I can't stand it anymore, I have no one and no one wants me. Seriously think about that last statement, isn't that what every human being lives for? Yes, to love and to be loved, by that one special someone who makes you feel like heaven is on earth. Who makes you feel like if the world were coming to an end next week, you would just want to spend every last moment with them, watching your favorite movies and getting cozy under a blanket. Well guess what, I have NO ONE! No one likes me, no one wants me, and no one loves me in that romantic way. What a fucking life. And no I am not one of those nerdy magic card playing guys with braces or suspenders. I am a decent looking guy with a job and lots of things going for me. I don't know why this "curse" has been put upon me. All my friends have girlfriends left and right and I am always the third wheel left out in the lurch. Fuck this I hate my life and goodbye cruel unfair world...

254 responses to I'm going to kill myself out of loneliness...fuck life

  1. Have you tried hookers?
    • what the hell kinda aswer is that asshole  
      • I dont' think the guy who suggested hookers was necessarily being a smartass. I think he meant it. Lots of men - since the dawn of that profession - feel that prostitutes are more understanding of men than non-prostitutes are. The rules are clear cut - there's an understanding of who will do what and when, men don't have to worry about offending the prostitute so men feel free to say what they want, men are often not afraid to ask for different sexual acts - even if they are, the woman may take over and make suggestions themselves. Somewhere along the way, men sometimes seem to see this person as a friend or at least a confidante. Throughout the ages, prostitutes have been seen as the refuge of lonely men. So, the guy who suggested hookers - might not have said so facetiously.
    • its smartass mother fuckers like you that need to kill themselves, how about you take something serious instead of being a complete bitch
    • I want to kill myself, too. But it isn't because of some girl, it s because of the fact that I am mentally ill and think I am cursed. I am an intelligent guy who cannot express his intelligence well. I am very good looking, physically attractive, yet I have the personality of a broken toy trying to be a man. I can't get girlfriends because I work long hours, have a boss who hates me, lives in a country where they know nothing about mental health, and have had 4 years of my life wasted unable to leave the country and being transfered so many times within the country I have been unable to sustain a relationship and friendship. Because of this I have become ill, naive, angry, bitter and anti social. I know my flaws now, but I see myself in third person. I literally have no control over my broken self, I barely represent myself in social settings, and even if I am honest about my problems I will be rejected. I live in Japan for too long. My aim was 2 years but it has been 5. If I return, things would have changed; jobs will be harder to find and the money are obsessively saved out of paranoia will diminsih and I will go out of my mind, even though I know I shouldnt, I just will. I have tried prosititutes, so sex has been devalued. Until recently, I came so close to cracking the curse, but my co-workers revealed that they dont like me and my boss suddenly admitted neither does she. I defended myself but was a little too loud. I thought I was a model worker, but they hid contempt for me and the excuse was built up through small errors I made overtime and the fact that they wanted a female person for my job and not a male one. Since I was a kid I have suffered, yet I tried to be optimistic and so I worked hard. I always dreamed to visit Japan but when I came here I got dooped, I lost money, I lost many jobs for reasons not regading myself, and have been moved all around in isolated, barren areas. I lost social skills, became mentally ill, and began suffering chronic emotional and physical pain. In this society, you have to keep it in. For the first time in 5 years I saved up enough to visit the UK, but I feel the pain is so sharp and the shame so intense that I feel like I will kill myself impulsively so the pain would stop. Whether it is my fault or not makes no difference here. Every word that comes out of my mouth are excuses, and my desperate why of expressing myself makes me come off like a nutter. I can't control it and so I have become weak. If we met, trust me you would hate me eventually, I probably would convince some people here thinking of killing themselves to reconsider. I have become so insecure that I am like a wounded puppy. My good looks is contorted and twisted by my mannerisms and attitude which are now mere impulsive reactions and that's all I have become. Weird bad stuff has happened to me as if someone is trying to stop me from improving but I refrain from being open about that because I dont want to step over the line and be a coward who blames the world for everything. But guess what...I was accused of that at work. That day realized I was disliked. I was accused of being too emotional and angry, even though I always was careful to be calm and collective, which I was. So...I guess I can painfully chuckle at how Ironic it is, but still...I fear to suddenly loe my job and dignity that I guarded so well. The kids I work with love me and so do their parent, but the colleagues (mostly female) despise me, and I have noticed but I thought it wasn't that bad. I never wanted to be a teacher. I left a good job just to experience japan, now I am pretty much unqualified. If I return to the UK I will know nothing about anything, I will lose the money I saved, I will be poor and I fear that I will be begging money from family who are nearly estranged from me. Every breath I take is heavy with the pain it draws from my body; I live in fear of anything and nothing, and sympathetic thoughts in my mind cannot convince my inconsolable self. I am dissociated everyday, I cannot feel pleasure though I try, and when I try to get a girlfriend I am impatient and give a bad impression and ruin it. I have have sex with women, but I have never been in a meaningful relationship. I came to Japan in my early twenties and now I got a couple of years before I am thirty. I feel like a kid, I am now anxious of people. I have tried so many self made methods to bare the pain and they have worked, but they have only worked to make me more aware of the pain I am in. The things desire are friends, a good job and time to settle for once in my life. I never had the teenage fun others had. I have recently been shamed at work, my high profile image tarnished and apparently I made my assistent cry when I confronted her on lies she said about me to my boss, and my boss without knowing anything about our working relationship which has been very good for the kids, beleieved everyword she said. y assistent suddenly changed and berated me severely in front of my boss and has been giving me nagative reviews to my boss and my boss has never considered by point of view. Yes, I write a lot. But you would too if you have been unable to express yourself to people who care for 5 years in isolation. Basically, if you have people who car for you, and you have a good stable job that creates a bases for you to have a social life or try to deal with any personal problems you have, then advise you to seek help if available. **I CANT!!!!** Suicide should be a last resort. I know how those who want to commit suicide feel, obviously, and whether your reasons are stronger or weaker than mine, I still understand the mental pain and cannot judge hard because I know little of your backgrounds. For years I wanted to Die; I serached for help, got nothing but nods. Looked for English speaking counciling, but they are only available at noon in some areas, during work days. Until a few days ago, I made plans, was slowly starting to feel, yet felt something was going to happen, tried to still do my best, and that bad thing happened. I can't stand walking this earth with my head down when I have always been strong and willing to get better; but it's been too long and so many years are lost and I am in severe pain. You wouldnt notice it if you saw me; you would think; wow, good looking chap, douche *envy*!But I feel like an abortion trapped in a mannaquin. Some days I cannot move and I dont know why; and every fantasy I have to escape are ones about having girlfriends or friends, or some form of comminication or simply being respected, without hidden contempt for me which is allowed to build up to utter distain, which is apparently a good excuse for people in this country. I like Japan (I was accused by my assistent of being anti japanese and my boss agreed with falsified evidence of previous conversation we had). I am crushed that I have never got to experience it well. I am envious of others for simply being normal, not being cursed. I hope this will help some to reconsider their actions. I am in a helpless situation. A typhoon will come soon and I plan to go jogging when it happens. It has already hit OKinawa. Hopefully it will me a strong one, and hopefully I wll be the only victim. Thank you to those who manage to read the whole message. Thank you so much. Regards.

