provided by his church contact. Krywucki acknowledged that he had worked for Scientology's lawyers in 1990 and 1991, though he declined to discuss what he did. He said he would ask the lawyers for permission to speak about the inquiry, but he failed to return telephone calls after that conversation. It is impossible to verify all of Shomers' statements or determine whether his actions were based on specific instructions from church representatives. He said he had often been paid in cash and sometimes by checks from Bowles & Moxon, a Los Angeles law firm that served as the church's lead counsel. He said he had not retained any of the paychecks. Shomers provided The New York Times with copies of records that he said he had obtained for the church as well as copies of hotel receipts showing that he had stayed at hotels where the IRS held three conferences, in Pennsylvania, West Virginia and California. He also provided copies of business cards, with fake names, that he said had been created for the phony news bureau in Washington and copies of photographs taken as part of his surveillance work. One of the IRS officials investigated by Shomers recalled that a private investigator had been snooping around properties he managed on behalf of himself and two other mid-level agency officials. The official, Arthur C. Scholz, who has since left the IRS, said he was alerted by tenants that a man who identified himself as a private investigator had questioned tenants about him and the other landlords. He said the tenants had not recalled the man's name but had noted that he was driving a car with Maryland license plates. "He went to the courthouse and found the properties, and then went out banging on doors of these tenants and made a number of allegations dealing with things that were totally bull," said Scholz, who had no involvement with the IRS review of Scientology and was at a loss to explain why the church would have been interested in him. "I notified the local police about it." Shomers, who has since left the private-investigation business, said he was willing to describe his work for the church because he had come to distrust Scientology and because of a financial dispute with Krywucki. Moxon, the Scientology lawyer, said the IRS was well aware of the church's use of private investigators to expose agency abuses when it granted the exemptions. Moxon did not deny hiring Shomers, but he said the activities described by Shomers to The New York Times were legal and proper. Moxon and other church lawyers said the church needed to use private investigators to counter lies spread by rogue government agents. "The IRS uses investigators, too," said a church lawyer, Gerald A. Feffer, a former deputy assistant attorney general now with Williams & Connolly, one of Washington's most influential law firms. "They're called CID agents" -- for Criminal Investigation Division -- "and the CID agents put this church under intense scrutiny for years with a mission to destroy the church." A blunt assessment of Scientology's victorious strategy against the IRS was contained in a lengthy 1994 article in International Scientology News, an internally distributed magazine. The article said: "This public exposure of criminals within the IRS had the desired effect. The Church of Scientology became known across the country as the only group willing to take on the IRS." "And the IRS knew it," the article continued. "It became obvious to them that we weren't about to fold up or fade away. Our attack was impinging on their resources in a major way, and our exposes of their crimes were beginning to have serious political reverberations. It was becoming a costly war of attrition, with no clear-cut winner in sight." THE UNUSUAL PEACE: AFTER A MEETING, A 180-DEGREE TURN Scientology made the initial gesture toward a cease-fire when Miscavige, the church leader, paid an unscheduled visit to the IRS commissioner, Goldberg. The first full account of that meeting and the events that followed inside the IRS was assembled from interviews, Scientology's own internal account, IRS documents and records in a pending suit brought by Tax Analysts, a nonprofit trade publisher, seeking the release of IRS agreements with Scientology and other tax-exempt organizations. Feffer, a church lawyer since 1984, said he approached officials at the Justice Department and the IRS in 1991 with an offer to sit down and negotiate an end to the dispute. The church's version of what followed is quite remarkable. Miscavige and Marty Rathbun, another church official, were walking past the IRS building in Washington with a few hours to spare one afternoon in late October 1991 when they decided to talk to Goldberg. After signing the visitors' log at the imposing building on Constitution Avenue, the two men asked to see the commissioner. They told the security guard that they did not have an appointment but were certain Goldberg would want to see them. And, according to the church account, he did. Goldberg said he could not discuss the meeting, although a former senior official confirmed that it occurred. An IRS spokesman said it would be unusual for someone to meet with the commissioner without an appointment. Miscavige does not grant interviews, church officials said, but Rathbun said the Goldberg meeting was