Posted on August 31, 2010 at 11:04 PM (UTC)
( over 1 year ago);
section: advice / relationships
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My girlfriend is in her early 20s, if i had to stereotype she is a "momma's girl". she loves her mom the most and apparently me 2nd. My issue with her is that she never actually takes control of her life, if her mom says no she cant go somewhere, she will fight, yell but stay put unless her mom gives some kind of approval or gives in. this irritates me bcuz i expect her to grow up and break out of that, weve been dating for two yrs and when we first started dating id tell her to just leave and she would lash out and say her family is different. then all of a sudden her younger bro started going out late, coming home whenever he wanted and she would do the same shit, fight yell and stay put. her mom knows how to manipulate her so well with shopping food, movies. i come into the picture first of all wanting to see more of my gf, and ive been patient for more than a yr then i started pushing for her to just go out. she isnt capable of doing it, i had a vacation with her for a month and i thought coming back she would be self motivated since she got a taste of how beautiful life is with freedom but slowly she regressed, its like a cycle. she gets pissed off when her brother goes out but does nothing for herself expect make noise. she complains that shes always forced to pick sides. i think she needs to take responsibility for her life. she chose her boyfriend, she chose to stay in a relationship. i hate how its always about me wanting this in the relationship, wat about her wanting to see me? her family really fucks her up. i want her to have time to see me, see her friends and not worry about having to get home at 9pm. she thinks when i tell her to go out its just to see me, its not about that. i see how theres so much she hasnt learned/experienced bcuz of her controlling family. do you guys think she needs to gain some responsibiity and stop saying that shes always put in a dilemma choosing between her mom and me?
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4 responses to My girlfriend is always choosing between me and her mom!
RE: My girlfriend is always choosing between me and her mom!
Posted on August 31, 2010 at 11:33 PM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago )wrote the following:
1. If your girlfriend is under the age of 18, you really need to be aware that she isn't in charge, her parents are.
2. If she IS over 18, and has these problems, why is she staying at home still? Maybe its because she really JUST IS NOT THAT INTO YOU. Think about it... You also need to ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who can't do even the most basic adult task of "get out on your own."
3. FAMILY COMES FIRST, silly rabbit. Always. She does not answer to you, unless you can put a ring on it. Then her responsibility would be to you, but not really until then. Why seperate herself from her family for someone who may or may not be serious? Do you understand that?
"Bcuz" of your sweet writing "skillzzz" I would guess neither of you are over 18, in which case you have got to know somewhere in your heart, that you're being unreasonable asking "to come first."
RE: My girlfriend is always choosing between me and her mom!
Posted on September 01, 2010 at 12:49 AM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago )wrote the following:
before you go on , thanks for the first part, but you need to be more open minded to the possibility of different writing styles. I obviously do not write a paper in the same way, I can write this in whichever style I find better. Good attempt to find out my age but I am over the age of 18 and so is my girlfriend. I guess in some way I could postulate that you are of the older generation, 40,50s.I would never use "skillzz" ok "brethren" haha. Anyways i digress, Thank you for your comment
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you are absolutely right with the fact that her family comes first for her, since she lives under that same roof. although u may be right that shes not that into me, theres always the possibility. another issue for her is culture, she is bounded to it. she always tries to keep her parents reputation clean. this is also a barrier for her that restricts her from being rebellious or independent(however u want to see it). now im not sure if you come from an individualistic culture or communal one, depending on which you may find it difficult to comprehend this individual and situation. I hope that answers your second question for you, in laymen terms:she cant leave the house until shes married. I believe that a person needs to have freedom to go out, in order to experience things, grow up, mature. They always use guilt to keep her at bay. even if she is allowed out, once she returns home they appear angry and guilt trip her. culture is often an ugly thing when double standards exist. Her younger brother goes out freely he is only 18.
I have that about your next question, I decided to grow with her, help her out because i love her. I compromise a lot to be with her. She is old enough to make her own decisions but she doesnt always do it.
3) is that really the only way to truly get someone to go out on a limb for you? your family is not going to disown u for going out against their wishes. I have compromised a lot to be with this traditional women with seemingly feminist views(views that she argues about, makes it clear to her family and friends, but doesnt enact them when she needs to). I wait patiently for her to grow up. it pisses me off at times.
RE: My girlfriend is always choosing between me and her mom!
Posted on September 01, 2010 at 01:35 AM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago )wrote the following:
before you go on , thanks for the first part, but you need to be more open minded to the possibility of different writing styles. I obviously do not write a paper in the same way, I can write this in whichever style I find better. Good attempt to find out my age but I am over the age of 18 and so is my girlfriend. I guess in some way I could postulate that you are of the older generation, 40,50s.I would never use "skillzz" ok "brethren" haha. Anyways i digress, Thank you for your comment
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you are absolutely right with the fact that her family comes first for her, since she lives under that same roof. although u may be right that shes not that into me, theres always the possibility. another issue for her is culture, she is bounded to it. she always tries to keep her parents reputation clean. this is also a barrier for her that restricts her from being rebellious or independent(however u want to see it). now im not sure if you come from an individualistic culture or communal one, depending on which you may find it difficult to comprehend this individual and situation. I hope that answers your second question for you, in laymen terms:she cant leave the house until shes married. I believe that a person needs to have freedom to go out, in order to experience things, grow up, mature. They always use guilt to keep her at bay. even if she is allowed out, once she returns home they appear angry and guilt trip her. culture is often an ugly thing when double standards exist. Her younger brother goes out freely he is only 18.
I have thought about your next question, I decided to grow with her, help her out because i love her. I compromise a lot to be with her. She is old enough to make her own decisions but she doesnt always do it.
3) is that really the only way to truly get someone to go out on a limb for you? your family is not going to disown u for going out against their wishes. I have compromised a lot to be with this traditional women with seemingly feminist views(views that she argues about, makes it clear to her family and friends, but doesnt enact them when she needs to). I wait patiently for her to grow up. it pisses me off at times.
RE: My girlfriend is always choosing between me and her mom!
Posted on November 02, 2010 at 08:10 PM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago )wrote the following:
i agree with you mate im in the exact same position with my girlfriend ive been with her for over a year now and her mum n dad dont even let her stay at mine! its stupid we are both adults and they make me feels like im going out with a 12 year old and your right about the manipulative stuff 2 thats so annoying because she only does it to try and make up for controlling her! and her dads no better slipping in spitefull comments in hear and there just to get under my skin but when i confront her i just get a long story about how all familles are differant which is true but still cut the fucking umbilical chord all ready!