Posted on January 31, 2008 at 02:11 AM (UTC)
( about 4 years ago);
section: confession / life
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I used to cut myself all of the time when i was younger. I had depression, and i helped take away my emotional pain by cutting. I cut for about 3 years until I had to stop. You would think that it would be hard for the first year but after that there would be no temptation. That is completely wrong. It has been 3 years since i stopped cutting but i still get the urge to cut when im upset. Sometimes i have to grab my arm and dig my nails into my skin until my anger/sadness goes away.
Cutting is such an addiction because it is the way I dealt with my problems. When I was upset I would cut, and that physical pain would help me forget about the emotional pain I was dealing with. It is kind of like when I bled my emotional pain would be released. That sounds kind of creepy but that is the way I feel.
The thing is that nobody expects this from me because i am not the usual "type" that would cut herself. On the outside i am a very normal, socail person who is pretty cheerful, but whenever i get upset i have to hold myself back from hurting myself. Lately I have been more tempted than usual, I get so close that I am actually holding scissors up to my skin, but something holds me back.
I just wanted to know if other people that are recovering cutters still get the urge to cut, even 3 years or more after the last time you actually cut.
[reply] -- recommended reading?
4 responses to Desire to cut
RE: Desire to cut
Posted on September 24, 2008 at 02:35 AM (UTC) ( over 3 years ago )wrote the following:
yes, I still get the urge. And have even regressed and followed through.
But it feels sooo much better to just jump on my bicycle and ride like a maniac until I'm worn down. It hurts just as much, a stitch in my side, leg muscles burning, lungs on fire- but it seems more productive.
Give it a shot...
RE: Desire to cut
Posted on October 16, 2008 at 09:14 PM (UTC) ( over 3 years ago )wrote the following:
My stepfather never SI'd as far as I know but I know he suffers from severe depression. He runs. He runs and runs until he can't feel a thing. He gets those endorphins he needs and he gets the blues out. So yes, exercising does work.
RE: Desire to cut
Posted on October 16, 2008 at 09:12 PM (UTC) ( over 3 years ago )wrote the following:
I still struggle w/ this. I started SI late in life by SI standards. By that I mean that I began to seriously (actual cutting) when I was 24.
I have read on a website called S.A.F.E. that one thing to do is to make a Happy Box or some such. You put good pictures in there, a journal to write out the anger, markers, a coloring book, a deck of cards...whatever it is that always makes you smile and can keep your hands busy.
Do you have a pet? If you do cuddle it. Walk it. Play tug of war or let it swat a string or something.
I still cut so I feel a little hypocritical telling you this. But you've come so far. THREE YEARS!!! I hope to someday reach that point. Best wishes to you.
RE: Desire to cut
Posted on July 30, 2010 at 06:25 PM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago )wrote the following:
I used to still get the urges, for the longest time after I stopped, and several times I would relapse and still do it, force myself to stop again, and I don't know, the last time I relapsed, I didnt even try to stop, I just did, and oddly I have not felt the need or urge since. Nothing changed in my life that should have made it so easy, I think one day I just discovered tha, I was no longer finding the satisfaction in it that I used to feel, Was not helping me, and even though no one knew I was doing it, there was a knowledge that even if they did, they wouldn't care, and maybe somehow, just learning these things for myself, let the desire slip away. Be strong, the need and desire can one day be gone. The thought of it I think however still stays with you forever.