an opportunity for the church to offer to end its long dispute with the agency, including the dozens of suits brought against the IRS, in exchange for the exemptions that Scientology believed it deserved. "Let's resolve everything," Rathbun recalled saying. "This is insane. It's reached insane levels." Goldberg's response was also out of the ordinary. He created a special five-member working group to resolve the dispute, bypassing the agency's exempt organizations division, which normally handles those matters. Howard M. Schoenfeld, the IRS official picked as the committee's chairman in 1991, said later in a deposition in the Tax Analysts case that he recalled only one similar committee in 30 years at the agency. The IRS negotiators and Scientology's tax lawyers held numerous meetings over nearly two years. An IRS official who participated, and who spoke about the meetings on condition that his name not be used, described the sessions as occasionally rancorous, but he said the general tone was far friendlier than over the preceding years. There are indications that the early momentum was toward resolution. In a letter to Ms. Yingling on Jan. 19, 1992, John E. Burke, the assistant commissioner for exempt organizations, brushed aside what could have been a stumbling block. Ms. Yingling had apparently objected to the potential public disclosure of information that the church was providing to the IRS. Burke said he did not want the dispute to delay the talks, and he committed the IRS to allowing only a portion of the information to become public. He said the only hitch would come "in the event that our discussions break down, an eventuality that I have no reason to believe will occur." An IRS official involved in the talks said it was not unusual for the agency to negotiate with a taxpayer over what is made public in an agreement. By agreeing at the outset that information could be withheld, however, the IRS seemed to relinquish a big bargaining chip. Paul Streckfus, a former official in the IRS exempt organization division, first disclosed the existence of the negotiating committee in a trade journal after the agreement was announced. He said in an interview that creating the group meant a settlement was almost preordained. "Once the IRS decided to set up this rather extraordinary group, the wheels were in motion for a deal," Streckfus said. Not even a stinging court decision in favor of the IRS could derail the talks. Midway through the negotiations, in June 1992, the U.S. Claims Court handed down its decision upholding the IRS denial of a tax exemption for Scientology's Church of Spiritual Technology. The ruling underscored the agency's longstanding concerns over the commercial nature of Scientology and other matters. Ms. Yingling, the church's tax lawyer, said the Claims Court ruling ignored the facts and was filled with gratuitous comments. She said the IRS negotiators were fairer in considering the evidence. A portion of the correspondence between the agency and church from the two years of negotiations was released when the exemptions were granted three and a half years ago. It fills part of a large bookcase in the IRS reading room in Washington. The central issues are discussed in a series of lengthy answers by Scientology's lawyers to questions from the IRS. The church provided extensive information on its finances and operational structure. The senior IRS official involved in the negotiations, who asked not to be identified, said the church satisfied the agency in the three critical areas. He said the committee was persuaded that those involved in the Snow White crimes had been purged, that church money was devoted to tax-exempt purposes and that, with Hubbard's death, no one was getting rich from Scientology. Ms. Yingling argued that nothing substantive had changed. She said the church had been qualified for tax exemption for years, but biased elements within the IRS had stood in its way. "There were no changes in the operations or activities of the church," she said. "What came about was finally that they looked at all the information and saw that the church qualified for exemption, and they were satisfied." In August 1993, the two sides reached an agreement. The church would receive its coveted exemptions for every Scientology entity in the country and end its legal assault on the IRS and its personnel. There was just one more step. Scientology entities were required to submit new applications for exemption, which were to be evaluated by the agency's exempt organizations division. But something unusual occurred there, too. Schoenfeld, the negotiations chairman, ordered the two tax analysts assigned to the review not to consider any substantive matters, according to IRS memorandums and records in the Tax Analysts case. Those issues, Schoenfeld informed them, had been resolved. Both analysts, Donna Moore and Terrell M. Berkovsky, wrote memorandums specifying that they had been instructed not to address issues like whether the church was engaged in too much commercial activity or whether its activities provided undue private benefit to its leaders. Schoenfeld, who has since left the IRS, said he could not discuss the case. But the senior IRS official involved in the talks said there was nothing sinister about the instructions because