      Showing 10 of 13 total comments ([view all])

      • Hey, guy who lives in Japan. I've read a lot of blogs and articles from Westerners who've lived there on work visas like you do. I've noticed a common theme in a lot of them and that is the dissatisfaction that you're feeling now. The Japanese are polite to outsiders but will generally never accept them into their society. Xenophobia is just too engrained in their society and is culturally accepted. You say your coworkers don't like you, well, I wouldn't take it personally. It's probably down to the fact that you've been there 5 years and most people who take up teaching positions don't stay for that long. I know that mental illness is taboo over there and there isn't much support for people like you. Japans suicide rate is something like #3 in the whole world and that's not a coincidence. If you can go to the UK, go to the UK. You say you worry about being poor and depleting your savings. Well I've lived in Australia and I know they have the dole, doesn't the UK have the same thing? Even the sorriest bastard living in his mother's basement can get the dole and work his way up from there. I lived with several of these people, probably more unskilled and antisocial than you who ended up getting jobs. Don't sweat it. If you can't get the help you need in Japan, leave. Put your mental health first.
        • You are the strongest person I know, I hope you're still alive

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        • I used to feel a lot of the same things as you Dude. I studied Buddhism and it so so helped me see my insecurities and life happenings from a different perspective. Buddhism calles this other perspective Emptiness . It really really helps and I would totally recommend that you look into it Man xomx ....to the Replier above.....what a beautiful heartfelt reply. Cool xomx
      • Have you tried to publish your stories? You're a good writer... Good luck
      • i hope u didnt kill yourself. everything you feel, i feel. and if you killed yourself theres not much hope for me
      • you are the most fucked up person I ever heard of. Fucking piece of shit ! You cant even handle normal relation ship with your co worker. Did you ever wonder why is that? why everybody hate you, because that all your fault. when I was in japan every one liked me and i didn:t had time for myself because everyone wanted to meet with me. the problems are in your head and start thinking how to solve those problems and stop worrying about becoming poor. start thinking what you doing wrong, accept yourself, start act like man and made fucking decision if is needed.
        • I can't believe someone would write a post like this when someone is obviously is crisis. Have you heard of the word empathy?! Why you even on a site like this if your so perfect. Wrong.
        • You heartless peice of shit! What the fuck is weong with you?! You call other people fucked up, yet have about as much compassion and empathy as a psychopath.
        • You heartless peice of shit! What the fuck is wrong with you?! You call other people fucked up, yet have about as much compassion and empathy as a psychopath.
        • Thank you!! You woke me up!!
        • Its wrong to assume a suicidal person is weak. It actually takes a lot of balls to kil urself. Life can throw u a raw deal and wat might not matter to one person might serously. Affect. Another person. No need to be hard on anyone. Whoever wants to kill himself. Take that thought and transform it into sometin positve. U don't give a damn right then shame everybody by doing good things no one has done if u r intelligent use it to invent sometin, join a cause u believe in, contribute to the humanity u don't care about and shame them that u are actually worth everyones while. I have had my second bad relationship and I feel like killing myself because I lost my digNity to some that I loved like my own shild but am never going to kill myself. My family loves me and I won't hurt them that way. I am bad at relationships but I know that there are a few things am good at. I will try and make a positive mark on the world and when death comes I will die happilly
        • YOU are a worthless piece of shit. Address please, I'll come kick your ass myself. Dumb fuck.
        • You heartless bastard! How can you treat someone like that who is obviously in a serious situation and is in need of some help. You need to seriously reconsider what you said and realize that it is people such as yourself that cause people to feel the way they do. You need to seriously grow up.
        • It's insensitive assholes like you who need to all be lined up against a wall and shot.
        • Nice post. Do you eat your children too? Oh, that's right, all you want is sex and violence. After a day in my shoes you'd kill yourself clown!!!
      • Hey, it's been nearly 2 months now since you wrote that post. How are things? Has anything improved? Having a tough time also but in uk, get in touch, it's good to talk. x
      • i know exactly what you mean about being 'cursed' - i grew up with a mother who has severe bipolar disorder, she would beat me on a regular basis and scream at me for the tiniest mistakes like spilling my glass of milk. One minute she would be so loving towards me and hug and kiss me and the next minute she would be throwing me out of the house in the rain in my pajamas, as young as four years old. My father knew it was all wrong but he did nothing, he's the 'anything for an easy life' type of guy. Now i am 24 and throughout life i have had nothing but bad luck, every boyfriend i have has cheated on me and my current boyfriend now has just told me he doesn't love me anymore. None of my family care about me and i have no friends, all my coworkers think i'm annoying and constantly say stuff about me behind my back. I came to realise recently that i really am all alone in this world, i actually don't have anyone, not one person cares about me and it makes my heart hurt so much. I think about how much i suffered as a child, as young as 6-7 years old i used to pray to god to kill my mum or me because i couldn't take the pain. I have tried to kill myself twice already after being severely bullied at school but it didn't work. I know i should value life because some people don't have a choice but i just don't see the point sometimes if i can't be happy but i won't end my life. I don't want anyone to read this and think it's ok to kill yourself because it's not, i am only 24 and have been to some of the darkest corners of life in such a short space of time but i know that when the time is right i will find my hero, who will sweep me off my feet and make everything better again. Please don't end your lifes, look at what i went through, but i still try to be positive, there is light and the end of the tunnel, you just have to be patient and always keep that hope alive in your heart xxxx
        • Wow, I am 37 and I used to think I was the only one who prayed to die when I was young. It got so bad that when I couldnt take my own life at 9 years old after trying and I knew I would not be loved I finally just sold my soul in exchange for a people to like me. Now Im grown and I look back and wish I had been more mentally stable and patient, but I was a little kid with no one to talk to. I have had relationships and I have been with an abundance of women but I sold my soul for temporary things an now at 37 I am single with children and no soulmate. I yell at my kids sometimes and know I am not the best father. I still feel sad and lonely and depressed, I think I may be a good and I talk to my kids if nothing else to let them know how wonderful they are and spend most of my time preparing for their future in a way they can be strong. I have come close to getting back my soul and possibly finding that good woman who will care about themselves and invite me into their lives to care about them also and vice versa. Patience is key, devotion to yourself and when you are really down finding something inspirational is the biggest and best thing you can do. I remember one time when I was left with nothing and on drugs and drinking one TV show was what kept me from ending it all. I dont know how or why but Im still here because of it.
