Hardships

wrote the following:

Mothers are supposed to be there for you right? Wrong. Or at least in my perspective. My mother walked out on my life when I was eight and decided not to come back until i was thirteen. Five years? I know. She didn't love her three children (my half brother and sister, who are living with their biological father) enough to stay. She was too worried about not getting to live her life the way she wanted to. The fun life. Newsflash- life isn't all fun and games when you have kids. Or its all fun and games until somebody gets hurt- which is my case. Let me start at the beginning. My mother didn't want me when I was born. I was a MISTAKE. I was put up for adoption because I was not wanted. I was left at the adoption center for a day, when my aunt convinced my mother to keep me. My mother still didn't want me. Thats when it was decided that my grandmother would have custody of me. But my grandmothers ex- husband, (my mothers father and my grandfather) decided he wanted me too. They went to court, and in the end it was decided that living in my grandmothers house would be a better environment for me. My mother still visited me and was practically living with us, and my grandmothers new husband. Shortly after I turned eight, my mother promptly left without telling anyone where she was going. My brother, sister, and I didn't see her for 5 years, and the only contact was an occasional birthday card or holiday card, or child support money. After four years, my family started talking with her and learned that she was living in Alabama with her father. Finally, one morning, I came home from church with my brother and sister, and my grandmother tells me there's someone out back here to see me. My heart starts pounding. Im thinking of what to say if its her. I open the door, and see that my mother is standing right there. In front of me, arms spread open. We have a warm embrace and I sigh with relief that this nightmare is over. I, not wanting her to see me cry, hold it in until that night. I think about how she's missed me growing from a little girl into who I am today. I cry for the next week with happiness, just thinking that I can stay with her and begin where we left off five years ago. But just a year later, I leave for my 8th grade trip to Washington, D.C. and call my grandmother that night. She has bad news. My mother has left again. Without anyone knowing where she is. I hold in my tears until I get off the phone, because I don't wan't my grandmother see my cry. Little do you know that this is just two days before my 14th birthday. She's gone. Please let it just be a nightmare. If only. How old am I right now as I am writing this? 14. That young. Its hard living without a mother, and thinking everyday, that if she loves you, she'll come back, just knowing that I'm setting myself up for dissappointment. Who am I kidding? And in between that, I've lost just about everyone I love. I need guidance. I need help. I need God. I need someone to tell me "I love you." Thats what I need.