those matters had been decided by the negotiating committee. He acknowledged, however, that this was not the typical procedure. The agreement was announced on Oct. 13, 1993. The IRS refused to make public any of its terms, including whether the church paid any back taxes. The IRS also refused to discuss the legal reasoning behind one of the biggest turnarounds in tax history. Tax lawyers said the IRS could have required the church to disclose terms of the agreement, which it has done in the past. In 1991, the IRS required the Jimmy Swaggart Ministries to disclose that the group had paid $171,000 in back taxes for violations. In 1993, just a few months before the Scientology agreement, the IRS required the Old Time Gospel Hour, a group affiliated with the Rev. Jerry Falwell, to publicize its payment of $50,000 in back taxes. "The IRS actually specified which media outlets we were to notify and approved the release," said Mark DeMoss, a spokesman for Falwell. "When nobody picked it up, they put out their own press release." William J. Lehrfeld, who represents Tax Analysts in its suit to make the Scientology agreement public, said, "You and I, as taxpayers, are subsidizing these people, and we should see this information." THE AFTERMATH: A FORMER ENEMY BECOMES AN ALLY Five days before the official announcement, Miscavige went before the Scientology gathering in Los Angeles and declared victory. In a two-hour speech, according to the account in International Scientology News, Miscavige described years of attacks against Hubbard and Scientology by the government. "No other group in the history of this country has ever been subject to the assault I have briefed you on tonight," he said, calling it "the war to end all wars." As part of the settlement, Miscavige said, the IRS had agreed to distribute a fact sheet describing Scientology and Hubbard. "It is very complete and very accurate," Miscavige said. "Now, how do I know? We wrote it! And the IRS will be sending it out to every government in the world." Feffer, Ms. Yingling and Thomas C. Spring, another of the church's tax lawyers, appeared in formal attire on stage that night and received Waterford crystal trophies in recognition of their efforts. Miscavige called the agreement a peace treaty that would mark the biggest expansion in Scientology history. The church immediately began citing the IRS decision in its efforts to win acceptance from other governments and to silence critics. But the biggest public relations benefit may have come from the U.S. government itself. Four months after the exemptions were granted, the State Department released its influential human rights report for 1993, a litany of the countries that abuse their citizens. For the first time, the report contained a paragraph noting that Scientologists had complained of harassment and discrimination in Germany. The matter was mentioned briefly in the 1994 and 1995 reports, too. Throughout those years, the dispute between Scientologists and the German government escalated. In an intense publicity campaign that included advertisements in this newspaper, the church said that businesses owned by Scientologists were boycotted and that its members were excluded from political parties and denied access to public schools. The church asserted that the German actions paralleled early Nazi persecution of Jews. The German government responded that Scientology was not a church worthy of tax exemption, but a commercial enterprise -- the very position the IRS had maintained in its 25-year war against the church. German officials said equating the treatment of Scientologists with that of Jews under the Nazi regime was a distortion and an insult to victims of the Holocaust, a view supported by some Jewish leaders in Germany. The dispute turned into a diplomatic ruckus in January when the State Department released its 1996 human rights report, with an expanded section on Scientology that said German scrutiny of the religion had increased. Artists had been prevented from performing because of their membership in the church and the youth wing of the governing Christian Democratic Union had urged a boycott of the film "Mission: Impossible" because its star, Tom Cruise, is a prominent Scientologist, the State Department said. German officials were angered by the criticism, and Foreign Minister Klaus Kinkel raised the matter with Secretary of State Madeleine K. Albright when she was in Bonn on Feb. 18. Ms. Albright told him that the issue was a subject for bilateral discussions, but she said she found claims by Scientologists that they are the victims of Nazi-style persecution "distasteful." Nicholas Burns, the State Department spokesman, said that, despite the belief that Scientologists had gone too far in drawing comparisons to persecution of Jews, the department had felt compelled to expand on the church's troubles with the Germans in its latest human rights report. "The Germans are quite adamant, based on their own history, that these are the kinds of groups that ought to be outlawed," Burns said. "However, for our purposes, we classify Scientology as a religion because they were granted tax-exempt status by the American government." Copyright 1997 The New York Times
posted to relationships by Ash, Magician of Musclebeasts (0 comments)