      • Hi. Firstly, id like to congradulate you on taking a huge step and going to a country like Japan to teach. Thats amazing. The very fact that you made it a point to persue such an ambitious goal tells me that you have an extremely strong spirit. Id like to introduce myself as another who shares your 'curse' however I may have you beat in one sense and that is, I actually am a virgin. I am a 25 year old guy and like you Im not unattractive. As a matter of fact I have been told by some women that I actually am attractive. I have asked women out, been successful once since 2007. Pretty pathetic right? I have gotten really close to having sex, but something always happens that makes it impossible. Women usually jus want to talk to me for short amounts of time, sometimes friends. But me being friends with women is different than other people. Women like hanging out with guys, at least thats what Ive read and what I see every day. My only actual guy friends that i can talk to all have girlfriends. Not even good girlfriends with friends either. Total fucking bitches, that don't want me to be around. Ive never had a girlfriend. Im feeling more and more as the years go by, I probably wont ever have one. The problem is that Im slowly becoming okay with that fact. Sometimes I get so lonely Ill just ball up in the middle of my room and cry like a little bitch.( And i didn't even cry when my dad died). My family tries to talk to me and figure out whats going on but they reiterate what you've said;'Its a cop-out, Im simply making excuses for myself'. But I think its more than that, Its a curse. We have a curse, LADA. Live Alone, Die Alone. Keep your head up, eventually someone comes along and lifts it. Or at least thats what I wrote when I made up the guidelines for the curse.
      • I started to read your post last "night" around 4:30AM. I got half-way through & went to bed--not because I was bored, but because it so eerily captured my own experiences I didn't want the post to end. I'm just getting back from work & have finished reading your post over dinner. I don't know who you are, but: 1) I'm really, really sorry. Your sentence about feeling like an aborted fetus trapped in a mannequin was stunning. Yes, I feel that way, too, even if I'd never have thought to describe my feelings so. I wish I could change both our lives. 2) You said that if "we" (your readers) met you we'd eventually hate you. When I read that sentence I felt, "No, that's MY life. That's a true assertion of ME." And I wanted to ask you if you'd considered you yourself might meet someone like me whom you'd come eventually to hate. 3) I almost applied to teach English abroad after finishing school. Do you want to know why I didn't? Don't laugh, please. I'm terribly ashamed to admit this... The companies that sent me application documents all wanted a photo with my application. I fulfilled all of their requirements, but this is where you and I differ sharply. I'm hideous. I don't mean that blends-easily-into-the-background crap, either. I'm objectively eye-wateringly hideous. As in every sexual experience I've ever had I've had to pay for--and they went really, really badly. I'm not trying to elicit pity. I shared that so you'd understand why I was too self conscious to submit a photo of myself to apply to teach English abroad. I did apply for an online English teaching position. I had 4 phone interviews first--each more positive than the prior, the last with the program director. They loved my resume, and the person they spoke to on the phone. Then they asked me to revamp my resume with digital photos of myself. Mustering all my courage, I did. I never heard back from them again. Hideous, I tell you. 4) I don't know where you are now. It's March 2013. I hope your life has turned around, and that you're content. This is an anonymous site with no place (that I can find) to leave contact requests, otherwise I'd offer an email address for some idea exchanges. I thought your post was immensely brave. I'd been reading similar posts all weekend, but yours really got to me. I wish we could speak. I've had some similar experiences and understand that at-the-end-of-my-rope feeling you so ably describe. Thank YOU for sharing. You may not believe this, but you're one of my heroes. Because you understand. Because you've been there. Because you fight. Because you so bravely posted the truth. My hero.
      • Dude grow a fucking spine! Who cares what they think! For people like us its all about being so despised by the people we work with that out of the generosity of their hearts they "keep us around" and we just go there and everything we do annoys the shit out of them. Make it a game and play well. That's what I do : ) They got something to say to you just purposely go out of your way to act stupid shit works like a charm. Remember America is not about making friends, Americans only care about money and Hollywood. And they will do whatever it takes to cut you down so they can get ahead even if they are substantially less intelligent than you are. In fact the dumber they are the more likely they are to feel threatened by you and have to employ that trick. You don't have emotional problems, you are just better than everyone else! Go to work and learn new ways to annoy your co workers it doesn't matter how stupid or naive it is in fact the dumber it is the more it pisses everyone off, the more likely they are to just start leaving you alone they'll just be like behind your back "that guy is crazy" and you'll just be like damn right bitch say that to my face to yourself. And they cannot do anything about it just bide your time and sabotage them!
      • Hello if you are still alive which I'm hoping you are I'd like to say wait no matter how hard it might seem just wait because while things in life might not seem great I can tell you that my life was and kinda still is at a similar point but I persevered and in a most unexpected turn of events I found myself in the presence of friends where I didn't even think to look I remember at one point in time that every day I came home I was miserable I felt like every day was a repeat of the last some days I was desperate just to rattle up my daily grind but I can tell you this as well take that trip to the UK try Paris even and take in the beauty because friends or not it's too hard not to smile at the spirit of Paris late at night a nice cool breeze upon your face and everywhere you look is abundant with life if you want friends then I say find what you love this applies to your job as well find what you truly love to do because your jobs sounds very frustrating and when you find what you love find a way to make it your jobs and find other with similar interests which would most likley be your co workers and I you want a relationship that means something then just stop looking because you know it will be meaningful after you do because you never know if you'll be in a nice bar without any expectancies and you see her and trust me you'll know I really hope that this Info finds you and helps you because it hurts to fell what kind of stuff we and a lot of other people go through
