Posted on March 13, 2010 at 01:01 PM (UTC)
( almost 2 years ago);
section: confession / life
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I have been having these dreams, and visions of me walking into a gun shop, buying a gun and taking it home to shoot myself. I can see myself sitting in bed holding the gun in my hands staring at it, then holding it up to my mouth and shooting. I can close my eyes and see myself laying there in a pool of blood taking my last breaths, and dying. They are so vivid that when I come back to reality I can sometimes smell the blood. Sometimes Ill be driving, and I’ll press my foot harder on the gas and watch the speedometer go higher and higher, till I am barreling down the highway at 90 or a 100 mph and get visions of myself driving into a wall, crashing my car. I have been thinking about ending my life more and more lately. Its been on my mind for years but I’ve been sinking deeper and deeper into an extreme depression, and now I feel like I am at my wits end. I don’t really have anyone to talk to; I don’t feel like anyone would care. I have become so with drawn and hopeless that I just don’t see any other solution to my pain. I feel like if I talked to a friend, that they would just think I am aiming for attention and I don’t have the balls to follow through. I just don’t know how much fight I have left in me. I think my time is nearing. I mean, we all do have ‘a time.’ Right?
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3 responses to Screaming so loud that no one can hear!
RE: Screaming so loud that no one can hear!
Posted on March 13, 2010 at 03:59 PM (UTC) ( almost 2 years ago )wrote the following:
Everything Happens for a reason you mean? - That if you Kill yourself, It's acceptable because your conscience tells you 'It's your time'.
Do you have a family? A mother? A Father? Children?
Or Even friends that are dearly close to you.
My brother passed away in december 2009 - I'm 17
I Wasnt supposed to outlive my brother?
But.. 'It was his time' My Conscience tells me.
Imagine how it would be to loose somthing that you take for granted. Like your hair to cancer, your kidney to failure. You'd tip over the edge.
Yet to let the brain get the better of you, to manipulate you into ending your precious life? Dosen't it seem that your letting your mind win?
It seems your 'conscience' has the better of you
Jess x
RE: Screaming so loud that no one can hear!
Posted on March 13, 2010 at 06:07 PM (UTC) ( almost 2 years ago )wrote the following:
You shouldn't commit suicide. One of my friends did last year. She was my BEST friend and it almost killed me because she never even tried to talk to me about it. I thought she was fine. You have to remember all the people you would hurt by doing this, and if your friends won't believe you then they're not really your friends. Talk to a psychiatrist. They also have medication for depression too. Suicide is never "the time" to go. When it's your time, it will either be accidental or because of illness or old age. Trust me. It would hurt alot of people if you just left like that.
RE: Screaming so loud that no one can hear!
Posted on March 15, 2010 at 04:13 AM (UTC) ( almost 2 years ago )wrote the following:
This breaks my heart. You will always have someone to talk to. Talk to me. I've been in your exact situation, and have never been more grateful for anything than when I overdosed and accidentally lived. If you need someone to talk to. Talk to me. Give a stranger the relief of trying to save another strangers life and succeeding.