Have you made the list on the gossip circuit? If you know who is spreading the news why not confront them, after all it's the principle of the thing. Check out the new site that will allow you to do so: peoplescourtraw com. My understanding is that the site will be launching soon. Be first on what will be the next best thing on the web and post your cases... Good Luck!
posted to relationships by Samantha, Wench of the Unimaginable Terror (0 comments)

Woah!.....

confession
I am in my early 20s been married for 4 years and have a young child. My husband traves a lot for work. I have a really good (male) friend who I talk to a lot when the husband is gone. We talk about lots of things in life and sometimes his relationships. He is gorgeous, amazing, sweet... pretty much everything any woman would ever want. I haven't really ever struggled with temptation until now.Sure, I have had fantasies and what-not but just knew that nothing would ever happen between us. We both love the same hysterical tv show, so I invited him over to watch some reruns with me. My intentions were completely pure. Like I said, he is perfect; I just haven't ever felt tempted. We were watching the show and cuddling. No big deal, right? We were having a great time and then it began... We were kissing and then making out, and then he was lifting my shirt and I was unbuttoning his pants. I thought about stopping, but realized that I didn't want to. He was absolutely the most amazing lover I have ever been with (not that I have been with many) He was so sweet to me the whole time and made me feel so comfortable with my body. Something that I have never felt. I wanted to just go and go all night. It was just so exciting and amazing. Three orgasms in about an hour? I didn't even know such thing was possible. Then we took a break and closed our eyes for a little bit. He held me, and I loved every minute. He then decided that he should leave because we both had to work the next day. I was very disappointed and desperately wanted him to stay. Not for the sex, but to hold him all night. I was so afraid that I would not hear from him the next day. I really thought our friendship would be over.  I guess we are still going to be friends. How is this going to be possible when every time I talk to him I just want him? I want to tell him how much I want him, but I am afraid of the rejection.  What if I was a horrible lover? What if he thought it was awful and that is why he left? I would like to know the truth but have no idea how to address the issue. 
posted to relationships by Blaine, Deviant of Imagination (8 comments)

where to start ! well i have started meeting up with this girl, shes lovely theres not much i can fault about her. at first it was just a laugh a bit of fun, "Friends with benifits!" so to speak. i would love to say that it is slowly turning in to more but its not! its happening really fast and i love it we speak for hours about everything and nothing!we text each other all day long i feel so comfortable around her we make eachother smile and laugh and we have so much fun whatever were doing!  im really trying hard not to fall for her and its becoming harder and harder to do so ! everything would be perfect but for one thing her husband! i knew from the start she was married but didnt mind, but the more i see her the more i want her all to myself!  when we are together all i want to do is kiss her and hold her and we havent made love yet i know once we do i know its going to make me want her more its going to get harder and harder to say goodbye! i can stand back and watch my self falling and dont know where its going to go next!  i miss her something rotton at the moment and know im digging my self a deeper  hole but a cant and dont want to stop it its crazy i really like her and hope it continues  x      yellow x
posted to life by Dana, Supervisor of the Hungry (2 comments)

Why??.....

advice
i have been happily married since 2003. i was young, but it was perfect. he treated me like a princess and it really was like a fairytale. we have always had an amazing sex life and been able to tell each other everything. we have been best friends for about 7 years now. after being married almost 3 years we decided to get pregnant. i have always been in good shape and taken care of my body. pregnancy was very hard on me in the sense that i threw up every day for the first 27 weeks. i was hospitalized 4 times from being so dehydrated. there were many days that i couldnt even hold water down. when i was able to eat i seemed to gain 10 lbs a meal. all together i gained about 40 lbs. i have lost almost all of it now but my body is not the same at all! lately my husband and i have been financially struggling due to the nature of his career. we sold our house and our cars. moved into an apartment and got cheaper vehicles to lower our cost of living. i went back to work, and he took a second job. i find that i am not attracted to my husband anymore. we still have sex regularly but it is no longer sweet love-making. it is more like slam bam thank you maam. he makes me feel horrible about my body and tells me often that i need to lose weight. i dont feel like i love him anymore. i dont know what is going on. i dont know if i should do anything, or just hope that it will pass. i want our child to grow up having 2 parents, but i dont want to be with my husband anymore. i am sad and depressed a lot of the time and i do my best to hide it from everyone. i miss the exciting part of a loving relationship and the feeling of loving a person wholeheartedly.
posted to relationships by Charlie, Writer of Space (0 comments)

confused..