      • My heart goes out to you. Tho I am only 16 I have depression. Sever depression. My life is horrible; but there is always someone worse. An your write up is written proof. I'm sorry life has been so hard. I know sorry doesn't help. I know that I can't give you back the years of time you've lost bc of this f***ing world. I hope your still alive out there. A living angel. Someone through so much has stayed so strong. Japan is a messed up place. I'm sorry that you don't have the means to leave. But I will never forget what I just read. It is a amazing story of strength.
      • I understand 😊 meet me if you are still alive.we have alot in common.
        • I just googled "holy shit Im so lonely in Japan" and I got this thread. Im 50 and have been here five years. If you think that young man has problems, try being my age and a women in this country. Its an amazing country and can be so much fun, but the working hours are harsh and you can be so isolated. I totally understand how he feels. I can't even have a dog. I almost cried because I left my scooter on the train yesterday. It had become my friend. People stare at you as if you are an alien and have shit on your face...then you spend 9 hours straight helping them with their English. Its insane. You can't make enough to get out, and you really don't want to leave, you just want to belong, to have a friend, to have a pet. To have some sort of social contact. I doubt I will ever kill myself, but I just want to find a way for the pain to end. I can't see a future for me in any country. I hate that I feel this way. Most lonely foreigners in this country drink themselves silly. I refuse. I can't seem to shake this depression but I know from experience that only I can change it. Im so tired from work and being unappreciated in anyway. In this country, they even have a legal term for working oneself to death. Its called Karoshi. It is accepted. People here work like drones. Its maddening. The suicide rate is high. People jump in front of trains all the time. And they are Japanese. I am just an American lonely pathetic woman who can't seem to pull herself out of a rut. Ive been working my ass off my whole life, raised and amazing son and coming to Japan was a dream I worked hard for. I didn't see this coming. I have no family in US any more, my moms dead. My son lives in Japan but he has his own life and I don't want to trouble him with my bullshit. I can't even see him on his birthday because I work too much. Its ridiculous. The only way out is to do a hardcore graduate program on top of my working hours in order to get a better job. I know I have to do it, but I am so afraid I won't be able to handle it and Ill fuck up. Then Ill really be screwed. I guess I don't trust myself anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. I suppose I will just embrace the sorrow and suck it up. Im not going to kill myself, the only way out is through. Ive got to snap out of this and not give a shit that I have no one in my life, and I have got to stop hating myself for it. Its pointless. I fucking hate depression. I have empathy for any of you who struggle with it. Don't let it win. Fight back. Ill be fucked if I am gonna let some stupid fucking depression ruin my life. I hope you guys do to. Thx for reading my verbal diarrhea . Im gonna get off of my lazy ass and do something...anything...that will change my mood. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Only I can change it...this I know...
      • Hey I don't know if you are dead yet from that typhoon. But you should just try breathing. Instead of spending so much time on your head, start spending time in your body. Get the fuck out of Japan and go back home? Of course it sucks the culture is probably not accepting of you. And of course your workers think you are emotional and angry, you probably thought you were hiding it, but it is clear as day that you are both of those things. I struggle with the same shit, that's why I'm on here. Guess I'm just trying to see if it is worth he struggle. All I can say is that for every 10 shitty situations, there is one person who pulls it off.
    • lol :) seriously. try hookers fun sponge
  2. do mind if i ask how old you are? I dont think you should go that far to the edge and end you life because you have not found your significant other. Why dont you try something new? meet new people? have you tried any dating websites? and no dont go toward the hooker route that will leave you with nothing but an std and still lonely. your not cursed...I'm sure your match is looking for you as well.....   -the girl that read your blog :)
  3. you shouldnt want to kill yourself trust me my life is living hell and ive tried to ill myself but it didnt work, its not worth it
    • You tried to kill yourself & it didn't work? There's yet another thing in life you are no good at! People like you make me laugh. Failed attempts means you never really were going to do it in the first place. It's just a cry for help or attention.
      • you are a total piece of horrable feces for saying this. f you.
      • Then why dont you give him some attention you sick fuck. No shit he's crying out for attention. The guy needs help. And instead of acting like a fucking prick, why don't you give him something positive he can work with you dumbass.
      • Comments like that can be truely devastating both physically and emoitionally to a person that is unstable and dosnt want to live anymore. Hearing yet more abuse just concretes their belief they're doing the right thing and, because of commetns and ignorant stereotypes like this many people do end up dead, which is tragic. I hope your dead by now you ignorant fuck, and if not i'll happily oblige. To the poster, keep up the fight man, lots of us in the same position, you can push through. May i suggest a book, 'A Philopsophy of Lonliness', really helped me. Good luck dude.
      • Yeah believe me, where I am. Killing myself is the one thing I wouldn't fuck up on.
      • Well who ever said you want attention is a *douche*. And hey I'm very glass that your life is better! You deserve it! **you're awesome**
      • i will say this i understand y u would kill urself but like this guy said if u really want 2 like i do y fail? listen 2this shit all n 6 months this happened 2 me my wife and i split up my dog was fucking murdered my sister made me so mad i wanted 2 eat her face i went 2 jail lost my job had 2move n with parents my new girlfriend gave me 2 std's (still want a girlfriend?) but the worst of all which i cant even type without crying is my son drowned and i must die and go 2 hell and save him he was 22 and couldnt swim he got drunk with people who didnt care they just left his body out in the water like trash i cant do this n e more goodbye
        • To the man who lost his son, I wasn't going to post here but your story was heart-rending. There aren't words enough to console you. But I hope you, like the original poster, sense you're not alone. Man, I wish I could do something to help you. You're infinitely braver and stronger than me. To the original poster, I agree with others here who've urged you to ignore the haters. Your circumstances are unique, but there are others, like me, who empathize with you nonetheless. We're traveling similar roads and understand, if not your particular pain, the pain of abandonment, loss, a conviction of personal worthlessness imposed by a callous--even malignant--culture. Obviously I can't make "the decision" for you, but I'm rooting for you, man. I'm rooting for you to find peace. I'm rooting for you to find freedom from pain, and even lasting joy. I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for you.

