How hard it is to see you crumble

wrote the following:

You are my soulmate and I love you every moment of every day. Why am I so angry? I would NEVER hit you but I shout, because I am frustrated. So frustrated.

Why does it have to be you with depression. I know and fell in love with you, but you are not there anymore. Do I still love what is left? And can I deal with this forever - every time I have happy news or something exciting, to be met with the same blank stare? Why can't you be better, why can't you be the one I know and love. Instead you are just exisiting and not living. You don't want to speak to me, to cuddle me, to sleep with me or be intimate with me. You just sit and do nothing, sit and let time pass. You are not even 30 yet, it isn't right.

So I am angry. I want you back. But when I shout, you cry. And when you cry, a little bit of my heart dies. And I do not have so much love to give anymore. I cant deal with this, because I am scared. But I cannot leave you. When I see your soul, trapped in your body. When I see the one I love looking out at me from the darkest corner of your mind, it reminds me that you are sick. And by God, I have thought of leaving you. I have thought of affairs and I have thought of throwing you out. But in that tiny second, when your smile lights up my breaking heart again, or your soul winks at me, I know I must be strong. You see, even though you are sick, you still give me strength. The strength to honour and love you, the strength to help and guide you, and most of all the strength to carry you over the turbulent times to the smooth life beyond.

Forgive me for my anger. I am sorry.