rant
i thought i was going to marry him, but now it seems like its falling apart. little things become massive. tears are streaming down my face. he just doesn't seem to get it. and for him, neither do i. they're small fights, but they mean so much. as my heart aches, he tries to scheme to not hang out with me. we used to be so open. i dont know why the lies pour out now, perhaps its my doing. im too strict. i dont let him be free. it seems like we're destined to break up. my heart can't take much more of this. he sees it as nothing, but the more i cry, the more it seems important. alcohol seems to fuel this. we agreed to stop drinking as much, but apparently a fix is more important than each other. i really cant take this. i cry too much. they crying seems weightier than the good times. i love him. but when does that become not enough. i would choose him, but it seems he only chooses me when convienient. thats the problem. i become something he takes for granted. i really cannot deal with him. i want to. i really do. i would choose him over anything. thats the truth. i just cant get that in return. i wouldnt be writing this with my face soaked with tears if that wasnt true. he cant deal with me because my room is dirty. and i can understand. but if we switched shoes how long could he deal with himself. his dad was right when he said he was surprised i was still with him. i put up with so much. i can forgive so much. its my personality. but at the end of it all, is that enough? i will give in. i call him when we're mad. i'll make the first move. because i love him. i want us to work this out. but it cannot be all my doing. its true when they say its takes two. and when he's sober, or feeling lonely. he's right there. but when there's fun to be had with others, where is he. i dont know. he leaves. its only midnight. theres plenty of night left. i could go have fun. but whats the point. the fun i would have would only be a mask on my pain. a clamp on an open vein. the blood only stopped from flowing out by something synthetic. if i was left alone, i would bleed out. thats what i do now. sit in my solutide and deal. its draining. i feel empty. the man i love chooses not to be with me.
posted to relationships by Addison, Maiden of the Rich (1 comment)

I kinda feel sad all the time. I carry an inward feeling of depression inside me wherever I go. I don't know why I perceive things in life as more grey. I find it harder to carry on. Sometimes I feel quite worried about things and don't feel I can cope and don't know how to carry on. I find it quite hard.
posted to life by Stevie, Herald of Darkness (0 comments)

constipated

advice
Physically and mentally. Nothing moving. Not quickly enough, anyway. It's been worse, but it's also been better. Definitely tired of words. I can sort of tolerate my own, but most others' are loathesome. Why are you all trying to bore me with excessive verbiage? Doncha know nobody wants to read your shit? At best, they don't have time for it, 'cuz they're so busy writing their own. Everyone writing, no one reading. That's just great. Plus it's just not like how it used to be, and that sucks a bit, somehow. It's not like USENET days. Not like local BBS days. Or maybe it was, but it wasn't obvious until all this blogging nonsense just what a self-centered crock of shit the vast majority of writing. Including this, of course. On and on. The coolest thing about this place is it's honest about what it's all worth. Nothing. Let it fly with no possibility of reward or benefit. At least, not in any egotic sense. Unless you try really hard to imagine it so. So I sat down on the pot with this notebook hoping grinding out a little nonsense would lead to a few turds falling out, but it's not worked that way.The sphincter is a smart little muscle. Hard to fool it, to pull one over on it. It knows when you're trying to sneak something past it.
posted to life by Stevie, Engineer of the Poor (0 comments)

...my relationship? They all tell you when you're young and you start dating that, 'relationships are hard as shit' but you never think you'll find it difficult. Alas, the bubble finally bursts (I had a good year of loveliness and no arguing) and you turn into someone else, someone you don’t recognize. Is the relationship getting so dull that I have to find faults with EVRYTHING?? I mean I can't solely take the blame for the problemos here, but I know better than to bring up the past, or to let the look my guy gets in his eye when a hot girl walks by, make me feel like the only thing important in life is a good pair of tits. (Just so you know, I rather like mine as they are). When did the green eyed monster decide to acid-rain on my parade and, more importantly, how do get rid of it before my man gets rid of me?! Of course it's ridiculous to think that he's not gonna find anyone else attractive, but it's nice to hope right? Or to think that he doesn't really like strip clubs and he just goes there for the drink specials...? How can I convince myself that despite not having '10' looks (I rec I'm at least a 9 though ahahaha) that I have much more than a pretty face? I have a personality, I had a good education, I'm well traveled, I'm patient and a good listener, I'm thoughtful, I'm good with parents, I have a cute accent(!!) etc.....How do I remember these things when I'm in a situation where I feel uncomfortable?
posted to relationships by Max, Attendant of Wild Parties (0 comments)