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      • What's wrong with a cry for help or attention? The fact is the society we all live in is completely unnatural -- we are supposed to live in communities that are supporting and help us to develop and be happy in maximum.. unfortunately under Capitalism everything is about $$ so we build communities with all our stupid private homes so we can be apart from eachother. We are divided by class, by 'race' (doesn't exist.. if we were dogs we'd all be the same breed), and by sex. It's a fucking joke!! Capitalism is a lot worse than Communism was -- and actually if you really study communism in depth youll see it's not bad at all. Anyway we're all dead inside.. a few people get everything they want in life and everyone else suffers in misery.. capitalism is a pyramid.. some people have wayyy too much and most have too little.. in poor countries that means not enough food, in advanced countries that means not even attention and love. SOme guys have 4 girlfirends at one time, some have never .. I am 27 and I have never had a long term girlfriend... today I cried in my care before going to the library.. but I stay strong.. I'm emotionally messed up for a lot of reasons mostly circumstances and bad luck but I know life will get better so I keep pushing forward I know I will eventually make it out of this.
  4. everyone has those moments in life where they just want to die but killing youself isnt the answer...you have to fight and get through the bad times...think of it like this   "suicide is a way of telling GOD "i give up .you cant fire me..i quit"
  5. Hey...we all want to find our significant other. There is somebody out there for you. Just as there is for me. Just as there is for your friends. You can't give up. She's looking for you too. Do you want the love of your life stuck in a world more lonely than you feel now? No, you want love. We all want love. But love isn't the easiest thing to attain. But when it comes, you'll know it will be well worth it. Instead of being upset about not having your lover now, try thinking about the future. She's out there. You just have to be patient.
  6. Try online dating. It actually works. I'm married and have had 4 different women on the side in the past couple years (working on #5). I can tell you something you should consider though. If you think being lonely is bad, you should try a broken heart. It's worse. It's not better to have loved and lost. I was ready to drop a 25 year marriage for the first girl and then she cheated on me. I couldn't even come home to cry because my wife was there. You should try feeling like you want to die and not even being able to show it.  It's fucked up. I still hurt and I'm still stuck with my miserable bitch of a wife. I'd rather be in your shoes.
    • wow dude, u should really find some help...
    • wow, you're a prick. 

