Posted on June 28, 2009 at 04:45 AM (UTC)
( over 2 years ago);
section: rant / relationships
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I've been dwelling on my marriage lately...unaswered questions tend to linger in my mind. I've been married for 15 years, my husband started a new job just last year with corrections. Seems that there was a person there that had a crush on him since 1988. 20 yrs later she confesses to him how she felt, at first my husband thought it was back then and nothing to worry about, but she had other plans in mind. She did try her hardest to make him fall for her and succeeded. Did anything ever happen between them I'm not sure...I know for a fact that he fell inlove with her. I was crushed when I would see the emotions he was going thru. He didn't really push me away but he didn't treat me the same either. He was more to himself, wanting to be online cause they would talk in myspace. Futhermore, her husband found out and he was pretty upset about the situation. My husband and her stopped speaking to each other because of her husband. I on the other hand was reading everything they would write to each other, she was the one that kept telling him how much she loved him. I'm not going to protect my husband, but he is a good man. He provides for me and the kids, he is a hard worker, she just happen to get in the way. My mind still lingers if he still loves her, I've asked him but he denys it. I wish he would just tell me the truth and be honst about everything even if it hurts me, I want to know. I'm just so confused at times that I don't even talk about it to no one. it's very hard to look at him and see if there is something there for me or if he still thinks about her..I need some kind of closer, I need peace and I can't seem to find it.
[reply] -- recommended reading?
4 responses to Struggling...
RE: Struggling...
Posted on June 28, 2009 at 11:39 AM (UTC) ( over 2 years ago )wrote the following:
Closure is a hard thing to find-especially in a cirumstance like this. I know I personally would not stand by and let someone do that to me. An affair is an affair whether it be emotional or phyical. I also find that most men will lie until they are blue in the face about something like this even if they have proof. No matter how many times he says he doesn't love her you won't really know if its true or not. It's really up to you if you can live with that,
RE: Struggling...
Posted on July 03, 2009 at 03:42 AM (UTC) ( over 2 years ago )wrote the following:
That is soo true. It's just so hard sometimes, to see him and like nothing ever happen. He is there for me, nutures me and the kids...it's just the thought that lingers everyday and to think that he continues working there and knowing they can talk to each other, just torchers me from time to time. I know she regrets in losing him as a friend cause of her foolish confession thinking he would leave me for her. I'm not gonna sit here and gloat to say "I still have him" when deep down inside I'm consuming myself in pity. Thinkin' what did she do that made him question our marriage....if he ever did question it. Ugh....Thanks though..
RE: Struggling...
Posted on June 29, 2009 at 04:07 PM (UTC) ( over 2 years ago )wrote the following:
Just talk to him. Find out what he feels, be there for him through his struggle in this, because I'm sure it's not easy for him either. Let him know you love him and are there for him always. Let him know what your worries are.
Personally I think he should just do the responsible thing, talk to this other woman, and let her know that he is married and can't be doing all this. I also know it's not easy, when facing the ghosts of the past and wondering what could have been, and what might still be.
I guess what I'm trying to say is always to stick with him, show him you love him, talk to him, and let him realize how good he has it there with you. Tell him how you feel about him being with this other woman (don't do it in an angry way of course) and I'm sure he'll realize what he has and let the other woman go.
RE: Struggling...
Posted on July 03, 2009 at 03:52 AM (UTC) ( over 2 years ago )wrote the following:
Yes, i have been doing that...he has come around and i've been proving to him how much I do love him. But it is me that I can't trust anymore..seems that I just find a constant reminder of what happen between them, then I start drilling him and trying to know the reason "why was I not good enough for you"?? Its these crazy ideas I get and I just want to scream and let him know how I really feel, but then I don't. I ignore it and move on...and i'm not that kind of girl that just lets it get away. But, lately I've been doing for the sake of my boys....and that's the way I guess I would have to really work on myself before I go throwing all away...thanks your response was truly appreciated.