I am a middle child, I think I am suffering from that 'middle child syndrome' but I'm not entirly sure. I am only 15 and as most married couples do, my parents are getting divorced, but I have a younger sister, the age of 9, and  both parents are currently trying to win her over in a childish game of spoiling her rotten so she goes with who-ever gives her the most treats. My brother is 18 and has very recently been diagonsed with hernia so he is also getting attention from that as he is going for an operation. I know I sound selfish and self-obesst but they both are always getting attention as my brother is always in trouble and my parents are talking to him about his college and work and stuff, and my little sister will always get the attention as she needs it and shes very loud. I don't get much attention and am usualy left to cook and clean when they all go out, I don't make much conversation with them apart from my brother as we are of closer age. My parents always expect me to do good in school and for work. I don't like sympathy but it seems to be the only attention I get now-a-days.
posted to life by Peyton, Sniper of Space (3 comments)

I miss you Chris

confession
Chris I miss you so bad it's driving me mad!!! please come back now. :(
posted to relationships by Peyton, Apprentice of the Idealistic (1 comment)

its stupid oclock and im up writing....last night i was on a dating phone line trying to meet a relatively normal man. ended up meeting a few weirdos or married men. thought id found a normal he checked me out on facebook and requested me. so i checked it out today and he only went to my school and we have like 14 friends in common!! ohhhhhh nooooooooo. should i commit facebook suicide now?? plus another guy i met prevoiusly (on same line) has basically called me a fatty on msn!! had to delete and block him due to amount of abuse i was receiving and yet after all this rubbish im still tempted to call up the line again for a bit of phone sex. so cant believe that my life really is this shit...somebody please save me from myself!!
posted to life by Harper, Pirate of the Hungry (1 comment)

Mc Ds!....

confession
were starving so we quickly went to mc donalds drive thru.. while waiting on the cue, i started stroking my husbands cock. then i told him to pull it out, so he did then we didnt see the guy approaching us to take our order. he was standing by the window and didnt know what to say or do, shock to see my hubs rock hard cock. hahaha! my hub made a face as if his cock inverted cos of embarrassment. i'm still laughing.
posted to relationships by Alice, Clerk of the Wicked (2 comments)

oh lord i've been reading some of the most recent posts and replies...some ones got a stick shoved up their ass..that's all i got to say. If some one's trying to be positive...don't be a dickwad...
posted to life by Dana, Shadow of Arts and Crafts (2 comments)

I really adored a former manager, and just a while ago encountered her in the hallway, for the first time in what must be 8 years or so. Wow, she's still go it. Where, of course, most of what makes "it" it is the fact "it" can't be described. Or maybe it can, come to think of it. "It" brings my attention to a tiny little beam of potential self-destruction, a psychological surgical implement that would remove the remover. Not good. Unless I'm into annihilation, which can seem attractive when so attracted. Wow. Bodies. So much hazard. So much being at the mercy of what seems to be the Higher Purpose, namely to guarantee another generation. How did endless purposelessness become The Purpose? That's how it is when you've got a really great tasting tail. Nummy nummy, I think I'll have some more of that me. As you can see I'm utterly unworthy of her, but how weird then that her very existence is my thoughts of her.
posted to life by Harper, Accountist of the Irredeemably Moist (0 comments)

For the moment, anyway. It's like I can say exactly what's coming to mind, even though I have no idea what "mind" is. Not that I have to, but it would be nice. Wouldn't it be nice? On second thought, maybe not. Maybe innocence lost is always suckass. There's something warm and magical about not knowing how something works. Anyway, it's nearly lunch time. Feeling a little fat, even though I'm not. No desire to work, but it'll return. Whee! Freer than a bird. Free to say 'freer'. It folds back upon itself. Consciousness. Folds. Don't go there. You can, but just don't. I don't know. Oh, but I do. 
posted to life by Peyton, Wizard of Justice (0 comments)