      I hope your wife is out getting hers. I'd rather be heartbroken 87 times over than married to someone like you.

    • ha ha...it did not work for me...I got one asshole after another..It does not does not work...  maybe you are blessed by God..  and I guess I am not
    • you are a horror of a human being.
    • ur just straight fucked up do ur wife a favor and just do it
    • You're wrong, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. The very few loving relationships I've had are the only reason I have not yet killed myself. If I had more, I would be happier even now that I'm single. Every year that passes without getting laid I grow more and more suicidal. When I get laid, it resets, like I'm refueled to live my lonely life with a little pride. You see I don't fall in love, I have no feelings left. For me it's a little more biological. You need to loose some of your feelings, you're a long ways out of high school my friend(feelings are for kids, princes & fairy tales). Sure it's upsetting, but do not cry when you are dumped. Instead, be thankful she even looked at you in the first place.
      • **Fuck you.** To lose love is the end of the world. My wife has left me twice in 2 years because either (1) I am a fucking loser or (2), she is fucking crazy. Based on my history, *I am the loser*. Right now, I am putting aknife to my wrist just to see if I can even feel pain. So ar so good...no pain, or at least less than I feel in my heart. *Good bye, fucking planet earth!!*
    • Wot an absolute FUD you are. Your wife is miserable cos she lives with a twat like you. Your prick is probably as big as your fucking brain( tiny ) rather that your big eog. YOU make me sick. Do your wife a favour and fuck off. Take a long walk of a short bridge. Asshole.
  7. I have decided to do the same thing. I was at the top of my life just 3 months ago. I was earning $550,000 a year, great job and things going well with my life. Lost it all. Job gone, down my last bit of savings, living in a foreign land with no end in sight. My wife thinks I am cheating on her (which is not true, but given my past who can blame her). I have no will to live. I am going to kill myself in exactly 1 year after I have sorted out all the detailes for my wife so she has money when I am gone.

    I think she made a big mistke marrying me and with me gone she can now gon on to much better things and a brighter life. I plan totake out a big, fat insurance policy and then get really, really drunk and drive my car into a all with no seat belt.

    • Hi married guy who used to earn $550,000.  You sound like a really decent man who loves his wife and wants to make sure she's provided for.  Please don't end your life because your wife will be devastated for the rest of her life.  Material things are overrated.  I'm a single mother who is struggling with depression because I feel so alone.  I would love it if I were married to a decent man like you.  Talk to your wife about how you feel, because if she loves you she will care and support you.  Your value as a man is not in how much you earn or how much money you have in the bank.  You are valuable to your wife because of who you are to her.
      • Sometimes I feel like I want to die. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I have a little boy. He's all I have. He is my reason for living. I'm 34 almost 35. It seems as though men aren't interested in me. I am a great person, full of love to give but at times the loneliness gets to be too much.
        • I to am a single mum. Just turned 35 with a 10 year old son. I have been in bed for the past 4 days to depressed to get up. I am telling everyone I am sick, but really it is my depression. I have gained weight and lost all my self esteem. My head feels like it wants to explode there is so much crap going through it. I want to end it all but I don't want to leave my son. He has no one without me. I have a wonderful job, a loving family, and amazing friends. But I just can't do it by myself anymore. I have been alone for 8 years. And now I don't even have the energy to have fun with my son. I am stuck. A waste of space. Hopeless. Worthless. A disappointment. I just can do this alone anymore. HELP!
        • I to am a single mum. Just turned 35 with a 10 year old son. I have been in bed for the past 4 days to depressed to get up. I am telling everyone I am sick, but really it is my depression. I have gained weight and lost all my self esteem. My head feels like it wants to explode there is so much crap going through it. I want to end it all but I don't want to leave my son. He has no one without me. I have a wonderful job, a loving family, and amazing friends. But I just can't do it by myself anymore. I have been alone for 8 years. And now I don't even have the energy to have fun with my son. I am stuck. A waste of space. Hopeless. Worthless. A disappointment. I just can do this alone anymore. HELP!
    • me too. Unfortunately suicide clause is 2 years so I have another 18 mos to go. But I definitely want them to have the money for a good life - and my wife will be able to find a better father and husband.
  8. I understand cause I'm fucking ready to give up!!!!!! I'm 35 helping take care of my paralyzed father for the past two years with my mom.  My sister doesnt do shit yet talks a big game of how she loves her family and dad.  Daily my mom and I take care of my dad with no help................from family or the government..............I've worked and paid taxes since I was 13 and nothing all my savings are almost gone......fuck everyone thats how I feel........no one really gives a shit everyone is out for themselves...........FUCK YOU............thats how I feel about everyone!!!!!!!!!!I don't have much left in me....I'm sick and tired of life and all the fake ass people especially your family the ones your suposed to count on!  Who dod you have when you have NO ONE???? GID303@YAHOO.COM
    • I know it feels like everyone is out for themselves, but let me tell you, I don't know you.  I was working and your blog came up.  All I want to tell you is that life is hard - its true.  I am no privilteged person with no problems.  I was molested my whole childhood, then in foster care, then set up by my husband who stole something and blamed it on me and I went to prison for 2 years.  So, I have been there where I thought no one had my back and then things would never get better.  But they will and they do.  If you have faith and just keep doing what's right, no matter what.  Trust in God.  We go through the things that we go through to be made stronger.  I overcame, have a wonderful family now and am doing okay.  Not rich or anything, but okay.  We are rewarded for what we do for others.  I truly believe that.  Just find joy in knowing that you are giving your father love and that you are there for him.  No matter what hits you, just believe that it will be okay.  You will have to keep working hard and going through.  But it will get better.  And if you ever need someone just to talk to when you do get stressed or overwhelmed, send me an email.  number1priority@yahoo.com
  9. I am in the same boat as you pal & I feel the exact same way about living because I suffer from absolute lonliness too. Women just don't want anything to do with me. Companionship is a basic essential human requirement. It comes in after water, food, clothing, & shelter. To not have it & not be able to get it is extremely unhealthy. I am wondering how old you are to feel that there hasn't been enough time for things to turn around. If you are in your 20's then there is still time on the clock.
    • What if you are in your 40s? 
      • If you are in your 40's then time is positioned completely against you. It depends on how getting a girlfriend that late will make you feel. Will you feel just as good & excited about it as if you were in your 30's or even 20's. You may feel about the same or about the same as when you were in your 30's, but not when you were in your 20's. A guy in his 40's is to different from the guy he was in his 20's. My own issue with getting a girlfriend so late after not having one for many years is that if/when it happens, will it make up for ALL that time not having one? If this happens in the 40's & she makes you forget your road of misery leading to get to her, then she must be one hell of a GF! Depression & misery are harder to overcome after extended peroids of time having them. Going a year or 2 without a GF then getting one, not a problem. You can easily make up or get over the time not having her. Going 10 years or more without one, I don't think anyone can make me forget the hellishly long time without having a GF. Kinda like a war soldier coming back home after living through the hell of war. Even though he may have his family, friends,  & lots of support, his war is still going on in his head. They can't make the horrible memories stop. They didn't live though it, he did. Can a GF make me stop hating the time I spent in life without one? Probably not because I am coming up on 10 years without a date, a GF, or getting laid.

