not happy.

wrote the following:

my. life. sucks. i think that im pretty... but then i go through pictures of these other girls who CAKE ON make up and get so many comments from guys and stuff, and then i think "im kindaa pretty too, but why dont i get that?" i guess the only way to get attention from any guy is to be a total slut by showing off your body to the whole world. im not into that. at all. i love doing new things with my hair and trying on new make up and stuff to make my self more noticeable. i never go out late and chill with friends. now dont get me totally wrong, im not a loser. im actually popular and stuff (i hate saying this) and i have a lot of friends and people know me and ...wanna be me. but now that i think about it, i wanna be something im not. which i HATE. but i just wanna be noticed more. im reallyy pretty but i guess people dont see that the way i do. i have nice features, nice eyes, not too much make up but the usual... eyeliner mascara. i think im pretty i guess. but then theres times where im like HAHA IM NOT PRETTY! compared to the other girls in there pictures. it just sucks and i needed to express this. i cant get noticed by almost any guy which sucks. no one thinks im hot, ive heard over formspring which i NEVER get questions saying "oh your pretty!!" except by my friends<33 but, they kinda have to say that. i hope this thing doesnt run out of room and i know for a fact NO ONES gonna waste there time reading this. if you are, please stop cus even though this is anon, it embarassing just to type. i dont get facebook comments like i used to. the only guy comments i get are from this kid i used to be bestfriends with whos like creepy and gay and he says that to be nice but whatever. the guy i have feelings for rated me a 7. WTF! a 7!?! what am i, a loaf of bread????!?! NOW i know that im super ugly in other peoples eyes. i have like a monkey face but i just dont know... i think im pretty but i think im ugly. i want people to think im super pretty like my friends. i have it the worst. i was supposed to be a boy, and im the LEAST attractive throughout my whole family. my sisters a total hottie. guys are AALLLWWAYYSS over her and hitting on her. my brother gets girls and he's really handsome. my little brother is reallyy cute in a little boy way. me? im ugly and try too hard. my sister looks amazing with or without make up. but i, i need straight/or perfectly set hair, eyeliner, mascara, the whole nine yards... in order to even look DECENT. i fucking hate it. i wish i was hot. like i pray sometimes that i was prettier. it just feels terrible to know that im sooo ugly when i wanna be soooo pretty and i try different techniques but as they say, you gotta have the features to carry the makeup. i guess i just dont have that. lksadfjjadklh i hate it. and i need a face change. fuck it.