What do you do when you are watching a friend come apart at the seams?  When every choice he makes is digging the hole deeper and deeper?  When you have given your opinion and tried to show the light at the end of the tunnel but all your advice has been ignored, how do you heal him?  I understand that some days a person needs to blow off the steam and get things of their chest, but seriously, how can he not see everything that is coming back to bite him in the ass is a direct result of his own duplicity and it's time to quit trying to lay the blame on others doorsteps.  At every opportunity to turn back, he kept going.  When the chance came to bow out gracefully, he plodded on.  All I have left to say, my friend, is: you have made your bed, now lie in it.  I wish you luck.
posted to relationships by Shiki, Venture Capitalist of the Unimaginable Terror (0 comments)

I know you've gotten some flack for censoring or whatever, but do we really need a zillion posts about scientology conspiracies?  I realize that whoever's posting them is trying to make a point, and sympathize with their apparent loss, but the site is getting all spammed up.  Feel free to delete this if I'm out of line here.
posted to tech by Charlie, Rockstar of Evil (4 comments)

What do we know now. We know that whatever google does is the best, no matter who has done it before them. Information sharing became popular and functionally identifiable with wikipedia and other wiki-based alternatives. Other venues and information sharing vehicles online are also at mercy. They are at mercy of the concept of information sharing that will be employed by and with google. Knols or Knolling as it is to be called, will entail all the benefits of wiki-based applications and other info-sharing apps, & offer reviews, accountability, varied opinions, professional opinions, and an incredible opportunity for information sharing to be transformed to a whole nother level. Google Knolling will be the yardstick, in the future, by which internet users, gauge the functionability of information sharing. Knolling is set to become a generic term similar to Blogging. Knolling will incorporate Blogging in a sense, but add Wiki-based application benefits & additional google derived benefits, such as advertising options, and high search engine potential for information, and a proprietary method of google rating Knols. Bottom line is to "Get Knolling" when its available. The lifestyle of the blogger and blogging is really based on just giving ones opinion. Knolling will allow one to give ones opinion, but go million steps further. So in about another year, you will probably be asking me what i will be doing with my day, Knolling it will be, It will make me a smarter person with more verified, pertinent information, I am getting, + my learning will allow me to create Knols and in a sense become partners with Google. It may be smart to start to create knols know so that when Google introduces Knolling completely, you will be able to drop your information into corresponding pages. Ok, ready, set, go knolling.
posted to tech by Max, Observer of the craft table (0 comments)

Five doctors agree with examiner in Scientology death By THOMAS C. TOBIN St. Petersburg Times, published March 9, 1997 CLEARWATER - Five pathologists say it is clear from key lab results that Lisa McPherson was severely dehydrated when she died after a 17-day stay at a Church of Scientology retreat. At the center of the issue are results from lab tests done on McPherson's eye fluids, which shaped Wood's central conclusion- that McPherson was severely dehydrated.... ...."Five pathologists, including a worldwide expert on post-mortem chemistry from Minnesota, were given those lab results to see what their conclusions were. "In my opinion, it is highly probable that this death is, indeed, due to dehydration," said Dr. Ed Friedlander, chairman of the pathology department at the University of Health Sciences in Kansas City, Mo. "If my scenario is correct, then anyone, even a lay person who was caring for her, has a lot of explaining to do," Friedlander said after reviewing McPherson's full autopsy report. In addition, Friedlander and another doctor expressed serious doubts about the church's version of McPherson's death. Scientology officials have said it did not appear she needed medical care until the 17th day of her stay at the church's Fort Harrison Hotel in downtown Clearwater, when she suddenly fell ill and died. They point to a blood sample from the hospital where she was taken, which tested positive for a staph infection. "That's really hard to buy," Dr. Edward Wilson said of the sudden illness and staph infection scenario. Wilson is deputy medical examiner for the state of Oregon and sits on the board of directors for the National Association of Medical Examiners. He said he has been a medical examiner for nearly 30 years and has previously worked as a medical examiner for Maryland and Utah.".... "Scientology -- the death of Lisa McPherson. A few hours after this article was published, I received a phone call from St. Petersberg, by a man who stated that he was NOT officially representing the Church of Scientology, but was friendly to them. His exact words were, "You can name your price." I told him, as politely as I could, to go to hell.  I heard no more, and wondered whether this was actually a church representative who wanted me to switch sides, somebody trying to trap me, a loose cannon, or an elaborate prank"
posted to life by Addison, Historian of Time (0 comments)