        In your 40's, you can try to come to terms with being alone. Being alone does have some advantages. Not fighting with a GF. Not having to feel her break your heart when she rolls out on you or cheats. Not having her buy everything within eyesight or arms-reach. Women only know how to spend money, not save it. Not having to deal with marriage and starting a family. Kids are the biggest financial burden ever created. I love not having to shell out money for some kid who doesn't deserve it. Not to mention the money needed for a GF to get into her panties. Lets face it, whether you pay a prostitute or take a GF out to dinner, that money is being moved out of your wallet to have sex with her. In other words, dating is legalized prostitution with the idea that she is only slutting herself out to you, until the relationship is over.

    • Same here.  Been single since 1994.  Went through a bad break up and spent ten years getting over her.  Now I am 41 and no one wants me either.  I have not hugged a girl (beside my mom and daughter) in almost 20 years.  I consider myself decent-looking albeit a tad skinny. 


      Like you, I too will probably kill myself. I have no job, no references and live in MI where there never will be a decent paying job again.  Child Support I owe 40 grand + and they suspended my drivers license 4 years ago.  I live in a small town with no jobs anywhere and I can't even drive to find a job.  For the half of the world that believes in mental illness, I figure this has been screwing me for over 20 years, suicidal depression, raging mania, hot-cold back and forth and pure hatred of everybody due to their constant ridicule of my "so-called" mental condition.


      I figured I'd one day in the future lay on a bad of pipe bmbs out in cornfield and blow myself to smithereens.

      I'm sick of everyone coming down on me about how I am, my personality, what I need to do to change etc...  All easily said and done by those who do it.

      And if another person gives me shit about smoking cigs I might just kill them too.  Quitting is non-negotiable at this point.


      Just wanted to let you know I am in the same boat too.  Everyone says they don't hate me when their actions and the things they say, say otherwise.

      Not everyone in this world is perfect except those that post snotty comments below my letter, (only they are perfect).  L.R. Hubbard called 'em "clears" or whatever, I know I ain't one.  If you are one, keep your perfections to yourself.  You have succeeded to the point that you have arrived on this website to bring your holy and 'not fucked up life' attitude to this site just to cause trouble and brag about how perfect you are, maybe even telling someone to actually kill themselves.  It's people like you that the suiciders want to escape more than anyone.  Keep in mind many kill themselves would rather kill you too, but most suiciders are nice people and don't want to hurt anyone, because they know what it feels like more than anyone.  So keep running your emotionless-robot Earth mouth, you are true pieces of shit.

      • LR Hubbard was a fucking cultist prick who defrauded people and continues to do so post humously. Don't fucking quote him like he's a saint. If there was a hell, he'd be burning in it next to every other fucking piece of shit human there ever was.
  10. I felt sorry for you and felt I had found someone in a worse predicament than me until I read that you have a job.

    I am going through a divorce, I've lost touch with all my friends. When I met my wife, I was young and healthy with many friends. I am now just a sad shell of a man I used to be and absolutely broke. I haven't eaten properly in about 2 weeks as I can't afford to buy food.

    I have nothing to live for. 

  11. I know how you feel...me to  ...I feel like no one really cares about me.... but  if I were to have money..fame or something eles then just me..may be I would not be alone....I am a born again christian..well I hope God sees that way....I am 50 and still alone lonely..not hope for much of anything .sometime wonder why I still pray and hope...I just bet your situration is so much better than mine...try to be single at 50 with twins...at the age of 13...i really have no skills ..parents who help out..but they hate to to it...no child support....I feel like just dying...I am so tried of trying to be the good christiain...when I sometimes  I  dont think God really cares about little old me with no skills or faith...because I am not one of is favorits...because of stuff that I have done...maybe i am doomed..No dates.. I am cute..really never like any one I have dated..so maybe God is trying to tell me...just be alone and lonely single parent with teen girls  and no child support and no job..Is he testing my faith....well if he is....I have no more to give..  So tired of trying to do the right thing..
    • Worship the great master of the universe, Lucifer. You suffer because "God" does not care about you. Your "creator" designed you for failure, and lonliness. But only through the awsome power and caring of the great merciful Lucifer will you find life again. Place your heart and soul in him.
  12. I know how you feel when you have no one to love you.  I am married and have one baby girl, 15 months.  Our marriage was broken before she was borned because my husband cheated on me.  I tried to be a forgivable person and moved  on with our marriage by having a baby and hope that our marriage would be better.  But I was wrong, he still doesn't love me.  He stayed marring with me because of our baby, not because he loves me.

