Bad Choices

Tonight I sat in front of my PC waiting for you to come and talk to me. You didn't. You washed the dishes (thank you) and went to bed without saying a single word to me. We really need to talk.

It's time for you to get a job. It's September already and you have only been paid for three month's work this year. I know your parents are wealthy and I know that you have dreams you want to pursue, but we are BROKE. And every time you go out and order another beer, you are spending what little money I have earned on something you do not need.

And when I come home after a hard day's work trying to put food on the table and find the house in a complete mess and you fast asleep (again) I feel as though maybe I shouldn't be in this relationship. Maybe you aren't ready to be a husband. Maybe you don't want to be and you are trying to push me away. I just don't know.

Now I sit in front of my computer writing this. My eyes still burning from the tears, my nose still stuffy, and the hollow feeling in my heart caused by the thought that echoes through my head all day;

Was marrying you a mistake?

I can't do anything about it now though, we've only been married since March. And I walked away from my son to be with you. I left his father, our home and my job to be with you. The guilt and the shame are too much to bear. 

I'm crying again.