I recently re-visited the Lisa McPherson case on the internet and I was shocked and appalled all over again. On one site the reports submitted to the senior Scientologists regarding what was going on during the so called "Baby Watch" showed that at least one report had been written prior to the time that Lisa's accident occurred. Possibly she was already being held against her will and managed to escape. That would explain why church members we able to catch up with her so quickly. I am sure you have read that Lisa told a paramedic on the scene that she behaved the way she did so she could be admitted to the hosiptal because she needed to talk to someone. Why would she go to such extremes if she were free to come & go as she pleased? She could've gone to talk to somebody any time she wanted to, that is, unless she wasn't free at all to do so. It seems pretty obvious she got much worse after she was placed back into Scientology custody.  We only have Scientology's word that she suffered a psychotic break of some sort and they aren't qualified to make any such assessment. No one can be sure what was really wrong with Lisa because she wasn't allowed to get a real diagnosis from a qualified professional. It also seems highly unlikely that nobody who was supposedly taking care of her noticed her physical condition deteriorating before she was finally taken to the hospital on the evening of her 17th day in captivity. Look at her autopsy photos.  I have had family pets die and leave a better looking corpse than hers. Not to sound crass, but its the truth. She was battered & bruised with cuts all over her. The church evidently maintains those were self-inflicted during moments of outburst.  What? Is THAT suppose to be some kind of defense?  All that suggests is that the church refused to admit that their stupid Introspection Rundown was not working & Lisa wasn't getting better. Did the senior C/S think she was improving when she could no longer get out of bed & stand on her own? Instead of halting the process & providing her with adequate care and protection they all just stood by and watched her die. http://www.lisamcpherson.org
posted to life by Bobbie, Sommelier of the IT department (0 comments)

Despite the obvious deterioration of Lisa McPherson's mental and physical health, she was never taken to or seen by a licensed medical doctor from the time she arrived at the Fort Harrison until her death 17 days later. She lost weight and became weak in Scientology's exclusive care, losing 20-40 pounds. She grew too weak to walk and eventually became so severely dehydrated that she would have been virtually unresponsive for from one to three or more days prior to her death. Her death was a result of her severe dehydration and immobility which led to the development of a pulmonary embolism. Despite clear warning signs of the severity of Lisa's condition, CSFSO employees intentionally bypassed readily available emergency care at nearby Morton Plant Hospital (where doctors had warned CSFSO employees that they would be held responsible for Lisa's welfare) and delayed for hours before driving her to an emergency room in another county to be seen by a Scientologist doctor. THE FORENSIC EVIDENCE Chief Medical Examiner Joan Wood determined based upon the autopsy conducted by Dr. Robert Davis, the laboratory results reflecting vitreous levels, and consultation with outside experts that Lisa McPherson's death occurred as a result of severe dehydration and immobility which resulted in a pulmonary embolism. The five foot eight McPherson, whose weight eighteen days earlier had been estimated at 150 pounds by paramedics and 135 pounds by one of her caretakers, weighed approximately 108 pounds at the time of autopsy. Her sunken eyes and cheeks and her dry skin reflected a gaunt appearance consistent with her severe dehydration. Her mouth, teeth and eyelids were crusted with dried, solid material. She had bruises on her hand and back, as well as the side of her left thigh and also had a series of smaller bruises up and down the lower part of both legs. There were numerous abrasions on her hands wrists and lower arms and on her feet and lower legs, with some of these abrasions having the appearance of insect bites. At the beginning of her stay Lisa had been described as being in good health, with her legs unblemished, having almost perfect "porcelain-like" skin.
posted to religion by Max, Cleric of the Hungry (0 comments)