    I am not a bad wife and he is not a bad husband except that he is still searching for another woman. And I can't trust him. I wanted to give up on our relationship by moving out and not wanting to see him anymore, but we will have a big battle for child care custody...I don't want my daughter to suffer.  So I tried to continue stay with a marriage that I don't feel happy and love.  I dont' know what to do. Sometimes I just wanted to kill myself so I don't have to think anymore; it depressed me every single day. And I can't look into my daughter's face and say "Mommy loves you, but mommy can't live to take care of you..''

    And yes, I agreed with you. If no one loves you or want to love you...you feel very lonely even how hard you tried to live by.

    • I'm also married and in a failed marriage. I have 4 small kids though. Besides my husband I have no one but my kids. My dad killed himself a few years ago, and I'm not close to any of my family. My husbands personality has recently changed and I think it's due to the fact that he wants someone else. He ignores me daily and when he's not ignoring me he's telling me he hates me and wants to divorce me. I talked to my mom for help and she simply told me I would have to give up my kids and make it on my own. My one family member won't even support me or help me. She won't even watch my kids while I work and they are asleep at night, not even if I pay her. I have no one to help me. I can't leave because ill have to abandon my kids, and if I stay my husbands emotional abuse will continue to slowly kill me. I also have no friends because I'm horribly socially awkward after staying home alone by myself for years raising kids. I shake and act horribly nervous around others, because I don't like myself. I'm actually very nice, but everyone thinks I'm weird and awkward or "too nice". I don't know what else to do. I don't think there is anything else to do. I'm dead on the inside. I don't want to leave my kids but what's the point of this? I can't talk to them or anything bc they're so young. So I have no adult interaction and its driving me nuts. I'm surrounded by people but I'm always empty and alone. I feel like the most hated ugliest person ever to live.
  13. you do have someone bro you have god dont kill youre self just pray to god  
  14. i fucking hate my life too.
  15. one of two things is going to happen. i'm going to bleed out and get buried - the end, or bleed out, find myself somewhere else, and realize i should have followed through a lot sooner. life has a point, we evolved from the land and should live off the land. thanks to society and all this bullshit that started thousands of years ago, we're so far from the point it doesn't even matter. you fight and suffer to stay alive to do what? make someone else rich so they can do sweet f-ck all? is there a difference between a pointless existance and a pointless death? you were created by people trying to justify their own existance by keeping their genes in circulation, that's all you hope life can be? my bloodline will end with a severed carotid artery and a punctured upper left ventricle.

  16. I have the same curse. With guys and friends. It is so easy for people to walk away from me I do feel it is a curse. I am a attractive, successful kind loving women but am having a really hard time, it has been my hole life I have been married twice but  both men were  abusive they both chose me, but I have such burning desire for happiness but am giving up that it will ever happen to me. 
  17. I know this message is 10 months old but trust me I know exactly how you feel. I have felt that way my entire life. I feel that way at this moment. I have no one & I have never been loved . I have always wondered why no one can love me. IDK I am lonely and heart broken & pray for death daily. I just want someone to love me. So I know where you are comming from. You can contact me if you want to chat sometime.

    I pray things have gotten better for you.

    I hope you have found some love in this loveless, self seeking world.

  18. God bless us all and give strength to all us us who recieve vists from the black dog.
  19. i agree fuck the world i wish i had a nuke to take them with me


  20. "I know you wrote this about a year ago. But if you at all feel the same way I have some advice for you: You obviously have alot to be greatful for. You said it your self that you are a decent looking guy, with alot going for you. But you do sound like you're angry. And why wouldn't you be? You were obviously having a very tough time when you were writing this. But my guess it that if you were angry at the time you wrote this, you probably showed some sort of unknowing anger to people. Which for most people is a big turn off. I think you should work on how to be more kind hearted. I've read a few things on the affects of being kind have on people. Maybe you should do the same thing. And I guarantee you'll have more than just girls falling at your feet." :D

    • Your not alone, please dont feel alone...i am single and suffering, and would give anything to have a loving husband!
      • Dont worry I'm sure you will completely overlook the right guy because of something small. So good luck
      • I'm a loving man who's lonely.. I'd like to talk with you.
        • Everyone thinks about offing themselves from time to time. Sometimes things seem so bad that you think "Everyone would be better off without me all I do is f*ck things up". Well let's be real. Killing yourself is selfish!!! It's not to end someone elses pain or to end the burden of putting up with you. If those people wanted you not around you would be murdered by them someone they hired or...they just would not associate with you at all. So never think your doing someone a favor by offing yourself...your just being selfish. Next please look around a little bit because no matter how bad you think you have it someone has it WAY WORSE and they are not thinking of killing themselves. Are you starving? Are you paralyzed? Are you dieing from some disease? Are you living on the street? Are you jobless? Look at the glass and after your done being upset about it only being 3 quarters empty, then be happy it's a quarter full because I gurantee you there is someone who would trade there problems with yours in a heartbeat. I also gurantee you that if you were given the option to take on that persons problems instead of your own you would readily turn them down and be happy for what you have. I have wanted to kill myself a few times in my life. Things seemed so dark so alone....heartbroken downtrodden and friendless. Then I found someone out of nowhere...when I was not even looking for someone...when I thought I was unloveable and not worth anyones time. I'll tell u what lifes not perfect now things still go wrong I still get down and out. If I had followed through and killed myself I would have never met her. I would have never had all those great times I would not trade for anything in this world. So when my time comes I'll meet it. But no matter how bad things get I will not force my own demise. Because I know. I know for a fact things get better. Give life a chance it may surprise the ever living sh*t out of you from time to time.

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