jacking off hero

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i explain games jacking off hero is best hero game and also most realistic because it doesn't convince you that you're doing something that you can't do in real life (like play the guitar), instead you are just jacking off in front of a screen like you probably do most of the time if you are a gamer to encourage elitism and competitiveness, the game ONLY works with the original power glove eventually a wireless version will come out (lol ejaculation pun) but oldfags get first dibs like other hero games, game is pre-loaded (lol ejaculation pun) with a bunch of mediocre material that gets boring quickly, so you have to download and pay for all the good content you get to pick from a couple boring categories and sub-categories teen azn ebony mature hardcore lesbian bondage ghey choose difficulty -easy (people in pics/vids are very attractive and frequently do sexy things) -medium (people are ok-looking and there's decent material to work with) -hard (lol penis pun) (people aren't very attractive, and/or there isn't a whole lot of good fap-fodder in there, so i hope you're good at this) -sarah jessica parker (you are legendary if you can even get a boner within two days of thinking about her) and then choose vids or single pics when you select your fap material press start game screen will show your chosen material along with a time bar also a bar that looks like this [color=red]||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||[/color][color=yellow]|||||||[/color][color=green]||||||[/color][color=yellow]|||||||||||||||||||[/color][color=red]||||||||||||||||[/color] with a little pointer at the bottom in order to play the game bust out your meat thermometer throttle it with the power glove press A to tighten grip mechanically press B to loosen use the D-pad to make the glove secrete lubricant fap to whatever sick shit you just chose! the colored progress bar indicates how well you're doing curiously, the power glove, despite being over 20 years old, is capable of sensing how close you are, apparently this was the original use of the glove before it was turned into a shitty regular controller FOR PICTURES it starts off in the red, because if you bust a nut that quickly, you are a premature ejaculator and a failure however if it takes you too long you're also in the red again, so don't try to be a showoff who can last for hours, because if you can't splooge to whatever fap material you picked, you're probably gay yellow is okay and you get some points for it try to get it in the green and stay in the green as long as possible for most points! green represents a good balance of time and quality of fapping! the longer you keep it in the green, the bigger the score multiplier and the shinier the progress bar gets FOR VIDEOS it works a little differently the colored progress bar will contain several sections of green, yellow, and red, indicating the best and worst parts of the video difficulty settings will dictate how frequent the good parts are (many more on easy settings) if you orgasm during a decent (yellow) or good (green) part, you get good points the red parts will be all the parts you don't want to see during orgasm, like the guy's ass or shifting camera angles or the credits or something equally shitty, if you blow a load during those parts then you do not receive many points since the controller can sense how close you are, you can get bonuses by pushing yourself almost to the edge and then cutting back! successfully doing this will give you points boost and also make the bar get all sparkly and shit the way it does in guitar hero after every fap session you have a 10% chance of another bonus round, which measures semen output and turns it into points! simply grab that nasty sock with the power glove and squeeze it for 20 seconds and the glove will analyze the freshest goo on there and reward you for how much is stuck to that sock ultimately to score the most points you need to fap to something pretty un-arousing and still manage to orgasm to it at the proper time if you can rub one out to sarah jessica parker, holy shit. like those kongregate flash games there are also many many in-game achievements that reward you for various tasks the first time you do them. you'll get an achievement for your first fap in each basic category, for playing for a certain amount of time, for fapping to the same thing many times (this badge is called the "holy shit, that's not boring to you yet?" badge), etc. along with the badges you also get more content in each category, and you can also unlock new, weirder ones (fisting, double penetration, pegging, scat, vomit, pee, extreme body mod, bestiality, etc) downloadable content ranges from more shit in the same basic categories, to even more esoteric shit that you probably won't find anywhere else creators would've liked to let you use your own material in the game but they didn't want to be responsible if you got busted uploading all that nasty underage shit you like playing online is encouraged, especially if you have the xbox360 version, because you probably already own the camera and headset that you use to communicate with other fat, sweaty men that you play vidiot games with there are several online modes to select from including high score who can last the longest who can finish soonest oh jesus fuck all modes require you to look at the same exact thing as your opponents/fap buddies except oh jesus fuck mode oh jesus fuck mode is where you all start out watching the same thing, but if you press one of the obscure useless power glove buttons at a good time, it replaces the content on someone else's screen with something terrible if timed right, you can catch them at orgasm so they're finishing to cloris leachman guro, which kills their score and rewards you handsomely but it can backfire, if they're not particularly into it yet when you surprise them with nasty shit, so use it wisely the game is free but if you don't have a power glove because you're a newfag who doesn't take gaming SERIOUSLY enough then in six months you can buy the newfag wireless version for $149.99 downloadable content will rival gaia's evolving items in terms of disappointment and disproportionately high prices coming (lol ejaculation pun) soon are more bullshit peripherals that you don't really need, including a spank sock with the jacking off hero logo on it, and a urethral sounding device THERE IS NO FEMALE VERSION although the creators have hinted that they will eventually release an incredibly shitty, sexist, patronizing game for females (in the vein of the marykate and ashley olsen series, barbie games, and other cutesy shit that never sells) that involves rubbing the clitoris to the idea of a committed relationship buy this fucking game fags