wrote the following:
It feels like maybe Neverland and everything else just... like it does... quit being able to fix the things inside him that were broken. So he needed more and more drugs to numb the pain, coming out of his stupor only long enough to be the King of Pop for a while, as required, with mask off and glasses removed and all... as required. And then back in.
And maybe... just maybe...
As he pushed his body and his mind and his heart to the limits in preparation for his "big comeback" he realized that he'd already been rich enough... had tried spending his way to healing already... (who hasn't?) and had no hope for that elusive healing, the reclamation of his lost Self.
Those empty animal cages. I mean... just look at how much fun is meant to be there... did MJ seem like a happy kid running around his personal playground every day? Not so much. So what happened instead?
We gave him money in exchange for his soul, and put him on stage and took away every bit of real life he deserved as a child, and an adult. He, rightfully I daresay, spent that money trying to reclaim the parts of himself that had been sold right out from underneath him. So he built his own zoo and amusement park, because he should have had the chance to be a child, right?
But then... eventually...
That illusion of being a child just can't be maintained.
Adult demands such as the need to pay those bills, or just maintain the spending lifestyle he so publicly embodied... And his deeply ingrained need to produce new and amazing music with a beat you could see, live on the stage...
Just disillusioned him over and over.
And then what happened?
Everyone that loved him so much turned on him.
Hey Michael, you're kinda weird.
Hey Michael, what's with that monkey, dude?
Hey Michael, you molested a kid?
Hey Michael, Hey Michael, Hey Michael!
Everything he was told (as a child onward) about money, about what he was worth, about what and who he was... turned out to be at least not the WHOLE truth. We've all been through that, but not on such massive scales, eh?
So he couldn't reclaim the lost kid. You can't be a kid in an amusement park when you're talking to lawyers or facing accusations, or when everyone turns on you and calls you weird because you like caging up animals as tightly as your own soul is caged.
So that's what I think happened.
I think once the disillusionment hit, he began to medicate the pain with narcotics, and that led him ultimately to his death. When I look at those photos, I'm stricken by HOW MUCH he had, HOW MUCH money he had, HOW MUCH spending he could do to feel better, and yet... look at the man. He was not happy. He could not have the lost childhood he sought. Everything he believed in was a lie. It all fell apart. No matter how much he spent, no matter how good he was at being what he was told to be.
And what's terrifying about that is that we all wish we could have all that money, all that opulence, fame, whatever. Whether we admit it or not, we all have a part of us that would enjoy that. And he went all the way with it, but it could not save him from this world.
RIP Michael Jackson
Sent at 12:19 PM on Wednesday
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