Not into Sheep!

wrote the following:

I live in a small town. There is one main street, a small grocery store, about three news agents, about five restaurants and probably twenty seven churches. I can’t buy a pint of milk and newspaper without somebody ‘praying on me’. I have nothing against Christianity and I even believe in a few bits of it but it’s the Christians (well many of them) that FREAK ME OUT. It’s like the return of the body snatchers…people who had a perfectly good personality rich in depth, humour and vibrancy, turn into these gospel spewing, mind numbing androids devoid of character or substance. I’m sure that Jesus must be turning in his temporary grave. And what’s with the obsession with sex…the list of sexually deviant Priests are endless….juvenile ejaculation being their favourite stimulus never mind the New Testament. This is probably because they not only get kiddies porn of the net but their sermons as well.

God seems to have a special place in his heart for the church going folk of this town. He seems to be more forgiving. It seems that he does not mind if you treat your wife like dirt, constantly criticise your children, kick the dog and call the maid a “kaffir” after having shagged her behind the garage. Don’t worry….as long as you go to church, all is forgiven. Just because I’m not one of the wor- sheep clones does not mean that I’m automatically a devil adoring sadist who eats human flesh, defecates in public, tortures old people and shags animals. (I know of a few Christians who do though.) So please forgive me if I am not at church on Sunday. Miracles do happen…so you never know, I may just rock up there one momentous day and I’m sure that I could contribute a great deal…in fact I have a big tree on my front lawn that is just plum for a hanging.